Chapter 37 Melanie
MELANIE
The second he shut the door, I was on him.
No hesitation—just heat and instinct. I slammed both fists into his chest, gripping handfuls of his polo and yanking him toward me like I needed him to breathe.
One hand let go, the other wrapped around his neck, dragging his mouth closer, closer.
Still not enough. I wanted to crawl inside him, wipe out every fucked-up memory, drown them in something new—something that could maybe, finally, feel good.
You can do this, Melanie. You can do this.
But my body remembered. The last time I had sex in a car was with my stepdad.
That memory lived under my skin like rot.
It’s why I hated cars, hated being in them with men.
But I wasn’t thinking anymore. I was done thinking.
I needed Nick. I needed this. I had no idea if my mom was passed out drunk at home again, and I didn’t care enough to find out.
I wasn’t going back there. Not tonight. Not when I’d finally heard Abigail tell me the truth about Nick.
And I believed her, because why would she lie?
If what she said was real, then maybe Nick could help me claw my way out of this mess.
Maybe he could help me kill the poison before it killed me.
I fumbled with the buttons on his pants as he ripped open my shirt, breath hot and ragged between us. We were all hands and mouths, frantic and messy, clothes tangled and shoved aside. Every touch felt like salvation. The only time we broke apart was to gasp for air.
That’s when he said it, voice rough, eyes searching mine.
“You sure about this?”
He wasn’t asking about sex. Not really. He was asking about this car. This memory. This ghost. And only Nick would stop to ask. Only he would care enough to give me a way out. And that made me want him even more.
I nodded hard, chest heaving. “Yes, I’m positive,” I said, barely able to catch my breath. “I need you.”
And then his mouth crashed into mine. No more questions. No more air. Just fire. He cupped my face like he was afraid I’d disappear, and forced my lips open with his tongue. We weren’t kissing—we were consuming each other, like if we kept going long enough, we could finally tear all the pain away.
Deep, raw, vulnerable.
He glides his hands down my back and unclasps my bra. I flinched, breaking our kiss.
“What is it? You okay?” He says immediately, feeling my body tense.
“Y-ya. I’m okay.” I say, blinking the memories away.
“You want me to stop?”
“No.”
“Are you s-”
I shut him up by kissing him. “Nick,” I say, each word through a breathless kiss. “Fuck.” Kiss.” Me.” Kiss. “Now.”
“I need to get you wet first.” He says as he leans over the console of his truck, pushing me up against the window.
“Show me that perfect pussy, baby.”
My pants were already past my thighs, so I slipped them off and tossed them above Nick’s head. He hovers over me, smiling that sheepish grin and my clit throbbed with anticipation. I spread my long legs apart and pushed my panties to the side, giving him the view he deserved.
His eyes darkened with desire. I watched his abs clench as he stared me down, looking like he had died and gone to heaven. “God damn, princess.” He licks his lips like he’s about to devour his favorite meal.
“You’ve got the prettiest pussy I’ve ever seen.”
I sucked in a breath, preparing for the orgasm I so desperately wanted.
“Ya? I’m glad you like her because she’s perfectly ready to cum for you.”
The next thing I knew, his mouth was on my body, sending chills up my spine as he worked his magic with his mouth. A moan escaped me as he started to fuck me with his tongue. I looked down to see only Nick’s hair, and the sight alone had me writhing, chasing my orgasm.
I placed a hand on the dash, and another tugged at his hair.
Cursing as he brought me closer and closer to climax.
I closed my eyes, forcing myself to picture us anywhere but a car.
I thought about the first time Nick took me to his office, the countless times we’ve had sex in the kitchen, in the shower, and on his bed.
I tried to think of only him. But when I flashed open my eyes for the briefest second, I didn’t see Nick, I saw him.
“What are you doing standing all by yourself with that boy?” my stepdad said as I opened the passenger side door to his Porsche. “He looked like he was about to kiss you with him hovering over you and touching your hair.”
I grabbed my seatbelt, trying to avoid eye contact and get my nerves in check.
“We were just talking. He’s a friend, and we’re both in the same math class.”
“How many times have I told you to stay away from boys? They only want one thing. They will use you up and make you filthy before they move on to the next girl. All men are the same, especially at this age, with their hormones racing faster than a race car driver on crack. None of them will love you like me. ”
I felt my body stiffen as he placed a hand on my thigh. And I froze.
“You know that, right?” His words were gentle, but his grip tightened the longer his hand lingered on my thigh.
I could feel him looking at me, and I just hung my head down low. My eyes were pinned to where his hand rested on my leg. I silently prayed that he would drop the subject if I complied and didn’t argue back. He hated it when I talked back to him.
“I’ve given you a good life, Melanie, and I just ask for some respect. Next time you are seen alone with a boy, I may not be so nice. You got it?”
He brushes a strand of hair behind my ear. “When someone asks you a question, you answer.”
“Yes, sir. I understand.”
“You and your mom would be on the streets right now if it weren’t for me.
Living in a grungy subsidized house with lowlifes around.
And your mom would be so desperate to put food on the table and pay rent that she would be riding someone’s dick for twenty dollars just to get by, bringing men in and out of your apartment. .”
His words grabbed hold of my stomach and twisted it, tighter and tighter the more he talked. I hated his cocky pep talks about where we would be without him. I wanted to punch him in his face and tell him to shut the fuck up. But if I did, I knew what my punishment would be.
“I’m the one who gave you and her all what you have, and without my support, she would have had you taken away by DHS a long time ago, and God knows what type of upbringing you would have had then.
Moving from foster home to foster home. And I promise you, there are men out here who would treat you way worse. ”
He had a point, but there were also men out there who would have treated me much better. With kindness, rather than force, I was not made to do things I didn’t want to do.
“I love you, Melanie,” he says as he brushes my hair past my ear and uses his pointer finger to turn my chin to face him.
“I hope you understand that, sweetie. I’m doing all this to protect you. To help you.”
Bile rose to my chest, and I had to force it down because I knew what was coming.
It’s why I hated it when he picked me up from school.
It didn’t happen often but when it did it meant I had no way out.
No alcohol to drown out the grunts and moans while he’s on top of me.
No way to fade out the smell of his cologne as he put all his weight on me to the point I couldn’t move.
The days he picked me up from school, I had no other choice but to take it.
“I know Richard.” I finally said.
He continues to brush my hair, like I was some puppy. “That’s good, now enough with the heavy, how about I take you shopping. We can go any place you’d like. And after we’re done, we can go to our special spot and you can try some clothes on for me. Huh? What do you say?”
“Ya, that sounds good. I would like that.” I face him, forcing a small smile.
He squeezes my thigh as a wide grin spreads across his face. “That’s my good girl.”
“Stop,” I said softly. I felt Nick kissing up my thigh as I came back to the present. “Stop,” I whispered again.
Nick was hovering above me before I shouted. “Stop please!”
“Mel, it’s okay. I’m stopping.”
Breathing heavily, I looked up at Nick, whose thick eyebrows were furrowed, and his expression morphed into complete concern.
When did he stop eating me out? Did I say anything to alarm him?
“It’s okay, I'm not going to hurt you.” He says, cupping my face with his hands, forcing me to look at him.
“What happened? I could feel you go completely still. It’s like you drifted off somewhere. To a different place, and I could just tell you weren’t present.”
Tears stung the back of my eyes as I blinked rapidly, whisking them away.
I tried to focus on Nick and the words he was saying to help me forget.
I desperately clung to anything to help me forget the disgusting thoughts that invaded my mind like thieves in the night over and over again.
I started to sit up, and Nick backed away, sitting back in the driver's seat.
All of a sudden I felt disgusting, exposed and cold.
I hugged my waist with my arms, trying to cover myself.
“I-I’m sorry. I was. I just-”
“Shhh,” he covered his finger over my lips. “You don’t have to explain anything to me, not right now. It’s okay.” He places the most gentle kiss on my lips. “Let’s go home.”
“What? No,” I say, crossing my arms, turning to face him. He ignores my plea and starts to reach for the key ignition.
“No, please, Nick. Don’t.” I reach for his forearm. I’m fine, I just spaced out, that's all.”
Grabbing my hands in his, he says, “Melanie, I want to please you, but I don’t want to do that if you're not going to be present. I need you to be present. You drifted with all those other guys, and when I’m inside you, I want you to feel me.
I’m fucking selfish and I don’t want anyone else inside you when I am, and that goes for your mind too, not just your body. .”
I tear my gaze away from his but he places a hand under my chin and turns my head in his direction.
“I’m not judging you, I get it. I understand all about triggers. So if this is too much right now, it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere. We can wait.” He removed his hands and dug into his pockets for his keys, once more.
What was this man doing to me? He was breaking down every wall I ever built and tearing it down with an ax, piece by piece.
He was everything I ever wanted a man to be when it came to dealing with my demons and past. And the more time I spent with him, the more I wanted to believe this was a real marriage.
I never wanted him to leave. I wanted to keep him and believe that he could be mine forever
“I’m ready,” I say, planting my hand over his on the steering wheel, grounding myself in the heat of his skin like it’s the only thing keeping me from falling apart.
“Melanie, as much as I want you to cum on my face, I think we should g—”
“No.” I cut him off, sharp and desperate, shaking my head hard. “No.”
The panic surged so fast it nearly choked me. My voice broke before I could stop it.
“If you stop now, I swear to God, Nick, I’ll get out of this car and walk to the nearest liquor store or gas station and drink myself into a stupor, then feel like a complete failure the next morning.
I don’t want to feel like shit anymore. I don’t want to feel like—” I drag my hands down my torso, bitter and ashamed, “like this fucked up individual who can’t even have sex in a car.
I’m tired of lying to myself and others.
I’m just fucking tired.” The last words slip out in a breath so heavy it feels like it’s crushing my chest.
His eyes lock on mine—still, unreadable, flickering with everything he’s holding back. The silence between us goes electric.
“I just want to feel good, please. Make me feel good, Nick, you’re the only one who can.”
That’s when something shifts. His stare deepens, sharpens—like something inside him snaps loose. His eyes go dark, molten. Hungry. I feel it in my skin before he even moves—a silent, possessive heat that makes my breath hitch.
But he doesn’t move.
He just watches me, jaw clenched, and I can see the war raging behind his calm. That look on his face burns through me. Every second he stays silent feels like it’s going to tear me in half.
“Fine,” I mutter, fumbling for my seatbelt, the sting of rejection already curling in my gut. “But don’t expect m—”
“Get out of the car.”