Chapter 23 #2
“I mean it, Ewan. She deserves the world.”
I am givin’ meself away, he thought. I never intended anybody to ken how much she means to me. Until now, I suppose I did a good job of even hidin’ it from meself.
Swallowing, he glanced away. At last, Ewan spoke.
“And what if she wants to stay, Ryder? Have ye thought of that?”
“She doesnae.”
“Ye daenae know. Daenae talk so confidently about somethin’ ye daenae yet understand.”
“She would nae choose to say,” Ryder pointed out, “because it would separate her from her family. She adores her family. She wants to return to her sisters.”
“Stayin’ here wouldnae force her to cut off her sisters. She’d simply live a wee bit further away. She chose to be here, Ryder. She wants to be here. Flora tells me that she adores the lassies and grows more comfortable in the Keep every day. What if she doesnae want to return?”
Ryder raked his hand through his hair. He clawed for the words in his head.
If he could just explain, he could tell Ewan exactly why Megan could not and must not form a real attachment to him or this place.
If he could explain, surely Ewan would understand and stop going on about it.
Every time the subject of Megan’s departure was brought up, Ryder felt a twinge of pain in his chest.
That was concerning. If he felt so anxious and miserable at the very idea of her leaving, then he was not in control of the situation. He was not in control of himself.
“She stayed here out of duty,” Ryder said at last, his voice quiet. “That was all. Duty.”
“Her duty to ye. Does that mean nothin’ to ye? Do ye nae understand how strongly she might feel for ye, Ryder?”
Ryder shook his head almost angrily. “If what ye are implyin’ is true, then it is the worst thing that could have happened to her. I can only pray that she comes to her senses and wakes up from whatever madness she has fallen into.”
Ewan caught Ryder’s eye and held it, watching him intently.
“Ye hope it just goes away, eh?” he asked thoughtfully. “Well, can it just go away for ye, then?”
Ryder felt his cheeks redden. He turned away so that Ewan could not see, although he suspected that it was too late. His friend had always known him too well for comfort.
“I daenae ken what ye are talkin’ about,” he answered briskly. “Ewan, I’ve been told that Hamish and Alaina have snuck off into a hallway.”
“Oh, dear.”
“Aye, indeed. I’m off to break it up and set some new ground rules. I’ll bring Megan with me—Alaina listens to her. I need ye to stay here and watch for trouble, aye?”
“Aye, me Laird.”
Ewan’s warmth and sincerity vanished, and in their place was a stern, focused soldier. That was good. Ryder needed his captain of the guard now, not a friend.
A friend would advise him to go to Megan and talk to her.
He didn’t need to hear that. It didn’t matter how good the advice was.
The plain fact was that he and Megan were better off apart.
She couldn’t wait to leave. And if she felt otherwise—which would surprise him—then she would do well to take hold of her feelings and wrestle them into submission, just like he intended to do.
Ewan gave a sharp nod and strode away, disappearing into the crowd. Ryder watched him go, letting out a long, ragged breath.
Then he plunged into the crowd himself, shouldering through the guests.
He kept his eyes open, looking for Megan.
It didn’t take long to find her, not with her mane of red hair and her glorious gown.
And those flowers! Over the past hour, a few of the numerous flowers had fallen out of her braid, leaving a small trail of crushed flowers behind her, half-hidden in the rushes.
There she was. She glanced up just as he spotted her, and their eyes met. Heat rushed through Ryder’s chest, but he forced himself to ignore it. He offered a quick smile as he approached.
“Enjoyin’ the party, me sweet bride?” he inquired with a half-smile.
She cleared her throat. “Aye, that I am, me… me handsome husband.”
His eyes darkened at that possessive word. Husband. Glancing away, Megan hastily corrected herself.
“Almost-husband, I mean. There’s been nay dancing yet, although the music is good.”
“I’m glad ye are enjoyin’ it. Was I right about the dress? Are all the men staring at ye as if they want to eat ye up?”
“If ye think I will admit that ye were right about that,” she burst out, reddening. “then ye are mad. Why did ye find me?”
“Well, Alaina has snuck off with her guardsman.”
“What?” Megan exclaimed, frowning. “I didnae see her go. I should have watched her more closely.”
“Have ye seen any signs of danger?”
“Nay, nothin’.”
“Well, me sister can hardly be caught cavortin’ with a guardsman at her age,” Ryder huffed. “We had best find her. The northeast corridor is where she’s gone, I’ve been told.”
“We should split up and search,” Megan suggested. “I’ll go this way, ye go that. We’ll meet in the middle. Flora can remain here and watch Sophie.”
“Aye, that’s a good plan. Oh, and Megan?”
She paused, just about to scurry off in the opposite direction. She glanced back at him, eyes bright, eyebrows raised, and he felt a traitorous flicker of affection. He wanted to gather her up in his arms and hold her tight. It wouldn’t be a shocking thing to do, not with her being his betrothed.
He kept his hands firmly at his sides.
“Be discreet,” he said at last. “We cannae afford a scandal.”
Her eyebrows shot up further. “Discreet? Me? It hurts that ye think I could be otherwise, me beloved betrothed,” she paused, giving a wry smile. “It’s as if ye daenae ken me at all.”
She gave him no opportunity to respond, and instead turned and plunged straight into the crowd.