Chapter Four
NIKKI
Practically falling into my car at the end of my shift, I’d never been more thankful to have a day off coming up.
Not because I’d had to work particularly hard today, shifting boxes and checking labels didn’t exactly stimulate my mind or body, I was exhausted because of being bored and left too long with mundane tasks that allowed me too much time to think.
And I suppose some emotional exhaustion I wasn’t yet willing to admit to because it had been years, and things were getting on top of me. I didn’t want to give up, but the weight of all the unanswered questions sat heavily on my shoulders.
I refused to believe I was looking too much into my father’s death.
Granted, an insulin overdose was a clever way of going about it, but he simply wouldn’t have done it.
There were several insulin pens strewn around his desk where I had found him slumped over, but it would only take one fast-acting insulin to put someone into a coma and practically guarantee his death.
Dad would have known this. So why go to the effort of using three or four?
Would he have had the strength to keep injecting after the first one?
And Officer Kim, while I didn’t particularly care for the man, had a wife and children, and him dying in exactly the same way, the scene looking to be almost a duplicate of my father’s, was too much for me to ignore.
It wasn’t too much for the detectives to ignore, though.
Still, I was no closer to anything. They wouldn’t allow me access to Kim’s financial records to double-check if he was getting payments from somewhere other than work.
I had even hoped there’d be some mark left at the crime scene—a calling card of sorts warning others who may get too greedy, if indeed that was the issue.
But these were professionals, and what would be the point in faking suicide if you were going to leave a clue indicating otherwise?
Kim’s wife and children had left the city after the funeral, and Mary Anne wouldn’t talk to me or tell me where she was going or why. But the fearful look in her eyes when I asked her who her husband worked for, and the way I was quietly shuffled out of the wake, told me all I needed to know.
I needed to keep my head down for a while. Unfortunately, the reality was if I kept rattling cages, I was going to lose my job.
Or worse.
And I couldn’t get rid of the additional fact niggling at the back of my neck, like insects on my skin—what about others I hadn’t noticed?
If not for the connection made with both Officer Kim’s and my father’s medical history, maybe I, too, would have missed the potential this was something more.
But how many other people had been killed by whoever was doing this?
It was no secret there was a constant power struggle going on between crime groups, always battling for the largest slice of the proverbial pie.
I can understand why my father would have been a target.
He owned a lot of real estate—useful real estate—that simply happened to be signed over to God knows who right before he committed suicide. Nope, I didn’t buy it.
Even though my day off tomorrow wasn’t for pleasure, hopefully it would be enough for Burke to calm down and not be such a dick when he was assigning jobs.
My thoughts switched to Cade as I ran my hands down my face. It couldn’t hurt to ask him about tomorrow. Tucking my phone between my shoulder and ear, I turned the car on to let it warm up while I waited.
He answered with, “Angel,” and damn, his voice was smooth, even over the phone.
“Is that your fuck-me voice?” I asked.
Cade chuckled, and my spine tingled. “Maybe.”
“Are you free tomorrow?”
“I can be.”
“Would you like to come with me to the cemetery?”
“Kinky.”
I chuckled despite myself. “No, nothing like that. Look, this may be a weird ask, but tomorrow is the anniversary of my dad’s death, and I usually go visit him. I don’t particularly want to go alone.”
“It’s not the weirdest date I’ve been asked on.”
I could hear the smile in his tone, and I returned it. “That’s a story I need to hear but another time. Is that a yes?”
“Yeah, that’s a yes.”
“Text me your address. I’ll pick you up.”
“See you tomorrow, angel,” Cade said, the words breathy.
How did he make everything sound like seduction? From his reaction, I might as well have asked him to partake in an orgy. Sighing and trying to keep my mind off his body, I threw the phone onto the passenger seat and reversed out of the parking space.
It would be nice not to be alone this time.
Dilemma of the day—do I dress for a date or as if I’m going to a funeral?
Dad wouldn’t care either way, but it was a sign of respect to at least make an effort when I went to see him. It was only once a year, after all. Eventually, I settled on gray wide-leg slacks and a terracotta-color top which, when tucked in, gave me an almost businesswoman look.
I imagined Cade also wouldn’t care, but I was wearing simple black clothes when he had met me—only one step short of having a little hat with a black veil for the funeral—so I didn’t want to show up to our first date if that’s even what this was in jeans and a My Chemical Romance T-shirt that was torn, but I loved too much to get rid of.
Shoveling all the stuff from the passenger seat into the back—not rubbish, just more things that I seemed to accumulate—I then made my way to Cade’s to pick him up.
He lived in an apartment building about ten minutes from my place, and when he jumped in, I made no effort to hide I was checking him out—leather jacket and jeans and a black T-shirt.
Damn. Hot.
Now wasn’t the time to touch him, but when he leaned over to kiss my cheek, I turned and met his lips with mine.
He seemed surprised but didn’t pull away, instead turning the chaste kiss dirty and snaking his hand through my hair before pushing his tongue into my mouth.
I moaned, whimpering when he broke the kiss.
This was neither the time nor the place to be getting raunchy, but I had forgotten how he made my skin tingle simply by being close.
Cade stared at me with such intensity when he pulled away, smiling in a way that made my legs turn to jelly.
Then he frowned, reached up again, pulled the hair tie from my hair, and used his fingers to comb my hair around my shoulders.
“What’s it with you and ponytails?” he muttered. He looked at my hair with something almost akin to awe, but it could have been something more sinister, judging by how he kissed me.
“What is it with you and my hair?” I failed to keep the scowl from my face and the resulting tone from infecting my voice.
I’d had enough of people obsessing over my hair to last me a lifetime.
Cade simply chuckled and ran his thumb over my bottom lip before settling back in his seat and pulling on his seat belt.
He looked larger than life in my small car, his head almost scraping the fabric on the ceiling and his legs bent even though the seat was as far back as it could go.
Yet he still managed to recline and appear somewhat comfortable, and I got the impression there wouldn’t be much that would rattle this man.
Once we were on our way, Cade turned in his seat and inspected the back seat of my car. My lips pressed together in a thin line, and while he smirked, most likely noting the mess closely resembled my home, but he said nothing about it.
“No flowers?” he asked.
I lifted a shoulder, keeping my eyes ahead. “Dad wouldn’t have wanted flowers. He felt they were a waste of money.”
“Romantic.”
I threw him a look, only to relax when I saw the smirk still firmly planted on his face. He was messing with me again. “I brought a picnic, though.”
“Seriously?”
“Yep, hope you like quiche.”
“Nothing makes me feel more like a man than eating quiche.”
“I have dainty little decorative forks too.”
“Good, I’ll remember to keep my pinky up.”
I laughed, and my stance relaxed further.
I shifted in my seat, not even sure at which point in the conversation I had begun tensing up.
I still didn’t know Cade well, and perhaps I was on edge, wondering if he would make fun of me for the way I grieved.
Hell, I could handle teasing—I wasn’t a child—but this was a sore spot, and I tended to be on edge the moment the topic came up, preparing myself for a verbal joust I felt was inevitable.
Rolling my shoulders, I threw another smile at Cade, glad that I had asked him to come along and even more so that he had accepted.
Nothing about his face or responses beyond the casual teasing indicated he thought it was weird I had packed a lunch for us.
This wasn’t just a five-minute trip for me to mutter a few words of prayer and leave.
I booked this day off every year, and I’d simply sit at Dad’s grave for hours.
Sometimes talking, other times simply lying in the sun and reading if I remembered to bring a book.
It seemed unusual compared to what I knew of others who had their annual rituals to mourn those passing, and I couldn’t help feeling my girlfriends might judge me for my odd behavior.
I hadn’t ever asked them. Mom would say I wasn’t even giving them a chance to really know me. I kept my friendships fairly superficial. This wasn’t news to me.
I liked to have fun when I caught up with the girls and not talk about all the shit going on. Sue me.
This time, since I had company, I thought I’d bring a picnic.
I didn’t see what was weird about it, but I can imagine some people would think it odd.
While I was close to my mother as well, she had wanted her ashes returned to Ireland to be spread over the Cliff of Moher, where she used to spend time with her parents, so an annual trip wasn’t an option. One day I’d go visit that spot, though.
It was much too early to ask Cade if he wanted to come to Ireland with me. Just because it had been a while since I had someone I’d even consider asking, it didn’t mean I needed to come on too strong.
“Well, you’re going to love this. I also brought sparkling wine and orange juice so we can make mimosas.”
Both his eyebrows shot up at this. “Are we visiting a graveyard or an outdoor concert? What’s with all the hurrah?”
I lifted a shoulder. “I make a day of it, and it’s nice to spend some time in the quiet.”
“Wouldn’t you rather be alone?”
His question didn’t sound as though it were driven by any malice but more genuine curiosity.
In fact, it was hard to picture Cade being malicious about anything.
He was so composed and carefree as though he was here to watch the world pass him by without a single care in the world.
Hopefully, the attitude was catchy. I wouldn’t mind some of it in my life.
I thought of Officer Kim and the questions it raised, and I thought of Burke and other cops who were dismissive of my theories.
No one seemed to care about my dad, not even my stepbrother, wherever the fuck he was.
The more time that passed after Dad’s death, the more my desire to solve his murder intensified.
However, I was hit with dead end after dead end, and I’d already pushed away what few friends I had with my ramblings and unwillingness to let it go for even one night so we could go out.
When one of them contacted me recently to arrange a catch-up, I got the feeling we were both steadfastly avoiding the topic of my work or my family. Maybe it was just my imagination.
But I didn’t want to be alone anymore.
“Not this time,” I muttered.
Cade nodded, and not wanting to let the conversation lull, I worked my confidence up to ask what could be an uncomfortable question, given my broken memories from the other night.
“Cade?” I started.
He hummed, turning his head from the window where the city life was thinning as we moved into the suburbs. The graveyard was on the outskirts of the city, a quiet area bordered by country roads that led to the small towns surrounding our bustling metropolis.
I cleared my throat. “Did you take my handcuffs with you the other night?”
He took a moment to answer, and when I tossed a glance his way, he was smiling, his chin resting on his fist and hair shifting around his face slightly from the air conditioner, and I won’t deny I took a moment to check him out.
The urge to pull the car over and trace my fingers along his jawline and down his neck was strong, stronger than I’d admit out loud.
While Cade gave off almost gentle-giant vibes, he oozed masculinity and drew me to him, and I wondered what animal lingered underneath that calm facade and if he’d come out to play in the bedroom.
“I put them in your living room,” he said.
Cringing at the memory, I said, “I’m sorry about the other night. If you hadn’t been able to get out of the handcuffs after I passed out, there’d have been trouble for the both of us.”
He shook his head, smiling. “It’s fine. There was no issue, and we’re all good. No sense in worrying about something that didn’t happen.”
Yeah, there are plenty of things to worry about that did happen.
“I enjoyed talking to you at the bar,” I offered, trying to clear some of the awkwardness I felt, and judging by Cade’s face, it was completely one-sided. He didn’t seem bothered in the slightest I had left him handcuffed to my bed while I passed out.
What a fucking disaster of a date.
And for our second date, I was taking him to a graveyard. I pulled a face.
“What you can remember of the conversation anyway,” he smirked.
I made a pfft sound with my lips because I knew he was right and didn’t want to admit it.