19. Chapter Nineteen
Chapter nineteen
T he walk back to the prison and Quillian’s office is quiet but full. Like something between us took flight as we sat at the edge of the sky. Yet, the closer we get to the stone walls and the people in it, the more there is a sense of tethering – as if whatever has shifted between us shouldn’t, or can’t, be set free.
My head spins as we cross the concierge gardens in silence, heading for the door on the ground floor to the right end of the building. Glancing up at my apartment window, the lights are on and I wonder who, or what, it is that’s making me feel like Quillian and I need to be careful. Blossom? Nix? The fact Quillian is still actually my boss?
Work. I need to focus my attention there. There are too many moving parts – complications – about my role on this island to jeopardise anything more than I already have. Quillian said we had a work day to finish and he’s not wrong; the list of requests I need to talk through with him are burning a hole in my phone.
The halls are quiet as we make our way through, most of the prisoners and concierges at dinner, and Quillian doesn’t speak so neither do I. The familiar twinge of pain in my centre as we come to the door of the Warden’s office is now accompanied by a flurry of other activity, both of which I try to quash down.
Before I’ve even closed the door, Quillian is on the phone to Koko.
‘A grazing platter is perfect,’ he says in his deep, velvety voice. ‘Thank you.’
My stomach gives a little rumble in response as he hangs up and he laughs softly.
‘Right,’ he says, all business. ‘Let’s get this first part over.’
As I talk through the various requests, Quillian’s response is almost always a short ‘no’. There are a few I push him on as we make our way through the generous platter Koko had delivered, giving my views about why we should grant them, whether Claudius would’ve done the same, and how much Traelen might scrutinise what we decline. He relents on most of those but the tension in his jaw increases with every one.
‘You’re not worried the prisoners will complain about you to the Prime Minister?’ I ask as he takes a mouthful of the last of his whiskey.
He watches me from the opposite end of the couch we sit on.
‘No. I’d welcome an opportunity to talk with the Prime Minister.’
My heart rate turns up a notch. It’s clear he’s saying one thing, but his expression is asking – telling – me something else, and I can’t quite work out what.
I clear my throat. As much as I am growing desperate to unpack Quillian, there are still issues we need to sort out. Whatever else is happening between the two of us, we’re still running this prison.
‘Davorous has requested Blossom in the playroom again, and Zenaton has filed a request to have the rules changed – he doesn’t want there to be a request process at all, and any requested concierge should be required to serve in the playroom.’
The words feel thick and spread an acidic taste in the back of my throat.
‘Zenaton Blake,’ he says, sitting forward and turning the bottom of his glass on the palm of his other hand. ‘He is someone who could get an audience with the Prime Minister. He’s held a number of roles in Parliament in his time. But my answer is still no. There are a lot of blurred lines up here, but protecting basic human rights isn’t one of them.’
He drains the last of his drink and places the empty crystal on the low table in front of him. ‘Can you reassign Blossom to areas of the prison Davorous is less likely to be?’
‘Yes and no. She can work wherever I send her but I worry about having her more isolated from the rest of us if he finds her. On her current shifts, she sees him more but it’s easier to make sure she’s not alone,’ I say, thinking of both River and Finn.
Two prisoners helping keep one concierge safe.
He makes a sound of agreement before twisting to me on the short couch. ‘Is that it?’
I nod. ‘That will do for today – I’ve processed them on here,’ I say, gesturing with my phone. ‘The team will be able to start to implement the ones that you gave the green light to in the morning. Anything else you need to do?’
Quillian’s broad shoulders are completely turned to me and I try not to let my gaze too obviously travel along them as he places an arm on the back of the couch.
‘I would like to say I am done Wardening for today,’ he says slowly, ‘but that is a hat I can’t take off just yet.’
It’s almost a cue for me to leave. Or is it an invitation to leave?
‘So two drinks shouldn’t become three?’ I ask instead of giving any hint of leaving. Not yet.
I turn towards him and mirror his pose, one arm along the back of the couch, and tucking my legs up underneath me. Our fingertips almost touch where they reach towards each other. I feel the path Quillian’s gaze takes as it trails over my legs, my torso, up to my face. Silently, he moves away and pours us each another drink, and I watch the way he moves to the bookcase and back.
Our hands brush as he hands me the cool glass and I take it in my left hand – the one not still reaching for his place on the couch – and take a long sip. Closing my eyes, I smile into the heat that races down my throat and into my belly.
‘That’s so good,’ I murmur, opening my eyes again as Quillian sits back down, adopting the same position again. The intensity of his stare feels so tangible, I want to wrap myself in it.
Quillian stretches his left arm towards me a little, enough so that the pads of his fingers brush the backs of mine. My breath catches as sparks fly up my forearm and leave a tingling in my shoulder and chest that starts to travel downwards. I swallow and lift my glass to my lips again as he watches, grateful for the steeling quality of the drink. As I catch a remaining drop on the rim of the glass with my tongue, Quillian lets out a strangled sort of sigh. One that almost sounds like a groan, and my cheeks heat in tandem with the growing warmth between my legs.
Stretching his arm a little further again, he brushes the back of my hand. Lifting my own to meet his, our fingers slip between each other and he caresses mine gently as I can feel my eyelids get heavy.
‘Yes,’ he says quietly, ‘I think two drinks needs to stay at two.’
I hold his heating gaze as our hands still gently explore each other on the soft fabric, my stomach tumbling over itself. Neither of us acknowledge the contact, as if it’s happening completely outside our control. Maybe it is.
Not done ‘Wardening’ he’d said, and I use that thought to try to drag myself back from the direction every sense in my body wants to go.
Draining my drink in a much faster way than it is supposed to be enjoyed, I slowly unfold myself from the couch, unwilling to let go of his hand and waiting for him to release me instead. But he stands with me, our fingers still entwined, as he puts his glass on the table once more and then does the same with mine, gently plucking it from my hand. We stand like that for a long moment, me staring at his chest, hands still clasped as I try to slow the rise and fall of my breathing.
‘I should go,’ I whisper, wondering if he can feel my exhales through his shirt.
Quillian tucks a finger from his free hand under my chin and slowly tips it up until I’m looking him square in the face, my lungs emptying at the want there.
‘Yes,’ he whispers back.
He doesn’t move.
A shrill sound cuts through the room and I startle, stepping even closer to Quillian who drops his forehead to mine as my phone rings. Sliding my phone from the almost hidden pocket in my dress, Shiloh’s name appears.
‘Shit,’ I mutter, drawing my head away from Quillian’s a little and taking the call. Hoping the healer can’t tell how heavily I’m breathing. Grateful she can’t see how I’m a sliver of space away from being entangled in Quillian.
‘Lu, it’s Shiloh.’
‘I know,’ I say, clearing my throat. ‘Everything okay?’
‘Not really – I’ve got Freya down here.’ Her voice is quiet and a note of alarm sneaks through the heat I can still feel pulsing through my body. I glance up at Quillian who looks back with a question forming on his face. ‘She’s got strangulation wounds from the playroom.’
I frown and take a step back from Quillian who lets my hand drop as I do.
‘Okay, that’s not entirely unusual,’ I say, thinking of the various equipment and activities I know go on in there. ‘What are you not saying?’
‘She can’t talk just yet, but I’m not convinced it was consensual,’ Shiloh says quietly, and I can picture Freya lying on a bed in the wellness centre where Shiloh is. ‘She seems … frightened.’
‘I’ll be right down.’
‘What is it?’ Quillian asks before I’ve even put my phone away.
‘Shiloh’s got Freya in the wellness centre. It looks like she’s come from the playroom with strangulation wounds and … she’s scared.’
Quillian’s arms drop to his sides as he searches me for something. Or for something he might say. Instead, he steps forward and gently takes my hand again, this time without entwining our fingers.
‘Thank you for the drink, Luka,’ he says, before slowly dropping his face towards mine and placing a soft, soft kiss to my cheek.
But, instead of the heat that I would expect to race through me at the feel of his lips on me, my insides cool. Because that just felt like a goodbye kiss before we really said hello.
‘She’ll be okay – physically at least,’ I tell Blossom as I shut the door to our apartment and lean against it, the events of this night finally starting to catch up with me. ‘Shiloh’s managing her pain and healed her throat but …’ I sigh. ‘Fuck, Bloss. Freya was frightened.’
‘Who was it?’ she asks over the back of the couch where I know she’s been waiting for me since I messaged her earlier. ‘Come have some tea,’ she adds, waving me into the room.
‘It’s been a really big day,’ I say, sinking into our lounge and hugging my favourite green cushion. Between the requests of Davorous and Zenaton, my time with Quillian in the clearing and then in his office, and completely exposing my betrayal to him, and Freya in the wellness room … I lean my head back against the soft fabric. ‘Big day’ feels like a big understatement.
Blossom frowns in confusion.
‘I don’t know who it was,’ I say, answering her actual question. ‘Freya won’t talk and I get the sense that’s not just about her throat. She hasn’t even confirmed if it wasn’t consensual – it’s Shiloh’s guess based on the frantic state she was in when she arrived and that she obviously didn’t want to stay in the playroom and be seen by the healer on duty there at the time.’
‘Does sound like she was trying to get away from someone …’ Bloss’s voice trails off. ‘Do you think … do you think it could have been Davorous?’
My stomach sinks as she voices the very thought I have been turning over and over in my own mind. ‘I mean … it’s definitely possible, right?’
She blows out a loud breath as she sits back on the couch.
‘Quillian is never going to put you in the playroom, Bloss – we talked about the requests again tonight.’
Bloss’s whole body is taut as she nods back at me. ‘Will Freya be safe enough in the wellness room?’
‘Quillian’s got a Hunter coming up from the mainland to stand guard – he looped in Traelen on this one.’
‘Okay,’ she says, and we fall silent. Both of us seemingly aware that there’s not much else we can say. Freya won’t tell us anything, she’s been healed and will now be under guard.
But it doesn’t change the sick feeling in my gut at the possibilities of what happened to her.
‘Why else was it a big day?’ Bloss asks after a time, her steaming tea still in her hand.
I groan. ‘I think I better update Nix and River at the same time.’
Within less than five minutes of messaging them both, Nix and River appear on our balcony. Even if I couldn’t hear the soft slide of the door opening, I’d be able to tell by the way Bloss looks down at her hands and the slight dusting of rose lining her cheekbones. Her fingers are held together too tightly for her to be entirely comfortable with her reaction though and I stand, putting myself between her and the boys – just for a moment – so she can collect herself.
It feels like too long since I saw Nix and I wrap my arms around him and hold tight when he comes in before River.
‘Hey,’ he says, squeezing me back. ‘What’s this for?’
The weight of everything I need to tell them makes it too hard to answer and he nudges me away.
‘Lu?’
‘You better sit down,’ I say, moving to the side so they can join Blossom on the couches.
River eyes me as he walks past but says nothing. When they’re settled, the two men turn their attention to me. Blossom, as usual, looking between us.
‘I’d prefer it if you just told us quickly, Lu – this is a bit excruciating,’ Nix says, his brows lowering as he sits his elbows on his knees.
I glance at River, who nods in encouragement.
‘You know I’ve been meeting with Cortane,’ I start, and neither of them object. ‘She’s been asking me for information on different things in the prison to prove myself so she’d agree to portal you both off the island – the first piece of information ended with Kasera dead. Then … she asked for information on Quillian.’
River looks to Nix quickly and back to me.
Nix stays silent, his presence starting to feel like a dark, wet cloud next to me.
‘And I said no.’
I let the sentence hang as they absorb what I’ve said.
‘Just to be clear,’ Nix says, ‘You declined to give her what she asked for because she wanted to know about Quillian?’
‘No. I said no because I draw the line at offering up innocent, good people to be targets for someone just so I can prove myself.’ My stomach goes in circles. ‘But it came at a cost … she’s no longer a way off the island.’
And it hits me. Not only did I not secure a way off the island for Nix and River, I failed in Claudius’s task for me – to earn her trust. I rub at my breastbone.
‘I also told Quillian,’ I say when neither of them utter a word and Nix’s gaze slides to me.
‘Fuck me, he is really getting under your skin isn’t he?’
I look straight back at him. ‘Yes.’
Nix throws himself back in the chair, head banging softly before he jerks to standing. ‘You know what this is, River,’ he says, ignoring Blossom and me completely. ‘I didn’t want her involved. She’s supposed to be safe. ’
River stays seated, looking up at Nix, but I don’t miss the way he angles himself in front of Bloss. Just a little.
‘It doesn’t change anything, Nix, you know that. We came with a job to do and it’s getting done. You know why we’re here.’
‘Of course I fucking know,’ Nix spits, pacing the living space. ‘Which is exactly why Luka should have nothing to do with it. You know this, River. You know what they’re doing. Do not make me explain it.’
I catch Blossom’s eye and, for the first time, I see concern for Nix. Is that because she knows him better now? Or has she been talking to River about him?
‘We have another way off the island for you,’ I say, trying to break the thread of conversation between Nix and River.
They both look at me then.
‘Cortane is supposed to be the only out,’ River says, and I shake my head.
‘No, there’s a portal in the Warden’s residence.’
‘We don’t know where that goes, Lu,’ River says calmly as he shifts in his seat again now Nix’s pacing is slowing. ‘Or how it’s tracked.’
‘I can ask—’
Nix scoffs. ‘If you don’t know, he doesn’t know.’
‘And we still need Cortane,’ River says gently. ‘Our instructions were clear on that. We’re either in Vana with her, or she’s out with us.’