Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
HUDSON
A fter last night and this morning, I can barely concentrate on anything but the replaying vision of Addy. Her soft little moans, her body against mine. Her lips wrapped around my cock. After a quiet ride home in the truck and a change of clothes, we are up at the house.
Addy is on all fours on the floor, marking out the dimensions for kitchen cabinets and the like. Her ass is the perfect fucking view. And I am hard as a rock. If it wasn’t for her being so quiet all day, I would spin her around and kiss her senseless. But something shifted between us. And I don’t know what it was.
“Do you want a wide refrigerator, Hudson, or single?”
“Wide, Addy.”
She chuckles. “Okey-dokey.” But her smile fades as she turns back to her markings on the floor.
She wiggles backward, marking the floor with a fat piece of chalk. My cock twitches in my jeans. When she said she wanted to help, I didn’t realize that would mean I would be in close proximity, watching her on her hands and knees. And it kind of has me undone. For a quick second I imagine she is here building because this is her house, too.
I shut down that dangerous fucking thought pronto. Measure the timber for the thousandth time, drop it on the saw platform.
At this rate, I’m going to be so distracted I’ll end up losing half my fingers. I shake my head and hone my focus. I line up the timber I am about to use to make the horizontal porch railing and press a finger onto the ignition. The blade roars to life and I lower it. The jagged teeth make a clean cut left of my line. Perfect.
I let the saw back up and tug the timber from the platform. I rub the end and take it outside to screw between the posts. I intend on making a top rail with smaller X-configuration inserts. A design somewhere between farmhouse and the rustic log-cabin rancher homestead look my parents have.
Addy appears at the front door, leaning on one side of the frame. Her hair is tied up in a loose ponytail, her cheeks flushed with a touch of pink. It’s warm today. Fall’s last wave of heat before the cold rolls in. Her shorts are cutoffs, and her toned legs are not helping my constant hard-on.
“You need a hand with that?” she asks, flipping the tape measure over in her hands. The singlet top she is wearing is also not helping my cause.
“Sure,” I grunt.
She frowns but walks over, placing the tape on the porch, and takes one end of the railing.
“That mark on the post, line it up flush with the top of your end of the railing. I’ll fix mine and then yours.”
“Okay.” But her gaze doesn’t leave mine, and when I screw my end secure and move to hers, there is almost sadness in her eyes.
I screw the railing to the post and put the drill down. “Okay, Howard. What’s eating you?”
She startles as if I jerked her from deep thoughts. “Nothing, what d’you mean?”
“You have been too quiet all day. Is it last night? This morning?”
She drops her eyes. Her phone buzzes in her back pocket. Not looking at me, she studies the vista.
“You gonna answer that?”
“No,” she whispers.
“Addy, what’s going on? If it’s about this morning, we can forget it, okay? Put it down to both of us needing to blow off some steam.”
Her head snaps back. “Is that what it was to you?”
“I—”
Her phone rings. She ignores it. I open my mouth to tell her that of course it wasn’t. It never has been with her. But I take too long and hurt fills her eyes. She plucks the phone from her back pocket and walks down the steps and away from the house.
Fuck.
“Hey, I thought I asked you not to call anymore.” She’s talking quietly, but I can hear the tension in her voice. “No, do not do that. Please.”
I lean on the post and fold my arms over my chest, well aware that I shouldn’t be eavesdropping. But this feels important, and I don’t want her to be alone.
“Goodbye, Adam.” She hangs up and stands with her hand over her face for a moment. Her ex. The fucking asshole knows why she moved hundreds of miles away. Not letting her move on is a dick move.
The overwhelming urge to pummel this guy into the ground turns the blood in my veins to lava. If he shows his face here, his breaths will be numbered.
When Addy turns back to the house, I don’t move from the post. She walks up the stairs and stops at the top step. “You know, it’s rude to listen to other people’s conversations, Rawlins.”
“I’m aware,” I say, but my voice is raw, and I can’t shake the unease. When she walks past me and into the house, I know I should apologize. I walk in after her but come to an abrupt halt. She has designed an enormous open-plan kitchen for me with a simple piece of chalk.
The back wall is lined with cupboards, a massive stove-oven combo, and the wide fridge exactly where I had envisioned it. To the left is a pantry, and in front of it all is a massive island counter with an impressive double sink. She has even drawn the arched tap ware and barstools.
“Howard, this is brilliant.”
“Thanks. It’s what I would want if I was living here.”
The air leaves my lungs.
She offers a shy smile and starts explaining the storage and types of appliances. All I can do is listen and nod, the stone that has grown in my throat turning me incoherent.
“Do you like it? I can change anything you think is not okay.”
“It’s—” I swallow and run a hand behind my neck. “Awesome, Howard. It suits the house.”
“Yeah?”
“How did you learn so much about kitchens?”
“My mom is a professional chef. So, kitchen talk has been in my life for as long as I can remember.”
“She works in one of those fancy New York City restaurants, doesn’t she?”
“Yup.”
We arrive at an awkward silence, and I try again. “Addy, about last night?—”
Her hand shoots up between us, and her eyes snap shut. “It’s fine, Rawlins; it is what it is.” Her eyes open and those deep brown eyes hold mine. “I have no expectations of you. I mean, come on, I’m leaving at the end of the year. It wouldn’t be fair to you...”
“Sure.”
Of course. What else was I expecting? She will finish her contract and move back to the city. I’ll take over the ranch, god willing. We go our separate ways. Hundreds of miles apart. An ache grows in my core, and I turn and walk back onto the porch. This is the way it has to be. Harry was right—don’t get involved. Harry is usually right. Why would this time be any different?
When the light starts to fade, my phone rings. Ma.
Mack is home.
Excitement builds in my gut, and I start packing up the tools.
“We’re done?” Addy asks. She has sawdust all over her face and neck. Her clothes are coated, too. Fucking adorable. No, Hudson, not adorable. She’s just dirty.
God, that’s worse. I clear my throat, as if I need to excuse myself from my own thoughts. “Mack’s home. You ready?”
“Oh, wow! I’m so excited for you!” Her face splits into the prettiest smile.
“Let’s head back.”
“I can’t wait to meet him. Your mom will be relieved he’s home.” Having mostly dusted herself off, except for the smudges on her face, she slides into the truck. I hop in and start the truck. But I hesitate. She would be embarrassed if I didn’t tell her about the dirt on her face.
“Check the mirror, Howard. You don’t want to scare him all the way back to the front line.”
“Oh shit.” Tugging the visor down, she scoffs, taking in the streaks of dirt and sawdust covering her face. She wipes her face with both hands. I hand her a rag from behind my seat, and she gives it another once-over. “Did I get it all?”
She turns to me, and I study her face. All except one little bit. “Mostly. May I?”
“Hudson, you had your head between my legs this morning, I think you have permission to touch my face.”
I choke out a laugh, and she leans forward. Those perfect breasts push up, and I force my focus to her face and rub my thumb over her jaw, removing the last streak of dirt. “There. Perfect.”
She sucks in a ragged breath and turns to face the front. “Ah, thanks.”
I push the truck into gear. Forty minutes and three boners later, we pull up beside the homestead. The weeping willow is lit up with fairy lights. And my family is seated around the outdoor table. Double-checking I’m not smuggling a raging hard-on, I jump out of the truck and scoot around to Addy, opening her door. She jumps out, rubbing her arms.
“You cold, Howard?”
Her eyes narrow. “How could you tell?”
“Goosebumps. Don’t flatter yourself.”
She chuckles and I pull her sweater from the truck. It is practically a permanent feature these days. She slips it on, and we make our way to where Reed is regaling Mack with a tale of some great feat, judging by his wildly swinging arms. Ma’s attention shifts to where we close in, and Mack spins around. He looks good.
I stride to where he is, and he jumps up and grabs me in a tight hug.
“How’s it going, Huddo?”
“Good to have you back, Mack.” The words are strained.
He slaps me on the back. I try to ignore the burn behind my eyes that follows the swell in my chest. Every time he leaves is harder than the last. And every time he comes back to us is a blessing.
Addy steps up beside me and holds out her hand. “Addy Howard. It’s so wonderful to meet you, Mackinlay.”
“Ah, so you’re the vet who has my big brother all moon-eyed.”
Addy blushes but doesn’t back down. What the hell have they all been talking about in the forty minutes it took us to drive here? I snap my gaze to Reed. A shit-eating grin splits his face. He is a literal dead man.
But Mack wraps an arm around her and steers her to a seat by his. “It is so good to meet you, Addy. Finally.”
She sits by Mack and peppers him with a bunch of questions. He answers, handing her a beer. She takes a sip, and her focus is on Mack. She is fascinated. Who could blame her? Mack is one of the bravest, kindest men I have ever known.
I grind my teeth, wanting nothing more than to pummel both of my little brothers into the ground. I love them to pieces, but they will take something and run with it, no matter how much it isn’t true. Especially when it comes to my love life.
Reed looks at me and nods to Addy before saluting her with two fingers. Captain. That’s what they think she is.
Luckily, Addy doesn’t notice. I won’t have to try to explain that one. And despite what Reed thinks, it isn’t that simple. Not everyone gets a happy ending.
Charlie appears and jumps into Addy’s lap. He growls at Mack before curling up on her lap.
“Jesus, Huddo. This one’s a keeper. Even devil-dog is in love.”
And with that, I excuse myself and find my way to the shower. Reed and Mack will have everyone entertained for the next couple of hours, so I take my time in the shower. Sawdust and dirt swirl around the shower floor and down the drain. Addy would be wanting a shower, too. The feel of sawdust and dirt stuck to sweat only gets worse as you cool off. I towel dry and wrap it around my waist, heading for my room.
“Hudson?”
I pause before turning to face her. Her bottom lip is between her teeth. Her sweater is in her hands. “I might go. I have to be at the clinic in the morning at seven.”
“Shit, of course. Hold on, I’ll walk you out.”
“It’s fine. Not like it’s the middle of New York or something. I’ll see you Tuesday.”
She doesn’t want my attention. She doesn’t want me to walk her to her car. Doesn’t want to talk about last night. My gut sinks.
“Sure, Howard. Tuesday.”
She forces a smile and walks out of the house, leaving me staring at the spot she stood in. Watching her walk away has me rattled. Well and truly.
I walk into my room and pull on a polo and some fresh jeans before making my way back to the table. Reed hands me a beer, and Ma gives me a small smile, as if she can sense something has shifted between Addy and me, and not for the better.
“Tell me about this last tour, Mack,” I ask.
Reed leans back in his chair, and Pa cracks another beer. Ma, who never wants to know, like if she knew what went on over there she could never cope, pushes from her chair and kisses her boys on the head before saying her goodnights.
When she reaches me, she bends down and cups my jaw. “Oh, Huddy, things will work themselves out. I know they will.”
Maybe she could sense the tension between Addy and me. Or she expected something to happen on that camping trip. Whatever it is, she looks as disappointed as I feel. Addy isn’t just any girl to me, she’s the girl. And I have no fucking clue how to make this work.
Not one.