Chapter 17 Gabe
GABE
What the hell am I doing?
My lap was full of a gorgeous man kissing the hell out of me, and I hesitated.
Why the hell did I hesitate?
I want him. There’s no doubt in my mind. I’ve never been so far gone for someone as I am over Dakota, not even Shelly.
It’s never been like this.
And that’s why I hesitated. I don’t want to mess this up. I want it to be good for him. Want to ruin him for all other men. But the truth is I don’t know what I’m doing.
Maybe I should have talked to Jackson about it, though, I’m sure the education he’d have given me would have been full of shit I really don’t want or need to know.
He settles in next to me on the blanket, our now-bare backs against the scratchy hay bales, looking every bit as nervous as I feel.
I can’t believe I messed this up.
“So . . .” he starts, turning his head to look at me. “Talk . . .”
“Yeah. Just what you want, right?” I try to play it off, but I feel like an idiot.
Why couldn’t I have just ravaged the man?
It’s what I want to do. But I got too into my head.
Too overwhelmed. Too close to coming in my pants, which, I swear I have stamina.
I do. So that was really out of my element too.
I’m not sure I’ve ever been that hard in my life. That out of control. Just from kissing.
And feeling his soft, warm skin. The muscles underneath. The strength. The light amount of hair covering his arms and a small amount between his pecs.
“Hey.” He says it to get my attention because I’ve looked away from him, the embarrassment taking over. I look at him again, into his kind eyes that show nothing but caring and understanding. “It’s a first date, remember? We’re supposed to talk.”
“I wanted to blow your mind,” I say honestly and watch in amusement as his pupils dilate. He licks his lips with that perfect pink tongue.
“Well . . . you’ve already done that,” he says huskily.
“I didn’t make you come.”
I notice he shifts his body—trying to hide his straining erection?
I don’t know why he’d do that, but is he still turned-on?
That’s good news, I guess. “Well . . .” He clears his throat.
“We can do that, for sure,” he stumbles, and I smile because oh yeah, he’s flustered.
And I really love that. “But . . . look, I don’t have a lot of experience with men either.
” I raise one brow at him in slight confusion.
“Or anyone. I mean, I have no experience with women. But next to none with men either.”
“Oh.” I can’t hide my surprise. I mean . . . he’s beautiful. Though . . . I guess he doesn’t really go out much, so that makes sense.
His cheeks flush a deep red. “Yeah well, there wasn’t anyone to fool around with in high school.
Even though I’m sure there were other gay guys around, there was no way I was going to risk getting my ass beat.
” Fury rushes through me at that, and my face must show it because he takes my hand in his.
“But it’s okay. I was awkward and even more fumbly then.
” I smile, picturing a younger, maybe skinnier Dakota.
Unsure of himself and not realizing how beautiful he was.
I’m sure he still doesn’t know. “Then when I graduated, I was still kind of scarred.”
“Kind of?” I ask because he still is. Those assholes did a number on him, and if I could, I’d find every single one of them and give them just even an ounce of the hell they put him through. But I don’t think Dakota would like that. I don’t think he’s someone who wants revenge.
He blushes again. “Okay. I was very, very scarred, but I also wanted experience.”
I nod because what eighteen-year-old doesn’t?
“So, I hooked up with a guy my freshman year of college. He was nice and so far from a big tough jock.” He smiles sweetly, and I try to push away the hot, jealous feeling in my chest just because of how cute he looks remembering that time.
“He was really smart and kind of nerdy.”
“So, what happened?”
He shrugs, but I can feel the pain from the memory. “I was an idiot. I ruined it. I couldn’t take people staring at us when we’d hold hands in public. Though I’m sure they actually weren’t. But I couldn’t shake the fear that one of the big jocks on campus would make us their target.”
“Oh, Dakota,” I say, mourning that loss for him. Hating that the high school bullies got in his head.
“It’s okay,” he says, squeezing my hand. “Brenden was rightfully upset that I never wanted to show him any affection, outside of stolen moments when one of our roommates left us alone in our dorm room. I was always anxious then too, like one of them could come back at any moment. I ruined it.”
My heart breaks for him. No one deserves that. “I’m sorry,” I say, bringing my hand up to cup his cheek, and he leans into the touch.
“It’s okay. From what I’ve seen on Facebook, he’s happily married now. Two kids. Lots of affection, if the pictures tell any sort of truth.”
I smile sadly at that, happy for Brenden, I suppose, but sad for Dakota. Even though I want him and I’m glad Brenden didn’t snag him up, it’s still not fair.
My thumb swipes under his eye as I try to comfort him. “It’s fine. But after that, I was so done with any type of relationship. I put my head down and finished my degree. Moved here and pretty much stayed away from everyone after that.”
“So you’ve only been with one person too?” It doesn’t matter to me. He could have been with one or one hundred. But I want to know everything about him. I want to know his past and be his future.
“No.” He actually looks a little embarrassed, and I hate that.
I don’t want him to feel any shame. “I’d get lonely and desperate.
” I don’t like the sound of that. “So when I’d get to that point over the years, I’d download an app, drive hours away to meet up for a quick hookup, then delete the app and hide away again until it all got to be too much again. ”
No shade to anyone who likes anonymous hookups—but I’m pretty sure he didn’t. “Well, you know my history,” I say, trying to turn the conversation away from something I can tell he isn’t proud of.
“One person. And a woman,” he says.
I nod. “I want you, Dakota,” I say as firmly as I can. “I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone . . .”
“But?” he prods.
I shake my head. “No buts. None. I just want to make sure it’s good for you.”
“It was,” he says, turning his body a little more, that lust back in his eyes. “It was so good.” And I believe him.
“I’m sorry I ruined it,” I say with a small smile.
He moves back onto my lap, and desire shoots directly to my balls, making my cock go right back to fully hard, just having him straddling me and looking deep into my eyes. “That’s all you were worried about? Making me feel good?” he asks, his voice hoarse.
I nod, my hands resting on his hips, my thumbs sweeping over the bare skin just above his ass. “Yes.”
The smile he gives me hits me so hard, I don’t even have a chance to think before his mouth slams against mine again, nipping and biting and sucking.
Driving me wild. I can feel his hard cock through his pants, grinding against mine, and it’s almost too much again.
I’m overwhelmed with the sheer pleasure of it.
My hands move over his soft skin. “You silly, silly man,” he pants between kissing the life out of me.
His fingers trail between my pecs, then find the hair that goes from my belly button to the top of my pants.
“You make me feel good, just being near me. It’s never been like this before for me. Ever.”
“Really?” I ask, dumbfounded.
He just chuckles into the curve of my neck before pressing soft kisses over my skin. His fingers playing with the button on my pants.
“I need you. So damn badly,” I say, wanting to keep my cool, but I’m leaking like crazy, desperate to feel him.
He flicks open the button on my pants and slowly lowers the zipper, all while managing to stay on my lap with his lips against mine.
I lift up, holding onto him while he slides my pants down, and I’m nowhere near as graceful as he is, kicking my pants off like they’ve offended me, while trying to hold onto him, not willing to let him go.
He must feel the same way because he doesn’t bother trying to remove my underwear. Just sticks his hand down through the waistband and wraps his long fingers around my aching shaft. “Oh, holy fuck,” I gasp.
I can feel him smiling against my mouth, and I should probably be embarrassed by the way I pump into his hand, but I can’t find it in me to be ashamed. He somehow manages to wiggle out of his pants too, never leaving my lap as my hands find his perfect ass.
I squeeze gently, taking in the firm, round cheeks before pushing my hands into his snug briefs and feeling the soft skin covering tight muscle.
He scoots forward, pushing his briefs down as he does the same to mine.
Then the steely, silk of his cock brushes against mine.
My entire body jolts with pleasure, and I nearly lose it.
His lips find mine again as he holds onto my shoulders, thrusting his hard cock against mine, both of us leaking and making it easy to glide along each other.
My head falls back, the scratchy hay bale barely registering on the skin of my back as he writhes against me. Owning me. Showing me pleasure like nothing else in the world.
His lips find my neck, licking and sucking as we rut together. “Dakota,” I gasp, my fingers squeezing the flesh of his round ass. “I’m close. Too close.”
“Let go, Gabe. I’ve got you,” he says, the head of his cock catching against mine and making my fingers dig even deeper into his ass.
I know I’ll probably leave a bruise, but if anything, it just makes his hips pump faster.
Our cocks slide together, my balls pulled up tight until I cry out, my entire body going rigid against his as I unleash.
My cum pulses out of my cock against his as he licks and sucks on my neck until he lets out a deep moan against my sweaty, heated flesh.
I hear my name on his lips as his cum joins mine, making a beautiful, sticky mess.
His body collapses against mine, and I wrap my arms around him, not ever wanting to let him go.
Holy. Shit.
“Wow,” I say because I barely have any brain cells left after that.
He chuckles, still nuzzled against my neck. “Yeah.”
“So is it too early to ask for a second date?” I ask, squeezing his butt and making him laugh.
“Definitely not.”
He pulls back to look at me, his eyes shining with satisfied wonder until we both hear a loud meow and turn our heads to look at Mavis. She does not look amused with us using her barn this way.
“Hey girl,” I say, scratching her ears.
Dakota leans his head back against my chest, his body shaking with laughter. “Maybe we should get cleaned up and watch a documentary?”
“Yeah. I’d like that,” I say, guiding his head up so I can kiss him softly again. I don’t think I’ll ever tire of kissing him.
We reluctantly pull away, using the wet wipes I brought for after-dinner to clean up and then pull our pants back on. I tug my shirt on, and so does he, but neither of us button them.
We let Mavis show us her kittens for a little bit before settling in to watch a murder documentary on the screen, cuddled up on the barn floor.
I don’t want to let him go, but when the documentary ends, we clean up, say goodnight to Mavis and the kittens, and then he walks me to my truck.
“So, good first date,” he says.
“Great first date,” I counter, and he blushes in the moonlight.
“I can’t wait to do it again,” he says, and I hear the vulnerability in what he just said. I feel the nerves, like he thinks now that I’ve gotten off, maybe I won’t come back.
Which is crazy because I’m having a hard time leaving in the first place. I lean in and kiss him softly, letting my fingers drift through his soft hair. “I’ll see you Monday.”
“Right.” He looks a little dazed as he leans back from the kiss. “Hot tub.”
“Yup.” I lean in and nip his lips. “I can’t wait to use that with you.”
The soft groan falling from his lips makes my dick jerk, trying to rally again and get back to him. “Yes, I want that.”
I grin. “I want all the dates with you, Dakota,” I say softly, kissing him.
“Me too. With you, I mean.” I smile against his mouth.
“Soon,” I say because I may not make it to next weekend, but I guess I can’t really do anything on the clock. This week might kill me.
“See you Monday. Thank you for everything.” His hand rests over my heart, and I’m trying to tell my feet to move, but I can’t seem to. I get lost in a kiss with him again and again until we both finally pry ourselves away.
I put the cooler in the truck, along with the folded-up blanket.
I left the projector and screen in the barn because I plan to do this again very soon, then force myself to drive away once I see Dakota has made it safely inside his house.
A dopey smile covers my face as I fight with myself about not going inside after him.
Oh yeah, I’m gone for this man.