Chapter One #2
Zeus lifted one eyebrow when Tracker didn’t move. “You know the drill. Why are you still standing there?”
Tracker shook his head and climbed into bed. “Do you at least want a pair of pajama pants or something?”
Zeus snorted as he took off his pants.
Tracker couldn’t stop smiling. Zeus wore bright red boxer shorts with dramatic text boxes. Each one had a different comic book saying. The way his face hurt from the huge grin reminded Tracker he didn’t get to smile this much.
Zeus crawled into bed next to Tracker and rolled to face him. “May I ask you a personal question?”
Tracker was taken aback slightly. Zeus had him out of his shirt, which no one ever saw. It seemed crazy to ask for permission at this point. “Shoot.”
“Why don’t you date?”
That one might have knocked the happiness out of Tracker if he intended to be honest. “What’s the point? It’s not like I can have a sincere relationship with some random person. Not with who I am or what I do.”
Zeus’ neutral expression never changed. “Okay. How about this? You give me the truth, and I’ll tell you something uncomfortable about me.”
Damn. Zeus had anything to be uncomfortable about?
By nature, Tracker was an inquisitive person.
He wanted to know. Since there was nothing else for it but to do it quickly, that was what he did.
“You know why. I choke at giving you my shirt, and you have zero interest in me to lose at the sight of me unclothed.” Despite his determination to answer fast, every word got harder to say.
Yet he couldn’t seem to shut up. “I’m already lonely as hell.
Being rejected isn’t something I care to experience.
Ever.” He added that last bit to ensure Zeus didn’t think about matchmaking or any such nonsense.
Zeus' gaze moved over Tracker’s face. “What makes you think I have zero interest in you?”
The absurdity almost made him laugh. Almost. The absolute longing hit with such a force, it shocked Tracker into silence for a moment. When he spoke, he couldn’t make his voice go above a whisper. “Please don’t toy with me like that. It’s not fair to—”
“I haven’t had sex with anyone in over two years.”
Now, that interruption had Tracker forgetting everything.
As far as uncomfortable confessions went, that had to be huge for Zeus.
“Wow.” Tracker blinked. “Wow.” He didn’t know why he repeated himself.
“You’re…well, you don’t need me to tell you.
There’s an entire club of people begging for you every night.
Are you bored? I mean, you literally have your pick of any kink and person. ”
“My club is my job. Keeping control there is everything. Everyone at my feet is there looking to be kept on their knees. It’s not necessarily about sex. But to answer your question, no. I’m not bored.”
Tracker’s confusion tripled. “Then why?”
Zeus smiled. “If I answer that, then I’m giving two confessions. You only gave me one.”
Tracker shrugged. “Ask me another question.” It couldn’t get worse than the last.
“When was the last time you had sex?”
He stood corrected. It could get worse. “Ask me anything but that.”
The way Zeus looked at him made Tracker feel like Zeus saw inside his soul and plucked out the answer on his own. “You should let me make love to you.”
Tracker’s brain froze. All thought left him. He honestly wasn’t sure he would ever think again.
Zeus held his breath and never broke eye contact.
He shouldn’t have said anything. Nothing good ever came from him showing an ounce of emotion to anyone.
Everyone knew he was that guy. The one with no feelings.
The one no one could love. It was the desperation and loneliness in Tracker’s eyes.
No one else saw it, and Zeus couldn’t see anything else.
“You’re my best friend.”
Zeus didn’t back down. “And you’re mine.”
“You don’t understand. I don’t have anyone else like you.
For fuck’s sake, I’m talking to a guy online who may not even be a guy.
For all I know, he’s a CIA agent or something.
He’s always busy, so he’s very likely married.
But I keep holding my breath for every message he sends because that’s as close as I’ll ever be to having any sort of romantic relationship.
If we had sex, you wouldn’t see me the same.
You’d see me the way you do everyone else.
Then you’d come around less and less until I never saw you again. ”
Zeus had to stay calm. Tracker needed him to be steady and patient. He also needed Zeus to touch him… or maybe Zeus had to tell himself that. “Please stop. You’re the smartest person I know. Take a step back and breathe.”
Tracker drew a sharp and shaky breath. The sound of it seemed to shock Tracker back to reality. He took another breath, as if he needed to prove he was calm.
Zeus took it as a good sign. “I really hope you didn’t mean at least half of what you said. Do you really think that about me? Do you think I could walk away from you?”
Tracker’s eyes fell closed, as if it hit him how far he had gone. When his eyes reopened, he looked crestfallen. “No. You’re way more amazing than anyone realizes. I’m just—” Tracker gave up. Zeus practically felt the defeat hit him.
Zeus regretted everything about starting this conversation. “I love you.”
A small smile touched Tracker’s lips. “I love you too.”
Zeus dipped his chin. “You’re incredible. Here.” Zeus moved closer. “Come here.” He snagged Tracker and hauled him against his chest, snuggling with him. “Let me at least do this. You need to be held, and I need to hold you, okay?”
Tracker let out a tired-sounding laugh against his chest. “Okay.”
He kissed Tracker’s head and didn’t move away. “Maybe you’ll let me kiss you sometime.”
Tracker chuckled again.
Zeus felt Tracker’s muscles relax. That was good. Zeus wasn’t toying with Tracker. This was important to him. He ran his hand down Tracker’s spine. Zeus kept his touch intentional. Humans need human touch as much as they need food, water, and air to survive.
Zeus spoke softer, luring Tracker in. “Maybe if you don’t hate my kiss, after you give it some thought, you can let me know about the making-love thing.”
Tracker’s lips lightly brushed his chest.
Zeus closed his eyes and savored the sensation. Tracker didn’t understand. Zeus needed this too. No one touched him and felt anything. That feather kiss had more genuine emotion behind it than any kiss he had ever experienced.
“Why did you decide to go celibate?”
The quiet question brushed his skin with every syllable. “Because I can’t stand another fake touch.”
Tracker leaned away enough to meet his stare. There was no way he knew how he looked. His face gave away so much. He was soft and open. His expression was one Tracker had never seen. It was genuine love. “Why me, then?”
“You’d never touch me and not mean it.” And Zeus couldn’t get Tracker out of his head.
He ruled every thought Zeus had. Zeus stayed awake at night strategizing ways to be near him.
Even in the low lighting, Zeus knew the exact shade of dark blue in Tracker’s eyes.
He had every inch of him memorized, from the way Tracker’s hair parted to the way he smiled when he winked.
Zeus wanted Tracker to see himself the way Zeus did when he looked in the mirror.
Tracker was flawless, and he couldn’t see it.
“I’ll think about it.”
The response nearly shocked Zeus out of his usual ironclad control. “I won’t pressure you. Just let me know when you’ve decided.”
Tracker shook his head and buried his face against Zeus' chest again. “God knows that’s all I’ll be thinking about now.” His nose pressed against Zeus’ collarbone. “And why do you always smell good? It’s like you even sweat pretty.”
The disgruntled tone had Zeus shaking with laughter. Every second with Tracker was perfect. He could die just like this. A fairytale ending.