Thirty-One
Alex
The headlights of Blaine’s Range Rover light up the street as he pulls up in front of my house.
We’re going to Kendrick’s tonight for dinner, so I can meet his wife. After the night at Ethan’s, Kendrick kept to his word about the two of us going over to see if she has any advice for me.
“He’s here; I’ll see you in the morning,” I call out to my brother.
“Have a nice night,” Jacob shouts back from where he’s curled up on the couch.
I pick up my duffel bag from the floor and hightail it out of the house and down the steps to the sidewalk. Snow crunches beneath my feet, and a cold shiver takes over my body when I slip into the passenger seat of Blaine’s car.
He leans over the center console, pressing his lips to mine in a warm kiss. “Hey, baby.”
I melt like butter.
“Hey,” comes out all breathy.
He pulls away from the sidewalk and heads to Lakeview. “Maria’s cooking her famous paella tonight; it’s so fucking good.”
He tells me about Maria—how Kendrick met her in college ten years ago and they’ve been married for six—but all the while, anxiety builds up inside of me.
I’d suggested to Nate that maybe I should delete all forms of social media, but his answer was that I shouldn't remove myself from social media just because some people can’t handle the fact that I’m with Blaine. But I can’t see any other option.
I care so much for him; hell, I’m falling in love with him. I just need to make sure I’m mentally strong enough to deal with what comes with being with someone like Blaine.
Thankfully, he doesn’t notice my internal war, and we pull up in front of a three-story red brick home, surrounded by wrought iron gates.
There’s a warm, homely glow seeping from the windows, and my anxiety eases slightly at the sight.
Blaine parks his car and takes my hand as we walk up the steps to the front door.
He knocks on the black door twice, and moments later the door swings open to reveal a pint-sized woman with bright pink hair.
“Hey! I’m glad you could make it; come in.” She steps aside to let us in.
I wipe my feet on the doormat and toe off my sneakers. She takes our coats and hangs them on a hook.
“You must be Alex.” She opens her arms, and I have to crouch down to hug her. “It’s so lovely to meet you. Adam’s told me all about you.”
I grimace, and she laughs.
“Nothing bad, silly.” She pulls away and leads us through into the kitchen, where Kendrick’s lurking near a pie. “You better not be touching that apple pie, mister.”
Kendrick’s head whips up, guilt written across his features. “I wasn’t doing anything.”
She wags her finger. “It’s meant to be shared. You can’t eat it all.”
Blaine steps behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder. Kendrick gets us drinks, and we watch in fascination as the pink-haired pixie whizzes around the kitchen.
As Blaine promised, her chicken and chorizo paella is divine. We talk about the upcoming games and playoff contention, and when we move onto the topic of the trade deadline rumors, Blaine goes tense, but Kendrick waves him off.
“You have nothing to worry about. Coach wouldn’t trade his star forward. I have a feeling it’ll be Petford, or someone like Tait. They’re not really bringing in the points or adding value to the team. Tait is raking up the penalty minutes, and Petford is just an ass.”
But I know Kendrick’s reassuring words won't ease the underlying anxiety Blaine is feeling.
Maria dishes out another one of her staple dishes. “Tarta de manzana,” she announces. “Basically apple pie. My Abuela used to make this every Sunday or for a special event.”
“And it’s my favorite.” Kendrick grins.
Maria rolls her eyes lovingly.
We dig into the delicious pie dish, and Blaine’s hand remains fixed on my thigh as he demolishes the dessert within a few mouthfuls.
“Every time.” He shakes his head with a satisfied groan. “You, Maria, are a saint to the food gods.”
She flicks her pink bob with her hand. “And with compliments like that, you are welcome anytime, sweetie.”
Kendrick stands and takes all our plates, rinsing them off in the sink before stacking them into the dishwasher. Blaine leans in, pressing a soft kiss under my ear.
“They’re good people,” he whispers.
Maria pats Kendrick on the ass as he bends over to fill one of the racks. “You always look so hot doing the dishes.”
“I know.” He stands to his full height, then leans down to press a kiss to her lips. “Thanks for cooking dinner, baby.”
“They’re wonderful,” I reply to Blaine. “And she’s really happy.”
He nods. “She is, but she still deals with the same shit as you.”
As if she’s aware we’re talking about her, she whirls around to face both of us, a large glass of white wine in her hand. “You.” She points to me. “You come with me and Blaine,” she says, facing my man. “You can go with Adam to the man cave for a while.”
I turn to Blaine. His eyebrows crease in concern.
“Oh, sweetie. I’m not going to hurt him.” She walks over and ruffles Blaine’s hair. “You can have him back; I just wanna talk to him, spouse to spouse.”
He opens his mouth to argue, but I interrupt. “It’s okay.”
When he looks at me, his eyes ask, are you sure?
I nod and press a kiss to his lips. I follow Maria through the house to an impressive living room. The fire in the hearth crackles in front of a sectional couch, and when I sit down, I sink into the softest cushions.
“Adam mentioned you’ve been receiving some rather alarming messages recently.” Maria begins, tucking her feet beneath her. “You don’t have to tell me what they said, because I can imagine.”
I sigh, running a hand through my hair.
“It’s not that I don’t trust Blaine, because I do, but it makes me question whether I’m good enough for him. Whether I’m strong enough for him .”
I’ve spoken about these worries with Jacob and Nate, but they haven’t been able to fully understand.
Sometimes at night, I find myself scrolling through the bunny blogs.
Reading through their theories of how Blaine is using me to avoid being traded.
How his agent and Coach demanded he clean up his act else he’d be traded, and how that conversation happened the day he met me.
It's hard not to begin allowing those negative thoughts to seep in. And while I trust Blaine…
What if he gets traded and he doesn’t want to do long distance?
Her face turns sad.
“You know, I get it, literally. I’ve been with Adam since we were in college, about ten years now, and I still get messages from people trying to insinuate that he cheats.
Every away game, I’ll get some photoshopped image that’s supposed to be him DMing them and asking to meet up.
Little do they know that Adam tells me and shows me the shit they send him.
I trust him wholly, but it still hurts. That someone is so jealous of your life that they want to hurt you because of who you love, and still call themselves fans.
” She shakes her head. “It baffles me, so I understand what you’re going through, and I hate to say this won’t be the end of it.
If anything, it will probably become more frequent. ”
“Can I ask what kind of things they say to you?”
She takes a sip of her wine, then takes a deep, shaky breath. “Some are really awful messages, targeting me as a person. They’ll send degrading comments about my appearance and my body, or they’ll send stuff pretending that he’s sent them explicit messages.”
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper.
How can people be so fucking cruel?
“I’ve got a fairly thick skin now, but every one of us knows what you’re going through.
It makes you feel like you shouldn’t be on social media, that you need to distance yourself from the online world to stop the negativity, but it won’t stop it.
You shouldn’t have to hide yourself because some idiotic people are jealous. ”
“How do you deal with it?”
“It’s easier said than done, but I ignore it.
I trust Adam with my life. I’m honest with him when I need reassurance because sometimes the negative gremlins in my brain get too loud, but even then, it’s not because I’m doubting him as a person or as my partner.
We’re still human at the end of the day, but knowing that Adam’s in my corner?
Knowing he loves me no matter what the trolls say, and is always faithful to me?
” She smiles, and it’s filled with love. “It’s what keeps me strong.”
“Some of the things they’ve said…” I trail off, shaking my head.
I rub my chest, trying to ease the ache that’s been present since I saw the worry fill Blaine’s eyes at Ethan’s apartment.
“It’s been awful. I thought it’d stop. I thought that these people would get bored of harassing me, but little did I know it was only the beginning. ”
“People can be assholes. They can say the cruelest things, but most of the time it’s coming from a place of bitter jealousy.
” Maria leans in and places a warm hand on top of mine.
“What you should be feeling is empathy, because that person’s life must be so freakin’ dull that they feel the need to rain on someone else's parade. Blaine adores you. I’ve never seen him so in awe of someone before, and I can tell that he’s falling pretty hard for you. ”
I roll my lips, squeezing my eyes closed to stop them from filling up. I’m falling hard for him too, and what worries me is that I’m going to do exactly what they are saying and hinder his career.
“Do you trust him?”
“Yeah, I do.” I nod.
“Do you believe him when he says he’s not using you for his image?”
I nod again.
“Do you love him?”
“Yeah, I love him so fucking much.”
She smiles wide, and her dark brown eyes begin to glisten with her own unshed tears.
“I’m here for you, for when you struggle with the trolls, but Blaine?
Blaine would set the world on fire for you.
He loves you more than hockey. Heck, he was ready to fight those trolls himself because he was so angry that they tried to take you away from him. ”
I let out a croaked laugh.
Pulling the sleeves of my hoodie over my hands, I wipe my eyes and sniff. “Sorry.”
She shakes her head, patting her palm against my arm.
“Don’t apologize, sweetie, and don’t worry about Blaine.
These boys get so amped up on their emotions sometimes that the best outlet for them is on the ice.
” She leans in again, lowering her voice, “I think it’s good for him, to be honest. It’s about time he finally fell head over heels for someone. ” She winks.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, honey. Us better-half hockey partners have to stick together because it can get really lonely.
People think being with a professional athlete is this incredible lifestyle where you can have everything you could ever want, but what they don’t see is the time you spend on your own because they’re traveling.
How you have to pack up your life and move when they get traded or sign with another team, leaving behind friends and connections you’ve made.
But you know what makes it all worthwhile? ”
“What’s that?” I ask.
She smiles wistfully, like she’s remembering a happy memory.
“Seeing their faces when they win games, when they win their division or conference, or when they lift the Stanley Cup. Watching them achieve their hopes and dreams from when they first picked up a hockey stick. They share all of that with you. Their love is unconditional, and they make up for that lost time by loving you, every fiber of you, so wholly and fervently.”
“Thank you,” I croak, “for welcoming me into your home and for helping me shut down those nuggets of doubt.”
She leans over, bringing me in for a warm hug. “Anytime, honey. I can tell Blaine worships the ground you walk on. He looks at you like you’ve hung the moon and every star in the sky, and I know that he’ll love you in such a way that you’ll never have an inkling of doubt.”
The ache in my chest eases.
Maybe I can do this.
Maybe I can be the man Blaine loves and needs without allowing the trolls to beat me down.