Chapter 25 （continued）
Valerie
Iwait until Mila is asleep.
Until the house is quiet except for the distant murmur of guards changing shifts and the soft hum of security systems.
Until I've rehearsed the words so many times they sound foreign in my own head.
Then I go to find Lev.
He's in his study like I knew he'd be. Sitting behind his desk with reports spread in front of him, a glass of vodka at his elbow. He looks up when I knock, and something in my expression makes him set down his pen.
"What's wrong?"
I close the door behind me. Lock it. Turn to face him with my heart hammering so hard I taste copper.
"I need to tell you something."
He goes still. That predator stillness he gets when calculating threat levels. "Alright."
I move closer. Stop on the other side of his desk because I need the barrier, need something between us when I say this.
"I'm pregnant."
The words fall into silence so complete I hear my own pulse thundering in my ears.
Lev doesn't move. Doesn't blink. Just stares at me with an expression that gives away nothing.
"Say something," I whisper when the silence becomes unbearable.
"How long have you known?" His voice is flat. Empty.
"Two weeks. Maybe a little more."
"Two weeks." He repeats it slowly. "You've known for two weeks and you're just telling me now."
"I was scared." The words tumble out. "Terrified, actually. Of your reaction. Of what it would do to you after everything you've lost. Of you thinking I did this on purpose to trap you or secure my place here or any of the hundred things you might think except the truth."
"Which is?"
"That I didn't plan this. That we were careful and it happened anyway. That I love you and I'm having your baby and I'm absolutely paralyzed by fear of how you'll respond."
He stands. Moves to the window with his back to me, hands clasped behind him so tightly his knuckles are white.
I wait. Watch his shoulders rise and fall with controlled breaths. See the tremor running through him that he's trying to hide.
"Lev, please say something. Anything. Even if it's that you hate me for this, just say it so I know where we stand."
"I need a moment."
The words hit like a physical blow. "What?"
"I need to think." His voice is still flat. Still empty. "I need time alone to process this. So, please leave. Now."
"But we should talk about this together—"
"No!" It explodes from him with a violence that makes me flinch. He spins to face me, and the expression on his face is devastating. Rage and pain and terror all mixed together.
Tears stream down my face as I walk out the door, down the hallway, into our bedroom, where I lock myself in and collapse against the wall, sobbing.
He's going to leave me. Going to reject us both. Going to decide this is too much, too dangerous, too reminiscent of everything he lost.
And I don't blame him.
I slide down to the floor and let myself fall apart completely. Cry until my throat is raw and my eyes are swollen, and there's nothing left but hollow aching emptiness.
Hours pass. No word from Lev. No knock on the door. Nothing.
Just me alone with my fear and the life growing inside me that might cost me everything.
My phone buzzes. Tash.
I answer on the third ring, voice wrecked from crying. "Hey."
"Val? What happened? You sound awful."
"I told him." The words come out broken. "About the baby. He told me to get out. Shouted at me to leave. And now it's been hours, and he hasn't come to find me, and I think I just destroyed everything."
"Oh, babe." Her voice is gentle. "Give him time. This is massive, especially with Patrick still out there hunting him and all that he loves. He's probably in shock."
"Or he's deciding how to tell me he can't do this. Can't risk loving another child he might lose. Can't handle the responsibility of protecting us when he already feels like he failed before."
"Maybe. Or maybe he's just terrified and needs space to work through it."
"How much time?"
"I don't know. As much as he needs." She pauses. "But I don't think he'll reject you. Not after everything you've been through together. Not when he's been working so hard to rebuild trust."
"You didn't see his face, Tash. The absolute devastation when I said the word pregnant. Like I'd stabbed him."
"Because you triggered his trauma. His son died, Val.
His infant son was murdered, and he has a traumatized child on his hands.
Now you're telling him there's another baby to potentially lose.
That's not your fault, but it's reality.
He needs time to reconcile what he wants with what he's terrified of. "
I press my hand to my stomach. To the tiny life growing there that might cost me the man I love.
"What do I do?"
"You wait. You give him the space he asked for. And you trust that the man who's been fighting to forgive you, who's let you into his life despite the betrayal, who makes love to you like you're precious even when he's still angry, that man won't abandon you now."
"And if you're wrong?"
"Then we'll figure it out. You and me. We'll make a plan. But I don't think I'm wrong, Val. I think he's just scared. And scared men need time to find their courage."
We talk for another twenty minutes. Her voice steady and reassuring while mine shakes with uncertainty.
When we hang up, I'm still on the floor. Still waiting for a knock that doesn't come.
I crawl into bed eventually. Still wearing clothes. Still crying sporadically. Still listening for footsteps that never arrive.
He doesn't come to bed that night.
Doesn't come to check on me.
Doesn't come at all.
And I lie there in the dark wondering if this is how it ends. Not with Patrick's bullet or a final betrayal, but with news of new life driving us apart because the fear of loss is stronger than the possibility of love.
I fall asleep alone with my hand on my stomach and terror in my heart.
Tomorrow I'll face whatever decision Lev has made.
Tomorrow I'll find out if we survive this or if the baby breaks us completely.
Tomorrow the future becomes clear.
But tonight, I'm just alone in the dark with my fear and my hope tangled so tightly I can't tell them apart anymore.
And the life growing inside me that might be a blessing or a curse depending on whether Lev can find the courage to choose us.
Please choose us, I think into the darkness. Please don't let fear win.
But I have no way of knowing if my silent plea will be answered.
All I can do is wait.
And hope.