Chapter Two
Kip
Introducing Nacho!
My eyes flutter, sunlight piercing through my lids.
Mrow.
The kitten wiggles in my arms, meowing non-stop.
I groan, letting my eyes open fully to peek down at the little grey striped creature.
Huh…I somehow made it to the ground from all the way up in that tree…
unharmed? Nothing hurts, at least not excruciatingly.
My neck is a bit achey, and my right leg is too, but not as much as it should after a tumble from a forty foot tree.
That can’t be right. Either I’m insanely lucky, or I’m dead. Maybe I’m a ghost? Do ghosts feel pain?
It’s then that I notice my neck is jutting to the side at an odd angle. I don’t think it’s supposed to do that, but I’m no anesthesiologist. Wait, is that the right kind of doctor? One who does bones and shit? Anyway, you know what I mean.
I move my neck, testing it, and as I right my head my neck cracks and pops. My neck straightens, and as it does it makes a creaking and snapping sound, and I feel my neck and head settle back into place. It’s almost like when you dislocate a shoulder, and you gotta pop it back in? But with my neck.
Yikes. My right leg is bent at the knee sideways. Okay, so I definitely broke some shit during my fall, but the wounds don’t hurt like they should? Am I in shock? That’s a thing, right?
Moving my leg, it snaps, crackles, and pops before it settles into its normal place.
“Hey, buddy! You alright?” The shadow of a dude falls over me, blocking out the sun.
“Uhhh…yeah, I think I’m good?” Definitely not a ghost then, unless this guy is a ghost whisperer.
“I watched you fall, man. How are you not hurt? Are you sure you’re okay?”
I sit up slowly, keeping the kitten cradled in one arm while I push myself up with the other. “Yeah, I feel fine…I must be super lucky.”
“Jesus, man. I thought for sure when I saw your neck bent like that you’d be dead. I’ve never seen a neck at a ninety degree angle to the side like that. It was practically touching your shoulder.”
“My bones must be super flexible, man. I don’t know.
At least this little dude or dudette is safe.
” I sit up, still holding the purring kitten.
I lift it up, looking at its stomach to see what kind of junk it’s got going on downstairs.
“Dude. Definitely a dude.” Swinging the cat around, I show the stranger the kitten’s dong.
“Uhh…yeah…that’s great.” The man rubs the back of his neck. “Well…it seems you’re alright, so I’m gonna uhh, go…”
“Okay byeee! Nice to meet you kind stranger!” I call after the quickly retreating figure.
“Alright, buddy. Do you have a family?” The kitten isn’t wearing a collar, and it looks pretty skinny.
Maybe he’s a stray. “I’ve never had a pet, well, besides that fish I had in second grade, but he died after a week.
Don’t worry though, I’m much more mature now and I’m sure I can keep you alive. ”
Hmmm…what do cats need to stay alive?
“You totally like chips and queso, huh? Maybe I should call you Nacho!” The cat purrs, rubbing against my leg. He ate almost an entire plate of nachos. Yes, I know that cats need cat food and not just nachos, but he wanted to try them and who was I to deny him one of life’s simple pleasures?
“Kipper, what is that?” Tyson, my best bud, and roommate asks as he comes through the front door of our apartment, spotting the fur-ball now curled up in my lap.
Tyson’s about the same height as me, six foot two, but where I’m all light eyes and light hair, he’s got deep brown eyes and buzzed brown hair.
He’s also not as buff as me, but if you ask him, he’d probably say the opposite.
We’re always competing over that sort of thing.
It makes working together interesting, to say the least.
“It’s a kitten…duh?”
Tyson looks at me like I’m stupid, and I give him the same look right back. How does he not know what a kitten looks like?
“Kip, I’m aware it’s a kitten. I mean, what is it doing in our apartment, bro?” Tyson walks over slowly, like he’s worried Nacho is going to jump up and bite him.
“Crazy story, Tys. I woke up completely naked in an alleyway next to that bar we went to last night, Crave? By the way, thanks for ditching me, dude! Whenever you bail on me I get so wasted I end up stripping. You know I can’t get another public indecency charge.
We gotta stick together the whole night. ”
Tyson looks down at his feet, his cheeks reddening and his expression guilty. “I know but…there was this chick, and you said it was cool for me to go.”
“Well yuh, I said that at the time, but you know you can’t trust a word out of my mouth when there’s tequila involved!”
“You’re right, Kip. That was not a bro move of me. Bros before hoes, always.” Tyson reaches out his fist to bump mine in apology and solidarity. “Anyway, you woke up with your junk in the breeze…how does that equal you bringing a kitten home?”
“Right, right. So, after I found my clothes, minus the undies, you know how I love free-balling, I was walking home. When I passed that park, you know the one on Maple Street? Anyway, I heard a kitten meowing up in a big oak tree. I couldn’t just leave him there.
So, I climbed up the tree to rescue him.
Which was like, super brave, of me, seeing as I hate heights.
But even crazier than waking up naked and finding a kitten in a tree, while I was saving little Nacho here, I fell from the tree from like forty feet up, dude.
And I didn’t break a single bone! I think I’m a marvel of science, with super flexible bones.
My neck was snapped all the way to the side, and my leg was bent sideways. But they just popped back into place!”
Tyson’s face drains of color as I explain my morning to him.
“Y-you fell from a tree?”
“Yep, sure did. But look at me! Not even a scratch or bruise!” I grin at Tyson. “I’m a medical marvel!”
“Yeah…you are…” Tyson chokes. “Errr..and you said that your neck and leg were bent at odd angles but they just popped back into place?”
“That’s what I said, yuh. Isn’t that insane, bruh?”
“Ah, fuck, dude. This isn’t good, Kipper. This isn’t fucking good at all.” Tyson paces in front of me, stopping to glare at Nacho every now and again.
“Dude, stop glaring at Nacho, you’re upsetting him.” That’s not entirely true, seeing as Nacho is still snoozing away on my lap, unaffected. It’s more that Tyson’s pacing and glaring is making me anxious.
“That cat is the reason you’re in this mess!” Tyson seethes, running his hands aggressively through his hair as he plops his large body down on the couch across from where I’m sitting with Nacho.
“What mess? I have no clue what you’re on about.”
“Fuck, dude. I fucked up. I fucked up bad, Kipper. I’m so sorry. But, in my defense, it was never an issue until that fucking cat came along!”
Tys is full on yelling now. Nacho startles at his booming voice, bolting from my lap to crawl behind me on the couch.
“Okay, you need to chill out and tell me what’s going on. Now you’re really upsetting Nacho, and me. This is not chill bro behavior.” Reaching around, I gently pat Nacho’s head to soothe him. Poor buddy has had quite the day.
Tyson huffs. “I don’t even know how to explain this. You’re going to freak out, think it’s fucked up, and maybe even think I’m losing it.”
Nacho peeks out from behind me at Tyson, hackles raised, and hisses at him before scrambling backwards again, safe against my skin. Nacho doesn’t seem to be a fan of Tys, and I can’t blame him with how nutso Tyson’s acting right now.
“Just spill it dude, you’re freaking me out already.” I’ve never seen Tyson act like this. Maybe he is losing it? “Do you need like, medical help or something? Cuz I can take you to the doctor, or call an ambulance.”
“A doctor can’t fix this fucking situation, Kip.
” Tyson eyes me, his expression wary and guarded.
“Fine. Here it goes. You know how like once or twice a week, you and I go out and get absolutely trashed? Well, you get trashed. It’s harder for alcohol to hit me, and my body processes it too fast. Anyway, after going out, you always forget everything from the night before, right? ”
“Yeah, bro. You know I get schwasted when we party together.”
“I do know, Kip. But I also know that your blackouts aren’t only from the alcohol.” Tyson sighs. “I swear, this started before we were really friends. I used you, but I didn’t mean to actually like you.”
“Ouch, dude.” What the hell?
“Sorry, but it’s the truth. You were an easy target.
A pretty himbo who loved to party? I needed someone I could easily get drunk enough to feed off of, and then erase their memories of the entire night.
Someone who would think they were just partying too hard.
You hit every mark. And you were so easy to coerce.
You never backed down from a challenge or a shot.
You became a bad habit, because it was so easy. ”
Wow. My best friend has been using me since I’ve known him? Are we even friends at all? This hurts. “The fuck are you talking about Tys? Feeding off me? What the hell does that mean?”
“I’m a vampire, Kipper. Have been since 1982.”
I laugh. Full on, crying laughing that makes me hunch over because it hurts my stomach. “Ooooohhhkayyy. You got me good, Tys. You really had me going.” I wipe my teary eyes. “Damn. I thought for sure that you were saying our friendship is a lie.”
Tys flinches. “It might have started as a lie, but I actually do like you, Kip. You’re the peanut butter to my jelly, bro. But, I’m not messing with you. I’m telling you this because I think I may have accidentally turned you into a vampire.”
“You’re really committed to this bit, I admire that, but the jig is up. You’re fucking with me, I get it. I may be dense, but I’m not stupid.”
“No, dude.” Tyson shakes his head, his eyes pleading with me to listen to him.
“Listen. Last night, we went out to Crave. It was the usual, I got you drunk enough that you were out of it so I could feed on you. Then I wiped your memories. To be fair, afterwards you did seem fine and chill, so I didn’t feel bad when I left you to hook up with Sarah.
But that’s not the point. The point is, I healed you with my blood so you wouldn’t have any marks.
And then, this morning, you were walking home and climbed that fucking tree like a goddamn hero, and fell from it saving that cat. ”
“Tyson, this isn’t really funny anymore. The bit is getting old.”
“It’s not a fucking bit! The only thing that was bit was you! I bit you, healed you. Then you fell from a tree and broke your damn neck, died, and now you’re turning into a vampire! This isn’t a joke, Kip. If you don’t feed in the next three days, you’ll die for real.”
“You know, it was kind of weird how my neck was bent like that. You know, all the way to my shoulder? The dude who saw me fall thought I would be dead. But that doesn’t mean I’m a vampire, and there’s no proof saying you are either. Anyway, I never knew you were into horror movies like that.”
Tyson leaps up from the couch, moving faster than I can comprehend across the living room to stand in front of me.
He leans down, bracing his hands on the couch behind my head, and bares his teeth to me.
Where his normal canine teeth usually are, long fangs click into place, protruding out of his mouth. My jaw drops as I stare at them.
“Look at my eyes, Kip.” Tyson hisses.
When my gaze meets his, I see that his usual gray eyes are now swirling, like his irises are make of smoke or mist. They’re almost hypnotic.
“Woah, dude! Those contacts are hella tight. And how did you get those fake fangs to pop out like that? That’s a sick trick. Dope for Halloween.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake. I really didn’t want to have to do this, but if it’s the only way you’ll believe me…
” Tyson lifts up his hand, revealing long, dark, talon-like fingernails in place of his normal ones.
Raising the talons to his throat, he slowly drags one sharp nail across it, slicing open his neck.
“WHAT THE FUCK!” I shriek, shrinking back away from him as blood pours from his throat.
Tyson gurgles, slicing deeper and deeper until his head falls backwards, hanging on by a flap of skin to his neck. His body loosens, falling to the floor with a thump.
I’m scrambling to pull out my phone to call 911 when I hear a wet sucking sound coming from the direction of Tyson’s body.
My eyes snap to where his head dangles off his body.
I watch in horror and morbid fascination as the skin of his neck begins slowly knitting itself back together.
The blood that seeped out of the wound flows in reverse, trailing back up until it re-enters Tyson’s body.
Even Nacho watches beside me, his green eyes wide, and his hair standing on end.
Soon, the puddle of blood is gone, and the slice across Tyson’s neck is no longer visible. Not even a trace is left, like it was never even there.
Tyson gasps loudly, his once dead eyes blinking back to life, before he sits up to look at me. “Do you believe me now?”