Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
ADDY
I am well aware it’s my birthday, and I don’t want to cry. But here I am, trying to stifle the tears that burn behind my eyes as I wander around the homestead, trying to locate a bathroom, a box of Kleenex. Anything. What’s worse, I let Harry get to me. I have been so good at deflecting that question and making excuses about why I never rode again. I walk down the hall from the kitchen, hunting for a bathroom.
I find an open bedroom door. Inside is a dresser with a box of tissues. I go in and pluck a few tissues from the box. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I dab my eyes, sniffing back a fresh torrent of salt water. When I catch my breath, I take in the space. It’s a man’s room. One of the guys’, I suspect. A queen bed and a flat screen TV mounted on the opposite wall.
Horse trophies and photos of various mounts sit on the top of the drawers and adorn the walls. It’s like a shrine to horses.
Hudson.
All of a sudden, I feel something entirely different. Curiosity. I stand and walk to the dresser. A photo sits in the center. I pick it up. A younger version of old Silver in the paddock closest to the house. A boy, maybe around ten, sits on her back, the widest smile plastered over his cute face.
“You alright, Howard?”
I startle and drop the picture. It falls forward and I catch it before the glass hits the wood. Setting it straight again, I back away from the furniture like it’s on fire.
“I’ll live.”
Accurate.
I lived. Jewls did not.
I scrunch the tissue up in my hand and head for the door where he stands, arms crossed over his chest. “Sorry, I was looking for a bathroom or tissues. Found these first. I’ll get out of your space.”
But he blocks the doorway with a wide stance. “Don’t let the old man get to you.”
I huff a strangled laugh. Easy for him to say.
“I’m serious. He will rail on you until you stand up to him.”
His face is soft, his mouth pulled up but in a way that completes his concern. I meet his gaze. “Why don’t you?”
He drops his arms to his side. “It’s complicated.”
“Uh-huh. Reed doesn’t seem to think so.”
“Reed is a brat. The youngest of the four of us.”
“There are four of you? God forbid.”
He chuckles and runs a hand through that gorgeous hair. His bicep flexes, and I suck in a breath.
“Luckily for you, you only have to tolerate me and Reed. For a little while, at least.”
I drop my focus to the floor. My contract is only six months. Then it’s on to another job, another location. Or back to the city. I have no idea yet. I was focused on getting through the next few months.
“You want to talk about it?” he says, his voice deep and soft. And something inside me warms at the sound.
“Which part? The part where I can’t ride when it used to be my entire life? Or the part where I’m only here for six months?”
His eyes widen, and his lips part. “Whichever one.”
“I—”
He walks to the bed and sits down, patting the spot beside him. I hesitate, but eventually come to sit by him. He hands me another tissue, as if I’m going to need it, and I huff a laugh.
“After the accident, I couldn’t?—”
His blue eyes find mine. He is so still, as if on tenterhooks with every syllable.
I take in a lungful of air and start again. “After the accident, my hips were smashed up bad. It took months to walk again. All the doctors told me I wouldn’t have a career with horses anymore, at least not riding, anyway. So, I kind of shut that part off. That huge, enormous part of me that was my everything... until it wasn’t.”
Tears stream down my cheeks. Hudson shifts on the bed. When I meet his stare, his eyes are lined with silver and his jaw feathers. He swallows like he’s eaten hot coals. “Shit, Addy. I’m so sorry.”
Addy.
He called me Addy. I smile a wobbly smile and choke out a laugh.
“You called me Addy.”
His face crumples slightly, but he doesn’t move.
I have the overwhelming urge to nestle into his chest and let him fold his arms around me. But instead, I scrunch up my nose and dry my face before standing. He sits on the bed as I walk out of the bedroom and head down the hall to find a bathroom.
When I finally come to a half bath, I splash water over my face and pull myself together. As hard as that was to say out loud, I’m glad I told him. I’m glad I’m here, with the chance to get back the part of my life I have desperately wanted but not dared to hope for.
“Come with me, Howard,” Hudson says from the hall.
I dry my face and meet him in the hall. His face is pulled up with a smile and he offers me a hand. “Wanna show you something.”
I place my hand in his. It’s warm and folds around mine so well. “What is it?”
“You’ll see. Come on.”
He drags me through the house, out the white gate, and to his truck. When he opens the passenger door, I glance to the table where the other three Rawlins are still eating. “Um, I don’t want to be rude to your folks.”
“Jesus, Howard, after what Harry just put you through, feel free to ditch lunch. It’s your fucking birthday.”
How did he know? He tousles my hair with one hand, the other guiding me into the truck.
When he starts up the engine, Reed and his mom take pause, watching us. I feel like a naughty kid but resist the urge to slink down in the seat to avoid them, just barely.
We drive toward the horse paddocks. When we reach the gates, Hudson gets them, insisting it’s only fair, since it’s my birthday. I should have brought my phone to check for messages from Mom and Ruby. I could have taken some pictures of this stunning place. After another couple of gates and almost forty minutes of driving, we ascend a large hill. When we crest it, the view takes my breath away.
A vista of lake, mountains, and pine firs lines the span from the foot of the hill to the horizon. It’s like nothing I have seen before. But that is not what steals my breath. Sitting on the rise is a half-built, sprawling, ranch-type timber home. It’s massive. And gorgeous. The enormous window spaces. The multi-gabled roof with four chimneys.
My door opens and Hudson offers his hand again. I take it, and this time he leads me to the tip of the rise. He drops my hand before skipping up the stairs to the impressive porch that skirts the home. With no side rails, he plops on to the edge and swings his legs over. “Come here, Howard.”
I walk up the stairs. The wind billows under my dress, and I hold it down. I sit beside him, fixing my skirt around my legs before scanning the magnificent view from the spot. “What is this place, Hudson?”
He grips the edge of the veranda on either side of him. “My house.”
“This is yours?” I spin back, trying to see more of the inside.
“Yup.”
“When will the builders finish it? I was wondering why you still live with your parents.” I nudge his shoulder with mine. His gaze drops to my lips before sinking further. Heat flushes my neck and face. And I want nothing more than his hands on my face, my neck. As my breaths shallow out, I clear my throat and return to admiring the vista. “It’s an amazing spot here. You must be keen for them to finish.”
“There is no them, Howard. I’m the carpenter.”
Now, that I was not expecting. I spin back again, and this time I rise to my feet and walk to the space where I imagine huge double doors will hang one day. I run a hand over the wood. “You built this?”
“Yup.”
“Hudson, that’s?—”
“I did a carpentry apprenticeship before I was ranching full time. Ma’s idea. Paid off. But after?—”
The words die in his throat. Hurt and pain flood his eyes. After what? I return to the edge of the veranda, but this time I sit with my legs tucked under and to one side, closer to him than before. “After what?”
“After a rough breakup, I needed something to occupy my head and my hands. I’d designed this house years ago, so when I had no reason to be anywhere else, I got started on this place. That was over five years ago now.”
“You have been working on this for five years?”
“Ah, yeah. It’s kind of slow with only one person.”
“Yeah, I bet.” I lose my train of thought and stare out at the vista. Such a stunning place, still heartache lives here, as it does anywhere. Hudson glances at me but returns his gaze to the pristine mountains in front of us. After a while, he jumps up and wanders inside the house.
I take in the crisp, cool mountain air and close my eyes and lay my head back. Gosh, it is magnificent here. And I let my mind start to wander, imagining what it would be like to wake up here. To watch the sunset on this porch. To sit in front of the fireplace and huddle up next to?—
“Howard.”
I snap my eyes open and straighten, turning back. Hudson stands with his hands gripping the top of the doorframe. His shirt is pulled up a little, exposing his hard stomach and the V of his muscles, his biceps bulging. His eyebrow raises, and I shake my head and school my face and my thoughts. I scramble to my feet. “Yep, coming.”
The breeze tugs at the skirt of my dress as I walk across the porch to where he stands. He drops his hands to his sides. “Grand tour?”
“Sure,” I say, smiling.
He swings an arm through the door in a dramatic, grand gesture, and I chuckle, walking over the threshold. The inside is even more impressive than the outside. “Oh wow.”
“So, living room.” He opens both arms and spins back, walking through the bare space. “Kitchen will be here. Something like Ma’s, possibly; not sure on the design of that yet.” He turns back and walks to where I am. “Do you want to see the rest?”
“Yes,” I say, the word all but a whisper.
His eyes burn into mine for a moment, and my heart stammers. I chew my bottom lip before pulling it through my teeth. He shifts on his feet, his jaw feathering. But he crooks his arm, and a smile kicks up on one side of his mouth. “Milady?”
I giggle and slide my arm through his. We wander down the hall in the center and he points out the study, a few spare bedrooms. Then we get to the last door.
“What’s this one?”
He turns but hesitates. “Master.”
The word is gravel. My pulse kicks up, sending thunder through my head. Of course it is. Heat pools in my belly, and I stutter through a shallow breath. I slide my arm out of his and wrap my arms around myself. “It’s nice.”
This close, it’s too easy to feel something that may or may not be there. Too easy to let myself want something I can never have. I force a smile and walk back toward the front of the house. An enormous fireplace claims the external front wall. I missed it before, too busy looking in to notice it.
Everything about this house is gorgeous, including the man who is building it. Choking on my next breath, I smooth my skirt before fixing my hair. And I remind myself why I am here in the first place. The deal is, I ride along on the roundup, I get to keep my job. Hudson is my coach, that’s all.
Shit.
An incredibly sweet, albeit grumpy most of the time, but patient coach. Like that’s not a contradiction, but he’s different when he’s in his element. Ugh, Adeline Howard, you are in big trouble, girl. I lean against the post of the porch and run a hand through my hair and wait for my heart to slow.
“What’s going through your head, Howard?” Hudson comes to lean on the next post along.
“Just thinking how lucky you are, Rawlins.”
“Ha, Rawlins. Guess I deserve that. As for lucky, more like trying not to fail at this and let Harry down. That’s how I see it.”
I push off the post. “You think you’ll let him down? How?”
“I don’t know. Screw it up. Lose the ranch or run it into debt. It happens to a lot of others, especially these days. It’s not like it used be.”
“What does your mom think?”
“Ma? She thinks all her boys can do anything.” He chuckles. But he runs a hand behind his neck. “Maybe she’s right. But she’s most likely just being a good mom.”
I close the distance between us. From what I’ve seen, there isn’t anything Hudson Rawlins can’t do. He is the most grounded, forward-thinking guy I have met in a long, long while. “Do you want my two cents, Rawlins?”
He dips his head and meets my gaze. “Give it to me, Howard.” Then he smiles, lighting up those blue eyes of his. I adore this side of him. He’s not like this when he’s around his family. He’s all-business Hudson. Get-the-job-done Hudson.
I rest a hand on his shirt, just under his collar. He swallows. “ I think you have an incredible gift with horses and people. And it doesn’t matter so much what your parents want you to do. It only matters what you want to do.”
My hand slides from his chest.
He nods, slightly.
I offer him a small smile. It’s the least I can do for him.
As for me, Harry is right.
“Your father, tactless as he may be, is right about me.” I turn and search the vista. “I should have tried to ride the minute I was able. That’s what I regret most of all.”
“If I can give that back to you, Addy, I will.”
My chin wobbles and tears prickle behind my eyes. “I know you will, Hudson.”
“You busy tomorrow?”
“Nope, you?”
“I have this rider that needs some extra attention. Sergeant and me, we’re gonna be busy.” He scrunches up his face and his blue eyes are lit with mirth. He’s talking about me. Of course he is.
“It’s a date, Rawlins.”
“Absofuckinglutely, Howard.”
I chuckle and wander down the steps. And like that, Howard and Rawlins are a team. And it’s so goddamn right. And every which way I look at it, it looks a lot like the start of something that could very well be once in a lifetime.
Only it can’t.