Chapter 53 Melanie
MELANIE
Iwoke to sunlight streaming through the blinds, warming my face. My head felt heavy, my body sluggish, as I blinked away the haze of sleep. The last thing I remembered was curling up on the couch beside Josh, a movie droning in the background.
Then I felt it—something firm pressing against me from behind. My stomach dropped. A jolt of panic shot through my chest as I twisted away, scrambling to my feet with a sharp, startled gasp.
“Shit! Fuck! What—?” My voice cracked, my breath coming fast.
Josh stirred, groggy and confused, his brow furrowing as he shifted. But I wasn’t looking at him. I was too busy pressing a hand to my chest, trying to steady the wild hammering of my heart.
Breathe. Just breathe. We just spooned. That’s all. We didn’t have sex. You’re fine. It’s okay.
“Nothing, uh, I just forgot where I was for a second.” I exhaled, forcing a shaky laugh as I motioned toward the massive windows.
The golden morning light stretched across acres of open land, rolling pastures dotted with grazing cattle and horses.
Josh’s parents owned the ranch, had for generations.
It was hard, physical work, the kind that built strong hands and calloused knuckles.
But Josh had sworn off that life a long time ago.
He preferred using his brain to make money, not his body.
Josh ran a hand through his messy hair, watching me with a lopsided smirk. “Yeah, sorry. You passed out during Netflix, but don’t worry—no pun intended, because we did not chill.”
I smirked at his terrible joke, shaking my head. “I’m going to use the restroom.”
I turned to leave, but Josh’s fingers wrapped around my wrist before I could take a step, halting me in place. His grip was firm but gentle.
“Mel, I don’t know how many days you’ve missed your period, but it’s best to take the pregnancy test with your first piss of the morning.”
The words sent a jolt through me, a sudden weight pressing on my chest. My throat went dry. I yanked my arm free, trying to ignore the way my pulse quickened. “Josh,” I muttered, warning in my tone.
“What?” He shrugged, utterly unbothered. “If I’m gonna do this for a living, I might as well get used to talking about women’s bodies, periods, and pee. And, of course, my favorite word—” He paused for dramatic effect, waggling his eyebrows. “Pussy.”
I groaned, shoving his shoulder. “You’re impossible.”
He grinned, unshaken. “You need to find out, Melanie. And don’t worry, I’ll be right here when you do. No matter what that test says, you got this.”
I exhaled sharply, my arms folding across my chest. “Right.” The word came out heavier than I meant it to, weighed down by a dozen emotions I couldn’t name.
“It’s just… weird. I’m nervous because I could be, but I’m also scared because I couldn’t be.
It’s like—I never knew I wanted this until there was a chance I could have it. ”
Josh tilted his head, studying me. “What? A kid?”
I hesitated, my pulse hammering in my ears. “No… Being a mom. A wife. Having a family. Building a life with someone I—”
I stopped. The words lodged in my throat like a stone.
Did I? Did I love Nick Consele?
The thought sent a shiver through me. These past few months have been a whirlwind—two people who once despised each other, shifting into something else.
Something undeniable. We went from enemies to friends to something much more dangerous.
The way his body fit against mine, the way his hands claimed me like I belonged to him…
Like I had always belonged to him. He felt like a missing puzzle piece I never knew was gone until now.
Josh leaned against the wall, arms crossed. “There’s only one way to find out if you’ll have all those things.”
I swallowed hard, nodding slowly. My fingers clenched into fists before I forced them to relax. A deep breath in. A slow exhale out.
“Okay,” I whispered, steeling myself. “Let me go pee on a stick.”
Fifteen minutes. That’s how long I’ve been pacing outside, my sneakers kicking up dust on the ranch’s dirt path.
My breath is uneven, my chest tight, but it’s not my blood sugar—I took my insulin, and I still feel like I can’t breathe.
I thought stepping outside would help, that the crisp morning air and the sight of the horses grazing in the distance would ground me. It hasn’t.
“Here.” Josh’s voice pulls me from my spiral.
He hands me a glass of water, his other hand gripping both pregnancy tests.
His expression is unreadable, steady, like he’s trying not to spook me.
“It’s always best to take at least two,” he had told me earlier, and I’m glad I listened.
The box had come with two, just in case.
I take the water and down it in two large gulps, but it does nothing to loosen the knot in my stomach.
“Are you ready?”
I had told him we would look together. Then, five minutes in, I changed my mind and told him he had to look first. Then, I decided I couldn’t look at all.
I set the glass down on the ground, dragging a shaky hand through my thick waves. “Yes. No. Yes—ugh.” I let out a frustrated breath before stopping abruptly. My pulse pounds in my ears.
“Okay. I’m ready.”
Josh studies me for a moment, then carefully flips both tests over and places them in my hands, face down. I swear my heart is beating so fast it might give out.
I turn the first one over.
My stomach drops.
I turn the second one over.
My knees go weak.
Not pregnant.
The words blur as I stare down at them, my mind struggling to process what they mean.
I should feel relieved. This is a good thing.
A smart thing. Nick will be relieved too—we can part ways without any ties, just like we planned.
No complications. No messy emotions. No future we never meant to have.
This is what I wanted.
So why does it feel like something inside me just cracked open?
I try to remind myself—I’m not ready to be a mother. A child deserves more than two people who accidentally stumbled into this situation. We should bring a baby into this world because of love, not convenience.
But then, an image flashes through my mind—big blue eyes, soft curls, tiny fingers wrapping around mine. A baby girl. Our baby.
Would we have had a girl or a boy? Would they have his smirk? My laugh? His emerald green eyes or my baby blues? The thoughts crash into me, one after another, relentless and unforgiving. Before I realize it, a tear slips down my cheek, landing silently on the plastic stick in my hands.
I wiped away my tears.
“Are you okay?”
Josh’s voice cut through the fog in my mind, yanking me back to reality. I blinked, realizing I had been staring at nothing, lost in the weight of my own thoughts.
“Sorry,” I mumbled, my voice thick. I swiped at my damp cheeks, sniffling. “I don’t even know why I’m crying. This is good. It’s what I wanted. I just—” My throat closed up, the words tangling together. “I think I just need a minute.”
I turned to walk away, but Josh’s arms wrapped around me, pulling me against his chest before I could take a full step. The warmth of him, the steady rise and fall of his breathing—it shattered the last bit of control I had left.
I broke.
The sobs came hard and fast, racking through me like a storm. Tears poured down my face, soaking into the fabric of his shirt. I didn’t even know why I was crying—only that I was. It felt like I had lost something that was never mine to begin with.
Loco curled up at my feet, pressing his warm body against my legs. That only made it worse, because that’s all I would ever have—a dog. No family. No future. Just me, growing old alone, the girl who could never get her shit together enough to have a normal life.
I choked on another sob, my hands gripping the fabric of Josh’s shirt. “ I-I’m sorry for making your shirt wet.” I wiped at the damp fabric, my fingers trembling.
“Shhh, it’s okay.” His voice was low, soothing, as he pressed his lips to the top of my head. He gently tilted my chin up with his finger, forcing me to meet his gaze. “You’re okay, Mel.”
His thumb brushed a tear from my cheek, and for a moment, we just stared at each other.
His eyes flickered back and forth between mine, something unreadable swirling in them.
The moment stretched, pulling me back to another time—a time when Josh was my sweet, patient boyfriend, when he loved me and I couldn’t love him back.
Not the way he deserved. I had been too lost, drowning my demons in alcohol and bad decisions.
But now… Now, I wondered. Could we have worked if I had been different back then and hadn’t been so broken? Could we have been something real?
Josh’s fingers tightened slightly on my chin, his gaze darkening. “You’re so beautiful, Melanie.” His voice was barely above a whisper, so soft I almost wasn’t sure if he had actually said it.
And then, his lips slammed on mine.
For a split second, I froze. His mouth was warm, gentle, and careful. But then reality slammed into me like a freight train, and I shoved him back, my breath coming in short, sharp gasps.
“Josh.” My voice was firm, warning.
His eyes widened, as if he had just realized what he had done. He ran a hand through his hair, stepping back. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I just did that. You just looked so… beautiful. And vulnerable. And I—”
I shook my head, backing away, my heart still pounding for all the wrong reasons.
“Get the fuck away from her.”
The sharpness of Nick’s voice cut through the thick tension in the air, yanking me back to reality. My head snapped toward him just as he threw his helmet to the ground, his boots kicking up dust as he stormed toward us.
“Nick, it was an accident—a mistake.” I held out my hands, trying to stop him, but his furious gaze was locked onto Josh.