Chapter 17
Dove
After a BBQ down the beach, my new friends and I fell asleep under the stars with a small fire burning in a drum beside us and woke up with the sun warming our skin. It’s the best night’s sleep I have had in so long.
I did a morning yoga class with them and then tried out meditation.
Turns out I like the idea of it more than the act.
My brain is too messy to sit quietly and not have thoughts racing through it.
Mostly of the boys, even though I willed my brain to stop it.
Their stupid faces keep haunting me. But I did my best and told the girls it was life-changing because I know that’s what they wanted to hear, and they have been so nice to me.
After that, I came back to my van to deal with reality, maybe go through the little safe again, the threats my mum received starting to play on my mind.
Why was someone blackmailing her? Just because she was involved with Keller Throne or was there more to it?
Did she help Keller get something passed by the council?
That’s all I can think it could have been.
Then someone working for my mum must have worked it out and thought they could get money out of her for it.
There is also the fact she was clearly having some sort of affair with Keller.
That one makes me cringe. He might have carried the tall, dark, and handsome Throne genes, but seriously, the man was all kinds of awful.
How could she possibly have gotten close to him?
And to be cheating on my dad as well is just pure disgusting.
He was so loyal to her, loved her with everything he had, and she did this to him.
Pain lodges itself in my chest at the thought.
The whole thing is inexcusable. And I know for a fact my mum wouldn’t have ever wanted that as public knowledge, no matter what Keller wanted.
It would have destroyed her perfect family image and maybe even stopped her getting reelected.
But who would’ve wanted to hurt her by outing her secrets to the world? That’s what I can’t work out.
I think back to the crazy story the girls told me last night.
Did my dad walk in on them or something?
It would have affected us more than anyone.
But he wouldn’t have been blackmailing her, and truth is, my dad was the kind of man who wouldn’t hurt a fly.
If he knew, he would have gone one of two ways.
He would have turned a blind eye so our life wouldn’t have changed at all, or he would have packed our shit and got us both out of there.
The image of the suitcases sitting at his feet that night comes back to me.
He was ready to leave that night before she was killed.
Did she tell him like Keller wanted her to? Why can’t I remember.
Since then, I have been lying on the beach with the girls, too many thoughts racing through my mind.
I roll from my front to my back and bury my head in my towel.
The sun is hot today. Probably too hot to be lying out, but I don’t want to move either.
I’m not sure what to do next. I need more information, shit the boys probably could tell me if they wanted to.
Kasen has to know what his dad was up to, right?
But I don’t want to go back to Deadwater Bay and demand answers from him.
They have taken enough from me over the last few days.
There has to be another way I can find out the truth.
“I know I have only just met you, Dove, but I have to ask, are you okay? It’s hard not to notice the bruises on your ribs and back,” Shae asks from her place beside me.
I roll onto my side to face her. “I’m okay, all that shit is in my past.” I offer her a small smile so she knows I’m telling the truth.
Her brow furrows. “Okay. We’re here if you need to talk, girl.”
I move to sitting up, taking a swig of my water bottle from beside me. It’s hot today. “Where are you girls heading next? Maybe I can come with you?”
“You really are on the run from something.”
“Have you ever just felt like you don’t know where you fit in, like where home should be?
I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. But for years I have felt uncomfortable in my own skin, and just recently I spent some time in my old hometown, the place I grew up, and it was like home again.
But I can’t stay there, there is too much history for me. ”
Shea sits up, looking me over in an assessing way that makes her look wise. “I like to go with my gut on all the big life decisions. If I feel light when I think of my next move, I know it’s right, but if I feel weighed down or get that sinking feeling I avoid it like the plague.”
“Can you feel light and heavy at the same time?” I ask, not sure my gut knows what to think.
There is a huge part of me that wants to go back and finish my hunt for answers, but it’s more than that.
I know deep down I have unfinished business with the boys as well, and that makes my stomach sink as much as I get the dancing butterflies when I’m around them.
“Sure, you can. Maybe you just need more time to know what it is you really want.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
Carla smirks up at me. “Is there a boy involved? That always messes with my gut radar.”
“Maybe.” Or three, but I’m not admitting that to these nice normal girls.
Carla sits up. “You know what you need.”
“What?” I ask cautiously.
She grabs my hand. “A night out. Some fun with us girls to take your mind off things. And I know just the perfect place. There is this party we got invited to in Deadwater Bay, it’s a dress-up party, so even more fun.
Shea and I have been working on our costumes, but we have a whole heap more stuff if you want to make something. ”
“Yes, you should come. It’s going to be epic. Food, cocktails, good company.” Shea wiggles her eyes brows, trying to entice me.
I consider the two of them for all of five seconds and I already know my answer. “That makes me feel light, so it’s a hell yes.” I grin back at them. This is exactly what I need to take my mind off them and all the shit from the past.
Carla hops up and brushes the sand off with her towel. “Okay, chick, I’ll be over in a few hours to help with your costume.”
“Thanks.” I offer her a smile. “I might head back to my van for a bit as well, catch you guys later.”
They both offer a wave, and we go our separate ways, me with fresh excitement racing through me.
It’s been a long time since I’ve attended a party of any kind.
Sometimes I feel like my life has aged me and I have forgotten how to have fun, but these two make me feel normal, and I just know tonight will be exactly what the doctor ordered.
Once inside my combi, I flop down onto the bed and pull out my phone.
I scroll through my Instagram, well, Elsie’s.
I haven’t set up my own account yet. I spent so long making this account exactly what I want it to be, I can’t quite bring myself to get rid of it and start over.
I haven’t posted in so long, with being on the run and all that shit, but scrolling still makes me feel connected with that side of me.
Elsie’s life wasn’t perfect, but it was the life I built with my dad. I don’t want it to just be gone.
I scroll back through old photos of the two of us, well, selfies of me as a teen and not much of him because he never wanted to be in any of the photos.
I guess now I know why. He was hiding us from something.
Or someone. I stare up at the ceiling of the van.
“Why didn’t you tell me more, Dad? I don’t want to do this all without you when I have no idea what I’m doing. ”
A stupid stray tear rolls down my face. I swipe it away. I know he can’t answer me, but can’t he send me a sign to go off? Right now, I need help, and the only three people with answers are all dead.
When no signs magically appear, I glance back at my phone, hoping I might just stumble across something important.
There is an image where I caught the side of his smile.
He was so handsome before he got sick. He used to tell me I could be anything I wanted to be.
After we moved, I kept to myself and I did well at school, but I never knew what I wanted to do with my life.
Making a decision that was forever felt too daunting.
Then he got sick and I didn’t even finish my final exams. Without him knowing, I took a job at The Silver Room behind the bar, and that was that.
When he asked where I was getting the money from, I lied and told him I got a job working for a local hotel on reception.
He declined so quickly his focus became hospital appointments and treatment options.
I run my finger down the side of my phone.
I miss him so much. He always knew what to do in any situation.
He would know what to do now, but I’m lost. I can’t move on with my life, and I don’t want to go back.
Well, a small slither wants me to, but that bitch is my pussy and she’s still wondering what River’s cock would have felt like buried deep inside of me.
He was big, would have he hurt in just the right way like Talon did?
I’m sure Bodhi and Kasen would have, they give off that kind of energy, and I know I shouldn’t be thinking about any of them like that.
But truth is, I can’t stop. There is no denying my attraction to them no matter how much I despise them.
Bodhi kissed me like a demon, leaving me wanting more, and River, what he could do with his tongue should be illegal.
Fuck, even Kasen’s caveman I-own-you kiss had me wanting to go all in. I’m just that messy right now.