Chapter 15
My heart is so full of you I can hardly call it my own. - Liana Radulescu
L acey
I’m still in shock, as I sit on the chair that I’d pulled up next to the couch beside my older brother. He’s always appeared put together; he seemed so strong and sure of himself while we were growing up. He’s super smart, has played sports for as long as I can remember, and he did everything he was supposed to do over the years.
Glancing at this man beside me, I can’t help but wonder what has happened to him. He looks nothing like the person I think of when I picture the Seth that I know. This guy is a stranger, one that stares off into nothing without uttering a word.
Asher says he brought Seth home alive, but is he really? I mean, his heart may be beating, but everything in him screams that he’s given up and his beating heart is no longer needed nor wanted. Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful. I never would’ve been able to have closure had I not been able to look at my brother’s face, whether he was breathing or not, and Asher has given me that…but a part of me wonders if Seth can ever find himself again after whatever he’s been through.
My heart breaks for him and the fact I can literally do nothing for him to make anything better, only makes me hurt more for him. His journey is going to be long and I’m doing everything I can not to pity him for it. No one likes to be pitied, broken or not, so I do my damndest to keep a neutral expression firmly planted on my face. Inside, however, I’m screaming.
“You sure you don’t want anything to eat?” I ask for the fifth time, literally. In my defense, when I got up, Baker’s daughter told me to try to get Seth to eat as much as I can. She’s a nurse, so her word is law when it comes to his recovery in my opinion, and I’m determined to do what I can to help.
He doesn’t verbally respond in any way, just slowly shakes his head. I’ve tried speaking to him. I’ve asked him a freaking million different questions. Then I carefully hugged him, held his hand, and updated him on our parents…but through it all, I’ve gotten nothing in response. Sure, he’ll occasionally nod or shake his head, but nothing vocal has left his mouth and it has me wondering if the cartel cut his tongue out while they had him. My brother has been the laughing, easy-going type my entire life, even to the point his teachers would’ve said he talked too much at times. Yet here he lays, like a solemn statue on a vow of silence attempting not to move or respond.
We may’ve gone to church, but my brother is not the vow of silence type, and I doubt he’s picked it up now in a renewed bout of faith. Rather than show my frustration, I say instead, “I love you, Seth. I’m happy you are alive, and I know mom and dad will want to talk to you too. We were all terrified we’d lost you.”
His eyes flash to mine. His lips turn up just enough at me saying I love him, but as soon as I mention him speaking to my parents, he’s shaking his head again.
“Don’t worry,” I whisper, sipping my coffee, not spiked with Wild Turkey today. Although, I contemplated it and may still add some, because why the fuck not at this point. “I won’t try to force you to speak to them. I’ll let them know you’re alive and with Asher. They’ll relax once they know he’s with you. He’s always made sure we both were safe, and I foolishly never realized it, until now.”
His steely gaze meets mine, and he offers a solemn nod. I guess he notices it as much as I do now as well. Knowing Seth, he’s probably always been aware of the safety Asher brought along with him. It’s crazy knowing the way we grew up, surrounded in the privileged world so many strive to be a part of and yet we still weren’t safe.
I never knew how much of a target we actually were until my brother went missing and my eyes were suddenly opened to everything. I didn’t have him to help me. I didn’t have my parents to lean on, or anyone, for that matter. Aside from the boy who grew up in a much more normal type of way than me and Seth ever did.
The thoughts all rush at me at once and suddenly I find myself with too many questions and not enough answers. “Did Dad get Asher into our school? Did he pay for him?” I consider aloud, thinking back to how he was always around after he and Seth were friends for a few years from playing soccer together. I saw his house countless times over the years, though, and there’s no way his mom could’ve afforded to send Asher to our private schools. I forgot all about it because he ended up being at our house more than his own to the point it began to feel like he belonged there, that it was his home too.
Seth turns away, not telling me anything, but he doesn’t have to. His silence is noisy enough, letting me know I’m right. Our father may’ve failed Seth, but he was there for Asher when he needed him, more than his own two spoiled kids did. We had our mom and his money; our father was just a bonus to have around whenever he had a day off or we were on vacation somewhere together. Asher was on those vacations too.
No wonder why Asher was so upset when he found out my parents left and hadn’t been able to save Seth. My father meant something to him, more than I ever knew and he was let down by him. Just like I was when I found out they were moving to Switzerland and not returning. It felt like Seth wasn’t important enough to exhaust every resource and to know I could be in the same situation one day without someone willing to move heaven and earth to save me is terrifying.
“Sleep okay?” My thoughts are stolen away by Asher’s raspy, sleep laden voice. He was knocked out hard when I finally got up. Sure, I was quiet when I was pulling on clothes and slipping out of the room, but I wasn’t expecting to have this much time alone with Seth before the man came and hunted me down. My legs still ache from the way he had me ride him throughout the early morning hours, not to mention the soreness I feel in my pussy each time I shift my body.
I nod, flashing him a small smile, thankful he came back in one piece. Knowing he’d be the one to look for me and eventually save me if I ever needed rescuing. The knowledge makes me fall a little deeper for him and I was already drowning.
Seth turns his head to the side to catch Asher’s gaze over the couch. “Hurt, but alive,” he barely whispers and as I watch my brother’s lips move, I realize he’s missing teeth. No wonder why he wouldn’t speak to me.
Tears instantly crest and fall over my cheeks. Poor Seth, he went through hell and here I am with fifty questions bothering him. I should just be thankful he’s here and keep my mouth shut so he can heal. He deserves to be left alone, not ridiculed for not paying his sister enough attention to satisfy her.
Without another word, I stand, giving the men my back to head to the big windows. Tears continue to silently trail down my face as I stare out into the parking lot. I don’t want them to see me crying like this, not when all I deserve is to be happy inside. Things could’ve been so much worse and yet here I am, with my chest physically aching at the way my brother’s beaten face and body look.
He’s alive. He’s here. Suck it the fuck up and be grateful.
Asher comes up beside me and the moment he notices I’m upset, he pulls me into his arms. His grip tightens around me, like he knows I need his strength.
I’m so emotional I can’t help the rushed confession as I whisper, “I love you, Asher. I’m so sorry, but I do. So damn much. I always have…and I love you more now than ever. I don’t think I can survive another moment without you knowing the truth that’s in my heart.”
He kisses my forehead, laying the side of his head against the top of mine as we both stare out the main window. “I love you too, Lace. I meant what I told you, you’re mine, sweetheart.”
“You’re not just saying that because you wanted to sleep with me? I would still have sex with you even if you didn’t love me, you know that, right?”
His chest vibrates with his chuckle. “Fuck no, woman. I could’ve slept with you long ago, but I didn’t. You’ve always been too special, I wouldn’t let myself get that close to you.”
“And now?”
“Now, I’ve decided I’ve wasted too much time. I should’ve been selfish with you and let you know I wanted you from the moment you were legal. I’ve wasted too much damn time being miserable, when I could’ve been happy with you .”
“You really do love me,” I comment, my sadness melting away as the prospect of him loving me back washes over me. It’s like sunshine pouring into every crevice I possess, as if I’m floating and flying and never falling because the person I love most in the world is there holding me, saving me, and loving me back.
“I do, baby. I will for as long as you let me.”
“So forever it is, then? Good thing you rescued my brother, he has no way to fight this from happening.”
He laughs again, the warm, deep sound making me beam up at him. “You really think I’d let anyone keep you away from me? We’re meant to be, time you figure that out.”
“And your motorcycle club? The brothers won’t be upset you’re a taken man now? Because I don’t want to let you go. I can share you with them, but I need you far too much, Asher.”
“You’re taking me?” He teases, “To bed? We can go right now.”
I nod, “Plan to keep you for forever too.”
He grins, kisses my forehead, and admits, “They already know, baby.”
“What do you mean?”
“The reason they let you stay here and helped me? I told them you are mine and they’ve voted on it. You’re my ol’ lady. I know it, as does the club.”
“I guess all this means I can’t be too upset about you taking my car then, huh? Where is my car, by the way, since it’s not in the spot where I had it?”
He has the nerve to appear a bit sheepish, and coming from this man, I find it hard to believe. He’s the type who unapologetically owns whatever he’s doing or feeling, I’ve come to realize it in the short time we’ve been here together. “It’s, uh, in the garage. I didn’t take your car with me; I rode my bike. I had a prospect park your car in the garage.”
My eyes feel like they’re going to bug out with his admission. It was here the entire time? “Why would you do that and why would Whiskey lie to me about it?”
“Because I wanted you to stay put, and I knew if you had your car, it wouldn’t happen.”
“Tell me you’re joking,” I huff while I tap my fingers in an irritated rhythm at how ridiculous this is. I’m glad he’s admitting the truth to me, but it’s crazy the plan they concocted to keep me here. “You really schemed with your prospect so I wouldn’t know where my car is.”
His hand goes to my throat as he leans his forehead gently against mine. He mumbles the truth, “No scheming. I thought it up all on my own. I ordered him to park your car in the garage and I let Whiskey know my plan. The brothers always back each other up, Jailbait, you should get that in your pretty little head from this moment on.”
“Don’t be a condescending dick,” I grumble, making his mouth drop open.
His head tips back as a loud laugh leaves him and so help me, I’m trying to be angry right now but to hear him and see his wide smile as he laughs…it makes my lips give in and twist up. He beams at me and I grin back, a bit shyly as I don’t know if he’s proud or gearing up to bend me over and spank me in front of his club brothers. I know my brother would not be too excited over the prospect, although it might get him talking to me again.
“I’m not, I would never,” he retorts while chuckling. My brows jump and he grins again. “Okay, I wouldn’t with you, better?”
I nod. He leans in to kiss me and I freeze up, not sure what to do with Seth watching us. I don’t want him getting upset when the main thing he needs is rest, relaxation, and healing in his life.
“Talk to me, or I’m going to be the one getting pissed and trust me, it’s not as pretty as you pouting.”
“My brother is on the couch.”
“And? You think he’s never seen two people be affectionate? Trust me, he’s seen plenty of shit, including fucking.”
“I don’t want to upset him. I want him calm and happy.”
“The only one we need to worry about being calm and happy resides in my pants and goes by the name of my dick.”
“You did not just say that.”
“I did and I would again.”
This time it’s me laughing and shoving against his chest. He responds by catching my hands in his, holding them against his pecs and keeping me in place. He leans in and when I go to move my head, he sends me a heated look, so I give in and let him kiss me. He keeps it respectful, but I can only imagine what Seth is thinking if he’s watching us. He’ll probably hate me, thinking I’m stealing his lifelong friend from him. As soon as Asher and I pull apart, he swipes his fingers across my face, making sure all my tears are gone, and I glance in Seth’s direction.
He saw everything.
Damn it.
“My brother isn’t going to be okay with this. He won’t let us be together.”
“You’re crazy if you think someone can stop me from being with you. I’m pretty sure I just proved myself and to what links I’ll go to get someone I care about back to me.”
I don’t respond. How can I? I want to be with him more than anything, but I can’t bear to fight with Seth when he’s as hurt as he appears to be. Walking away from Asher, I go to back to Seth’s side and take the chair I was sitting in earlier again. “I know you must be confused,” I begin and Seth turns away from me, not saying anything.
I have no right to be angry over his reaction, he’s just been through more than I know, probably worse than what I imagined him going through and it’s terrifying. I sit forward, about to try again, when the nurse from last night comes over to check on him.
“Open wide, I want you to take this,” she orders, holding up a big pill. “It’s the antibiotic and it’ll be easier if you let me put it to the back of your mouth.” She holds up a paper cup. “I brought some orange juice to help with the taste.” The pill is massive. Like horse size, so it’s nice of her to baby him a little about it.
His cheeks flush and he shakes his head. I know my brother well enough that he’s probably too proud and embarrassed to open his mouth to her. I’m sure he won’t open it to me either, with him not wanting to speak to me.
“I can ask Asher,” I offer her, thinking she’s going to toss the pill in his face and dump the OJ over his head if he doesn’t stop behaving this way.
Surprisingly, she doesn’t. She just smiles and sweetly tells Seth, “You can open up and take this nicely, or else I’ll check your ribs again. Either way, you’re letting me put this in your mouth and swallowing, choice is yours.”
Oh, I like her. She’s not afraid to play dirty, and that’s exactly what my stubborn brother needs to get him to react and listen to what she tells him to do. Asher watches us, stopping beside me to chuckle at the scene before him. “I can do it. I doubt your pops wants you reaching in guys’ mouths at the clubhouse,” he tells Sam, and I shoot him a glare. She’s being professional, doing her job, off the clock, and he’s being an ass.
“Thanks, Plague, but I can handle Seth. He’s like an angry puppy compared to some of the people I take care of each day. He may bark, but I bet his bite is pretty sweet.” She winks at my brother and suddenly I feel like I’m the one encroaching on a private moment. Seth’s obviously her type and under normal circumstances my brother would be shamelessly eating her attention up, but this guy isn’t my usual brother, he’s only a shadow of him.
Standing, I meet Asher’s sparkling gaze, and he immediately sobers, taking in my seriousness. “Please help my brother,” I ask and as soon as he silently nods, I leave them, walking to the bar.
I guess today’s a good day for Wild Turkey coffee after all. I’ll take a double.