Chapter 30 #2
I block her in, taking the seat beside her, much to her clear disappointment, and River takes the opposite side. “He sure can. Wait till you see the crowd he pulls.”
With a smile for River, she has a long sip of her margarita, licking the salt from her lips.
I can’t stop watching her, obsessed with every little thing she does.
I want it to be my tongue licking her plump lips, my hand running up her bare thigh.
Fuck, tonight is going to be long if I can’t find a way to get through to her.
She can’t block me out forever, surely. But currently she’s pretending I don’t exist, her eyes scanning the room, looking anywhere but at me.
I toss my drink back and call for a waitress to refill.
She saunters over, huge smile on her face for Dove. “Hey, girl, thought that was you. When are you coming back to work?” she asks her.
“Hopefully tomorrow if you guys need me.” For the first time, her gaze flicks to me as if to ask if it’s okay, and I shake my head no. She rolls her eyes and gives her full attention back to the girl.
“We can always do with another. With all these tourists around, the place is filled to the brim every night, right, Riv?”
“Another the same.” I talk over the top of them, shoving my glass in the girl’s direction.
“Sure, Kasen.” She smiles and takes the hint that I don’t want her to talk to Dove, filling her head with ideas of working behind the bar. It’s not safe. And she doesn’t need the money, so it’s not worth the risk. If she will just let us, we can take care of all her needs.
She knocks her knee into the side of my leg. “Why do you have to be such a jerk all the time,” she seethes, bitterness radiating off her.
My lips twist up at the side as I rub the side of my leg where she was trying to inflict pain. “River and I have already decided while this stalker is out there sending you hate mail, working here isn’t such a good idea.” I look to River to back me up on this.
He offers her a sympathetic smile. “When we catch him, you can come back, but K is right. I can’t always keep a proper eye on you in this place, and we all know he got that note into your pocket here last time. It’s not forever, baby.”
“Whatever.” She throws back the rest of her drink, now clearly pissed with both of us.
He takes the glass from her. “I’ll get you a refill. Won’t be long before the band starts,” he offers with a smile, trying to keep things light and her on side. But it’s no use, she just won’t listen to us. She doesn’t care about her own safety.
“Yeah, okay, thanks,” she mutters then turns her attention back to the stage, anything so she doesn’t have to pay me a lick of attention. For a girl who’s never been in a relationship before, she has the silent-treatment thing down pat.
My fingers brush up her bare thigh, a scattering of goosebumps following my light touch. She can act all she wants, but my contact lights her up. I lean in closer, brushing her hair over her ear. “How can I fix things?” I ask, my frustration with this situation reaching boiling point.
She pulls away a little, but with the wall at her other side she doesn’t have far to go.
I have her in my favorite place, trapped.
“You can try being honest with me for a start. And another thing, treat me like your equal, not one of your staff you like to boss around. That shit is never going to work with me. You can’t just tell me I can’t work. I need the money, and I enjoy it.”
My neck cracks, trying to ease the tension she’s constantly creating. “If I do those things, will you stop this silent-treatment shit and start treating me like the other boys?”
She blinks back at me a few times. “What do you want here, Kasen?” She motions between the two of us.
“You,” I answer, like isn’t it obvious?
She shakes her head and runs a hand through her hair. “I’m not something for you to acquire.” Her voice is bitchy as fuck.
“Even you can’t deny that before you left Deadwater Bay, there was something between us.”
Her eyes narrow to slits. “That was before I knew the truth. What I really meant to you.”
She’s never going to let it go. She thinks I was ready to choose Keller over her, but that’s simply not true.
I pull back from her, knowing for the first time since she got back what I have to do.
“You asked about the photo in my bedside table. I still have it because that night meant something to me. I would have kissed you; I had it all planned out. But then we got that call from my dad and…” I swallow the lump in my throat remembering how fucking pretty she was, her hair blowing in the soft breeze, her eyes so filled with life.
I should have taken what I wanted, what I knew she was after as well.
“I never felt such a crazy attraction to anyone like I do you, Dove.”
She smiles softly, the ice-queen act slipping. “Yeah, I felt it too, but we were kids. We didn’t know the realities of life.”
“Nothing has changed for me,” I growl.
“Everything changed for me.”
Pain rips through me, her words like a dagger to my heart. There is such a finality to them. I know she’s been through hell. I wish I could take her pain away. But she’s so cold, so distant, and even with the truth of how I feel about her, she won’t let me back in.
I brush her soft hair behind her ear and lean into her so only she can hear what I’m about to say. “You wanted to know if I got myself off while watching the videos of you?”
She peers up at me, her eyes flaring with something other than anger, I think waiting to see what I’m going to say next. “Yes,” she breathes.
“Every fucking night since we found your phone.” My hand moves higher up her thigh, desperate to have my fingers on her delicate skin. “I can’t stop seeing you, hearing the seductive things you said. The moan that leaves your lips as you cum.”
Her breath is almost a pant, and I know I have her. She was turned on knowing the boys watched her. She’s no different with me. “You have a problem, K,” she utters, but this time she doesn’t move away from me; her body presses in closer.
I can’t help the way my lips twitch up at the sides.
I have her. “You wanted honesty. Here it is. I fucking crave you. When we’re in the same room, I’m desperate to touch you.
To taste you. To hear my name tumbling from your sweet lips as I take you over the edge with me.
I have never wanted anything more in my life. ”
“Kasen,” she says my name in warning, her breathing hitching in her chest, her massive tits heaving just begging to be played with. But I can’t fuck her, not till she knows the real me. No more hiding.
“We know your secrets, and you used to know all of mine, birdie.” I close my eyes and suck in a breath. “No one else knows this.”
Her hand moves, lacing with mine in such an unexpected gesture my heart constricts. “What is it, K?”
My head drops, the weight of the last few weeks settling heavily.
“The night I came to save you, I was done. I don’t want this life that’s been forced on me.
You ran away, but I was stuck here without you…
I had my gun with me because I was ready to end it.
” The last part comes out as more of a whisper, the words choking out of my throat, it’s so hard to admit.
Goosebumps scatter over her skin. “K. Fuck.” She shakes her head, swallowing hard. “That’s… You can’t…” A tear slips down her cheek.
I take her face in my hands, not wanting to upset her. She wanted honesty and this is it. I’m fucked in the head. This life and what I’m now in charge of is a clusterfuck of too much. She will see it for herself soon enough. “Birdie, you’ve given me something to live for again.”
Her eyes are sad now, welling with tears that make my own heart restrict. “That’s too much pressure, K.” Her tears spring free and stroll down her cheeks.
I brush them away with my thumbs, her skin impossibly soft.
“I know you’re sad, angry, and broken from all the shit that’s happened to you.
I can see the hurt you carry, it’s like torture to watch.
You’re messed up from it all, but so am I.
Let us be fucked up together.” I stare deep into her soul, my breath so shallow I might be about to pass out.
If she rejects me now, when I’m actually bleeding my heart out for her, I don’t know what else to do.
“Total honesty,” she whispers. Her eyes flicking from mine to my lips. Tears still rolling down her cheeks. “I hate you.”
I can’t help but laugh. It’s not rejection. “Good. It’s safer that way.” I drop my lips to hers, testing her. She doesn’t shove me away. This time her hand tangles into my shirt, and she pulls me closer. She hates me, but she wants me, and that is enough for now.