Chapter 47
Fuck.
This can’t be happening. I told myself it wouldn’t. Told myself I didn’t want her. She’s nothing to me. No one.
But if that’s true, then why is it taking all of my control to not turn around and go back into that cabin? To lay her out and taste her beautiful cunt, right on the middle of the fucking living room floor.
Fuck.
I storm off the porch, into the small driveway as I head towards the covering of the trees on the far side of the gravel.
“Zeke!”
I don’t slow as Sterling calls after me. Gods damn it, why did he have to see me? He calls for me again and again. So much so that I’m worried about what else will hear him out in these woods.
“Not now, Sterling,” I growl, not even looking behind me to direct my words towards him.
I need to be alone, need to let this anger out on something.
If we were back in the ungoverned district, I’d be on my bike and heading straight for BloodLust. But I can’t take off like that now.
Because that fucking girl won’t survive two seconds alone out here.
And no matter how fucked in the head I feel right now, I won’t leave Sterling out here alone, either.
I run my hands through my hair just as I reach the edge of the treeline, turning to face a large cypress tree. I rear my arm back, punching the bark of the broad trunk. The wood bites into my knuckles and I do it again. And again. And again.
By the time Sterling catches up to me, my hands are covered in sticky, red blood. He has to pull me back, forcing himself between me and the tree to get me to stop.
“Get the fuck out of my way,” I pant, fists raised and poised to keep going.
“If you want to punch something, you're going to have to punch me. I won’t let you tear your hands up on the tree.”
“How valiant of you,” I sneer.
“I don’t want to have to nurse you back to health,” he shoots back, a cold gleam in his silver eyes.
I stare him down, calling his bluff. But he doesn’t move. I drop my fists after several moments of silence, the only noise on the night air my heavy breaths and the steady hum of the creatures hiding in the trees. “Fine. You win.”
I turn to leave, to venture deeper into the forest, but Sterling cuts in front of me again.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, Ezekiel?”
“Funny, I’ve been wondering the same of you since she showed up.”
Sterling shakes his head. “You can try and blame this on her all you want, but I see the truth in your eyes. You’re just as drawn to her as the rest of us. Why can’t you just admit it?”
“Because you’re wrong,” I argue, folding my arms over my chest. The blood on my hands soaks into the fabric of my T-shirt, but I pay it no mind. The wounds are already healing themselves and the bleeding will stop soon.
“I’m not,” Sterling half cries. “I’ve watched the way you look at her, the way you can’t help but watch her when she’s in the room with us. You’ve never denied yourself before. Why is it different with her?”
“Becasue she’s one of them!” I scream, pointing a finger back towards the cabin.
“She’s the fucking daughter of the fucking Requiesse Alpha, Sterling!
How could you expect me to be okay with that?
After everything they’ve put us through.
After everything I’ve watched them do to yo—” My words cut off as my voice breaks.
Sterling’s face softens, just slightly. But he shakes his head. “You’re wrong, Zeke. Do you know the extent of what she’s gone through? What Raziel put her through?”
“It doesn’t matter. She’s made of Watcher blood. Of Alpha blood.”
“No.” Sterling steps up to me. I’ve always seen him as so small, so fragile.
But out here, in the moonlight right now, he seems so incredibly different from the broken, hurting male I’ve dedicated my life to protecting.
“She was used by them. Just like us. And Arcane blood flows through her veins. No matter how much you refuse to accept that. She’s not one of theirs, she’s one of us. ”
I scoff, shoving past him. But Sterling grabs me by the arm, holding firm and spinning me to face him again.
“Stop hiding behind this facade, Ezekiel. Her lineage has nothing to do with this. You won’t accept her because you’re scared.
Scared of how real this feels. Scared of finally having a home.
A family. And I get that. It’s been just us for so long, but—” Sterling’s voice cuts off on a stifled sob, the sound piercing my chest. “Don’t you think we’ve earned it?
Don’t you think it’s finally time we get something good? ”
Moments of silence pass between us. His face is illuminated in the rays of silvery light flitting through the heavy canopy above. Enough so that I can see the gleam of the tear as it trails down his tawny skin, over the ridge of his jaw, falling to the forest floor below.
“I can’t,” I whisper, letting my shell crack the smallest bit, begging him to let me be. To stop pushing for this. Because he’s asking for too much. And I don’t know how to explain that to him.
“I won’t accept that.” There’s no malice in his voice, no judgement. Just plain fact. I huff out an irritated laugh, swiping a hand over my face to push back my own tears threatening to spill.
He steps up to me, forcing me to retreat a few steps.
He flexes his power, letting his presence surround me till the rest of the forest is drowned out and only he exists.
The bark of the nearest tree bites into my back, but he doesn’t stop until he’s got his hands wrapped around my neck and his face is a heartbeat away from mine.
“You deserve to be happy.” His voice is soft, his eyes full of pain. And I realize, possibly for the first time, that it’s pain meant for me. Grief for me. I’ve spent so long trying to protect him, blinded to my own needs in order to take care of him. And yet here he is, flipping the tables on me.
“I am happy,” I assure him. But he sees right through my lie.
He shakes his head, his lips quivering ever so slightly. “No, Ezekiel. I really don’t think you are.”
My voice is low, raw as I force the lie to continue—refusing to admit to what he’s asking of me. “All I need is you.”
“It’s not. I’m not. And that’s okay.” He lets out a slow, shaky breath. “Why is it so hard for you to admit? We can have our love, we can be each other’s world. And still want more.”
I roll my eyes to stop the sting behind them, forcing my gaze anywhere but on him.
But he lets go of my neck to hook a finger under my chin and pull me back into his aura.
“It doesn’t negate what we have. It doesn’t cancel it out or take it away.
Accepting Evangeline . . . all it does is add to this beautiful thing we’ve worked so hard for. ”
“What happened to choosing between me and her?” I ask, pursing my lips together.
Sterling shakes his head, more tears falling from his eyes. “I never wanted that. You were the one that insisted it had to be a choice. But it’s never been about choosing between the two of you, Zeke. It’s always been both, to me.”
I cock my head, swallowing hard as I take him in. This male that knows me more than anyone else in existence. He’s seen me at my worst, stood beside me through the darkest moments, and he’s never once turned away. Even when he’s found the love of another, he’d rather have us together than lose me.
And maybe I could see it. A life for the three of us. I don’t know how the hells we would make it work, but maybe there’s something to what he’s sharing. Maybe it’s time for me to allow myself the smallest glimpse of happiness.
Sterling smirks, leaning in to rub his nose against mine. “I can see those wheels in your head turning. You’re considering it, aren’t you?”
“No,” I lie, but this time the corner of my mouth twitches, giving me away.
“Well, perhaps you just need more convincing." He hums, leaning in till his lips are brushing over mine. He kisses me, soft and tenderly. Just the way he knows I melt for.
“Sterling,” I warn, my voice a low vibration in my chest. He smiles against my lips.
“You taste like her, you know?”
I stiffen, forgetting the kiss that led to this moment. But Sterling isn’t surprised to find the taste of her on my lips. It only seems to spur him on. He runs his hands down my arms, letting his fingers interlace with mine and guiding me to the bulge in his denim jeans.
“Do you see what it does to me? The idea of the two of you together? I’m so fucking hard for it, Ezekiel. Please, don’t deny me.”
He presses my palm flat against him and my eyes roll back in my head as my scalp presses into the bark of the tree behind me. “Fuck, Sterling,” I growl. “What are you doing to me?”
He smirks, knowing he has me. He trails a line of kisses down my jawbone, over the planes of my chest, and down the middle of my stomach till he’s sinking to his knees before me.
“Still have that handgun on you?” he asks, staring up into my eyes as he undoes the buckle of my jeans.
“How the fuck did you know about that?” I ask. I pull it from where it’s been tucked into the waistband of my jeans, securely at my back.
He shrugs, not stopping as he lets the belt buckle fall slack against my upper thighs, getting started on the button and zipper.
“I know you well enough to know you’d never go anywhere unarmed.
You gave me the rifle." He nods down to where he’s propped the gun against the tree.
“So you must have had something else on you.”
I huff out a laugh but my words are cut off as he reaches into my boxers, stroking me. “Fuuuck me,” I drawl letting out a long, raspy breath.
“Gladly,” Sterling responds, a quirk to his lips. “Every day. For the rest of my life.” His silver orbs look up at me, mirroring the reflection of the moon high above us. And the sight of it takes my breath away. “Now take that gun and keep an eye out, Ezekiel.”
I smirk down at him. “I thought I was the one who gave the orders in this relationship.” But I do as he says, cocking it so that it’s ready for anything that wanders too close. I set a perimeter up around the cabin on our first day here, but it’s not impenetrable by any means.
“You are,” Sterling hums. He eases me out of my boxers, leaning in as he blows a soft, punishing breath over me. I bristle, knuckles going white against the grip of the gun. “But your job is to protect me, right?”
“Right,” I grit out, trying to maintain my composure.
He hovers over me, his eyes finding me as his tongue darts out to wet his lips. “So protect me.”
My head lobs back as he takes me in his mouth.
There’s no teasing, no hesitation. Just him devouring me till not an inch of me is visible.
I grip the back of his head, pushing him against me and holding him there.
His mouth feels too damn good, and I need a moment to adjust to the sensation.
He slaps my side, bringing my attention back to him and I remember the gun I’m holding.
The one currently pressed flat against the back of his head, not aimed towards the forest full of threatening magic.
I clench my jaw, switching hands as I keep the gun poised at my side.
My eyes narrow, watching the woods beyond us.
I try, and fail, desperately to focus on that and not the male sucking on my dick like it’s his last meal.
This is reckless, idiotic. At any point something could attack.
Or I could lose my control and misfire the loaded gun in my hand.
And as I glance down to watch Sterling’s head bobbing on my cock, I’m struck by how incredibly vulnerable he is in this position.
He’d never know if something was coming to strike.
Never know if the gun slipped to point down towards him, rather than out into the woods.
The trust he’s putting in me to protect him is nearly crippling. But it’s always been there, hasn’t it? His trust, his love. It’s never wavered. Not even when the girl showed up. Not even now, when he knows I’m lying to him.
He pops off my dick, running his tongue down the underside of my length before cupping my balls and tugging. His lips wrap around my tip, his tongue toying with my slit and I jerk, not prepared for the sudden wave of ecstasy washing over me.
“Fuck, Sterling. Stop, stop, stop.” I can’t keep my eyes open anymore, can’t stand to hold on to my control for another moment. He’s got me so close, it would take nothing to push me over the edge. But I don’t want him here, like this. Not yet.
He obeys immediately, backing off, but still teasing me as he looks up at me from where he’s kneeling on the forest floor. “What’s wrong, Ezekiel? See something dangerous out there?” His eyes flicker with amusement.
I hike him up to his feet, fixing my jeans and tucking the gun behind my back once more.
“That mouth of yours is going to get you in a world of trouble,” I growl.
But I pull him to me, our lips crashing against each other.
I let my hand slide down his back, landing on his ass and pushing him closer so I can feel how hard he is against me.
I groan, pulling off his lips and resting my forehead against his. “I’m going to say something now and I need you to remember who holds the power here. And that I will beat your ass if you try and say I told you so.”
Sterling goes still, rolling his lips between his teeth as if to control his response.
I sigh, the sound turning into a breathy laugh as I shake my head against him. “You win. Let’s go get our girl.”