Touchdown

Chapter 28

New Beginnings

Zahirah

“Ugh, a part of me is super happy my brother fucked up again and got you on that plane with me. Then there’s the part of me that hates seeing you like this and who’s tired of looking at his sorry, sad face on FaceTime,” Erica whines as she comes and pushes my legs out of the way so she can sit on the window seat beside me.

I’ve been sitting here contemplating my life. For a month and a half, Bentley continued to send sorries and apologetic gifts. Then he started to make trips home, trying to see me. Those visits made the decision for me.

I stopped putting Erica off and took her up on her offer to come to Spain with her. I had wanted to take a break from traveling and work on some things. I sort of feel bad; she believes I’m avoiding her brother.

In truth, I don’t know how to tell my mother I’m having a baby by my neighbor, whom I refuse to speak to. I spend three months of every year with my mother. That was her only ask when I was nineteen.

I love those three months a year. Eventually, I built my bond with the Coswell family back up. Now, everything back home is up in the air for me.

“You haven’t told him I’m here with you, have you?”

“No, I always keep my promises.”

With her words, the seed of guilt only digs deeper. I’ll have to come clean soon. She’s already been concerned about me not feeling well all the time.

“He did mention the PI again.”

I groan. “Oh no, why?”

“Don’t worry. He said he’s going to call him off. Something about knowing he messed up and needing to come to grips with it,” she says with a somber look on her face.

“Good for him,” I say and fold my arms over my breasts.

I whimper as I put a little too much emphasis into the gesture and rub my sore breasts the wrong way. Erica narrows her eyes at me. I look away and try to ignore her gaze.

She gasps. “Oh my God, now it all makes sense. You’re preggers.

“Bentley knocked you up that night. Way to go, bro. I’m going to be an auntie. Yay,” she squeals excitedly.

“No, no, no. No way to go. I couldn’t force myself to take that stupid Plan B. I had hoped that maybe … ugh, all we do is fight.

“It’s not like when we started. I have never loved and hated someone so much in my life. How am I supposed to raise a baby with someone who makes me so angry?”

“Well, you two should have thought about that before making a baby,” she says pointedly.

“Don’t you think I know that? My mother is going to kill me.”

“I doubt that. You’re twenty-seven. She’ll get over it. Mom is going to love this.”

“Erica, no. You can’t tell anyone who the father is. Not until I figure out how to tell him.

“We said some really fucked-up shit to each other. Bentley said most of it. I don’t know if we can come back from any of it. I swear he was on the verge of telling me he hates me.”

I pause and shake my head. “Until we learn to communicate and not through our grief, we can’t move forward. He makes me feel like you guys losing your dad was my fault or something.

“Yeah, the passes they used that weekend were my Christmas gift, but they used to go all the time. I feel bad enough as it is. Garret once told me Bentley felt guilty because he wasn’t able to deal with his grief and support me through mine. What if the real reason is because he blames me?” I sob.

“Oh, honey. I don’t know what’s going on in my brother’s head, but I’m just about certain he’s not blaming you or those passes. No one is. The same thing could have happened on a store run for the moms.”

“But it didn’t, and if he does blame me, what does that say for this baby and its future? Will he continue to resent me and the baby every time he looks at us?”

“Oh, Zah, this is so much deeper than we all thought. We thought we were helping that night in Vegas. Garret and I had no idea you felt like this.

“Bentley doesn’t know this is how you feel either. I wish you two would just have a conversation. I get it.

“I’ve seen how he is with you and how those dumb fights start. That’s what’s so frustrating. I know he doesn’t mean it.

“He just gets all tied up when it comes to you. Almost like he’s watching himself fuck up, but he can’t stop before he does.”

“That’s toxic, Erica. This child doesn’t deserve that.”

“So what are you going to do?”

I shrug. “I’m going to hide out here and work on my vlog and company for as long as I can. When I go back, I’ll get a new place for me and the baby.

“To be honest, I don’t think I’m going to date for a while. As mad as I am at Bentley, there’s still a part of me that’s in love with him. I don’t think that’s fair to anyone else. That’s why I’ve never dated since we broke up.”

“You’re not going to tell him?”

“I don’t think he cares. He told me to go through with the Plan B.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? He didn’t. Why the fuck would he say that?”

“I told you, we said a lot of things.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll keep your secret under one condition. I get to be in the baby’s life and we’re doing this together,” she says and places a hand over my stomach.

I lean my head on her shoulder. “I was hoping you would say that.”

She kisses the top of my head. We fall silent for a beat. I wish I could call Bentley and have a conversation like we used to before it all fell to shit.

Things were once so easy. Our lives were all planned out. Now everything seems broken and irreparable.

“Zah?”

“Yeah?”

“He’s going to be pissed. When he finds out, you guys are going to have another blowup. Are you sure this is how you want to play it?”

“I know, but I don’t know what to do. Do you remember how we used to be so attuned and he would come running when I needed him, not knowing that I did?”

“Yeah, that has always been so crazy to me,” she says.

“I’m hoping he’ll know, and he’ll come home when we need him. If he does, I’ll tell him. If he doesn’t, this is it. We aren’t meant to be together. It’s the end of our story.”

Bentley

“Did you hear me, Mr. Coswell?”

“Sorry, no. I didn’t hear any of that. I have a lot on my mind,” I say as I look at Sarah and knit my brows.

“Should I start from the top?”

I frown and shake my head. It will only be a waste of time. I haven’t heard a word she’s said in the last thirty minutes.

I keep playing that night with Zah over in my head. I said some really fucked-up shit. She had every right to be angry with me.

I did make her that promise. I’ve been loaded down with guilt since. I keep thinking about her taking that pill and flushing away our future.

I want to be a father. I want to be Zahirah’s husband. Eight years and she’s still the fire that burns my soul.

I’ve been thinking about what my dad would say. I fucked up. However, it’s not that I’ve fucked up, it’s what I’ve learned from it all.

Zahirah and I were so young when all that tragedy struck. I can’t blame her for walking away. I wasn’t handling my shit well.

I should have tucked some of that away like she was doing for me. That’s where I failed. I couldn’t find the words to tell her I was hurting too much to be the man she needed, and that was scaring the shit out of me.

My compass was gone, and I was dragging us both down, looking for a new direction. In Vegas, I fucked up because I tried to move forward without showing her I’m not the same man.

I’ve grown. The alcohol didn’t allow me to prove that. However, I know I’m a different man than the broken one she walked out on in college.

“I’m going to go, but there is something I thought I should tell you. It’s about the PI.”

This gets my full attention. I had told her to terminate his services. If Zahirah doesn’t want to be found, I’m going to respect that.

“What about him?”

“He wanted you to know there’s another PI looking into her. He said he did track down who the guy is and who he’s working for, if you want to know.

“Boss, none of this is any of my business, but my gut isn’t sitting right with this. Please contact him and get all the information. I personally don’t know how I feel about Miss Nickels because I’ve come to see you like a brother.

“I can be a little overprotective of you at times, but you’re clearly in love with her. From the sound of Fred’s voice, you’re going to want whatever information he has. Call him.” With that, she stands and leaves.

Sarah has been one of the best things to happen to me since my rookie year. She keeps me and my life going. I trust her.

That’s why I pull my phone and dial Fred right away. My mind is racing. Who else could be looking into Zah and why?

“Fred here, talk to me,” my PI answers the phone.

“Hey, this is Coswell.”

“Hey, buddy. I’m glad you called. You know us PIs have a certain way we move. If you’ve been in the business long enough or if you’re any good, you can spot another investigator without a problem.

“I noticed the guy my first week in. Naturally, I was curious about him. I also wanted to keep an eye on him to see if he could lead me to Miss Nickels and cut out some of the work.

“His name is Hudson Willis. He works for the Manning family. You and Miss Nickels went to school with Gilbert Manning, am I right?”

“Yeah, we did. He was a buddy of mine once.”

Fred gives a long whistle. “Glad you moved on to better friends. Listen, from what I gather, Manning is trying to find Miss Nickels himself. I had been working on finding out why, but then your assistant called to cancel the job.

“I can back off if you like. However, after digging into Manning, I see he’s a piece of work. I wouldn’t want him sniffing around anyone I care about.”

I bite my fist. I should let this go. Zahirah is a grown woman. I have no right to interfere in her life.

“Fuck that. Keep an eye on them. If you find her, it’s not my business where she is. The new priority is her safety. If that’s not your thing, I’ll hire someone else.”

“Anything can be my thing for the right price. I’ll even give you a discount because my Spidey senses have been going off with this one.”

I snort. “Name your price,” I say and hang up.

It only takes a few minutes for him to text me his number. I make the wire transfer and scrub a hand up and down my face. I’ve been away from home for too long.

“Garret,” I call through the house, knowing he’s somewhere around.

He comes into my office, stuffing his face with a sandwich. I shake my head. Dad would be happy Garret ended up with me instead of going into the military. Turns out my brother makes one hell of an agent.

That was money well spent. My mom is happy, my business is always looked after, and I have a constant voice of reason. I know I’ve loved having him by my side.

“What’s up?” he asks through a mouth full of food.

“I think it’s time we start looking into going home. I’ll be a free agent going into season after next. See if you can quietly put out some feelers, nothing official, just bullshit talk with your buddies for now.”

“This have anything to do with Zah? I thought you were walking away,” he says and lifts a brow.

“I was.” I take a pause and sigh. “I just have this feeling. I’m not going to do anything to close that door yet. If we can get me home, I want to at least consider it.”

“A lot can happen in two years.”

“Exactly,” I say as I think about all that needs to be done to go back home.

Two years is plenty of time for Zah to have the space to forgive me. Heck, I could be back home within a year and a half, to be honest.

Maybe in two years, we can sit down and have a real conversation. For now, I’m going to keep my eye on Gilbert. I never did trust him around Zah.