Chapter 31 – Miles
THIRTY-ONE
MILES
Two weeks before Labor Day weekend, Claire and I slide into my truck and head down to Evergreen Park for her niece's birthday. Apparently, on Saturday there's a party at some play place, but on Friday we’re having a family dinner at Claire's parents’ house.
When we pulled up, I sat in the car for a minute too long, staring at the decently sized but still cozy home that Claire grew up in, trying to get the nerve to step inside.
"Can't sit out here forever," she whispers.
"I mean—" I start, and when she glares at me, I smile in return.
"Come on, before my sisters?—"
Except it seems that she spoke them into existence because two blondes who look similar to Claire come out of the house and head straight for the passenger side door. A brunette comes out behind them, followed by a young girl who I know, from photos Claire has shown me, like the proud aunt she is, is her niece, Sophie.
As soon as the car door is open, the little one jumps onto Claire's lap with a happy squeal. "Aunt Claire!" she yells, and Claire lets out the sweetest, most joyful version of her tinkling laugh as she holds the little girl tight, melting everything inside of me.
"Sophie, baby!" she says, then shifts with the girl still tangled in her to slide out of the car and onto the sidewalk.
Realizing I can't stay in here forever without looking like a weirdo, I follow suit, sliding out of the car, slamming the door shut, and walking around to where Claire is hugging her two sisters, Sutton and Sloane, while Sophie is still clinging to her. She finally sets her down to properly hug her brother's girlfriend and her former boss at the dance studio, Jules.
I stand back like an idiot, uncomfortable and startlingly realizing I've never done this: meeting the family of someone I'm in love with, much less when they're a close-knit family like Claire has told me about.
"Your man is looking uncomfortable as fuck, Claire," another voice says as it approaches, and instantly I know this is her older brother, Nate.
Claire turns to me with wide eyes and cringes.
"Oh, shoot, sorry. You guys, this is Miles. My." She bites her lips like she's nervous suddenly. "My boyfriend. Please, be nice to him. I like this one a lot, and I don't want you to scare him off."
"Us? Scare off your boyfriend?" Nate says with a very unconvincing gasp. "We would never."
"Yes, we would," the sister, who I'm pretty sure is Sloane, says. "Though we should have tried harder to scare off Paul." Sutton elbows the oldest Donovan girl with wide eyes before she corrects herself. "Oh, shit. Sorry. I forgot he's your brother."
I shake my head and smile. "No worries, I know intricately about my brother's faults."
Claire closes her eyes and sighs.
"You guys, I gave you one job, and you're already failing. Don't talk about his fucking brother or how I dated him first," Claire nearly whines, and I can't help but smile at it. It's so interesting to see her in little sister mode. I'm used to this from June, but I’ve never seen Claire in the role.
"Oh, come on, it would have been the elephant in the room, Claire Bear," a deeper voice says, and when all of the heads on the sidewalk outside the Donovan residence turn toward the sound, I see who is clearly Claire's father moving our way.
"Hi, Daddy," she says, the group stepping back to let her father go to his daughter, where he hugs her tight. When she pulls back, I see Claire's eyes shining.
"My Claire, always wearing her emotions on her sleeve," he says, then squeezes her shoulder.
"She's a girl—" Sutton starts.
"Yeah, yeah, you're a girl,” he says, and it's clear this is a common conversation in this household. Part of me warms to know Claire has pulled me into it, into that part of her life, but I can't think about that too long because Claire turns to me with a wide smile.
"Dad, this is Miles. Miles, this is my dad."
Her dad takes me in for a long moment, and I do the same, seeing a plaid button-down tee tucked into cargo shorts, graying blonde hair, and a kind face. He looks almost identical to her brother Nate but obviously older. For the first time in a long, long time, I get a pang of jealousy, wondering if my dad would look like me but older if he were still here.
I've seen photos and can come to the conclusion that the answer would be yes, but every once in a while, when I least expect it, that pain comes and bites me.
I push the unwanted thought away and give the man a wide smile.
"Hi, Mr. Donovan. I'm Miles. So great to finally meet you." I say then put a hand out, and it hangs there for a long moment. Sweat starts to form on the back of my neck in the summer sun. I think I'm clearly failing whatever test this is before he lets out a loud laugh and takes my hand, shaking it hard.
“Great to meet you, Miles. Been hearing about you for years now.” Then the big man puts an arm around my shoulder awkwardly because I'm a few inches taller than him.
“Are you all just going to stand out here with the door open, letting out the cold air all afternoon?” a new voice asks, and when everyone looks up to the house, an older version of Claire stands on the front step with her arms on her chest. God, I've seen that exact face a million times, and something about it makes me smile.
“Mom!” Claire says, then bounds up the walkway to her mother, who wraps her up in a hug. Everyone makes their way inside, but Mr. Donovan guides me, arm still on my shoulder.
“Not gonna do the whole threaten you with a shotgun thing, because I think Claire would come and kill me in my sleep if she found out.” I let out a laugh and nod. “And because from what I hear of the two Miller boys, you're the good one. Just going to say that I’m glad you finally got your head outta your ass, and if you hurt her, I won't come after you, but her sisters will, and they're much scarier than I am.”
"If they're anything like Claire, I would, in fact, be terrified of them."
He stops walking and drops his arms, turning to me with a smile.
"You'll fit right in here," he says, then leads the way into the Donovan household, and somehow, I know I passed a test.
* * *
"So what's next in your grand plan, Claire Bear?" Mr. Donovan asks, and I feel more than see Claire's body go still. When I look at her, her face is tipped down toward her slice of birthday cake, a bright pink extravaganza with extra sprinkles that I learned Sophie made with her grandmother and Jules.
"I, uh…" she says. "I'm not totally sure yet. My contract ends in September, and right now I'm having a great time helping to plan a block party fundraiser for the recreation department."
"Oh, that's so fun!" Mrs. Donovan says with a smile.
"Yeah, it is," Claire says, agreeing, but her fork continues to push around the thick layer of frosting. "I'm just kind of playing it by ear, seeing what jumps out to me next.
Silence takes over the table until Sloane breaks it.
"Must be nice," she says, and my eyes shift to hers. "Just bouncing around, doing whatever you want."
"Sloane," her mother says in a chiding tone.
"Oh, come on. That's what she does. She's never going to decide what to do when she grows up because she refuses to grow up. That's a luxury we don't all have. I'm just saying, it must be nice."
I can feel Claire sinking in on herself as she sits next to me, and without meaning to, I speak up.
"I think it's great," I say, and the room goes quiet. Next to me, Claire lifts her hands, picking at her nails. "Having the ability and the forethought to want to find something she's going to like and want to do for the rest of her life? I think that's great."
"Well, yes, but eventually you have to settle down, figure it out," Sloane says.
"Why?" I ask, and Claire reaches under the table, grabbing my knee. I don’t know if it’s just to have that contact with me or if she’s quietly telling me I don’t have to defend her but I don’t plan to stop regardless.
"Miles," Claire whispers, but her mother speaks first, surprising me as she does.
"Well, at some point, you have to stop looking for the perfect job and just take one. Life keeps moving, and it won't stop just because you don't know what you want to do for the rest of your life."
"But she's not struggling," I say, sitting back. This is a misunderstanding I myself had, and guilt eats at me now to realize that I wasn't the only one from whom she was getting this judgment. No wonder it hurt her so much: she thinks that everyone sees her this way because, in a way, they do.
"But she doesn't have a plan , either ."
"Is that so bad?" Jules adds, and since she's the only other outsider here, it feels like she's on my side. "Look at Ava. She didn't know what she wanted to do and eventually found the perfect thing for herself."
"Ava is a force of nature all on her own," Nate says of Jules's best friend who won the Miss Americana contest a while back.
"So is Claire," Sutton says with a shrug. "I don't know why we're all so weird about wanting her to have some boring-ass big girl job from the get-go. She'll figure it out eventually."
"And she's right here ," Claire says. "Can we stop talking about me like I'm not in the room?"
"Mom, I love you, you know I do. Nate, I so appreciate you always looking out for me, but I'm not a kid. I'm an adult. I don't spend money superfluously, and I have no debt since I got a full ride." This is news to me, but somehow not surprising. "And I have a degree and a killer résumé, if I do say so myself. I know I do things a bit differently than you guys would, but that's because I'm not you. And I would appreciate it if you stopped treating me like I'm some little girl who doesn't think about what's next."
"Not for nothin', Claire, but just a few months ago you came home crying because your boyfriend broke up with you," Mr. Donovan adds, and her fingers tighten on my knee.
"Yeah, Dad, because I was upset, and my family is a safe place for me to be that way. I was upset that things didn't work out the way I had hoped, and I thought that was valid. At the time, it sounded like a fun adventure, and while it might have felt out of left field when I left for LA, it was something I thought out and planned. That's why I had a job lined up there, why I saved up, and why, when it wasn't what I thought it would be, I left and came home to my family who I knew would comfort me." Her jaw gets tight before continuing. "I hate thinking that next time I make a mistake, I won't feel comfortable doing that because I'm worried you're going to hold it against me."
"Claire—" Mrs. Donovan says gently, and Claire opens her mouth to say something, but Mr. Donovan speaks first, his face thoughtful.
"You're right, you should feel comfortable to make mistakes. That's what your mom and I always wanted for you four anyway, the freedom to do what you wanted, make mistakes, and have a safe place to land." He reaches across the table to hold her hand, and her eyes start to water. "I'm sorry that we started to use that against you."
"I didn't," Sutton says matter-of-factly, and I decide right then that I really like Claire's older sister.
"Sutton—" Mrs. Donovan says.
"Me neither," Sophie says, and it's the perfect amount of comic relief needed to break the tension.
Mr. Donovan squeezes Claire's hand one last time, then lets go.
"Okay, who's ready for Pictionary!" Mrs. Donovan says, clapping her hands.
Instantly, everyone starts to move, clearing off the table with what seems to be already assigned chores, working like a well-oiled machine. I guess for a family of six, that kind of thing is required to avoid chaos. As I awkwardly stand to follow whatever Claire's task is, Mr. Donovan puts a hand on my shoulder and tips his head to the living room.
I step in with him and instantly start to apologize. Kind of.
"Sorry if you think I overstepped, Mr. Donovan, but I also don't really care. Your daughter means a great deal to me, and I don't like anyone making her upset," I say.
He looks at me stoically, and I contemplate standing down, but then a wide smile spreads on his lips. "No, you were right. We're too hard on Claire, and she has never given us reason to be. She's just the baby of the family, and we all care a whole lot about her."
"That makes sense. I care about her, too," I say, meaning it in a dozen different ways and when he looks at me and nods, I think he can see that.
"Call me Tom," he says.
"Your brother," he says, and my gut tightens. "No offense?—"
"My brother's an ass. Trust me, I know."
He smiles then. "Family is important, but sometimes, you gotta know when to cut them off."
"Trust me, we're on the same page with that. That's something I've been working my way up to."
He nods like this is an appropriate response.
"I always thought all my girls would settle down in Evergreen Park, close to their mom, so she wouldn't have that empty nest she always feared. But I always knew Claire would jump ship somewhere else. Happy she picked somewhere we'll be happy to visit, though. Real pretty down there." I open my mouth, unsure of how to respond to that, but I don't have to when he keeps speaking. "All I care about is that Claire is happy. She's always been a bit head in the clouds, and I've always loved that about her. My wife and her siblings give her a bit of a hard time about it, but I always knew she'd figure things out eventually."
I smile then. Finally, something we can agree on.
"I agree."
"That includes where she wants to be and who she wants to be with," he adds, and again, my back straightens. "Only thing I ask if you take her out of this town is you make sure she comes home often and has a room for her sisters when they want to come down. They're close, and they need their time together."
A long beat passes before I nod with understanding.
"You have my word," I say, putting a hand out to him. He inspects me, then takes my hand to shake, but surprises me when he pulls me in for a hug, patting me on the back.
"You're a good kid, Miles. You're good for my girl."
And then he walks off, and again, I think I have gotten Claire's dad's seal of approval.