9. Abigail – “Music is a weapon in the war against unhappiness.”-Jason Mraz
9
Abigail
“Music is a weapon in the war against unhappiness.”-Jason Mraz
It turns out it only took one kiss for me to feel entitled to act like that psycho-girl and break all the rules. Not that we had any, but we had a system down at school. A pattern, if you will, that worked until it didn’t, until now. I got a taste, and I wanted more. I wanted his toxins to release inside me and continue to give me that high he left me with in the car on our birthdays.
We rarely talked to one another on school grounds, if ever, minus lunch, since it would confuse people and cause them to gossip, which we both hated. Having any negative attention on us would be the talk of the town, so our system worked in our favor. We were friends in secret, and I was okay with that. But today, I wanted to talk to him and ask if he wanted to start a new band. Not for anything serious, mainly for fun, an excuse to be around him again. I found out the rumors were true about the Fallen Angels. Not only were they true, but everyone had fucked each other over in one way or another. It was sad because I know how much Blake relied on Duke, Brooks, and Edison not only for passing time or to help him not think about drugs but he looked at them as brothers, family even, and so did I. It’s probably why he was the only one who never went behind their backs and fucked any of their girlfriends.
I sucked in a long breath as I watched Blake open his locker to put his history and science books inside. And take out his English book.
“Hey,” I say right as he shuts the door. He ignores me as he searches for something in his backpack, and panic runs up my chest.
“I said hi.”
Slowly, he lifts his gaze to meet mine and furrows his eyebrows before quickly saying.
“What are you doing?”
I look around in confusion. “I thought you may want to walk to class together.” I plaster on a smile, and he remains emotionless. His eyes seem glossed over, and I can't tell if he is high or not. Lately, he hasn’t been joining me at lunch outside as often. He’s grown massively over the past year and is becoming everything he said he hated, a football player.
“Ya, sure. But it’s probably best we never do this again.” He started walking, and I almost had to jog to keep up.
“Why? We’re friends, Blake. It’s not like we are sleeping together, so don’t worry. Being seen with me won’t make you look like you go slumming since I’m not one of your cheerleader bunnies with bleach-blonde hair.” The taste of bitterness lines my lips. I never got this mad this quick, but it had to be the Scorpio in me. The inevitable toxins flowed through my veins because I was tired of his distant demeanor towards me at school. He can’t just make out with me one minute and then act like I don’t even exist the next. And not just make out. We were practically fucking with our mouths towards the end. That’s how heated things got between us.
He stops abruptly, almost causing me to topple over him. “Abs, I’m not worried about me. I’m worried about you. It won’t make a difference if people see me with you, but it will make one if they see you with me.”
I squint my eyes at him and try to understand what he’s trying to say.
“Believe me, sweat heart,”
My heart nearly stops. It’s been a while since he called me that and I didn’t realize how much I missed hearing it from his lips.
“Those guys will eat you up and tear you apart. You may be toxic and think you’re a badass, but the kids that hang around me are deathly. Your venom is sweet. They will make sure to make you feel uncomfortable. And I know we don’t talk about our-” he hesitates. “Addictions, but we both know we aren’t doing as good as we both proclaim.”
He starts to walk off, and my pride tells me to stop, but I keep going like the idiot I am.
“Then talk to me. Open up. It’s what brought us together.”
“Our fucked-up ways of coping with life is what brought us together, Abs, not fate. Don’t let that zodiac garbage fog your thinking.”
I hear a few girls snicker behind me. And I have to hold back a tear.
“Now, let's get to class.” He says under his breath as he walks off.
I stood rooted to the ground as people passed me by. And I stared at the back of Blake's head until I didn’t see it anymore. I felt a warm breath hit my ear, causing me to flinch. I see Toby in my peripheral vision since he’s so close to me, but I couldn’t see his entire face.
“Why didn’t you say you liked your dicks the way you liked your men, Abigail? Or maybe you liked your dicks to resemble the way you look right now. Pathetic and disgusting.” Toby and his friends walk off, laughing lightly, and one of them looks back at me before going to class.
Don’t cry, Don’t cry. Don’t cry.
Toby is just pissed you blew him off. When the halls started to clear, I decided to do something I never thought I would do. I skip class and run to the bathroom so no one will see me shed a single tear until my mom comes to pick me up.
I waited for a text to arrive at 11:11 that night, but it never did. It was the first time he had forgotten to make a wish. I didn’t know if he had forgotten or was doing it on purpose, but after today, I assumed it was on purpose. It was the first night in a long time I had cried myself to sleep.
“Music is a weapon in the war against unhappiness.” — Jason Mraz