8. April
8
April
T he funny thing about life is that you never know when yours will intersect with someone else’s. It happens, and there’s no way to be prepared. You take it at face value and hope it doesn't land you in jail or six feet under. My intersection with Ethan had led me to both sides of a jail cell. Would it eventually put me six feet under?
“Ethan had to stop at his place,” Skittles said. She stood in the doorway of Ethan’s private room at the club. “Don’t let any of this scare you. We help each other get through these things and are better off.”
“I never realized Paul had a violent side,” I said. “I need to tell that woman I’m sorry for what he did.”
“A man never shows his violent side as long as he thinks he controls you. When he feels he’s lost or losing control, that’s when the brutality emerges.” Skittles put her hand on the doorknob and started to close the door. “No woman deserves a man like that. Ethan isn’t like that. He’s a little rough around the edges, but he’ll treat you right. Keep in mind he’s been burned too many times to count. Also, there’s no need to apologize to Sophia. She knows it was all him. Never apologize for that asshole. He’s responsible for the shit he's done.”
“That’s why Ethan talks about the club so much. He acts like the club saved his life by keeping him out of prison, giving him something with a purpose.” I understood more than Ethan thought I did.
Skittles nodded. “The club has a way of making you forget all the shit masquerading around in your head. Things run a hundred miles per hour here. You don’t usually have time to think about the shit that brings you down.”
“Ethan is thinking about what’s bringing him down,” I said. “He blames himself for his parents’ death. He blames himself for his siblings hating him. That’s a lot of shit to handle for someone his age. It isn’t right. I’ll speak to him when he gets here,” I said. “Not as if I’m his doctor. He doesn’t need that. He needs a friend to listen.”
“Be good to him, April, and he’ll treat you like a queen.” Skittles left, and I sat on the bed, looking around the room. Like Ethan, I needed a friend to talk to. I mistakenly thought that friend was Paul.
A picture of Ethan and his family sat on a table in the room. He looked to be in his teens. The picture made me feel old. When Ethan was a teen, I was finishing up college. I opened the nightstand and giggled. There was a big tube of lube next to a gun. I’m not sure what made me do it, but I grabbed the tube of lube and lay back on the bed.
Paul had such a tiny dick that we never had to invest in lube. He refused to do anal. “That’s nasty and unnatural,” he said. It wasn’t like I was asking to peg him, though hearing him squeal like a little bitch would have been funny.
I opened the lube and put a bit on the end of my finger. My skin tingled, and I turned the lube container to the side. “May cause tingling. ”
I put the lube back in the drawer and reached down my shorts, moving my lubed fingertip over my clit.
Nothing happened for several seconds, and then everything went sideways. I sat in bed and moaned before slamming my head back on the pillow. My finger moved faster, my clit swelling as the orgasm building in my soul prepared to explode. I added a second finger to the orgasm that hit me so hard that it made me curl into a fetal position.
I glanced at the bathroom, but there was no way in hell that I could make it. Instead of trying, I undressed and slid beneath the covers.
Eyes closed, I let the darkness take me into sleep. Sleep took me into dreams. Dreams took me to a waiting Ethan Towles, who held a dozen red roses.
He stood in the doorway of the office I used to have, the sun still glowing behind him. I stayed behind my desk, naked, my tits hanging there for his taking. He said nothing as he entered the office and closed the door on the peeping Jasmine. Someone in the corner cleared their throat, and when I looked, Paul sat on a stool, watching. Ethan noticed Paul as well and joined him. He opened Paul’s mouth and stuck the stem-end of the roses down his throat—such a lovely vase. Still standing next to Paul, Ethan removed his own clothes. I giggled when Paul saw the size of Ethan’s dick.
Ethan walked slowly toward me, glancing at the jealous Paul, who could not move. Ethan put his hand beneath my chin and eased me from the chair. His cock knocked against my stomach. I felt as if one eye was on his, the other on his dick. For the first time in my life, I wanted a man to fuck me so hard that everything else in the world would disappear.
“Did you miss me?” he asked. “I missed you.”
I nodded, the cat having my tongue and fighting never to let it go.
“Do you think I’m biker trash?” he asked .
I nodded.
“But you want this biker trash dick.”
It wasn’t a question. It was a confident statement I couldn’t deny. I nodded emphatically.
“I believe I’ve developed a thing for older women, April.” He slid the chair across the room. The chair banged into Paul’s knees, and he cried out. He slipped two fingers between my pussy lips and tasted my womanly juices. “Delicious.”
“Can I tell you something?” I finally said, and he nodded. “Please fuck me until I can’t walk for days.”
Ethan chuckled. He raised my left leg and then right, placing both around his back. I’d never been a rag-doll to a man until then. Whatever he wanted to take, I was willing to give. His cock pushed against my slippery hole.
“April? April. It’s Ethan.”
I pushed away the hand on my shoulder and opened my eyes. “Oh, shit!” I sat up against the headboard, forgetting to bring the covers with me. I looked down in fear at my naked body. He, no doubt, was used to young, firm hard bodies. He lifted the covers to my shoulders and got up from sitting on the bed. Now was no time to be a gentleman.
“I’ll sleep on the couch in the bar area,” he said. “I just needed to grab some clothes.”
He grabbed a shirt from a drawer and started toward the door. “Wait. Please don’t go. Please.”
Ethan put the shirt down and sat beside me on the bed’s edge. I let the covers fall to my stomach. I wanted to see the desire in his eyes when he looked at my breasts. I wanted to feel a real man’s touch. I wanted to feel desired .
“All this shit going on, and you haven’t had time to grieve for your parents,” I said. “I’m sorry. Life shouldn’t be like that.”
He held my hand and shrugged. “Do I mean something to you, April? Feel free to lie.”
I put my hand against his face. “I’ve never believed in love at first sight, Ethan, especially coming from my profession. Seeing you the other day in the hospital parking lot made me rethink everything I believed was true in life. You speak so poorly of yourself, yet you have a way of making people around you glow. I’ve been nothing but happy being around you.”
“But what does that all mean in the end? Taking a bullet to the head because you were in the wrong place at the wrong time?”
His biceps bulged, and his anger rose. I put my hand on his forearm, hoping he wouldn’t pull away. He didn’t.
“You’re being too hard on yourself, Ethan. Give yourself a break.” Although I was afraid he’d pull away, I put my arms around him, and when I did, he slipped an arm around the small of my back. He said nothing, and that was okay.
Ethan stood and removed his clothes. All of them. Naked, he slipped into bed beside me. The man looked exhausted and overwhelmed. He pulled me close, and I laid my head on his chest. No words were exchanged. I really got the feeling he didn’t want anyone, including me, inside his head. The darkest places on earth are not under the ground or at the bottom of oceans. They are in our heads.
When I woke up the following day, I was in bed alone. Ethan and his clothes were gone. Disappointed, I took a shower, dressed in jeans and a tee someone had snuck in while I slept and walked down the hall.
The Trixie chick was behind the bar cleaning up. Nobody else was in the room .
“Did you fuck him?” she asked.
I’m not sure when the change occurred, but the old April had taken a permanent vacation. “That’s none of your fucking business,” I said.
“I’ll take that as a no.” She placed her elbows on the bar and leaned toward me when I sat on a stool. “I did my research on you.” She smiled like the witch wanting to fry Hansel and Gretel.
“And what did you find?” I asked. I poured a cup of coffee from the steaming pot she placed on the counter. “There’s not much to find.”
“That you’re a dumbass for leaving behind a life most people dreamed about.” She held up a hand. “It’s okay. I did the same thing but worse. Jumped from one side of the fence to the other.”
“So you’re not a rat?”
“It’s all a matter of perspective.”
“April,” Ethan said when he entered from outside with Beast and Diesel.
“They don’t want you speaking to me,” Trixie said. “Not until they know I’m whole.”
Diesel walked behind the counter and grabbed a beer. “Shut the fuck up, Trixie. The whole fucking club heard Watcher giving it to you up the ass last night. Thought a litter of kittens had gotten loose.”
Ethan shook his head and smiled. I enjoyed seeing him smile. It brightened the room and made everyone else smile, even Trixie. “Ever been on the back of a bike?” he asked me.
I shook my head no. It sounded fucking terrifying. “But I’m willing to try.” And piss my pants along the way. “I need a helmet.”
“His head is hard enough for both of you,” Beast said and shoved Ethan. “Stay away from the Punishers while she’s on your bike.”
Ethan nodded, but he was lying. “I’ll make sure he stays under the speed limit and stays away from anyone that looks mean. ”
Shockingly, Ethan put his arm around me and led us outside. He lifted me onto his bike, placed a helmet on my head, and climbed on. We pulled from the club parking lot alone and didn’t stop until we got to the river.
Ethan climbed off the bike and lifted me from the seat. “Are you afraid of me?”
“No,” I said. “My head feels like it’s stuck in a tornado. Three days ago, I was wondering how to get my life out of the ditch of despair and get it moving again. I wasn’t expecting this.”
“I wish I could make you some promise to set you at ease, but I can’t even get my life straight. How the hell am I supposed to help someone else?” We walked along the river, and Ethan put his hand around mine, which was completely unexpected. His size overshadowed his gentleness.
“What happened at Standford?” I asked. I wouldn't push him if he didn’t want to discuss it. Did I think I could help him? Yes. Fix him? I didn’t believe anyone could be “fixed.” It was better to manage the damage than try to eradicate it.
“I guess you can say I’m really good with numbers,” Ethan said. “I’m even better with technology.” He gently swung my hand as we walked. “I started working for this guy. I saw an ad at a mortgage company. They were looking for a student intern, so I applied. The fucker had a side business in Commercial Real Estate.”
“So he tricked you.”
Ethan stopped. “At first, yes. Once I realized I’d broken the law, I fucking panicked. He told me we would both go to jail if I fucked up. Six months later, I fucked up. I told my father about it. He told me to go to the police or he would. He thought that was best. I didn’t.”
“I’m sorry, Ethan.”
“Why are you sorry? You had nothing to do with it. ”
“Because I can feel the pain in your words.”
“From then on, my father was on my ass. The more I tried to prove myself to him, the more I realized I’d never be good enough.” He shrugged, and we sat on a bench. We stared at the river for several minutes, holding hands.
“Your words are enough for me,” I said. “You don’t have to prove anything.” I ran my hand along his arm. “Can I ask you something about last night?”
“As long as you’re good with an honest answer.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Damn, was there anything about him imperfect? “You crawled into bed naked. We were both naked. You held me, and that was it. You didn’t try to have sex.”
He turned to face me. “Because something about you made me feel like I wasn’t good enough and that you deserved better.” He stood and walked toward the river bank. “Paul is a dick. I get that. But you’re leaving a way of life you’ll never have with someone like me.” He turned. “Because that’s not the way I want to live.”
“Every day when I came home to that man, it was as if I was going home to an empty house. I never want to feel like that again. Stuff doesn’t replace love. Money makes happiness temporary at best.” I stood by his side, and he put his arm around my shoulders. He looked down at me and smiled.
“I hope you understand the next time we’re in bed naked that I can’t let that go.” He chuckled and kissed me, holding me up as my body gave in to his strength.
“Well, ain’t this fucking cozy.”