Touchdown

Chapter 26

Not Alone

Zahirah

Two months later …

“Hey, Mom. I’m going to grab a bite and a milkshake. You want anything?” I call through the house as I grab my car key.

I need some fresh air. Today has been rough. I’ve been torturing myself watching clips of Bentley during OTAs. He looks good but distracted at times.

In the last two months, he’s been one of the main stories on rotation. How he lost his father and a close family friend only a month before being drafted in the first round. They’ve been questioning his mental ability to be ready for this.

I want to tell them all to shut the fuck up and allow him to do his job. Throwing a ball is like breathing for Bentley. When it’s time to show up, he will. I know he will.

He’s going to do this for his dad. They don’t know him like I do. I’ve picked up the phone to call him a million times, but I know neither of us is ready.

“I’m fine. You go and enjoy yourself. Don’t rush back,” Mom calls back to me.

“Okay, you sure I can’t bring you anything back?”

“No, I’m headed next door in a bit to sit with Fran for a little while.”

“All right, love you. Tell Mrs. Fran I said hello.”

“Um-hm. She told me you’ve been avoiding her. You need to go over there and tell her hello yourself. She’d love to see you.”

“Yeah, I know. I will,” I say quickly and dip out the door.

I haven’t been able to face Bentley’s mother. It’s hard enough to see the sadness in my own mother’s eyes. Eddy comes over almost every day looking for me. He’s such a sweet kid.

Other than that, I’ve been avoiding all the Coswells. Lauren and Tara have invited me to hang out, but I just don’t feel right. There’s a part of me that wonders if Bentley was right.

Did I abandon him? Maybe there was another way to do this. I shake those thoughts off as I head for my car.

“I had to come all the way home to get you to talk to me.”

I turn to find Erica glaring at me. I gasp and rush to tug her into a hug. I don’t even bother to think about it. I miss her so much.

“I should push you on your ass, but I’ve missed you too much,” she grumbles as we embrace tightly.

“I’ve missed you too.”

“Then why haven’t you been answering my calls?”

“I don’t know. Things ended so messed up with your brother. I was trying to make a clean break.”

“By dumping my entire family and holing up in your mother’s house, not willing to talk to anyone?”

“It’s not like that. I have my reasons for staying in the house. This is my first real venture outside.

“I need to get away for a little while. I need out of my head,” I say.

“Okay, so where are we going?”

“Wait, what are you doing here? I thought you planned to take summer classes.”

“Nope. I hate it there without you guys. I dropped out. I’m thinking this college thing might not be for me. Garret had a great idea. I might travel for a bit.”

“Really?”

“Yup. Mom is warming up to the idea. She wasn’t as pissed as I thought she would be when I told her I dropped out. Actually, it seemed like she was waiting for me to.”

“I’m heading to get something to eat. Maybe a burger and fries and a milkshake.”

She gasps. “Oh, you dirty brat. You were going to go to our spot without me.”

I snicker. “I was going to think about you while there. You would have been in my heart.”

“You look good, Zah. I saw you walking and shit. Have you spoken to Bent?” she asks as we climb into my car.

I take a deep breath and shake my head. I knew this was coming. Today of all days, I don’t want to talk about this.

“I figured. He’s still a mess about you two. He misses you.”

“He hasn’t called me either,” I mutter.

“He’s trying to give you space. He knows he fucked up. Listen, babe. All of us are still fucked up. This is all still so fresh.

“Above Baker and Garret, Dad was Bentley’s best friend. I think he’s a little lost for wise counsel. Especially when it comes to you.

“Add to that being a rookie QB while the world is watching and waiting for him to fall apart. I remember what you told me before you broke up with him and how you felt. I’m not saying to ignore that.

I’m saying this is Bentley, at least reach out so he knows he didn’t fuck this up as badly as he thinks he has,” she pleads.

“Can we talk about something else?”

“Sure, I want you to come travel with me.”

***

An hour later and my head is still buzzing from Erica’s words. I want you to come travel with me. I came back home to be close to my mom.

I don’t know that I want to go running off when she needs me. However, I still haven’t figured things out. Traveling the world has a nice ring to it.

My father left me a nice trust fund that would allow me to go without having to worry about my finances. I had been looking at a few online courses that would allow me to finish my degree.

Maybe some time out of the country will allow me to heal instead of sitting in a house full of haunting memories.

“Hey, I didn’t know you two were back in town. How’s it going?” Gilbert Manning comes over to our table and breaks into my thoughts.

Erica and I had fallen silent for the millionth time since we’ve been sitting here eating and having milkshakes. I think we’ve both been getting lost in our thoughts and memories. There are so many here.

“Hey, Gilbert,” we say in unison.

“I was just about to get a bite to eat. You ladies mind if I join you?”

“Have a seat. You’re the first person who hasn’t looked at us with pity in their eyes. Of course you’re welcome,” Erica says.

She’s right. Everyone has been gawking at us like two helpless puppies. I’m not sure how much more of it I can take.

“In that case, you guys want to get out of here? We can go sit at the old hangout,” Gilbert offers.

“That doesn’t sound like a bad idea,” I say.

“Cool, give me a minute to order and get my food.”

“Cool.” I shrug. Gilbert turns and heads over to get his food while we finish up ours. Erica pulls out her phone and frowns.

“What’s up?” I ask.

She looks at me and schools her features. “Nothing. Boys are stupid is all. Maybe they’re smarter in Italy or France.”

“Doubt it,” I chuckle.

“What do you know? You were giving your cookie to my idiot brother.”

“Ha. That idiot knows his way around a bag of cookies.”

“Ew, TMI. I don’t want to hear that crap. Bad enough I once walked in on him naked.

“Now I get so disappointed when a guy has a little dick. Like, what the fuck? Why am I related to the biggest dick I’ve ever seen? Just saying that shit out loud makes me sick.” She pouts.

I’m now laughing so hard I have tears. Bentley is kind of huge. I squeeze my thighs just thinking about it. Boy, do I miss sex.

“You’re nasty. You’re thinking about him, aren’t you?” Erica hisses as she narrows her eyes at me.

I hadn’t realized that I started to bite my lip as images of Bentley going down on me floated through my head. I groan and shake my thoughts off. That man turned me into a sex addict and now I don’t have a dealer anymore.

“Call him, Zah.”

“Nope. We’re not ready.”

She sighs. “Then at least come with me.”

“That I’m thinking about. Let me talk to Mom. If she’s cool with it, I’ll go.”

Bentley

I kneel before the toilet, emptying my stomach. I’m not purging, this isn’t a hangover, and I don’t have a stomach bug. What I am is drowning.

Every time I step up to a podium, they ask me the same thing. How do I feel to be here after losing my father a month before the draft? I purposely had them call Kerry, a close friend of the family.

If they knew he was going to be my father-in-law someday, they would be after Zah relentlessly. I want them to leave her alone. They’ve asked about the young lady who was at the draft with me.

I brushed it off and said she’s my sister’s best friend and a longtime friend of the family. They weren’t going to leave that one alone until I hired a team. I now have a publicist, a personal assistant, and security.

The only reason they backed off my love life is that Zah is no longer in my life. I’ve had Jerome make sure the focus remains on anything but Zah. In turn, the media has homed in on my dad and his death.

They’re waiting for me to break. This is way more pressure than I thought it would be. I need Zah so much.

“Hey, bro, you all right in there?” Garret calls through the door.

He’s been here for the last week, checking in on me. I think I need him here. I almost fucked up and did something stupid.

“Yeah, I’ll be all right,” I choke out.

“I’ll be right here if you need me.”

It sounds like he slides down the wall to sit outside the door. I begin to sob. His presence only reminds me that I’m not being strong for everyone who needs me.

He’s my little brother. I should be taking care of him, not the other way around. Just like I should have taken care of Zah before I lost her.

I’m failing and not just at keeping my girl. I don’t know if I can handle this spotlight while I’m trying to breathe enough to pull it together. I lie on my side on the cold floor and curl into a ball.

“I want to go home, man,” I sob. “I need to go home, but I can’t give up. Dad wouldn’t want me to give up.”

“I know, Bent. I know. That’s why I’m here. We all see you hurting. The world doesn’t know you like we do.

“They’re not giving you the space you need to get right, but you have us. We’re going to cover you as much as we can, bro.”

“I want Zariah back. I want her here with me. I need to fix this.”

“Okay, so we fix you first. That’s not going to work until you deal and can see her needs too. I heard what happened.

“She’s not wrong. I know you and I’m sure I can tell you how you fucked things up. I promise, you pull it together, I’ll help you get her back,” he replies.

“He was my best friend, my dad. This shit fucking hurts. I’m trying to see past that, man. I’m trying real hard, but all I can see right now is how I’m fucking everything up. I just don’t know how to stop.”

“You breathe, big bro. You breathe. You’re not alone. You can do this, breathe.”

I cling to his words. He isn’t wrong. I’m not going to keep shitting on Zah’s feelings just for my own comfort.

I’m bleeding out, and when she’s around, I seem to keep bleeding all over her. I need her, but I love her more than myself. I want to be whole for her so I can be there when she needs me. This reminds me of what my father once said.

There will be a time when you’ll know she has to come first. That one time when you’re asking too much of her love and you have to be the one to make a sacrifice ... You’ll know what needs to be done when that day comes.

This is it. It’s that moment. It’s time for me to make a sacrifice.

So I breathe just like Garret is telling me to. I breathe and promise myself that I’m not going to go after Zah until I’m ready to be the man she deserves.