Chapter 33
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Scarlett
“ T hank you for letting me know, and I’ll start tracking as soon as I pick it up from the pharmacy,” I say to the nurse before I hang up.
Gestational diabetes. The words play in a loop over and over in my head. I know lots of women have this. And I know most women do perfectly fine managing it. Logically, I know I’ll be no different. But somehow it still feels like my body has failed me, which is utterly ridiculous. My body is amazing.
It has grown and stretched to house my precious son perfectly for many months now. We’re in the home stretch. Just under a couple months to go. I can do anything for a couple months to make sure my baby is safe.
I sit on the floor in the living room to stare out at the rolling hills and the blue sky, which maybe isn’t my best idea at this point, but my legs feel like noodles. Zander is in the bedroom getting ready for work, so he has no idea I’m mere feet away from him having an internal meltdown.
I know pregnancy makes you feel all sorts of emotions and most of them you can’t control. For me, I feel every emotion…hard. A lot harder than I normally would. And I know I can talk to any number of my friends, and Zander. But at a time like this, I want my mother’s advice.
I’m more devastated about my parents’ cold shoulder act than I openly admit. Truth be told, I figured they’d come around by now. The initial shock of how I came to be pregnant should’ve worn off and they should simply be happy to be grandparents for the first time.
I sniffle as I feel the threat of tears start to sting and it doesn’t take long for Zander to find me after. “Scarlett, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” he asks as he drops to a knee beside me, his brows pinched together in concern.
I wipe under my nose with the back of my hand. “Dr. Ray’s nurse just called with my glucose test results. She said I have gestational diabetes. My numbers weren’t high by a lot. I failed the one-hour blood draw by a little, but I passed the two-hour draw. But even if it’s barely over, they said it’s still considered gestational diabetes,” I tell him as tears finally flood my eyes.
He helps me to stand with him as he rises, then he looks me in the eye, his hands cradling my face. “You are amazing, sunshine. You’re going to be fine, and so is the baby. What are their recommendations?”
“I need to get a glucose meter and test strips and prick my finger four times a day. I do it upon waking, two hours after breakfast, two hours after lunch, and two hours after supper. The readings need to be under one hundred ideally. But especially the one I take upon waking up.”
He wraps his arms around me protectively and kisses my forehead. “Okay. No big deal. We can do that. I can pick it up for you and bring it back here. Or if you feel like getting out of the house for a bit, I’ll drive you to the pharmacy, and then we can grab lunch and come back here. Just tell me what you need, sunshine.”
“I’d like all the above for sure, but I think I need my mama. Going through this pregnancy without her breaks my heart, especially now that I’m facing an obstacle. Moms are supposed to support their daughters in all these big moments and life events. But since we told them about us and the baby, it feels like my parents don’t need me in their lives like I need them. I mean, I get the disappointment. But I just thought they’d be over it by now and they’d be happy for us…and for themselves. Look at your parents. They can’t wait to have a grandson,” I tell him.
“Babe, you know my mom will talk you through anything, but I get it. She’s not your mom. I’ll go talk to your parents if you want me to,” he says, still holding me close.
“No, you shouldn’t have to. I appreciate that you’re willing to. But that’s my battle.”
He stares at me again. “Sunshine, you have me, and there are no battles that are yours to fight alone. We’re in this together. Those weren’t just empty words when I said them. I meant it.”
“I thought you were talking about the baby,” I say quietly, almost ashamed even after all we’ve been through in a short amount of time, I took his words and made myself believe they weren’t for me, but solely about the baby we created together.
He chuckles lightly and then tips my chin up before kissing my lips. “It was about you too. You are the mother of my child. It doesn’t matter how that came to be. It is. My love for you is real. I won’t be the one to forsake you, sunshine.”
He kisses me gently, his lips warm and soft against mine. I smell his sandalwood scent all around me and let out a little hum of satisfaction. He licks the seam of my lips, and I part them, allowing him inside. He tastes like the minty toothpaste he uses, and it reminds me he was getting ready to leave for work.
I break the kiss. “Uh, you have to work. I can go to the pharmacy myself. I’m okay. It was the initial shock. Everything else has been going so great, it just shook me a bit for that test not to be great too. I don’t want whatever is going on with my body to negatively affect the baby.”
“Your body is exquisite. It’s doing what it needs to do. You’re growing our son in there. You’re superwoman. Give yourself some grace. Everything will be fine, I promise,” he says.
“And I can get Dad to cover me this evening, at least for a few hours. He won’t mind.”
It’s my turn to laugh. “He can’t cover for you all the time. He’s going to think I’m stealing you away and never giving you back.”
He turns serious. His gaze holds mine. “You have stolen my heart, Scarlett. And I can only hope and pray you never try to give it back. Because it doesn’t belong to me anymore, it belongs to you.”
My gaze drops from his to his chest. My hand follows my line of vision as I press my palm to where his heart beats steadily in his chest. I push him backward to the couch with my palm firmly in place over the very beating rhythm he says is mine.
I lift his shirt over his head and let it fall to the floor as my gaze fixes on his chest. He has a light dusting of dark hair across it and his nipples are pebbled beneath my touch. The tattoo on his side that I noticed our first night together is sexier than I know how to explain. I trace it with my fingertip and while I kiss his chest right over his heart and then bring both hands up to his pecs and push him to a sitting position on the couch.
I’m wearing a cozy, red-orange sweater and black maternity leggings. I don’t understand how this man can say and do all the right things. Everything he does is like love notes to my heart. But it heats my blood for him in a way I can’t control. He took me from meltdown to melting for him in almost the blink of an eye…and a few heartbeats.
Even as my swollen pregnant belly protrudes further than my breasts now, I’m not self-conscious under his stare. I pull my sweater over my head and push down my leggings. My lace bra is off with a flick of my wrist. My breasts are thankful for the freedom. At this point, I’d much rather be naked than restricted by any type of clothing.
Zander watches my every move. His muscular thighs are spread wide, and I can see the bulge behind his jeans. I’ve never felt more beautiful…more desired than I do with this man. Any doubts or insecurities I’ve ever thought about having fade away in his eyes.
This is exactly how every woman should feel when she’s with the man she loves. Adored. Cherished. Loved. I’m not sure how I got so lucky as to find this man…to have earned his love and affection. But here I am, basking in the glow he emits.
“Come here,” he says huskily and crooks a finger.
He pushes his jeans and boxers down and waits for me to straddle him with a hungry gaze in his eyes. His tongue darts out to lick his bottom lip.
I don’t waste any time. I settle both legs on either side of his hips and slide my center down his length. We both hum a sound of satisfaction as our bodies are united. He grips my thighs as I take control. He watches me. His gaze is on mine, not my body like he’s just as hungry for my soul as he is my body.
The intensity sends chills all over my skin and he pulls me close to kiss me. As I move, he moves underneath making each connection stronger. I feel myself tightening around him as we work together, and when we finally fall off that cliff, gone is everything but the feeling of him all around me.
His touch is the only thing grounding me in this moment. It’s my turn to take his face in my hands and kiss his lips. He tucks my hair behind my ear as it falls forward.
I take his hand and place it between my breasts where my heart is still racing. “I hope you never give mine back either, Zander. I’m giving you everything I have to give.”
He kisses me and leans me back slightly before kissing my swollen, pregnant belly. “It would seem we’re on the same page, then,” he says as his dark eyes stare into my blue ones.
Long after Zander and I made love, picked up my meter and strips from the pharmacy, and then ate a late lunch, he went on in to work at the bar. He made it clear he’d stay home if I wanted him to, but I assured him I’d be fine.
I worked on answering some emails and preparing clients for my upcoming maternity leave. A little before eight, a knock sounds at the front door. My nerves already have their little shields in place because who would this be?
I walk to the front door and open it. My mother stands on the front porch. I’m speechless. “Uh, what are you doing here? How did you know where I was?” I rush out all at once.
She smiles kindly. “That man of yours loves you very much.”
“Zander?” I ask as I put my hand to my chest.
She nods. “Can I come in?”
“Sure,” I say and open the door wider to let her in.
Once I close the door behind us, I start with more questions. “When did you talk to him?”
“This evening. Don’t be mad at him. He was trying to help,” she says.
“I’m not…I’m not mad, just a little surprised.”
She sets her purse on the kitchen table. “I’m so sorry, Scarlett.” Her eyes shimmer in the light with unshed tears. “We didn’t handle the news well. We were shocked. We never wanted you to face what we did,” she says.
“What do you mean, Mama? You and Daddy had me after you were married. I don’t understand.”
She swipes her tears away. “Your dad and I were very much in love, that’s true. But what you don’t know is we got pregnant with you by accident.”
My heart almost skids to a complete stop. What am I hearing right now?
“So, what? You didn’t want me? I don’t understand what you’re trying to say,” I stammer as my stomach threatens to empty its contents.
“I wanted you from the moment I knew you existed. But your dad and I weren’t married. Far from it. We loved each other, but we had no plans for the future. We were in college, but just barely. He was a sophomore, and I was a freshman. And my parents, well, to them having a baby out of wedlock was unthinkable. An embarrassment.”
I swallow hard as it starts to dawn on me. My mom isn’t the Goody Two-shoes I always believed her to be.
“What happened, Mom?”
She smiles sadly. “Your dad talked about giving you up for adoption to appease my parents. He didn’t think he was ready to be a father because we had nothing. But I refused. We made you together, and we’d raise you together.”
“Dad didn’t want me?” I ask as an unexpected wave of tears wash over me. The man I always looked up to, who treated me like his princess didn’t want me? What is she even saying right now?
“Of course he did, sweetheart. Men can sometimes take a few minutes longer to catch up to us. Our maternal instincts kick in from the moment we know, men don’t have the same thing until they are holding you in their arms, and then some of them still don’t. And your dad was still a kid, and he was in a state of panic. So was I. We were much younger than you and Zander are now,” she says with a kind smile.
“Don’t be upset with your dad, sweetie. He loves you more than you could imagine. When you hold your baby, you’ll know. Zander will too. Nothing else matters and you can’t imagine any love greater than what you have for your child. Your heart will feel like it’s going to burst with how much love there is,” she says.
“You’ll know there’s nothing you won’t do for them,” she adds.
“When did Dad change his mind about keeping me?”
She reaches for my hand. “He didn’t really want to give you up, but his mind ran wild with fear and my parents were trying to sway him. He went to my parents and asked to marry me. They told him no and that they’d send me away and put you up for adoption no matter what we wanted. They said we weren’t mature enough to take care of you. It was at that moment he realized beyond the shadow of a doubt he’d do anything to protect his family. He wasn’t going to let anyone take you or me away from him. We eloped that same evening. And we moved away from them and settled here in Tennessee. We never looked back.”
“You told me they died,” I say barely above a whisper.
“I did. I always thought they’d find me one day and want to know you. Instead, I reached out to them, thinking they’d come around. Thinking they’d want to see you and get to know you. But my mother insisted that having a baby at my age and running away with your dad ruined my life. I told her that you and your dad were my whole life. And I never spoke to them again.” She swipes the tears that fall.
“Mama, I’m so sorry.”
“Nothing to be sorry about. I’d choose you again every time. And you’ve had your grammy all your life, so you weren’t lacking love. She stepped in for me too. The day I married her son, she took over as my mother figure. She was always happy we were together and had you,” Mama tells me.
“If you know what it’s like to be in my shoes, why did y’all get so mad? I don’t understand.”
“We weren’t mad. And we aren’t perfect. The shock was a lot. Even though you’re already successful in your own right, we didn’t want you to ever struggle like we did. We wanted you and this baby to have everything you deserve. And after everything that happened with Eric, and then getting pregnant by someone we didn’t know…you have to at least try to understand how that threw us.”
“I can see that. But what me and this baby deserve are to have you and Dad in our lives. Are you here just because Zander called you?”
“He didn’t, sweetheart. I called him. Anna wouldn’t tell me anything. She knew what was happening but wanted to stay out of the middle, so she gave me his number and I called. Apparently right on time. He told me you needed me.”
I swallow the urge to sob. “I do need you, Mama. And Dad too.”
She hugs me. “My sweet girl. I’m so sorry we projected our pasts onto you and haven’t cleared the air sooner. He’s in the car. But he thought you might not want to see him.”
I laugh. “I want him here. I need to tell you both about your grandson.”
Mom’s hand flies to her heart and she walks to the front door and waves Dad in. As soon as he sees me, he wraps me in his arms and tells me how sorry he is and how much he loves me.
I get that Mama called Zander, but I think it was his words telling her I needed her that brought her to me tonight. Now I have my parents back and I understand them a little more than I ever did before.
After Mama’s confession I think I might love them more, because she’s right. None of us are perfect, but how we choose to navigate through our imperfections makes us who we are. I’m so glad I have parents who chose to fight for me and their love instead of letting it destroy them.
The same way Zander and I have fallen in love with each other and fought through our own doubts for our son.