Chapter 7
The sound of my own giggles fill my ears as I pull the stranger in front of me closer and bend into his hold, reaching up to meet his lips.
Perhaps it's the vodka sodas, all three of them.
Or perhaps it's the need to feel some semblance of control over my own body—not to mention the need for a bed to sleep tonight—that has led me to the back alley of the bar and in the arms of a complete stranger.
Either way, I relish in the feel of his hands on me, opening my mouth to let his tongue slip between my lips as he kisses me deeper.
This isn’t the first time I’ve allowed myself to give in to my more primal desires.
Both within and outside of the High Quarter.
Though it is harder to find willing participants closer to home.
Whether they're too devout to give in to such desires, or too terrified to do such scandalous things with the daughter of the Alpha, it hasn’t been an easy journey to sexual discovery.
A moan slips past my lips as the male before me moves his mouth to my throat.
I don’t even know his name, nor does he know mine.
That’s how I prefer it. Anonymous, pragmatic.
We both know we're only here for one thing, and I’d rather not acknowledge my true identity—lest my father get word of my extracurricular activities.
It protects both them and me, and allows me to inhabit a different identity, a different reality.
Even if it’s just for a few short moments.
His hand slides over the curve of my ass and I lift my leg to push his hips closer to me in an instant. I feel his hard length press against me, and I’m instantly molten. I need this, need the release, need to feel like I’m in control.
“I need more,” I breathe as my head falls back against the wall behind me. I unbutton my top, exposing the swell of my breasts. “Take me home.”
He chuckles, pulling back and admiring the view. “You think because you're from the High Quarter you can order me around?”
My body stiffens. “What did you say?”
His eyes roam the exposed planes of my body. “You really think you can come into our streets and masquerade as one of us? You’re not fooling anyone, sweetheart.”
All pleasure dissipates from me. I pull my hands to my chest, feeling suddenly foolish for coming here.
As I'm putting my top back in place, he grabs at my wrists and pins me against the wall.
I gasp at the sudden change in his demeanor, but I push my fear aside and fix him with a heated glare.
“Let me go,” I bite out through gritted teeth.
“Or what?" he sneers. "You’ll run and tell daddy dearest what I did? You think I fear the Alpha?” He spits on the ground by my feet. “Not in these streets, sweetheart. You and your daddy have no power here.”
I jerk away, attempting to slip under his arm in hopes to run back into the bar. If I can get back inside, perhaps that bartender will help me. But the fog of the liquor slows me, and suddenly the male’s arm is slamming into my stomach, knocking the breath out of me.
“You see, I’m all too familiar with your kind," he gloats, lifting a strand of my lavender hair and examining it with distaste. "I’ve witnessed firsthand the kind of darkness that exists within your lot.” I’m gasping, trying to catch my breath from the wind he’s knocked out of me which only seems to egg him on.
“Your father? He personally saw to the disposal of my family.
Took my parents' lives and tried to force my sister and I into servitude.” His face hardens as he lifts his nose to the midnight sky. “But I got away.”
He slams me back hard and lifts me against the wall till my feet can't touch the ground. My head comes into contact with the brick behind me. A scream rips from my lungs as blinding pain flashes through my head, making my vision go dark for a moment.
“Scream all you want, but no one here is going to care.” Through double vision, I see his smile widen. I don’t know what kind of magic flows through his veins, but there’s a strength to him that I fear I cannot match. I try anyway, clawing at the forearm pushing against my throat.
“You shouldn’t have come here," the male taunts, shaking his head as he leans in and sniffs deeply. “But seven hells am I glad you did. Your fear? Your purity? I can’t even begin to explain to you how intoxicating it is.”
A whimper slips past my lips, and it's then that I realize I’m crying.
I try to fight back, try to push him off me; but the longer he holds me, the weaker I get.
I can feel it now, the darkness of my affliction coming to the surface, begging to be released.
But I don’t know how. My heart is racing, my vision going spotty.
And despite how desperately I want to be rid of his touch, my limbs are nearly unresponsive.
I curse myself, my power, for weakening me so.
What good is being touched by the Arcane when I cannot even use it to defend myself?
He lifts his free hand, stroking the side of my face. When I turn away, his fingers wrap around my jaw and hold me in place. “There is so much I wish to do with you.” He laughs again, a deep throaty sound that sends a shiver through my whole body.
“Imagine my surprise when I saw you walk into the bar tonight, when you all but begged me to drag you out here to have my way with you. Revenge, practically falling right into my lap.” His voice rises on the last word, echoing through the alleyway.
He grins, letting the words ring out until the silence overtakes them once more.
“You’ll get what you want, sweetheart.” He clicks his tongue against his teeth.
“I’ll take you home. I have just the place to hide you away, where no one will bother us until I’ve had my fill.
” His grip against my jaw tightens as I feel the crude presence of his magic penetrating my skin.
“And then I will discard you just as they discard all of us.”
Pain rushes through me, pulling the remaining strength from my body as I go limp in his grasp.
I cannot tell what level of hell I now exist within. The gods have surely forsaken me, have surely looked down on me and cast me out, turned their gaze away. I am nothing more than shadow and pain and regret.
In this afterlife, visions plague me. The male from the bar is here, an apparition before me. The feel of his touch on my skin, his magic tainting my soul, haunts me. My screams fill the air around me, stabbing through my mind and intensifying the pain they find there.
I’m begging it to stop, begging myself to give in—to let go.
I don’t need to fight anymore, don’t want to.
I’ve accepted this reality. But my body must not listen, because more visions come and suddenly I’m seeing my hands, stained black and adorned in claws.
Covered in blood. Warmed by the presence of fresh gore.
I feel my heartbeat escalating till I’m sure it will beat right out of my chest, a viscous hunger taking over me as I inhale the metallic scent.
My consciousness fades away, the visions abandoning me as I reach desperately towards them, wanting—no, needing the clarity they offer.
But too quickly they are gone and I’m left alone again—crying, screaming, raging into the void.
Suddenly, I feel my legs revolting from overuse.
I blink, and I’m running through unfamiliar streets—looking over my shoulder, tripping over my feet.
I don’t understand what has happened, and I suddenly find myself squeezing my eyes closed as I try to push away the visions, cursing them for infiltrating me in the seven hells.
This must be my punishment, my eternal torment.
Seeing what was lurking beneath my skin, what the treatments failed to cure.
The monster I so easily became. The monster I have always been.
When my body finally keels over from sheer exhaustion, I open my eyes once more.
To my surprise, it’s not the seven hells I find before me—but my own personal hell instead.
My father’s townhouse. My body collapses against the stone steps that lead to the front door, incapable of moving another moment.
It’s the only place I have to go, the only people who understand what may be happening to me.
And as much as I long to hide anywhere else in the whole of this realm or the next, it seems as if my default instinct is to come back to this prison, time and time again.
I don’t know what else to do—how to survive this world without them, how to handle the monster within me that’s clawing and fighting to break out.
I hear the guard’s footsteps, their urgent words as they call for Tamiel, for my father.
They’ll understand, I say to myself—letting the lie penetrate the deepest parts of me. As if all this time beneath my father’s hand and within Tamiel’s care has finally convinced me to stop fighting. Afterall, if there’s one soul in this world who I should be able to trust, it’s my own father.
They’ll understand. They have to. I repeat the lie, forcing myself to believe it. Because I have no other choice. I have nothing else.
I let the words echo through me as my consciousness drifts in between worlds.