Chapter 30
CHAPTER THIRTY
Zander
W aking up the last few days with Scarlett’s legs entangled with mine and her head on my chest has been like a dream. When her beautiful eyes meet mine, everything seems perfect…the serenity after a storm. We’ve avoided serious conversation since she came back other than the initial confirmation we both wanted to be in this.
But this morning, she reaches for my hand and threads our fingers together before kissing the underside of my jaw. “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“I know you said kids weren’t part of your plans before. Did you really not want kids? Like ever?” Her tone carries no hint of judgment, but I feel like the answer I give is important to her.
I shift so I can look into her eyes. I want to be honest without scaring her away again. I brush her hair back. “I won’t lie and pretend kids were ever on my radar, because they weren’t. In the beginning, it was hard to swallow. But as I’ve walked through this pregnancy with you and heard his heartbeat, I know I was meant to be his dad. Just like you were meant to be his mom. I want him. I want to be his dad more than anything.”
She nods. “Do you think you would want more kids…on purpose? I know you mentioned it at my house the other night, but were you serious, or is this one it for you?”
I smile. “I think I might. Everything about us and our situation has opened me to so many things I never dreamed I’d want, but I do.”
She’s quiet for a few seconds, the only sound coming from her finger lightly tapping my bare chest.
“Tell me what’s on your mind, sunshine.”
She tries to look away, but I tip her chin back toward me. She closes her eyes and lets out a breath.
“Do you still love Vivian? Would you take her back if we weren’t having this baby?”
“No, Scarlett. I don’t love her. She’s manipulative and she betrayed me in the worst way.”
She stares at me. “You can still love a person despite the awful things they’ve done,” she says, chin wobbling.
“That may be true for some people, but it wasn’t the real thing between us. That’s why I can say I don’t love her anymore and mean it. There’s nothing she could do or say to change that,” I tell her. “I think some people can let someone they thought they loved go, and it’s just over. But then there’s those people who were always meant to be together, and those are the ones that even if you try to let them go, you can’t or they come barreling back at exactly the right time and you just know.”
She smiles. “That makes sense. I just don’t ever want to hold you back, or be the reason you’re not happy,” she says quietly.
“I don’t know how many more times I can tell you…you are my sunshine. And I’ll show you that every day until you believe it.” I kiss her forehead.
“Do you have regrets about being here with me and trying to give us a chance?” I can’t help but ask since she’s asking similar questions.
“I have no regrets and no doubts. But I won’t pretend I’m not scared to love you, because I am. But I also know in the depths of my soul that loving you is worth risking heartbreak because I’d rather have loved you and been loved by you than to never know this love at all. And I’ll give you all of me and hope every day that we’re one of the lucky ones who make it,” she tells me, baring her innermost thoughts to me.
“I think it’s time for me to show you something,” I tell her.
“Um, okay, I think,” she says sounding a bit hesitant.
I pull on my boxer briefs from the floor and then hand her my T-shirt. Even with her pregnant belly it’s too big for her. Once she has it on, I take her hand and guide her to my office door. She stops me and stares at the door.
“I’m not sure?—”
I cut her off. “Trust me.”
She nods and squeezes my hand. Then, I push it open and watch her expression as she takes in all the pictures of her on my office walls.
“What is this?” she asks.
“This room is where I keep my art and things that are special to me,” I tell her.
“I don’t know what to say,” she says as her eyes shimmer with unshed tears.
“Hey. Why are you crying?” I ask taking her delicate face in my hands and bending so I’m at eye level with her.
“You have pictures of me here, in your private space.”
“Is that wrong?” I asked, confused.
“No. She said there was no way I meant anything to you because you had no evidence of me anywhere in your house. But here I am, in the beating heart of your house,” she says as tears drip off her chin.
I swipe her tears away with my thumbs and then kiss her perfect pink lips. I take her hand and press it to my chest so she can feel the steady rhythm. “You’re right here, in this beating heart of mine everywhere I go.”
“Zander, I’m in love with you. Irrevocably and hopelessly in love with you,” she says.
“That’s funny…I’m in love with you, sunshine,” I tell her immediately.
She smiles against my lips before kissing me again. Her tongue swirls around mine with precision. Her kisses are more intoxicating than any drink I could ever serve at the bar.
I groan as she slides her hand over my length bulging against the thin fabric of my boxer briefs. “Sunshine, I need you.”
She walks to my desk and pulls off my shirt, revealing her beautiful body to me. I stare for a minute wondering how I got so lucky. This gorgeous, kind-hearted woman is spread out on my desk for me and she’s carrying my child. I’m filled with something I think most would call pride at seeing her like this.
I move toward her while ridding myself of my boxers. Once they’re gone, I pull us together and kiss her more, and just appreciate the feel of her bare skin against mine. Her legs are already parted and waiting for me to slide home.
When I slide inside her, she flutters around my length. I lean her back over my desk gently as I take her nipples one at a time in my mouth. Then, I pull her up and close to me again as I thrust in and out, making her whimper each time until I feel her start to tighten around me, spurring me to move harder and faster, chasing our release.
We both reach it at the same time, and I capture her sweet moans with my mouth. I kiss her and hold her close until our breathing slows.
“This is a random time to ask, but do you want to do a gender reveal soon?” I ask her.
She laughs. “Are you excited to let the world know you’re having a son?”
“Maybe,” I admit.
“We can have one whenever you want,” she says.
“What about at the bar? We can close and make it a private event. It has enough space to host the people we would want there. And you can decorate however you like.”
“That’s fine by me. But you don’t have to close just for that. If we can have maybe just a section or one side of the bar, that’ll be fine. I’ll get Anna to help, and maybe Leah,” she says.
“Leah?” I ask, not sure who she means.
“Oh. I’ve become friends with Dr. Leah Barnette,” she tells me.
“I didn’t realize.”
“Is that a problem?” she asks.
“No, not at all. She’s a good person.”
“Yeah, she is. She’s given me some good advice about you,” she says as she winks and gets down off the desk.
“Oh really?” I ask, following her in the direction of our bathroom.
“I’d love to know who she has her eye on. She told me it was complicated, and she’d tell me sometime. But she was there for me to lean on, and I’d love to see her get her man too,” she says light-heartedly.
“I honestly don’t know who it could be, but she works with first responders a lot, so it may be one of them,” I tell her.
“That makes sense. When the firemen/paramedics came to take me to the hospital, she seemed to know them pretty well,” she says with a shrug.
“What firemen?” I ask, knowing a few of them and their playboy ways.
She pats my chest. “Down, boy. These men saw me at my literal worst after throwing up so much I was barely lucid. Nothing to see there. Besides, you are the man who managed to capture all my attention, and my heart.”
“I don’t think you realize what a beautiful woman you are. But same for me, sunshine. All that I am, belongs to you.”