23. Abigail – “Music does not replace words, it gives tone to the words” — Elie Wiesel
23
Abigail
“Music does not replace words, it gives tone to the words” — Elie Wiesel
It was close to 11:11 a.m., so I plopped on my bed to meditate before my wish. Well, technically, Colt's bed since he owned this luxurious lake house. I stared up at the ceiling as I let my wet hair sprawl out underneath me. Remembering the burnt butter smell mixed with sugary delight, I thought about how I should have eaten breakfast with Colt and Bodie. He was doing me a favor after all. It’s rude not to eat with someone when they invite you.
Gosh, my mind is so wrapped up in bills, college, and saving money that basic social skills are becoming challenging to manage. In my defense, I did just have a protein shake, but I guess I could have sat with them, chatted and gotten to know Josh’s brother.
Blake’s brother . It is still blowing my mind how they all are related.
As much as I wanted to know everything about Colt Killian, I felt like I was invading his space. If Naomi had been here, it would have felt different. I would have felt less awkward.
Maybe.
Hell, even if Josh was living with us, it might break the tension. I roll over, grab my laptop on the edge of the bed, and pull it close to me, opening it up. I decided to go ahead and take that bio-chemistry class, which everyone I spoke with said was easier to take in the summer than during the school year. I check my email and see that there is already a list of homework assigned for us.
“Great,” I mutter to myself. After a few minutes of going through my emails, I look back to the clock—11:11 on the dot.
“I wish I didn't care about a man taking care of me, so I don't have to stress about school or money anymore. I wish I could have the option of living a stress-free life so I don’t form gray hairs and wrinkles in my forties,” I laugh to myself right after the words leave my mouth.
Ya right Abigail, You’re not pretty enough to grab that lifestyle.
For some reason, Colt pops in my head. I look over at the clock. 11:13. I’m sure he already left with Bodie since it was over two hours ago that I fed them breakfast. I didn’t know Colt had a ranch but maybe that’s why he had a lake house out here, to be close to his land. It must be nice to have gotten lucky and paid millions to work a seasonal job throwing a football. Yes, you sacrifice your physical well-being but I haven’t heard anyone complain so far about being in the NFL, or any professional sport. That was most guys' dream. To be worshiped by women and treated like a king. And it’s not like NFL players did anything to help anyone, save anyone, invent anything, or learn anything new. You play a sport for a living and make millions. That's it.
“Maybe I needed to become a stripper and suck up my pride.” Groaning to myself, I roll over in my towel, and decided to get dressed.
I need to tell Mel I’ll have to decline the job she offered. As much as I would love to stay home and not go anywhere, I think becoming a bartender is going to fit my schedule more, now that I’ll be studying and attending class during the day. Besides I only have to work three days a week and I’ll make around the same amount of money with the job she told me about. I didn’t hate bartending but I didn’t love it either.
I let the towel fall to the ground as I dug through my suitcase to fetch a pair of panties and a bra. Jared loved sexy underwear. That may be the only good thing that came out of our relationship. He was hands down the best dresser I’ve ever seen. Even under his clothes he had to be matching. I slip my underwear on first then grab my bra. I secure the latch from the front then shift it around, slipping one arm in each hoop. I turn around at the same time I’m met with those bright blue eyes.
“Jesus!” I shout covering my body with the towel on the ground.
“Oh, shit,” Colt covers his eyes like the sun is blinding him. “I’m sorry. I’m not used to knocking since no one-”
“You scared me,” I say through a breath, cutting him off.
“Uh ya, I apologize. I’m glad you were…. Dressed.” He uncovers his eyes. “Somewhat at least.” He bites his lower lip, and I know he’s trying to bite back a smile
I glare at him. “Is there something you need?”
He eyes me up and down, swallowing hard.
“Ya...No,” he says, correcting himself quickly. “Bodie insisted on coming to ask you if you would like to go with us.”
Bodie huh?
“But I assumed you would be busy so no pressure or anything. But if you want to come see his horse. I know it would make Bodie’s day.”
Fuck me, How can I say no to that. At the same time, I needed to get some stuff done before I started working next week, but I could do it when I got back.
“Sure.”
Colt's eyebrows raise an inch. “Are you sure?”
“Ya, I mean unless you don’t want me to come?”
“No, I do. I would love for you to come. Please—come,” he says with hesitancy. I think he caught his double entendre just now, too.
My chest is moving up and down, and I damn near had a full-blown orgasm with his voice alone. What the fuck is wrong with you Abigail? You need to have some mind-blowing sex or something because getting turned on by a perfectly innocent conversation, at least I think it is, was not normal.
“Okay,” I cleared my throat. Give me five minutes to get dressed.” I threw a thumb over my shoulder.
“Okay, cool. We’ll be outside when you're ready.”
“Sounds good.” I smile but when I realize I’m smiling too wide, I tone it down a bit.
He quietly shuts the door, and I slowly breathe in and out. Why did this feel like a bad idea? Not in the sense I would regret it, but in the sense that I know I may like it. Have fun even. And it’s been so long since I had fun with a man. Jared was a party animal, so I always had to be responsible. I never called into work sick because I was too scared to get behind on bills. I deserved a little relaxation before school started. I deserved to let my hair down, even if I had to let it down around Colt Killian. Who was he to judge me?
Fifteen minutes later, we pulled up to a tiny house surrounded by lots of land. Horses were grazing in the background. From here, it looked like there were five horses. Little did Colt know I loved horses. They were so beautiful—one of my favorite animals to look at. There were two white ones, a black one, and two red ones. The black one looked more like a stallion, with how thick and filled out he looked.
Colt parks his truck and Bodie jumps out of his seat. “C’mon Abigail, let's meet Bolt!” he shouts.
I was thankful Bodie was here, or this would have been an awkward drive with me in the front seat next to Colt. With Bodie talking a mile a minute, it left no room for silence or awkwardness. Bodie starts running up to the porch as I jump out of the truck since it sits up so high. It was a cozy-looking house, nothing special. I could tell it had been remodeled, and there was fresh white paint, along with new shutters painted a dark brown, or maybe it was the color of the actual wood. Even though it was simple and out in the middle of nowhere, I loved it
As we walked up to the house, The smell of manure hit your nose instantly. The house had a gorgeous porch that stretched to each end, a dream of mine. A rocking chair was on one side, and a porch swing on the other. That’s one thing that I hated about modern homes, you never saw porches in front of the homes anymore.
“Well, there he is,” an older lady says as she opens the door. Right away, I could tell she was Colt's mom. She had the same blue eyes and high cheekbones as him. Her hair was much blonder, so I’m not sure if that was natural or she dyed it, but she had a darker complexion than most women who have that blonde hair, so I’m going to take a guess and say she dyed it.
“Come and give your Grammy some sugar.” She pulls Bodie in for a hug and glances over at Colt as we walk up to the porch. She hugs him and makes a guttural sound. “I’ve missed you. And guess what I made for you?”
“What?” Bodie asks looking up at her. “Some sweet tea and fried chicken, Daddy’s favorite.”
Colt smiles as he walks up to the steps. “Hey, momma.”
“There’s my oldest baby boy.” She wraps a hand around his neck and gives him a wet kiss on the cheek.
“You two going to go riding today?”
“Yes!” Bodie shouts.
“It’s a beautiful day.” Her accent isn’t a country one, since it’s not heavy but more of the kind you would hear out in North Carolina, the sweet southern drawl kind.
She looks over at me as I stand awkwardly by the post of the steps, with my hands behind my back.
“And who’s this young lady?” She says with a warm smile.
Colt looks over at me and raises a hand. “Momma, this is a friend of Josh’s, Abigail.”
“Hi,” I brush my sweaty palm on the side of my jean shorts, holding it out to her. “Nice to meet you,” I say with a cheesy grin.
“Lovely to meet you as well Abigail,” She swats my hand away and gestures for me to come in for a hug. “We don’t do none of that formal greetin’ around here.”
Warmth spreads through my core, and for a second, I let myself relish in this moment, this feeling of coziness, family, and security. It’s the opposite of how my parents made me feel when I came home to see them—at least for the last 10 years.
“I’m Nora by the way, but call me Grammy. That’s how I’m known around here. Now how did these boys drag you along to their cowboy shenanigans?”
I laughed politely which came naturally because I didn’t know if I was nervous or not.
“Grammy, I begged Dad to ask her,” Bodie said.
Colt’s mother looks down. “I bet you did, a man of persuasion. Just like your daddy.”
She gives a loving smile to Colt. One that says, I know you, inside and out, flaws and all but I love you anyway.
“Do you plan on ridin’ those horses too Abigail?”
I felt Colts' gaze burn through me. I knew he was checking me out. I was wearing tight jean shorts and a white tank top, a blue open-buttoned plaid long-sleeved shirt, and white tennis shoes to match.
“Oh, no, I never have, so it probably would be a good idea to sit this one out.”
“Lovely, we can sip on some sweet tea and talk girl talk, which is code for gossip. I love me some good ol’ fashion gossip.”
“Momma, don’t scare her now,” Colt says.
“Boy, you know I’m teasing. You boys go on and get those horses some exercise. Lord knows they look at me like I ain’t nothing but the old bones with food.”
“Grammy, I wanted to show Abigail my horse and how he’s the coolest thing ever!”
“And you can. Why don’t you go get him ready and wear him out a bit so that when he meets Miss Abigail, he will be nice and calm? How does that sound? And by then, you’ll be hungry for some food, too.”
“Okay, Grammy.” Bodie’s boyish voice melts my heart.
“Don’t overdo it with the questions, Ma, and please…don’t embarrass yourself,” Colt says before walking back inside the house, where I assume there‘s a back door.
“I should be telling you that.” She turns back around to meet my gaze with an even bigger smile.
“Now, how about we get inside with the cool air and have some sweet tea? The back porch has a fan, so we can watch these boys try to be Indiana Jones on crack.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. For an old lady, she had a sense of humor, and I didn’t mind it, not one bit.
It was beautiful out here. You could see the Ozark mountains from her backyard, which was more like an acreage yard. There was nothing but land for miles, but it was calming. After being in LA for almost five years, this was practically therapeutic to my soul. No hustle and bustle. No honking horns. No being caught in traffic. No wanna-be models roaming the streets. Just the fresh air and noise of the wind blowing along with horses galloping. Green grass and dirt are what I get a whiff of, and a sense of peace washes over me. Being out here made you think about God, timing, and why things happened the way they did.
The warm air hits my face as the breeze picks up.
“How’s your tea hun?” Nora asks
“It’s good.”
“Are you sure? You haven’t drank any of it so I wasn’t sure it was too sweet.”
This is the part I hated about dealing with an eating disorder. You thought about calories non-stop. I took a couple of sips, and I could tell it was loaded with sugar. It was good but almost too good. So I figured if I took a couple of sips to slow the process of drinking it, she wouldn’t notice
I fake laughed. “Oh, sorry, I was just enjoying the fresh air.”
She side-eyed me. I think she could tell I was full of shit. “Well, everyone that comes over to my house always drinks my tea in two gulps. So I didn’t know if you were diabetic or anything. I do have sugar-free tea if you'd rather have that.”
Ya, she knew I was lying, alright. “No, this is fine.” I force myself to drink a massive gulp before cupping the glass back in my hand.
“So you’re friends with Josh, huh?” She says, still staring out into the field. Watching Bodie and Colt gallop on their horses.
“Yeah, we became good friends in college, and once we knew we were neighbors back home, it helped since we liked to travel back here on holidays together.”
“That’s nice. Josh is a good kid. But he sure needs to calm that partying down.”
“Ya, I tell him that all the time,” I say, loosening my grip on the glass cup.
“I guess when your biological parents are wild, it’s inevitable.” She says with pursed lips.
“Speaking of, what’s it like being a mom to an NFL player, who’s the son of a former one as well.”
She scoffs. “Well, Cliff ain’t much of a father, but he did love his football. He worshiped it - along with himself.”
She wasn’t fond of his dad at all, we had that in common.
She let out a deep sigh. “Cliff playing pro ball seemed like ages ago. Time is the thief of life.”
“Is Colt a lot like his dad?” I asked her questions first since I hated talking about myself, especially when she admitted she loved to gossip.
“Somewhat, he’s stubborn, determined, and he says he is tired of football but I know he would have been lost without it. Just like these animals.”
“Animals?”
“Yeah, before Bodie turned one, Colt had cows, horses, pigs, chickens, a whole farm out here. It’s what he liked to do when he was home. Tend to the animals, be out here in nature. He’s always loved the outdoors. But when the NFL and fatherhood got too demanding, he had to eliminate most of the animals. He just didn’t have time for them.”
“I never heard of an NFL player who loved to farm. Most of them, I figured, were into the flashy lifestyle and fast cars, and-.”
“Women?” She narrows her eyes at me as she rocks in her chair. “Oh, he had his fair share of women, but my son was never the type to settle down unless it felt right. It’s why he’s almost thirty and has never been married or even close to it.”
I furrow my brow at her. “He wasn’t married to Bodie’s mom?”
“Heavens no child. And thank the Lord, she gets enough money out of him just from child support. Even though my son takes care of Bodie, he pays her money just to keep her happy and not threaten to take Bodie, which she would be a dumbass if she tried to do. I just thank God he listened to me every day when he was minutes away from popping the question.”
“So he almost did marry her?” I ask
“Yes, until he came to his senses.”
“Did he not love her?”
“Colt is… I’m not sure how to put this without just saying it.”
I knew where she was going with this. “He closed up his heart after a tragic experience, and ever since then, he isn’t the type to put his heart on display.”
Blake’s death . She was talking about Blake's death, but I played dumb.
“Did something happen to him?” I ask.
“No, no. Cliff is…. let’s just say he loved to spread his seed. Colt has three siblings that we know of.” She laughs lightly to herself. “But one of them passed away, and Colt took it hard, and I think it’s because it was around the time Blake and he were getting close, well I say close. Colt never got close to any of his siblings except for Blake. He even told me he was going to try to take full custody of him once he felt like Blake would open his eyes and see Cliff’s true colors. But that day never came. Blake worshiped the ground his dad walked on, and from the outside looking in, I couldn’t blame him. Cliff was drop-dead gorgeous, an ex-NFL player, and one of the biggest charmers I knew. But he was a real mess deep down, and Colt was finding out all this stuff that Cliff kept hidden from the media when he forced Colt to help raise Blake. The biggest misconception of it all to the media was that he was broke as a joke. And poor Blake wasn’t aware because Cliff had a knack for dating successful women. Somehow their success made his failure feel less like a fuck up. Excuse my French.” She takes a sip of her tea.
I laughed to myself. “None taken,”
“Josh never talked about his dad or mentioned the name Cliff.” I try to act like I know nothing about Blake. I wasn’t sure if Colt wanted me to even reveal that to his mom, so I just played it off as if I was ignorant. The fact that I know Josh and Blake, on top of Colt who dated my cousin, is enough to mind fuck any old lady.
“Ya, well, that’s because Cliff didn’t even stay with Josh’s mom but a mere few seconds.”
“But they had a kid together?.”
“It’s a figure of speech. She was a wine-and-dine kinda gal. Nice lady. I met her once when they came to Colt’s celebration before he went to the NFL. Cliff had no idea she was even pregnant until she told him five months later. By that point, she was already with the guy Josh calls his dad. She was a pretty thang, but man, dumb as rocks. How on earth do you not know if you’re pregnant until five months? I mean, by that point, surely you would feel something is different. It's a human being growing inside you for crying out loud.”
“She didn’t know?”
“She claimed she had messed up periods to begin with. And she was so tiny, her stomach just looked like she ate a cheeseburger at 5 months.”
I enjoyed talking to Colt's mom. She was actually very intriguing, and she wasn’t lying, she loved to talk. But I didn’t mind since it felt like the first time in a long time someone remembered I was here.
“Momma, you’re not scaring her away with all the family drama, are you?”
I look over and Colt has his shirt off, and a thin sheen of sweat is covering his torso.
Holy shit he was gorgeous.
He put on a baseball hat that read Arizona Cardinals at some point. I had to rub my jaw to make sure it wasn’t hanging open. I've never seen anyone look so damn perfect. I see why my cousin was obsessed with him. When I walked in on him with Heidi, he was fully clothed so I left the rest to my imagination, but the real thing succeeded even my wildest dreams.
“Uh huh, you galloping around with your shirt off isn’t helping so you must not care too much.”
“Grammy, did you see how high Bolt Jumped ?” Bodie asked.
Bodie was sitting in front of Colt, nestled in between his legs. I wasn’t sure how Colt looked sexy and so damn cute at the same time. It was hard to picture him as a dad since Blake made him out to be this selfish asshole. I tried to hold onto Blake's words, but the more I tried, the easier it was to let them go.
“I sure did. See, I told you Bolt needed some exercise. He was waiting for you,” Nora said.
“Ya, I know. Dad said I can stay the night more now that I’ll be seven and ride Bolt whenever I want.”
“Oh, did he now?” His mom sipped her tea, eyeing her son over the glass
“Ya, Grammy would love to spend time with her only grandson. Ain't that right, Ma?”
“I swear, I told myself I did something wrong in my past life to only be surrounded by testosterone all day long, even the horses were males.” She leans over and whispers to me.
“What’s that?” Colt says.
“Oh nothing, dear son.” Her sarcastic tone made me feel something light in my stomach—something foreign. Security, maybe?
“You two go round the horses up, come in, and have some lunch before you head out.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Colt’s eyes fixate on me. “Are you sure you don’t want to ride one? I know Ma’s too scared with her old bones.”
Nora waves Colt off with her hand.
“But I thought you might like to ride one, they are fun when they go fast.” He winks and I almost die on the spot. He is so damn sexy and flirty. But why is he flirting with me in front of his mom?
“Hey, get your mind out of the gutter. Always thinking with your Peter.” Nora stands to her feet. “I hope you brought your appetite, Abigail. You’re in for a real treat.”
“Oh, I’m not all that hungry.”
“Nonsense. People travel for miles to eat my chicken. Besides, you need to put some more meat on those bones. This isn’t L.A. Forget about your matcha tea, organic tofu, and gluten-free bread. Try my chicken, and I guarantee you’ll forget about that fad-bull-crap for at least a week.”She gets up from her rocking chair, and a few years ago, calling me skinny would have delighted me, but now it only reminds me of the demons that haunt me every day.