4. Ilaria
4
ILARIA
T he way Dante’s eyes flared with the flames of hell as he drove my car made me think twice before speaking.
Usually, I would say men are babies who overreact over dumb things. For once, I can see where he is coming from with this. Both of us knew what our families would have eventually asked of us. Unfortunately, it was something that would have been held over my father if I had gone far.
It was a quiet ride, the engine of the car the only noise as we navigated tunnels and the dead streets. I was regretting giving him the address to my boyfriend’s house and wondered if he was going to kill him.
Did that make me an accessory to murder?
“A God damn boyfriend. Did you even-”
“Go fuck yourself.” My answer cut off his, as his hands gripped the steering wheel and he pressed a little harder on the gas, shifting the clutch as I am pressed into the passenger seat of my own car from the speed.
Asshole .
I had four glasses of wine with dinner and had been slightly buzzed but after coffee and now, Dante thinking he should take my life into his hands as he threw a temper tantrum, I was feeling very sober and very annoyed with him.
He changed lanes with a quick glance in the mirror and part of me wanted to chastise him for not being more careful while the other part of me tried not to be turned on by the confidence he displayed driving my car. He was so in control, so sure of all his movements as he moved the car through the streets getting closer to the beach front apartment he had made me give him the address to..
Shifting, he moves the car off the exit, not slowing down as I cursed whoever designed Massachusetts off ramps. The sharp turn made me close my eyes, hands on my legs in tight knots as I thought about how I shouldn’t have told him. I should have just dealt with this all by myself instead of involving this lunatic.
A hand was taking mine, resting it on my thigh as I breathed out, looking at Dante who had a smirk on his face, illuminated by the red of the light we were now sitting at.
“You’re safe with me, princess. Even though you’ve found all my buttons and managed to press every single one in the short time we’ve known each other I will never do anything to put you in danger despite all your efforts to get there.”
He lifts my hand to his lips, turning our fingers and pressing a kiss to my wrist, as I wonder if he was as good at playing a role as I am.
Was this Dante playing his role as fiancée? Or was this the real him?
I want to pull my hand away from his but I don’t. I let him hold my hand as he moves our fingers over the clutch, holding our hands over it as he drives towards the apartment complex. My heart beating rapidly as we got closer and I thought about having to break up with Justin.
Justin and I had met the old fashioned way.
It had been a girls night and he had come over asking to buy me a drink. One drink had turned into dancing and then we were talking until the bar closed and he was tucking me into an Uber, texting me when I got home and asking me to breakfast the next morning.
It had all happened so naturally that I hadn’t realized we were dating until a month in and by then it was too late to just stop it.
I had made sure to slow things down, hoping to fizzle things out but Justin had liked taking things slow with me. He said it was nice I wanted to wait and make it special or at least that’s what he had said a month ago.
This past month things had been getting intense.
Intense was a different way to put it when really he had started to put on the pressure, asking me to stay over, pressing his hand up my thigh as I tried to say no.
Breaking up with him wasn’t a heartbreak for me but I still felt nervous.
But that could be because I didn’t know Dante. I didn’t know what his reaction to the man would be or what role he wanted to play in this break up.
Oh fuck, we were here.
“I’m going to let you handle this, princess. You can tell him whatever sweet lie that you want. But when he closes that door and this is done with you’re going to give me your hand and slide this big rock on your finger. We’re going to head home and you’re going to pick a date for our wedding. But most importantly you’re going to sign the god damn permit so my restaurant can open.” Dante’s words hit me as I sit in the car, not making a motion to move yet.
He gives my hand a squeeze before letting go as he finds a parking spot and turns my car off with a quick flick of the key.
This wasn’t going to go well.
“You’ll stay here?” I ask him as he scoffs, already getting out of the car as I mentally freak out.
I hate awkward situations.
I hate breakups and quitting jobs.
That feeling of letting someone down gives me the worst stomach ache possible. The fact I had texted Justin and hadn’t heard back was also not sitting so good with me.
Tucking my phone into my bag I shrugged out of Dante’s jacket, letting it lay on his passenger seat as he holds open my door, a hand extending that I ignored. He grumbles something under his breath as he reaches behind me pulling out the jacket as I walk towards the apartment building, smiling at the doorman as I move inside.
Dante slams the door and I feel him behind me, his jacket folded over his arm, brushing the material that I had carelessly left behind. Usually I wasn’t bad about other people’s things but, the way my stomach knotted as I tried to figure out what to say to Justin had me at capacity for emotions.
“I wish I puked in the bushes.” I mutter as I look at the elevator in front of me. Dante snorts like he was getting off on my misery.
What a pig.
He is the reason we’re here and he is acting like he doesn’t care that I’m freaking out
“I’ll wait here.” I turn to look at him as he takes out his cell phone, the screen lighting up his face. “Five minute timer, princess. Don’t make me come up there.” His warning makes me dizzy as it feels like another layer of pressure is added.
Five minutes is the length of a decent song. Which makes me start thinking of songs that are five minutes long and freaking out because they’re all over too quickly.
The elevator lets out a ding and I step inside of it.
My eyes on Dante who was watching me shake out my hands from my anxiety. They had gone numb from the anxiety attack I am having. Though I had no problem confronting assholes, breaking up with Justin and having a very public engagement felt dirty, wrong.
He didn’t deserve this but I wasn’t about to tell him about the family business. He’d laugh and say I watched too much TV.
I should have never mentioned Justin to Dante.
When I told him I had a boyfriend he had reacted poorly to this news. The anger in his eyes at my perceived disrespect towards him from the situation.
How the fuck was I supposed to know we were getting married?
Dante wanted a name, address, and a breakup.
Instantly .
A text wouldn’t do.
He said it would leave too much hanging out there and invite Justin to try to meet up and talk. He insisted face to face, cut all contact and blocked his number.
He didn’t know how this might actually kill me. I might die doing this. But I couldn’t back down.
Fuck .
I should have had another glass of wine with dinner.
I glanced at my phone feeling like that elevator ride took a full minute. We were on the tenth floor and the way that the doors seemed to take a full year of my life as they gently opened up.
Justin lives in one of the multitude of overpriced condos in East Boston. He had moved there after the bro apartment in Southie had been dismembered, thanks to his friends all growing up.
Something that I wasn’t sure he’d ever get over.
He thought that since the name Boston was in its name and there was a train stop less than a ten minute walk away, he was living in the middle of the city.
He would get furious when I teased him about the North Shore living. Asking him questions about where was his favorite place to get a roast beef or if he wore his Celtic’s jersey without a shirt underneath.
And now I was breaking up with him.
There would be no inside jokes anymore.
No teasing as we drove north and I pointed out local joints like they were landmarks to the place. He never could understand my obsession with the orange dinosaur off of the highway. Never got the way I groaned about the cows that were scattered like lost sheep and should have never been displaced from the steak restaurant I had attended several family weddings at in my life.
Places closed but the memory and landmarks left behind there were a reminder of moments that had happened. Moments that I didn’t want to forget. Justin just didn’t understand my nostalgia.
I wonder if Dante knew about the cows.
Breathing out, my hands trembled as I tried to take a deep breath and just get this over with so I could lay down and go to sleep.
Looking down at my phone again I had wasted a half a minute freaking out. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that Dante would be up here as soon as the timer went off. He wasn’t going to give me the time to do this; in his mind this shouldn’t have had to be done.
And he was probably right about that.
If my father knew he would have killed Justin and asked questions later. The questions being are you still pure and did I want to make a fool out of our family?
My knuckles rapped against the door as I held my breath, waiting to hear Justin yell ‘ coming ’ but I was greeted with silence.
My heart was beating as I looked around, wondering what was the proper amount of time until waiting again. I looked at the phone as I groaned, I only had three minutes left so I knocked again, making my knuckles bang harder against the door.
Nothing.
Stepping closer, I pressed my ear against the door and could hear the faint sound of music. He was home, he was just not coming to the door.
Fuck. Fuck, Fuck .
I reached into my bag, pulling out the set of keys I had.
Justin had given me a key to his apartment a week or so ago. Things were getting serious and my anxiety was spiking.
I was fairly confident I was going to throw up at any second.
My fingers were numb and I could feel the flush of too much energy and exhaustion overwhelming my body so it was like I was having an out of body experience.
The lock turned as I pushed the door open, eyes sweeping around the living room. A bottle of wine was on the table and I knew that Justin was too much of a clean freak to leave that open and just walk away from it.
Stepping inside the apartment, I pushed the door gently behind me, it didn’t catch the latch and for some reason I was aware this was a sneaking around moment.
Fear pricked the back of my neck as I felt the sweat gathering there, itchy and hot against my skin. I headed in creeping small steps towards the bedroom, where the music was coming from.
Part of me knew what I was going to find but seeing it with my own two eyes was way too much to handle.
Justin was facing me, on his knees, the waitress from the tapas place we ate at a few nights ago on all fours in front of him as he fucked her from behind, lost in the feel of them together. Both of them glanced up as I pushed the door open, frozen as my eyes widened and shame washed over me.
Shame. Embarrassment. Disgust.
My anxiety piqued at this point as I bent over where I stood, throwing up all the wine I had just drank at dinner, not even trying to make it to the bathroom.
To his credit, Justin pushed off the girl, leaving her in the bed as he yanked on boxers. He was moving over to me and his hands reaching for me as he started rubbing my back.
My heart thundering in my chest as the white noise of shock filled my ears. He tried to steer me away from the bedroom, heavy with the smell of sweat and sex and my vomit.
His arm around me as he guided me away from what I had just seen was supposed to be comforting but felt like a shackle, chaining me to a bad situation. His mouth was moving but I couldn’t even hear him, the tears pouring from my eyes as I shook.
I tried to rub my arms, get some sense of feeling back into them as I forced myself to take some steady breaths.
My mind was trying to process everything that was going on but all I could think about was he had fucked someone else. I had seen him fucking someone else.
He had cheated on me.
All the reasons I wasn’t enough for him flooding my mind.
I just wanted to call my friends and let them know that Justin was as terrible as they thought. I wanted to eat junk food in bed with them and hear about all their bad run ins with men to make me feel better. To normalize the hurt.
“Get your hands off my fiancée before I’m forced to remove them for you.”
Dante’s imposing figure was filling the doorway and I felt myself flush more from his words.
Or maybe it was him seeing me like this.
Rejected by another man I had come to break up with and finding out that he had never cared about me to begin with.
Coming back into my body with a whoosh. I tried to not freak out
Just when I had thought my embarrassment couldn’t get any higher here he was, witnessing what I was sure was one of the lowest moments of my life.
Fan- fucking -tastic.