Chapter 4 #2
Coach rubs his forehead. “Five minutes,” he mutters. “You have five minutes. Then we’re done.”
Dex claps his hands together. “Timer starts now. Contestants, take your positions.”
Gregory actually sits up straighter.
Mason doesn’t move. “I’m already in my position. It’s called ‘resentful.’”
Dex points at a whiteboard near the equipment rack. “Someone keep score.”
Before anyone can stop him, Eli drags a marker across it and writes:
COLBY MASON GREGORY
Then he draws three little hearts like a man trying to be supportive against his will.
Dex clears his throat dramatically. “Question one. Love language.”
Mason says, “Silence.”
Dex blinks. “That’s not a…”
“Silence,” Mason repeats.
Eli writes it down anyway and adds a little star beside Mason’s name.
Dex points at Gregory. “Gregory Mills.”
Gregory nods once like he’s been preparing his whole life for this moment. “Acts of service. Quality time. Words of affirmation, but only if they’re specific.”
The room goes quiet.
Dex whispers, “Are you trying to seduce the IRS?”
Gregory frowns. “The IRS wouldn't be a compatible partner.”
“Correct,” Dex says. “But your answer was terrifyingly thorough.”
He turns to me. “Captain.”
I exhale. “Acts of service.”
Dex squints. “That’s it?”
“That’s it.”
A voice from the back yells, “BOOOO!”
I point without looking. “Who was that?”
“Me,” Bobby says proudly.
Dex laughs. “Okay, okay. Question two. Describe your perfect Valentine’s Day.”
Mason says, “Not this.”
The room explodes.
Eli underlines Mason’s name like he’s about to declare him the winner of love.
Dex wheezes. “That answer counts.”
Gregory goes next. “Home-cooked meal. Board game. Early bedtime.”
Dex puts a hand on his chest. “You are one cardigan away from becoming a human mug of tea.”
Gregory nods. “Tea is beneficial.”
Dex turns to me. “Captain, you can’t say ‘charity’ again.”
“I wasn’t going to.”
“Good,” Dex says. “Answer, please.”
I think for half a second, and that’s my mistake.
Someone yells, “BOOOO!” again.
I glare. “Bobby, I will deduct your oxygen.”
Dex leans in. “Answer.”
“Good dinner,” I say. “No cameras.”
Dex pauses, then slowly lifts his head like he’s smelling blood in the water. “Oh. Interesting. Captain hates attention.”
“I hate forced attention,” I correct.
“Same thing,” Dex says.
Coach mutters, “Keep it moving.”
Dex scrolls. “Question three. Are you emotionally available or just available after games?”
A collective “oooooh” rolls through the room.
Mason says, “Available.”
“That’s not an answer,” Dex says.
Mason stares at him. “It is. Take it.”
Eli writes AVAILABLE and draws a little flame.
Gregory clears his throat. “I am emotionally available, but I prefer a slow build with mutual respect and clear communication.”
Dex looks like he’s physically fighting the urge to scream.
Someone behind me whispers, “He’s going to propose to the wall.”
Gregory’s ears go slightly red. “I would not propose without consent.”
Dex points at him like he’s presenting him to the crowd. “Ladies and gentlemen, the safest man in America.”
Gregory nods. “Safety is statistically correlated with relationship satisfaction.”
Dex rubs his face. “Stop saying statistically or I’m going to start drinking.”
He swivels to me. “Captain.”
I shrug. “Emotionally available.”
It’s simple. True. Unembarrassing.
The room goes quiet again, just for a second.
Then Dex throws both hands up. “EMOTIONALLY NUDE!”
I blink. “That’s not what…”
“It’s exactly what,” Dex says, scandalized. “You can’t just say that like it’s normal. Like you’re ordering a coffee.”
“It's normal,” Gabriel says from across the room, calm as ever.
Dex swings his head to Gabriel. “Do NOT encourage him.”
Gabriel smiles. “I’m encouraging the truth.”
“Truth is overrated,” Dex mutters.
Mason’s mouth twitches. “You’re the one running the questions.”
“Because you animals need structure,” Dex says.
Coach checks his watch. “Last one,” he warns.
Dex straightens like he’s closing a case in court. “Alright, Captain. Final question.”
He points his phone at me like a microphone.
“What happens if you don’t get picked?”
I don’t hesitate.
“Honestly?” I say. “Relief.”
Laughter cracks through the room.
Dex squints. “Relief?”
“Yeah,” I say. “Then Mason or Gregory can deal with the circus.”
Mason snorts like that’s the nicest thing I’ve ever said to him.
Gregory looks mildly alarmed. “I would prepare.”
“That’s exactly what I’m afraid of,” Dex says, horrified.
He taps his phone again. “Okay. Follow-up. What if you do get picked?”
I shrug, easy.
“Then I show up. I’m polite. I don’t embarrass the team on live television.”
Dex gasps. “Wow. A direct attack.”
I glance at him. “You once tried to crowd-surf during a charity auction.”
“For the kids,” Dex says.
I nod. “Exactly.”
A couple guys laugh. Someone mutters, “That’s why Colby Hayes wears the C.”
Dex shakes his head, smiling despite himself. “Man, you are the least messy option we have.”
I grin faintly. “That’s the point.”
Dex looks around the room, then back at me.
“Yeah,” he says. “You’re absolutely going to get picked.”
I open my mouth to argue and the room goes quiet.
Not loud, quiet.
Just… expectant.
I don’t say anything.