Chapter 1 #2
It’s a fight we’ve had a lot over the years, and I know she’s right. But also if her mom is only a couple of blocks away, why can’t she have her any time she wants her?
Shelly looks worried, her bottom lip currently being abused by her teeth, and I know there’s something else bothering her. “What’s wrong?”
She looks startled, like she didn’t expect me to pick up on it, her blue eyes going wide and almost comical. “What? Nothing. I’m just worried about Amber.”
“Please, Shell.” I wave her off. “I know you better than that. There’s something else.”
She huffs, her shoulders dropping a little. “It’s nothing. We can talk about it some other time.”
Well, no way in hell I’m going back to sleep if she doesn’t tell me what’s up right fucking now. I see Randy stumbling down the hallway and bite back a curse. His eyes meet mine wearily as he stops next to Shell, his hand moving to her shoulder. “Sorry, Amber was looking for you.”
I don’t actually mind Randy all that much. He’s a little goofy and nerdy and works in finance or some shit I’ll never understand. But he’s a fairly good man, and Amber really likes him.
And most importantly, I know he’s good to my daughter and loves her like his own.
I kind of want to hate him, but I can’t. Something that feels like fear instead of hope runs through me, and I look at both of them, thinking about what Shelly has to tell me. “You two aren’t getting a divorce, right?”
Randy nearly chokes on air, tapping on his chest in surprise and trying to catch his breath. Shelly looks just as shocked, scoffing, “No. We aren’t getting divorced. Jesus.”
Randy laughs slightly, still a little red from choking. “Sorry to disappoint.”
I roll my eyes, though I feel relieved. I don’t want another abrupt change for my little girl.
“Then what is it, Shell?” I ask her, and her eyes immediately go to her new husband. He gives her this sickly sweet, super annoying smile, and she turns to me.
“I’m pregnant.”
It feels like the entire world stops. My ears ring, and my heart rate seems to be at a dangerous pace. I can’t move or form words, but I do see the worry on both their faces, and I know I’m supposed to say something.
“I’m so sorry, Gabe. I shouldn’t have dropped it on you tonight, but you just . . . damn it, you always pick up on things.”
“It’s good news, though, if you think about it. Amber will have a sibling,” Randy says, and I know he’s trying to help, but I kind of want to punch him. Just a little. Little tiny tap. Not enough to really hurt him or anything.
My ears are still ringing, and my feet seem to be glued to the floor, even though all I want to do is run the hell away.
“Mommy!” We all look toward the hallway where Amber is standing, her hands on her little hips. “It’s been forever,” she whines.
I look back at Randy and Shelly very slowly in molasses speed. My throat is too dry to form words as I swallow and try to get my shit together.
“One minute,” Shell says to our daughter.
“I’ll take her to bed, and we’ll wait for you,” Randy says and kisses Shelly’s temple. She leans into him, taking his moment of comfort before he gives me a little smile and nod, trying to comfort me too, no doubt, because he really is a good guy. No, thanks. I don’t need or want his comfort.
When he takes Amber’s hand and leads her toward her room, I feel like I’m going to be sick. They’re a family.
Now, not only does she hate the house I live in, but she’ll have a little brother or sister here to play with in her actual home. Why the hell will she need me?
I jolt when I feel Shelly’s hand graze my shoulder, and she jerks it back quickly, looking a little shocked and sad. “Sorry,” I say quickly. Then I finally get one word out. “Congratulations,” I manage but feel sick with the words.
“You’re still her father,” she says firmly. “This doesn’t change that.”
But it does. In some ways, it does. She loves Randy, and she should—he’s a fantastic stepfather. And now he’s giving her a sibling. Something I’d planned to do but never got the chance.
“I’m happy for you all,” I say. “I have to go. I have work in the morning.”
I make my way toward the door, but Shelly follows. “Gabe, let’s talk about this.”
“About what?” I say, spinning around to look at her, mourning all the things that could have been if she hadn’t given up on us. “About you and Randy having a baby? That has nothing to do with me. Nothing.”
“Not nothing,” she says because of course she does.
She never backs down from a fight—unless it’s fighting for our marriage.
“Amber is now and always will be our daughter together. She’s going to have a little sibling who is Randy’s and my child.
We’re a blended family, and it can be beautiful, you know? If you let it.”
Is she serious right now? She wants me to what? Be happy they’re all moving on and leaving me behind?
“Like I said, congratulations. I have to go,” I say, pulling open the door and not giving her any more time to say something because I don’t want to hear it.
She deserves to live her life. I know that. I know I’m supposed to be happy for her and Amber and Randy.
But all I can feel right now is bitter.
Angry because we could have had all this, but she gave up on me. She gave up on us.
And it hurts like hell.