4. Chapter Four
CHAPTER FOUR
O ur arrival in Russia took me by surprise. I thought for sure it would be a longer trip, but one week later and here we were, docking in Russia. I stayed in my room, knowing that it was about to be chaos.
I didn’t do well in crowds.
I don’t know how I knew that information, I just did. Chalk it up to the many lists of things wrong with me. I hadn’t seen Benedikt around either, but I could feel him. Like he was watching me, or like he was in the room with me. If I disappeared, would anyone even notice?
Especially when I was alone at night.
But that was just me being paranoid. I looked everywhere, and didn’t see any signs of Benedikt. I thought for sure he would hide his gigantic frame underneath the bed, but I checked every night and my search came up with nothing.
He was never in any of the rooms with me. I just had an overactive imagination. Sometimes when I was detached, I forgot what was happening in the actual world, and stayed fully cemented in my delusions.
A therapist once told me that .
So, I would ignore the pestering feeling that someone was watching me. I would focus on the future. What would that look like for me? I wasn’t sure. I knew Russia would differ from anything I was expecting.
My door flung open, and Valentina waltzed right inside. “Morning, betch.” She had a coffee in each hand.
“If one of those is for me, I’ll be ready to marry you any day now,” I grumbled. I loved my morning coffee.
“Don’t go proposing to me yet. I still haven’t figured out how the stove was working to begin with.”
I laughed for what seemed like the first time in a century. Valentina looked a bit taken aback. I guess she would be, because I wasn’t uncomfortable in her presence like usual.
She handed me a cup of the lord’s goodness and I took a big sip, humming my satisfaction as soon as it hit my tongue.
Valentina coughed. “Like I said, I would wife you in a heartbeat. Now that I have more influence, maybe I can help pave the way in case of any trouble this time.”
I nodded. “Thanks, I wish we could. Are they already freaking out about who they are going to be forced to marry?”
“They don’t know yet.” Valentina frowned. “Let’s not think about that. Let’s go see Russia.” Valentina forced her face to smile. It looked unnatural, but I said nothing.
My heart grew a few pounds heavier. I wanted to learn more about this place, but would it make a difference in the end? I couldn’t tell what my future was going to bring, but I hoped it wasn’t painful.
A man cared for me. That should make me elated, however, the truth was much darker. When I realized he was the first one to ever have done so, I couldn’t help but feel sad about the course of my life.
I stood on shaky legs and got dressed. Maybe Valentina knew the area better than me. I threw on a t-shirt and jeans from the wardrobe provided for me in the closet. I didn’t know why I was treated differently than the other captives.
I guessed it had to do with my friendship with Valentina. I was going to ask her while we were out.
I headed out of the room, and met Valentina in the hallway. We walked together as I questioned the situation.
“Where are the other students from The Academy?”
Valentina frowned. “Some were hurt and are in the infirmary, others are being assigned a Bratva soldier.”
“Why would they need a soldier?” We headed down the stairs.
“Because they need to be guarded before being sent home. That’s how Roman explained it to me.” Her eyes darkened.
I think she was lying. But I didn’t call her out on it.
“Where are we headed?”
I noticed there weren’t many servants.
“Tiffany Petrov is in her garden, and I thought we could head out there and meet her.” She smiled a little.
“Was that the important man’s wife?” My head throbbed as I tried to remember what she told me earlier.
“Oh, I forgot.” Valentina’s eyes were saddened. “Yes. She’s the Pakhan’s wife, and there’s a legend that she used to kill people all the time.”
“What?” I was shocked. How could she get away with killing people?
“Yeah.” Valentina nodded as we headed out the back door. “She really enjoyed cutting off penises.”
I choked on my spit. “What the hell was she doing with them?”
“Putting them in my collection, of course,” a sweet voice interrupted our conversation.
I laid my eyes on the Pakhan’s wife, Tiffany Petrov. She was wearing an enormous hat to protect her from the sun. Her dark skin was covered, like she didn’t want to burn. I hadn’t even thought of sunscreen coming out here.
She looked like the lady of the place, surrounded by curious looking plants. Something told me they differed from any I’d ever seen before.
“We weren’t talking poorly about you, by any means,” I broke the silence.
“Oh, I know. It’s not surprising, truly, when I have such a reputation.” She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes.
“Can I help you with your planting?” I looked around to see she had some new plants she was adding to her garden.
“Oh heavens, no,” she giggled, adjusting her gloves. “You’d need to be certified, in order to touch these plants.”
I tilted my head, intrigued. “Why?”
“Because of the poison. If you don’t handle them correctly, you might die.” She spoke of my death so sweetly.
“Oh.” I mean, what more could I say? Clearly, she was a psychopath.
Tiffany lifted her face to the sun, grinning to herself like she knew something the rest of the world didn’t. I guessed it was easy living in delulu land. But in the real world that I was living in, I couldn’t trust any of these people.
I knew nothing about them. Nothing about myself. Who was I? Why was I so comfortable with Valentina, almost instinctively knowing that she was my sister? I didn’t have any of the answers.
My mind was blank.
“You should take her shopping, Valentina,” Tiffany’s voice rang out, as she kneeled by her plants, carefully tending to a row of delicate flowers. She didn’t even glance up as she continued, “She can hardly go to parties looking like that.”
I stiffened, the sharpness of her words cutting deeper than they should have. “Parties?” The word escaped me, sharper than I intended. I couldn’t hide the disbelief in my tone. Parties were the last thing on my mind. I wasn’t here for fun or luxury. Like the other women, I was being held for ransom. Right?
Valentina turned to me, with a look I couldn’t quite place. It wasn’t exactly pity; it felt more like resignation. “I mean, what else are you going to do?” she breathed, as if the answer should have been obvious.
What else? The question made sense in a twisted way, but it didn’t sit right with me. I couldn’t imagine throwing on a designer dress and pretending this situation was anything other than a nightmare. The very idea of attending a party felt absurd. “I’d rather just go back to my room and sleep,” I admitted, my voice quieter now. Not that I really slept. I hadn’t managed a full night without the lights on since… well, since I’d arrived here.
Valentina hummed in acknowledgment, her gaze skimming over the sprawling garden ahead of us. “It’s not healthy to isolate yourself,” she said after a moment. “At least get out and breathe some fresh air.”
Why does the air feel like it’s pressing the life out of me? Maybe I should just let it?
I shook off that intrusive thought. “I’m out now,” I pointed out, gesturing to the expansive garden around us. It stretched farther than I’d expected, a lush maze of greenery and blooms, that seemed completely out of place on this property. “Maybe I’ll find a library or something. Something quiet. That’s more my speed.”
Tiffany scoffed from her place among the flowers, waving a small spade dismissively in the air. “A library,” she muttered, almost to herself. “She’d rather read than live.”
Her words stung, but I bit back a retort. I would not argue with someone who seemed far more interested in her hydrangeas, than in the reality of our situation. Instead, I turned my attention back to Valentina as we walked, falling into step beside her.
“I didn’t expect the garden to be this big,” I admitted, trying to shift the conversation away from Tiffany’s barbs. “It’s… beautiful. In a strange way.”
Valentina glanced around, her expression softening. “It is,” she agreed. “It’s one of the few places here that feels… alive. Tiffany practically lives out here.”
“That explains the attitude,” I muttered under my breath, earning a small laugh from Valentina.
“She’s not so bad once you get to know her,” she said, though the half-heartedness of her tone suggested even she didn’t fully believe it. “She’s just… used to this world. She doesn’t see things the way you and I might.”
“I don’t want to get used to this world,” I said firmly, the words spilling out before I could stop them. “I want to get out of here.”
Valentina didn’t respond right away and I could feel her hesitating. Finally, she said, “We all want that. But until then, we have to survive. That’s all any of us can do.”
If this is survival, why does it feel like I’m dying every day?
Her words hung in the air between us as we walked, the tension easing slightly as the garden opened into a small clearing. A stone bench sat beneath an archway of climbing roses, and for a moment, it felt almost peaceful. Almost.
“I’m not sure parties are my version of survival,” I said, breaking the silence. “But I’ll think about it.”
Valentina gave me a small smile, one that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “That’s all anyone can ask.”
Valentina and I walked through the garden.
“A long time ago, the Pakhan peeled the faces off of so many men, because he couldn’t find Tiffany,” Valentina said whimsically.
I held back the bile in my throat. “Sounds disgusting and unhygienic.”
“It’s romantic,” Valentina snapped back.
A hazy memory tore across my mind. I looked at her and realized she’d changed since last year. She was stronger. Wiser. The mousy teacher who wanted everyone to get along was nowhere to be found, and in her place was a woman who’d seen some shit. There was a darker edge to her, like she’d taken a life or something. I mean, she wasn’t that good of an assassin when Headmaster Mikhail was alive. I hadn’t forgotten that; it came back to me slowly.
I doubted she got her hands dirty now.
Unlike the Pakhan’s wife, Tiffany Petrov. Ditsy, she may seem, but she was the stuff of legends. I wouldn’t forget meeting her for a long time. I wanted to meet Viktor Petrov even less.
I knew the day would be coming. Especially with Benedikt Petrov breathing down my neck half the time. I wondered where he was at this moment. Neediness. Something I hated about myself.
Even though I couldn’t remember, I knew something was broken inside of me. I hadn’t felt right. But as I walked through the soothing garden filled with poisonous plants, I realized I wanted more for myself. I just didn’t know how to achieve it.
If I’m so broken, why am I still here?
Valentina’s phone pinged, and she stopped walking, to pull it out and respond.
“The car has pulled to the front. Let’s go get you some new clothes.” She smiled, but I couldn’t return it. I would not feel happy about spending my captors’ money. These men were no doubt just that. If they weren’t, they would’ve let me and the others go by now, wouldn’t they?
I wouldn’t think about my time on the boat watching Benedikt. I needed to keep away from that man. He made my brain go numb by his mere presence. Something I couldn’t afford to do when I didn’t have memories to begin with.
We walked around the extensive property to the front gate. It took longer than I thought, and I got to see how much more this place offered. There was a lake with a small beach, and I saw a figure swimming in the distance there.
When we got to the gate, a dark sedan waited for us with the engine running. A driver stepped out, and nodded to me and Valentina, before opening the door for us. I climbed in and Valentina slid in beside me, but we didn’t take off, nor did the driver close the door.
Curious, I asked, “What are we waiting for?”
Valentina texted on her phone, not looking at me. “One more person to arrive.”
A few minutes later, that person slid in beside Valentina. I looked over her to see who we had to wait for, and my heart started beating faster in my chest when my gaze met his.
“Hello, malen'kiy angel,” Benedikt greeted. His men had surrounded him as he approached.
I didn’t respond, pursing my lips slightly, embarrassed I hadn’t dared to greet him.
His gaze feels like it’s burning through me. Maybe that’s what dying feels like.
He grabbed me by the throat and drug me closer to him. I trembled, as he placed a rough kiss on my lips for all to see. “Playing hard to get?” He murmured against my lips.
I shook my head, confused by the feelings he stirred within me. He took it the wrong way, released me with a huff, and whipped out his phone. Valentina ignored the tension, and had her phone in front of her. Benedikt leaned down and whispered something in her ear.
A dark visceral feeling built inside of me seeing them so close, even though I knew Valentina was with Roman. A part of me felt like Benedikt was making a move on my sister. However, Valentina turned to me with a smile.
“Swap seats with me, I get car sick, and need to sit near the window.” Her lie fell smoothly off her tongue.
I frowned but said nothing, as I slid across the seat under her and she climbed over me. With our seat swap, I could feel the heat of Benedikt’s body against mine. He leaned forward, his forest scent overwhelming my senses as he buckled my seatbelt.
“Got to be safe, malen'kiy angel,” he whispered across my lips as he pulled away.
He calls me ‘angel’, but I feel like I’ve already fallen.
“Why are you here?” I asked out of the side of my mouth.
“It just so happens you need a bodyguard, and I have some business in the area you’re traveling to, malen'kiy angel.” He grinned.
“Stop calling me that,” I whispered. I wanted to kick myself for not being stronger.
“No.” That was all he responded with.
I risked a glare at his profile, wishing he’d face me so I could stare into his eyes. Well, his eye, and the hole in his face where the other should be. It didn’t scare me; I thought the hole in his skull made him more attractive.
And that was why I needed to keep away from people. Benedikt put a tatted hand on my leg and I shoved it off. He growled and glared at me, putting his hand back on my leg, and revealing his side weapon.
I understood the threat. Whether I remembered, my brain told me that men weren’t to be trifled with. If Benedikt Petrov wanted to touch my leg, he was going to, with or without my consent.
And unfortunately for me, I was too tired to fight. I leaned my head back on the seat and let my eyes close. Just for a little while. I don’t dream anymore. Even my mind doesn’t care enough to escape. Either way, it was easier to sleep than to live.