Chapter 15 Gabe
GABE
“Heading to your boyfriend’s?” Jackson asks me on my way out to the work truck.
Today is the day I start working on the hot tub at Dakota’s.
The first part of the week, I’ve mostly been planting flowers and helping the mowing crew out, so I have an extra hop in my step, knowing I get to finally go back to Dakota’s.
I haven’t seen him since the night Mavis had her kittens, but we’ve texted back and forth several times. He sent me a lot of pictures of the kittens, and when I showed Amber, my girl squealed.
She’s still thinking of names for them, but she keeps asking me to go see them in person. I haven’t told her much about Dakota yet. I told her the truth, that I met him through work and we became friends, but as far as the whole dating thing . . . Yeah, I haven’t broached that subject yet.
It’s not that I’m ashamed about dating a man or that I think she’d care about me dating a man as opposed to a woman. But Shelly and I agreed after our divorce, we’d ease Amber into us dating other people.
That we’d make sure it was serious before we brought it up to her. Randy and she dated for months before he met Amber.
But it feels serious with Dakota. I suppose I should at least take him on one real date before I discuss anything about it with Amber. But I know I want to tell her. That I want to tell everyone.
Even my bonehead friend. I shove Jackson playfully, and he stumbles but quickly rallies and easily regains his step. “Not my boyfriend, yet,” I say. “I don’t think. I did ask him out on a real date though.”
“Holy shit, really?” He stops walking and stares at me.
I shake my head at him. “Really.”
“You really do like him huh?” He’s grinning at me, looking pretty surprised. Why? I don’t know. I think it should be obvious. Especially the way I growled when Jackson told Dakota to call him.
I guess he thought I was playing around. But when it comes to Dakota, I don’t think I can play. I’ve never felt this feral about anyone.
“Is that a bad thing?” I ask him, nerves kicking up a little bit. This is all pretty new to me, but no one on Oakley’s Crew has acted like me being interested in a guy is strange.
“No,” he says, walking closer to me to put his hand on my shoulder, gripping it. “I’m happy for you, man. Maybe I didn’t see it coming, but sexuality is fluid.”
I frown. “You think?”
He nods, and for once, Jackson seems totally serious. “Yeah.”
“So what do you think I am?” I ask, feeling a little vulnerable and strange asking him, but Jackson has been unapologetically loud about being bisexual since I met him.
I’ll never forget him hitting on me on our first job together.
I told him I was married to a woman, and he just laughed and said he had to shoot his shot.
Then he asked if my wife was hot and if we ever liked to play around.
I told him yes, she is, and gave him a firm no. Don’t get me wrong, to each their own, but the thought of a threesome is intimidating as hell. I do have a jealous side, after all, and I might be a little possessive.
But Jackson has a certain charm about him. Instead of wanting to punch him in the face, we became fast friends.
“I can’t tell you what your sexuality is, man.” He’s looking at me with a little bit of pity though, and I don’t like that at all. “Have you been attracted to men before?”
I shrug, looking around at all the guys I work with as they bustle around getting ready for the day and then back at Jackson. Definitely not any of these men, though I know they’re all attractive. They’re all like my brothers.
My face must tell my thoughts because Jackson bursts out laughing. “Not them.” I look over at him, slightly embarrassed. “I mean, we’re sexy as fuck.” He’s still laughing, and I glare at him. “But that would be like fucking your brothers.”
I cringe. “You did hit on me when you first got here.”
He has no shame because all he does is shrug. “Yup. You’re hot. Of course I did, but now that I know you, it’s an oh, hell no.”
“I didn’t say I wanted you,” I say, making sure he knows that.
He’s having way too fun with this because he cackles. “You couldn’t handle me.” He winks, and okay, that’s enough of this.
“Good talk.” I head toward my truck.
He turns serious again, and honestly, I don’t think that’s any better.
“Hey, wait.” I stop. Why the hell do I stop other than I’m way out of my element here?
And okay, I know he has my best interest in mind.
People don’t always take Jackson seriously, and I know he’s carefully cultivated that reaction.
He doesn’t want people paying too much attention to the real him.
“Are you attracted to Dakota? Do you like him? Like, like him?”
“Wow. Are we in junior high?”
He doesn’t let me get away with joking, just stares at me, waiting for me to answer.
I huff a heavy sigh, thinking about Dakota and his beautiful face.
His eyes that seem guarded at first, but once he opens up—just .
. . wow. That little half smile he gives me—one I’ve had to work to see, but boy was it worth it.
And it’s not just his beauty . . . it’s the way he cares about Mavis and her kittens.
It’s how he opened up to me about his high school bullies and him telling me how he was afraid he’d stay away from the outside world forever.
How I know he wants to trust the world but is understandably afraid. It’s his adorably, snarky attitude and the way I catch him looking at me when he thinks I’m not paying attention.
“Okay, wow. That answers that.” I startle slightly, kind of having forgotten about Jackson being there but not doing anything but grin at seeing his warm smile, having figured me out. “So do you actually need a label?”
I swallow thickly, looking out over the horizon, smelling the spring, morning air and letting it fill my lungs. “I just don’t understand how I didn’t know all this time I was attracted to men.”
I can tell he’s being delicate now because he’s careful with his words. “I don’t know that you are.”
My head snaps back into his direction. “What?” This is confusing as hell.
“I think you’re attracted to Dakota.” He says it slowly, and my brain hurts.
But Jackson is patient with me this time.
“I think you were also attracted to Shelly, but think back for me, okay?” I’m listening, and I nod to let him know I am.
“Before Shelly, was there anyone you were seriously attracted to?”
“We were basically kids,” I deadpan.
“You were a teenage boy. When I was a teenager, my crush could change just from the time I went from one classroom to the next. By the hour, man.”
I chuckle because I want to point out not much has changed. But that seems cruel. I know Jackson wants to settle down and meet the one, but I’m not sure if one man or woman could really hold his attention. And I don’t think that’s a bad thing.
I happen to like Jackson just the way he is—even with all his wild antics and crazy exes.
I think back to before I fell for Shelly .
. . We were friends for a while, and she was actually the one who asked me out.
She had to point out that it would be for an actual date because while I really liked her, I guess my mind didn’t really go there until she mentioned it.
But after that first date—which was for sure a date—I was all-in with her. I fell and fell hard. I thought we’d spend our whole lives together. “No. I just wanted Shelly.”
He doesn’t look like he’s judging me at all, but it does seem like he’s waiting for me to come to some sort of conclusion, and I gotta say, I’ve got nothing. “And then after Shelly . . . were you attracted to anyone else? As in you wanted to date them.”
“Not until Dakota,” I answer, still confused.
“Right. So, I can’t tell you your sexuality. It’s not my place or anyone else’s, but I think for you, it’s about connection. I think it takes you a long time to fall, and then once you do, you fall hard.” He squeezes my shoulder and looks into my eyes. “And there’s nothing at all wrong with that.”
“Huh,” I muse, thinking over what he’s trying to tell me, but it makes sense. “So I’m Shelly-and-Dakota-sexual?”
He cracks up at that and then pats me on the shoulder before releasing me. “If that’s the label you want, man. Then sure. You could also be demisexual, but I’m not sure you really need to be anything but Gabe.”
I grin. “Thanks, man.”
“No problem. So what are you going to do on this date?”
And my frown is back. “I have no fucking idea.”
He laughs. “Come on. I know you have to have thought about it.”
I have, nonstop. But it all really comes back to just wanting to do what I’ve done with him since the beginning. Just hanging around his house, maybe petting some kittens this time. Maybe even doing some gardening in his new greenhouse . . . yeah, fun date.
“Don’t overthink it,” he scolds, knowing me way too well.
“I thought about a fancy restaurant—or as fancy as I can find around here.”
“So the tavern?” he asks with a laugh.
“Exactly,” I joke, though no, there’s a pretty nice little steakhouse downtown I was thinking about. “But he doesn’t really . . .” I don’t want to call him anti-social. It’s not his fault those pricks tortured him in his formative years, and maybe he doesn’t really like to leave his house.
“Like being around people?” Jackson supplies, and I nod.
“But I told him I wanted to take him on a real date. That means dinner and a movie, right? In town.”
He just shrugs that off. “A real date doesn’t exist. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself.
Do something special, something where you both can relax.
If you take him to a crowded restaurant here in town, where hell, you could very likely run into some asshole who thought it was funny to bully him, do you think he’d be relaxed? ”
My entire body tenses up at the thought of that, and I suddenly feel a little homicidal.
“Okay then,” Jackson says lightly. “That answers that. So do what you want. What you feel. I promise you when it’s right, it’s right.”
“I thought it was right with Shelly,” I say, keeping my voice down. I know no one here would judge me, and they aren’t paying attention to us anyway, but it’s embarrassing to me.
The divorce.
And don’t get me wrong, I don’t think divorce, in itself, is embarrassing. I don’t think it’s a sin or whatever other bullshit people try to put out there, but to me, I failed her.
I loved her so damn much, but it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough to make her stick around and want forever.
“Don’t do that,” he says firmly. “Love is a risk, man, but it’s worth taking.” He looks wistful. “I have to believe that.”
I smile, and it’s my turn to comfort him, giving his shoulder a little squeeze. “You’re going to find someone great.” I look into his eyes and need him to hear me. “But you can’t force it.” Like he tried to with Rebecca because just no.
“Yeah, yeah.” He waves me off. “We’re talking about you.”
“Nope,” I say, a little pep to my step now because this talk really did help me. “No more talking necessary. I think I’ve got it.” I try to be as sincere as possible when I look at him. “Thank you.”
“Any time.” He grins, and we split, each heading to our own trucks. “And you know, if you and Dakota wanna spice things up someday, you know where to find me.”
I fake gag. “Still a no.”
He cackles at that and then hops into his truck, giving me a quick wave. I wave back and then hop into my own truck, butterflies swarming inside my belly, but they’re excited ones.
Today, I’m going to work on building a new hot tub at Dakota’s, and this weekend after I drop my daughter off at Shelly’s, I’m going to take him on a date.