Chapter 41 #2
"I don't want to die," I whispered to the snow, the words barely audible, my lips numb and clumsy, tears leaking from my eyes and freezing on my cheeks before they could fall. "I want to go back. I want them."
The bond pulsed in my chest, desperate and aching. Yes. Yes. Go back. Alphas. Home. Need them. Love them. Please.
The realization hit me like a blow. I'd had my answer the whole time. The bond knew. My body knew. My heart knew.
I just hadn't wanted to admit it. I didn't want to be free. Not really. Not if freedom meant this — cold and alone and dying. I wanted them, the cabin, the nest, and the four broken Alphas who loved me in their own complicated, messy, overwhelming ways.
I wanted to go home. The word didn't feel like surrender anymore.
It felt like truth. I couldn't move. My body had given up completely, too cold and too sick to obey my commands.
I could only lie there in the snow, feeling the bond pulse weaker and weaker in my chest, feeling the cold seep deeper into my bones.
I'm sorry, I thought, pushing the feeling through the bond with everything I had left. I'm sorry. I was wrong. I want to come home. Please. Please find me.
I didn't know if they felt it. Didn't know if the bond could carry that kind of message across the miles between us, or if it was just wishful thinking, the desperate hope of a dying woman.
Somewhere in the distance, I heard an engine. My heart stuttered, then raced. The bond in my chest flared, sudden and bright, like a match being struck in darkness.
Then voices. Shouting. My name, over and over, raw with desperation. Then a roar that I felt in my bones, that vibrated through the frozen ground beneath me, that made something inside me sob with relief.
Caleb.
The bond sang in my chest, weak but desperate, reaching for him like a drowning woman reaching for air.
Alpha. Alpha is here. Found me. Safe. Home.
I tried to move, tried to lift my head, tried to call out to them, but my body wouldn't cooperate.
I was too far gone, too cold, too weak. I could only lie there and listen to the footsteps crunching through the snow, fast and frantic, coming closer.
Then hands were on me. Warm hands, so warm they burned against my frozen skin.
Turning me over, cradling my head, and Caleb's face swam into view above me.
His pale eyes were wild, terrified, wet with tears that froze on his cheeks in glittering trails.
His hands were shaking as they touched my face, my neck, checking for a pulse, for signs of life.
Snow clung to his hair, his jacket, his eyelashes.
"Ava," he breathed, his voice cracking on my name, breaking on it like it was too heavy to hold. "Ava, no, no, no—"
The moment he touched me, something in my chest unclenched.
The bond sickness didn't disappear, but it eased.
Just slightly. Just enough that I could breathe again, that the screaming need in my chest quieted to a desperate whimper.
His hands on my skin were like oxygen, like warmth, like coming home after years away.
"Caleb," I managed, my voice barely a whisper, my frozen lips struggling to form the word.
"I've got you," he said, his voice breaking as he pulled me into his arms, pressing me against his chest, his whole body trembling with relief or fear or both.
His body heat seeped into me, and I sobbed, burrowing closer, trying to absorb his warmth.
"I've got you, I've got you, you're okay, you're going to be okay—"
More footsteps. More voices. Ethan's sharp commands, clinical even through his panic.
Leo's cursing, vicious and scared, a stream of profanity that would have made me laugh if I could remember how.
Mason, his voice rough with something that might have been fury or might have been fear — probably both.
"How is she?" Mason demanded, dropping to his knees beside us, snow soaking through his jeans, his dark eyes wild with fear.
"Hypothermic," Ethan said, his voice clipped and clinical even as his hands shook, joining Caleb's on my body, checking my vitals with efficient desperation. "And bond-sick. Severely. We need to get her warm, and we need skin contact. All of us. Now."
Arms lifted me. I didn't know whose. Didn't care. The bond was singing in my chest, weak but growing stronger with every touch, every brush of Alpha skin against mine.
Safe. Home. Alphas. All of them. Here.
"I'm sorry," I managed, forcing the words out through numb lips, tears streaming down my frozen cheeks. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry—"
"Don't," Mason said roughly, his voice thick with emotion, his jaw tight as he helped lift me from the snow, cradling me against his chest. "Don't apologize. Just stay awake. Stay with us."
"I want to come home," I whispered, my voice breaking, looking up at them through blurred vision, at their terrified faces, at the love and fear and relief swimming in their eyes. "I want— I choose this. I choose you. I'm sorry it took me so long to understand—"
"Ava," Leo said, his voice sharp, cutting through my rambling, his hand gripping mine tight enough to hurt, grounding me. His pale eyes were bright with unshed tears he'd never admit to. "Shut up. You can apologize and make declarations later. Right now, you need to stay conscious."
I tried to laugh, but it came out as a sob. "Bossy," I managed, my frozen fingers curling weakly around his.
"Always," he said, but his voice cracked on the word, and I saw the fear he was trying to hide behind his sharp tongue.
The fear that I'd almost died. That they'd almost lost me.
They were carrying me somewhere. A car, maybe.
An SUV. The leather seats were warm, someone had left the heat running — and I was being passed from arms to arms, surrounded by warmth and Alpha scent, and the bond purred weakly in my chest, finally, finally satisfied.
More skin contact. Shirts being removed, bare chests pressing against my frozen back, my frozen arms, my frozen everything. Their body heat seeped into me from every direction, four Alphas wrapped around me like a living blanket, and I could feel the bond strengthening with every passing second.
"Stay awake," Ethan said, his face swimming above me, his gray eyes sharp with fear behind his glasses. "Ava, look at me. Stay awake."
"I’m trying," I slurred, my eyelids fluttering, fighting to keep them open. The warmth was making me drowsy, pulling me toward darkness. "Ethan, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I left like that—"
"Later," he said, but his voice softened, his hand coming up to cup my face with infinite gentleness. "We'll talk about it later. Right now I need you to stay with me."
"No," Caleb said, his voice rough with desperation, his hand cradling my face, forcing me to look at him. His pale eyes were red-rimmed, wet with tears he didn't bother to hide. "Keep your eyes open. Look at me. Please, Ava. Please."
I tried. I really tried. The darkness was warm, and soft, and it promised peace. Promised rest. Promised an end to the cold and the pain and the terrible, terrible guilt.
"I love you," I whispered, not sure who I was saying it to, my voice barely audible even to my own ears.
Maybe all of them. Maybe myself. The words I'd never said outside of heat, never said when I was lucid enough to mean them.
I meant them now. "I love you. All of you.
I'm sorry it took almost dying for me to say it. "
"We know," Mason said, his voice raw and broken, his hand gripping mine so tight it should have hurt but I couldn't feel anything anymore. "We know, Ava. We love you too. Just stay with us. Please. Stay."
I wanted to. God, I wanted to. The darkness was stronger than I was, and it pulled me under like a wave. The last thing I felt was their arms around me, their warmth seeping into my frozen bones, their love wrapping around me like a blanket.
The last thing I heard was Caleb's voice, raw and desperate: "Don't leave us. Please don't leave us."
Then nothing.