Chapter 13 #3
I suck in a breath, but it’s no use, my head is so damn heavy, my limbs made of jelly.
But honestly, I shouldn’t care I just covered him in my spew.
He fucking deserves it for invading my privacy in such a horrible way.
For thinking he can just barge into my life and pay off my debts with daddy’s dirty checkbook.
My head swims, and I drop to my knees dry retching again, trying to get control of my body before I make more of a fool of myself in front of them.
The marble floor blurs. I try to suck in breaths, try anything not to completely fall apart in front of them, but it’s already too late.
“Fuck, man, you should have let her go.” River is in front of me, his hand on my back before I know what is happening.
He strokes over my back gently. “You’re okay, Dove.
Take some deep breaths.” His hand in mine pulling me up with him, he wraps an arm around me protectively, sheltering me from his friends.
“You wouldn’t be saying that if you knew what was on there.
How much trouble she got herself in during her time away from us.
” Bodhi’s voice is low, his words intentionally hurtful.
He doesn’t say or do anything he doesn’t mean, and I know he’s just as disappointed with me as Kasen. “She’s not who you think.”
I flinch like he’s physically struck me, fresh pain radiating through my chest as my eyes narrow in on Slater, cold and deadly.
“You don’t get to comment on something you don’t understand, asshole,” I spit back at him.
I should never have come back here. I should have kept running.
Maybe answers aren’t worth it if it costs me what’s left of my dignity.
“Guys, enough,” River snips over his shoulder as he guides me out of the room.
“Go take a shower, I’ll talk to them,” he tells me softly, but he doesn’t know what the others do.
He won’t be so kind to me when they tell him all the sordid details of what I was doing back in Breakers Point.
He’s going to look at me like they were, with pity and disgust.
I turn back, gazing up at him, leaning into the bathroom counter for support, my body suddenly too weak to hold its own weight up. “I’m so sorry, River.”
He brushes a strand of hair out of my eyes, not seeming to care that I must stink of vomit. “What are you sorry for, babe?”
“What they are about to show you.” I drop my head and pull away from him. That will be the last time River looks at me like I’m the sunshine that lights up his world. The truth is supposed to set you free. But this truth… this might be enough to ruin me when I’m already so fragile.
He reaches out for me, trying to draw me back to him, but I can’t. His comfort will just give me false hope. “There is nothing you could do, Dove, to change my opinion of you. It won’t matter what’s on that phone.”
I step away from him, my hand on the door handle.
My face hardening back to bitch from hell.
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” I lock eyes with him so he knows I’m deadly serious about this.
I’m not the same girl he once knew, and yeah, maybe today felt good, felt real in a way I didn’t even know I needed, but I don’t fit this life anymore.
I was forced to outgrow it. And he’s about to get a slap back to reality, I’m sure.
Even if he thinks he’s imagining the worst, he’s not.
Me, I will have another piece of my soul stolen because my boys will know the truth.
With a heavy sigh, I shut the door and flick the lock, leaning my back into it. Why did they have to go back there? Why couldn’t Kasen just leave the past where it’s meant to be, in the fucking past?
I run for the shower and take the razor, my body slumping to the floor with it in my hand. Carefully taking out each blade one at a time, I line them up on the tile floor.
I knew what I was doing, agreeing to film those videos weekly.
I knew one day someone I cared about might come across them.
But Dax gave me no choice. The interest on my loan got bigger by the day, and I was drowning in debt to him.
He made it all sound so simple, just a few videos then my debt would be paid off, but that’s the thing with scum like Dax.
He was full of shit. And just a few turned into hundreds, with my debts no closer to being paid off.
That’s the way they kept their lucrative business going.
Most bikers trade in arms or drugs, but the Southern Breakers sell sex, or the illusion of it.
The only way out was death or running, if you got away with it.
I promised myself I wouldn’t do this anymore. I was in control. I had other ways of dealing with the pain inside. Ways Talon gave me, but he’s not here, not an option anymore. I’m on my own, and the cold steel is a warm comfort.
I’m never going to recover from this. Not now that the boys know. Not if I stick around.
I press the razor to my skin, breathing a sigh of relief as red rises to the surface and my control slips firmly back into place.
I need to get to my storage locker at the bus station. Grab my shit and get the hell out of this town before my past finally breaks me for good. Because I know with everything in my soul, these boys still mean too much to me.