Chapter 6 Raven
Raven
Darkness enveloped me like a suffocating cloak, heavy and unyielding.
I settled at the edge of my bed, my fingers wrapped tightly around the pen as if it were a lifeline.
The blank page before me seemed to taunt me, its emptiness echoing the turmoil inside.
"Fuck," I whispered, my voice rough from disuse.
How do you write a letter to a dead man?
I closed my eyes, trying to steady my breathing.
Vin's face flashed in my mind—his considering eyes that always saw right through my bullshit, the slight curl of his lip when he was amused.
The ache in my chest threatened to swallow me whole.
My hand moved of its own accord, scratching out words I'd kept locked inside for too long:
Vin,
You stupid, reckless bastard. How dare you leave me like this? I keep expecting to hear the rumble of your bike, to feel your arms around me. But there's nothing. Just this goddamn silence.
I paused, wiping furiously at the tears that had started to fall. So much for being the ice queen. If my father could see me now, crying over some outlaw biker...
But Vin wasn't just some biker. He was everything.
I never told you this, I continued writing, but that first night we met, when you looked at me like I was the only person in that crowded bar? That's when I knew I was fucked. All those years of carefully constructed walls, and you tore through them like they were nothing.
My hand was shaking, making my usually elegant script look like chicken scratch. I didn't care. This wasn't about appearances. This was about letting go of the suffocating weight of unsaid words.
You showed me what it meant to really live, Vin. To grab life by the throat and squeeze every last drop out of it. I thought I knew freedom before, but I was just playing at it. You taught me what it truly means to be free.
I let out a bitter laugh, remembering all the times I'd railed against my privileged upbringing. How na?ve I'd been.
I wish... Christ, I wish I could hear your voice one more time. Tell me it's all going to be okay. But that's not how our world works, is it? We both knew the risks.
The words were flowing faster now, spilling out like blood from a wound:
I love you, you asshole. I'll always love you. And I promise, I'll keep living hard and free. It's the only way I know how to honor your memory.
I stared at the letter, my chest heaving.
It wasn't enough. It would never be enough.
But it was all I had. The pen trembled in my grip as memories flooded back, vivid and raw.
Vin's calloused hands on my skin, rough yet gentle.
The intoxicating scent of his leather kutte and fresh air from riding that clung to him.
His low growl in my ear as we tore down empty highways, the wind whipping around us.
"Fuck," I muttered, tears blurring my vision.
I could almost feel the rumble of his bike beneath me, the solid warmth of his body pressed against mine.
We'd been unstoppable together, two outlaws carving our own path through a world that never understood us.
My breath hitched as I remembered our last night together.
The way he'd looked at me, those intense eyes burning with a fire that made me feel invincible.
"You're my live hard die free, Raven," he'd said, his voice rough with emotion. "No matter what happens."
The memory twisted something inside me, grief morphing into a white-hot rage. My pen scratched furiously across the paper, leaving dark, angry strokes.
You promised me forever, you bastard," I snarled, the words spilling out unchecked. And now you're gone, and I'm left with this... this fucking secret eating me alive.
My hand was shaking so bad I could barely write, but I couldn't stop. The truth I'd buried for years clawed its way to the surface, demanding to be heard.
I killed for you, Vin. I killed, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
The memory hit me like a freight train. That trashy blonde at the Rusty Spoke, all fake tits and desperation, eyeing him like he was her next meal ticket. I saw red the second her manicured claws landed on his arm.
"Hey there, handsome," she purred, leaning in close, her voice begging him to fuck her. "Why don't you ditch the little girl and let me show you a real good time?"
Vin's face hardened, but before he could say a word, I was there. I grabbed a fistful of her bleached hair and yanked. Hard.
"Back the fuck off, bitch," I snarled, my voice dripping venom. "He's mine."
She stumbled, eyes wide with shock, then narrowed. "You little cunt," she spat, lunging at me.
We crashed into a table, glasses shattering. I felt her nails rake across my cheek, drawing blood. Adrenaline surged through me as I slammed my fist into her jaw.
"Raven!" Vin's voice cut through the chaos, but I was too far gone.
We rolled on the dirty floor, a tangle of limbs and fury, flailing through blood, beer, sweat, and dried come. I tasted copper as her elbow caught my mouth. Growling, I drove my knee into her stomach.
"I'll fucking kill you," I hissed, seeing nothing but red.
She clawed at my face, but I was stronger, fueled by a possessive rage I'd never felt before. I slammed her head against the floor, once, twice...
"Enough!" Vin's arms wrapped around me, pulling me off her. I struggled against him, still seeing red.
"Let me go!" I screamed, my whole body shaking. "I'll teach that whore a lesson she'll never forget!"
The bitch scrambled to her feet, blood trickling from her split lip. Her eyes were wild, darting between me and Vin. She lunged forward, grabbing an empty bottle from the bar.
"Fuck you both!" she shrieked, swinging it at my head.
I ducked, the glass shattering against the wall behind me.
Before I could think, I was on her. My hands found her throat, squeezing.
We stumbled backwards, crashing through the back door into the alley.
Vin tried to come out but I closed the door and jammed the lock.
The cool night air hit my face, but I barely noticed.
All I could see was her, all I could feel was the rage pulsing through my veins.
Her back slammed against the brick wall, her eyes wide with fear now.
"I told you," I snarled, my face inches from hers. "He's. Fucking. Mine."
With each word, I slammed her head back. The last hit was different. A sickening crack echoed through the alley. Her body went limp, sliding down the wall, leaving a dark smear on the bricks.
I staggered back, my breath coming in ragged gasps.
She didn't move. Vin banged on the door, but I just stared at the woman, my eyes darting to the dumpster across the alley. Seeing the door wouldn’t hold any longer, I dragged her across the alley and used every last bit of strength to shove her into the dumpster, tossing in bags of trash over top her dead body.
My hand trembled as I wrote the words, the pen scratching across the paper. Fuck. I'd never told anyone about that night, not even Vin. Part of me felt lighter like I'd finally set down a burden I'd been carrying for years.
But then the fear crept in. What would Vin think if he knew? Even dead, the thought of his judgment made my stomach churn. Would he look at me differently? See me as a monster?
"Christ, Vin," I muttered, running a shaky hand through my hair. "I did it for us. To protect what we had."
I stared at the words I'd just written, feeling the weight of that night settle over me again. It was the moment everything changed—the moment I truly became one of them.
"Fuck it," I said, tossing the pen aside. "This is who I am now." I leaned back in my chair, memories flooding back. It all felt so right, so fucking perfect. "You saw it, didn't you, Vin?" I whispered to the empty room. "You knew I belonged before I did."
I closed my eyes, remembering the way he looked at me after that night. There was no judgment, no disgust. Just understanding, and something else—pride. "Jesus, what a pair we made," I laughed bitterly. "A president’s daughter and an outlaw biker. Who'd have thought?"
The laughter died in my throat as reality crashed back in. Vin was gone, and I was left with the consequences of the life we chose. "Was it worth it?" I asked myself, my voice barely audible. "All the blood, the violence, the constant looking over our shoulders?"
I stood up abruptly, pacing the small room. My fingers itched for a cigarette, but I resisted the urge. Instead, I punched the wall, welcoming the sharp pain that shot through my knuckles.
"Fuck!" I yelled, the sound echoing off the bare walls. "What am I supposed to do now, Vin? How do I live with this?" The silence that followed was deafening. I slumped against the wall, sliding down until I was sitting on the cold floor.
"I don't regret it," I said finally, my voice steadier. "Not the life, not us. Not even her. But Christ, sometimes I wish I could go back. Tell that naive little rich girl what she was getting into."
I laughed again, but there was no humor in it. "Who am I kidding? I'd do it all again in a heartbeat."
I dragged myself back to the desk, pen hovering over the paper, my hand steadier, resolve hardening like concrete in my veins.
"I ain't gonna let this break me, Vin," I muttered, scribbling furiously.
"You taught me better than that. This life, our life—it’s in my blood now. Can't wash it out, don't want to."
The words flowed faster, my script growing messier with each line.
I'll keep ridin', keep fightin'. For you, for us, for everything we built.
Ain't no one gonna take that from me. I paused, memories of Vin's crooked grin and strong hands flooding my senses.
"Fuck, I miss you," I whispered, a single tear splashing onto the paper.
"But I swear, I'll make you proud. Live hard, die free—just like you always said. "
With a deep breath, I signed my name at the bottom.
It felt final, like closing a chapter. I folded the letter carefully, sliding it into an envelope.
I yanked open the desk drawer, the wood groaning in protest. The letter disappeared inside, nestled among fake IDs and wads of cash.
As I slammed it shut, I felt a weight lift off my chest. "There," I said to the empty room. "It's done."
I slumped back in my chair, the silence pressing in around me. The confession I'd carried for years sat locked away in that drawer, but I could still feel its presence, a shadow lurking at the edges of my mind.
My eyes drifted to the window, drawn to the vast expanse of night beyond.
The darkness stretched as far as I could see, broken only by the occasional flicker of distant headlights.
It's a void that mirrored the emptiness in my chest, the uncertainty of what came next.
"Fuck," I said, running a hand through my hair.
"What now, Vin? You were always the one with the plan. "
As if he were whispering in my ear, I went to my bed and crawled beneath the covers, pushing my panties down, my palm brushing against the smooth patch of trimmed hair.
“Fingers,” Vin whispered and I spread my pussy lips, wet and warm.
“Yes, baby,” the words barely a whimper from my lips.
“My fingers on your clit, Rave. Dancing that all-familiar dance. You know the one, baby. Squeeze, hun. Squeeze my fingers.”
“I need you, Vin. I fucking need you.” Tears raced from the corners of my eyes to my ears. My body trembled as I imaged his hands. His inked arms and chest. I squeezed. I squeezed so fucking hard, trapping my fingers, his fingers. “I miss you, Vin,” I cried and came, the man of my dreams no more.
I lay there staring at the ceiling, tears overwhelming. The night may stretched on, dark and unknowable, but I didn’t let the tears distinguish the fire lighting my way. Vin showed me how to keep the fire. It was up to me to keep it burning.