Chapter Two #2
Not only did Jay’s question surprise him, but he also didn’t trust it.
While Jay hadn’t been unkind to him, he also hadn’t been friendly.
Distrust rolled from him all hours of the day, even when he slept.
Crisp got it, but damn. It had been a month, and Crisp hadn’t let him down.
Crisp honestly didn’t know how much more of this cold shoulder routine he could take.
His life was lonely. Normally, he could block that out with books.
With Jay’s constant huffing and sighing interruptions, all Crisp felt was annoyance and general dissatisfaction.
He was tired. Still, Jay’s question sounded oddly serious.
Crisp shrugged. “It’s not the first time I’ve read this one. I know how it ends, but new books haven’t been holding my interest lately. Sometimes I prefer the comfort of a familiar read.”
“Let me guess. The butler did it.”
Jay’s deadpan statement pulled a surprise laugh from Crisp. There was a personality beneath his shell. “Not exactly.” Crisp couldn’t hide the chuckle beneath his response.
“Am I in your bed?”
The sudden veer in topic threw Crisp off for a moment. He was slow to answer. “Yes.”
“You sound unsure.”
Crisp really wished he could see the way Jay’s brain worked. “No. I’m not unsure. You’re in my bed.”
Jay nodded. “Where do you sleep?”
“In that bed,” Crisp answered, hearing the confusion is his own voice, but really. Why ask him the same question in a different way? Was this some sort of mind trick?
Jay held his stare as if he were dealing with an imbecile. “Where are you sleeping, with me stealing your bed?”
“Oh.” So maybe Jay dealt with a dumbass. “Some nights right here in this chair, depending on how you’re holding up. The rest of the time, I sleep on the couch.”
Jay’s forehead furrowed. “This is a massive bed. Why not sleep here? There’s no logic behind sleeping on the couch.”
Crisp blinked. It seemed like Jay constantly made him feel like his mind was slow. However, truth be told, Crisp didn’t have a straight answer. “I don’t know. Lots of reasons, I suppose. You might attack me in my sleep. Maybe I’d make you uncomfortable.” He struggled to find anything else.
“That’s not a lot of reasons. That’s two. Both I can easily brush away. I have no reason to attack you, and I’m not uncomfortable. We’ve moved beyond unease at this point. Would you like me to sleep on the couch?”
A hint of fear slammed into Crisp. “No,” he answered a little too quickly. Crisp reeled his panic in. “There’s no reason for you to do that. Like you said, the bed is huge.”
“Good. You will sleep with me.” Jay gave him a sharp nod as if the matter was settled.
It was funny how Jay’s thick Russian accent made everything sound so logical.
Maybe there was some small sliver of brainwashing still at work in his mind.
Jay sounded like the authority, so Crisp blindly followed.
Jay ate while Crisp’s plate sat untouched.
Unhappiness suffocated Crisp. He was glad to be free, as much as they were, while still needing Bosi's protection to an extent.
Crisp had a massive bank account he had earned in the shadiest of ways.
Sometimes he thought about disappearing.
Only the thought of leaving Tidy and Foster behind stopped him.
Jay scraped his plate clean.
Crisp held his out. “Do you want mine too? I’m not very hungry tonight.”
While Jay accepted, he eyed Crisp with suspicion. “Am I being poisoned?”
A snort escaped Crisp. He shook his head.
“Yeah. That’s it. I spent a month putting you back together just so I can poison you.
” He snatched the fork and shoveled a bite into his mouth.
“There. Feel better?” Damn. Why did he sound so angry?
Crisp needed a break from the waves of distrust and animosity.
“It was a joke.” Jay’s serious tone made Crisp realize how much of an ass he was being. He didn’t know how to fix it.
“I’ll—” A knock on the door brought Crisp up short.
He held his finger up, asking Jay to wait before touching his lips for silence.
Crisp stood and closed the door behind him before moving to answer.
He needed a damn peephole for his own bedroom.
His muscles relaxed at the sight of Foster.
“Hey. I haven’t seen you around in a while.
” He didn’t offer to let Foster come in.
That made him second-guess himself. Would Foster find it more or less suspicious if Crisp left him standing in the hallway?
Foster didn’t give him time to overthink. He simply walked inside.
“This goddamn DNA testing shit is weighing heavily on me, dude. You know I never wanted to do this in the first place.”
Damn. There was no quick way out. Plus, Foster was tied with Tidy for being his best friend.
The three of them had always been just on the outskirts of the gang.
As Crisp followed Foster to the couch and tried to think of something to say, he noticed that the door to the bedroom he had shut between Jay and this wasn’t completely closed.
Had he done that, or had Jay opened it? Either way, there was nothing he could do about it now without being obvious.
Crisp just rolled with it and kept the focus on him.
“I hear you. We went all these years building a life as brothers, and now look at us? People are stepping back from the group, which didn’t sound so bad on its own.
But now it’s suddenly like everyone wants to find their bio family and splinter us even more. ”
“Exactly,” Foster said, sounding relieved that he wasn’t alone. “What’s the fucking point of this? We’re supposed to be brothers. All of us.”
Crisp nodded along, even as a small voice in the back of his head betrayed him. “What if it turns out you do have blood brothers among us?”
Foster shrugged. “Nothing. I feel how I feel about you guys. We’re family.”
Crisp made a dismissive gesture. “There you go.” Even as Crisp worked to make Foster feel better, he actually felt the same as Foster, if not worse.
He didn’t understand why this was suddenly so important.
They were brothers—sometimes lovers—to be honest. To his bones, he knew nothing good would come of this.
“What about you? Will you still feel the same?”
Crisp hadn’t expected the question to turn on him. He wanted to lie. After all, he had just tried to reassure Foster. But it was Foster, and he didn’t want to lie. “No. I can’t promise I will.”
Foster’s shoulders fell. He swiped his hand across his eyes before falling back against the couch and sinking. “See?”
Crisp set his hand on Foster’s knee and squeezed.
“That doesn’t include you, though. You, Tidy, and I have always been a team, and Scout has always bounced between groups.
But I can’t say there won’t come a day when everyone else turns into strangers.
In a way, it’s already happening. I mean, I get it.
When we were growing up, we were split into teams then too.
But we still stayed together and made our space for each other, banding together to create something bigger and stronger than friendship.
For years after we left, we kept that up and swore we would never leave each other.
That vow is kind of falling apart now, and you know what? ”
Foster shook his head and gave a small, one-shouldered shrug. “What?”
“Maybe it should fall apart, even if it’s just a little. While we’ve survived and thrived by sticking together and doing what we know, I think.” Crisp paused before choosing to keep going. “I think maybe we’ve been toxic to each other in small ways.”
Foster looked defeated. “Yeah. Look at Field. He should’ve been out a long time ago, but we just kept taking jobs. Shadow and Ridge damn near pushed each other over the edge. It worked out, though. I don’t know if we were better or worse for surviving.”
A sad smile tugged at the corners of his lips. “I’m better for having you. That much I know.”
Foster smiled. “Awww. Come here.” He hugged Crisp. Crisp’s eyes burned. Sometimes, at the most random moments, it hit Crisp how little human touch he received. He didn’t know how to fix that. Crisp only knew he had to before there was no turning back.
Foster released him and stood. “Thanks for talking me off the ledge.”
Crisp nodded. “Anytime.” He followed Foster to the door and said his goodbyes. When he closed and locked the door behind Foster, he felt mentally drained. The last few weeks had worn on him. Crisp didn’t know how much longer he could keep this up.