Chapter 4
Four
For a moment, he thought he was going to be sick. Rami knew that he’d been playing with fire—so to speak. He’d been flirting and pushing the boundaries he’d set for himself because it was almost impossible not to. He liked Skye more than he’d expected to, and the more he tried to pull away, the more his instincts told him to lean in closer.
He’d seen it in the car when Rami had recognized Skye’s friend. He was waiting on edge for Rami to find out what he did and reject him. It must have happened to him dozens of times, if not more, and his heart hurt for him because he knew that exact same fear. Granted, Rami had never tried to date since starting his channel, but he knew if anyone ever realized who he was and what he did, he was screwed.
He had no idea how to put Skye at ease other than dropping the subject entirely and moving on to other things. Which he had. He’d been perched on his own knife’s edge for Skye to think he was a weirdo and bail on the date, but everything that sent other people running in the opposite direction seemed to have Skye enjoying his company more.
Of course, he was also terrible at showing that, so it was no surprise that Skye was in a panic about Rami not liking him back. Rami’s move would have been to lean in and kiss him. And he nearly had. But he remembered his promise to himself and what kissing could—and would—lead to if he let it.
And he couldn’t let it.
Not until his grandfather’s house was taken care of.
His only choice was to confess. He hadn’t meant to blurt it out the way he did, but like always, the words tumbled from his lips without any preamble, and now, he and Skye were sitting on the grass at the park across the street from the bar in awkward silence.
Skye hadn’t said anything other than to ask, ‘Can I hold your hand?’ after Rami’s confession.
Rami let him, of course. It meant they also couldn’t talk since Skye’s hearing aids were dead, but Rami didn’t mind the silence. It allowed him to better collect his thoughts as they made their way to a spot under a gas lamp–style post so they could see each other’s hands.
He knew Skye was waiting for him to elaborate, but Rami had no idea how to go on if Skye didn’t ask him something. He couldn’t read his face very well. Was he angry? Sad? Against all odds, was he fine with it?
‘How did you recognize Avan?’
Rami was not expecting that to be the first question Skye asked, and it took him a moment to remember who Avan was. He’d only seen his photo a few times. A former client of the Tower had posted shots of the guys in a Discord server Rami had been part of right after he’d started his channel, and Rami never forgot faces, even if he’d only seen the person for half a second.
‘Someone posted him online two years ago,’ he answered. He kept his signs slow after remembering that Skye’s ASL skills were still beginner.
Skye pulled a face. “Right,” he said aloud. “I forgot about that leak. Stone went to court over that one.”
‘Sorry,’ Rami told him.
Skye shook his head and reached for Rami’s hand, squeezing his fingers and stroking a thumb over the inside of his wrist. The touch was so nice Rami wanted to crawl onto his lap, straddle him, and just bask in his warmth.
Letting him go, Skye shook out his hands, then asked, ‘Why do you have to stay a virgin?’
And there it was.
‘Is it your religion? Is it a marriage thing?’
Rami laughed. He didn’t mean to. It was actually a very fair question. But the reality of the answer made it so much funnier than it should have been. ‘Sorry,’ he signed quickly as he got control of himself. ‘Sorry, sorry.’
Skye didn’t seem offended. He chuckled along and shook his head. “It’s fine,” he said aloud. “It was a silly question.”
‘No,’ Rami answered back. ‘I promise. But…’ His fingers hovered in the air. The truth was, he didn’t want to tell him. Not yet. He knew that Skye wouldn’t judge him. Not with what he did for a living. But he wanted time to get to know Skye before opening himself up and bleeding all of his problems on the man’s lap.
He wanted to have something that felt a little…normal, even if nothing about either of them was what everyone else might consider normal.
He swallowed heavily, then said, ‘I don’t want to tell you.’
Skye flinched like he’d been slapped. ‘Okay, I understand?—’
‘No,’ Rami signed quickly. He let out a frustrated sigh. ‘Sorry, this is hard. I want to make sure you understand, but I don’t know if your signing is good enough.’
Skye blinked, then laughed loudly. “You really don’t pull punches, do you?”
It took Rami a second of processing to understand what that phrase meant, and then his cheeks went hot. ‘Sorry. I’m not trying to insult you.’
Skye leaned in and grabbed his hands, holding them tightly in his own. “Stop apologizing for what comes naturally to you. I like it. And maybe your truth is a little sharp, but I like that it’s genuine. And you’re right. I’m following the conversation, but it’s not as easy as speaking.”
Rami nodded and leaned forward until his forehead dropped to Skye’s shoulder. His hands were released, and then a hesitant, gentle touch started at the base of his spine. The touch got harder and more confident as Skye’s palms traveled up toward his neck. It was so good he groaned softly, and Skye laughed again.
“You do like me.”
Rami nodded against his shoulder. He really, really did.
After a beat, Skye gently eased Rami back and touched his chin, drawing his gaze up. He didn’t seem to mind that Rami didn’t meet his eyes directly. His gaze was restless, taking in the shape of Skye’s chin, and his nose, and the very small cupid’s bow on his lips. He counted every freckle he could in the dim light as they sat there in a lingering silence.
Then, Skye lifted his hand and used two fingers to draw a touch down Rami’s jaw. “If you keep close to my right side, I’ll be able to hear you. I’m not totally deaf, and that’s my better side. I’m not asking you to tell me every single thing about you, but I like you a lot, and I’d like to know if this can go somewhere.”
Rami felt panic in his gut because he didn’t know if this could go somewhere. He wanted it to, but with the rules he’d have to set down… well .
He licked his lips. “I will tell you, but not yet. I want us to get to know each other first. If I didn’t know about the Tower, I’d expect you to keep that a secret too. For a little while.”
Skye’s lips moved into an almost sad smile. “Okay. Are you worried I’ll judge you?”
Partly, he supposed. Partly that Skye would think it was an absurd idea and not want to be with him because he couldn’t come up with anything better than selling himself off to a bunch of strangers. And partly that Rami was being reckless because for now, his channel was safe, but the moment he invited one of those faceless screen names into his bedroom, all bets were off.
If he hadn’t been so desperate, that part would have scared the piss out of him.
“I don’t know,” he eventually answered. It was the most honest thing he could come up with without giving himself away.
Skye took a deep breath, then eased back from him and squared his shoulders. “To be honest, I didn’t expect to be on this side of the conversation tonight.”
Rami glanced around before realizing that Skye didn’t mean physically. “Oh. Because of the…the Tower thing?”
Skye laughed. “I expected that to be a much bigger, much more stressful issue. But you…don’t seem to mind?” His voice rose at the end, like he was still unsure.
“I don’t mind,” Rami said quickly.
Skye’s mouth softened into a grin. “So that’s throwing me a bit. I don’t care that you’re a virgin, and if that’s the only issue holding you back…”
“It matters,” Rami said. “I can’t give you an answer on how long it’ll be for you to wait, and it didn’t seem fair to start something with you if we can’t go further than what I’ve already done.”
Skye said nothing for a beat. His brow was furrowed in thought, and Rami appreciated that he wasn’t jumping into what would be empty promises that this would all be okay. “Can I ask you to define what you consider a virgin? It means very different things to a lot of people.”
Rami frowned. Did it? He hadn’t really thought about it, but he supposed that made sense. To him, his virginity was not being penetrated or penetrating someone else. But he supposed he couldn’t apply that definition to everyone. Maybe to someone else, virginity was being touched sexually at all.
“Sorry if that’s too much?—”
‘No,’ Rami signed, then remembered Skye needed spoken language to make sure his brain was understanding all the nuances of their conversation. “No. It’s not too much. I just never thought about it for other people. I don’t think about other people very often, which I know isn’t good.”
Skye snorted and reached out, briefly cupping his cheek. “It’s fine. You’re fine. Just be yourself, okay?”
Well. Rami wasn’t used to hearing that. He managed a smile—at least, it felt like a smile, though he knew he had resting murder face. But Skye still seemed entirely unbothered, if not happy with Rami’s reactions.
“I’ve never put my penis inside someone,” he said. Skye’s expression twitched, like an electronic glitch, but it didn’t last long. “And I’ve never had someone’s penis inside me. Or a toy,” he added thoughtfully. “Or fingers.”
Skye cleared his throat, and for a moment, Rami thought maybe he was making the man uncomfortable. Then he saw Skye adjust himself, and he realized he was, but not for the reason he was afraid of. “Has anyone ever touched your…your penis?” Skye clearly struggled with the technical word, and Rami wondered if it had to do with the amount of dirty talk the man must do for his job.
Rami laughed. “You can say cock if you want to. It doesn’t bother me.”
Skye all but tackled him, bursting into a fit of giggles. “I’m sorry. It’s just…at work, I have to get really creative to keep it sexy. This is probably the weirdest sex conversation I’ve ever had, and I fucking love it.”
The honesty was heavy in his voice, and it settled something in Rami’s chest. He waited for Skye to look back up at his lips before he answered. “Yes, I’ve had someone stroke my…um…penis.” It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth. He hated that he wasn’t telling Skye everything, but he wasn’t ready for the risk that came with letting someone he liked know how different he was. “I’ve had someone lick me on it too, but they’ve never put me in their mouth for a blowjob.” He worried his bottom lip between his teeth. “Does that make me less of a virgin?”
“No. Only you can decide that,” Skye said firmly. “The only reason I’m asking is to see where the boundaries are for your body.”
Oh ! “Oh.” He hadn’t considered that maybe doing some things would be better than doing nothing at all. That maybe Skye—for a little while—could be satisfied with the smaller parts of a physical relationship.
But he was getting ahead of himself.
“You could kiss me,” he blurted.
Skye blinked. “Right now?”
“If you want, but I meant after the date. That happens, right? On dates? People hold hands, and they get kissed, and then the other stuff comes later. On date three. Or two, if it goes really well.”
Skye’s grin was so wide it made his eyes crinkle. “I really like you.”
Rami’s face heated again. He was unused to not only being told that but also believing it.
“I want to get to know you. I definitely want to kiss you, and if you need to put a wall in front of sex for a while, that doesn’t bother me,” Skye went on. “I wasn’t out here looking for a hookup, you know?”
Rami snorted a laugh. “Yeah, I guess you get enough of that at work.”
Skye rolled his eyes up toward the sky even as he laughed. “You’re really okay with that part of who I am? The fact that I like you and want to take you on more dates, but tomorrow, I might have to tie someone up and fuck them in the ass.”
Rami’s cocks jumped in his jeans, thickening to halfway hard. He adjusted himself and shook his head. The truth was, imagining Skye doing that to someone else was…tantalizing. Enthralling. And sexy as anything had ever been. “No. That doesn’t bother me.”
Skye touched Rami’s chin, lifting his gaze as high as he could. Rami took a breath and met Skye’s eyes for as long as he could stand it. They were so…green. Like the Atlantic midsummer.
“You like it, don’t you?” Skye murmured.
Rami licked his lips and nodded.
“I know this won’t follow the date pattern. We aren’t at your place yet. But we did hold hands.”
Rami waited, but when Skye didn’t go on, he replayed his words and realized what he was asking for. “You want a kiss.”
Skye’s lips stretched into a smile, showing a little bit of teeth. “I’d really like a kiss.”
“Okay. Yes. I want you to kiss me.”
Skye didn’t hesitate. He didn’t draw out the moment. He didn’t force Rami to sit in awkward anticipation, second- and third-guessing whether or not he should do more or do less. He cradled Rami’s face and drew him in slow and steady until their lips met.
He smelled really good—a light scent of cologne and a stronger scent of soap. His palms were smooth and soft, and his fingers were strong. He let out a chest-deep hum as Rami relaxed against him, and then he pushed his tongue between Rami’s lips.
He tasted like lemon-lime from his soda and like oregano from the artichoke hearts. His tongue was wet and maybe not the most pleasant thing at the start, but as Rami began to meet his thrusts in kind, it got better.
He felt heat pooling at the base of his spine, rushing into his dicks, flooding into the tips of his fingers and toes, making them feel tingly and fat. He reached for Skye, gripping the front of his shirt because he had no idea what to do with his hands, and he felt the curve of Skye’s smile before he deepened the kiss.
Ya yimma , it was good. It was so good. He wanted more. He felt a soul-deep craving to be stripped down and consumed by everything Skye was.
And then the kiss ended. Skye didn’t pull away as abruptly as he’d leaned in. He softened their connection with careful pecks across Rami’s chin and jaw. He held him, his lingering touch helping bring Rami back down to earth. When they parted, Skye stayed in close, breathing deeply like he was trying to take the last bit of Rami inside his lungs.
Rami felt a sudden urge to create that in clay.
“That was very nice.”
“I want to do that again,” Rami answered.
Skye pulled back, looking ashamed. “Sorry. I missed that.”
“I want to do that again,” Rami repeated, not missing a beat. “But maybe not tonight. I’m very hard now, and I don’t want to embarrass you in front of your friend when he comes to pick you up.”
Skye burst into laughter and swayed in, smudging a kiss against the side of Rami’s neck. “I’m taking you home in an Uber, honey.”
Honey. He shivered. No one had ever, not once, not even slightly called him something like that.
“If that’s okay with you, I mean,” he added.
Rami cocked his head to the side. “Will it be too much money for you?”
Skye chuckled like Rami had told a joke he wasn’t in on. “It won’t break my bank. I promise.”
“Then okay,” Rami said. “But I don’t want to get harder. If I do, I’ll want to invite you in, and I’m not ready for that.”
Skye stroked his jaw before taking a very deep breath. “Can I see you again?”
“When?”
“Soon,” Skye said. “As soon as I can manage.”
“Yes,” Rami told him instantly. He wanted nothing more. Or, more honestly, he wanted this night to never end. But the promise that he could have Skye again—that this might be able to work until Rami was free to give himself to Skye—was enough for him.
For now.
He didn’t trust it would stay that way, but for the first time, maybe ever, he had a little hope.