Chapter 35
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Scarlett
“ T hey’re all good. How do you pick a favorite?”
Zander smiles up at me from his office chair. “I look for the perfect angle and the best light. From there, I let the pictures talk to me and then find which one tells the story best.”
“I knew you were good, but you’re not just good, Zander. You’re amazing. You have an eye for this. I know why you stopped, but do you ever think about picking up your camera again?” I ask.
“Not until you,” he answers instantly.
“If you still want to take pictures, you should. Think about how many stories you can tell with your lens. I find that exciting. You have talent, Zander.”
He smiles at me and pulls me close enough to press a kiss to my belly. The baby kicks back and I laugh. “Your son thinks it’s a good idea too.”
He lays his hand on my belly to feel the baby’s movements. “We’ll see. I’m open to it. There’s something I’ve been wondering if you’re open to.”
I wrinkle my nose. “I’m not sure that sounds good,” I tell him, unsure what he could be referring to.
“Would you ever wear white again…for me?”
“I wore white when we took these pictures. Of course I wear white.”
He huffs out a quiet laugh. “Yes, you did. But I mean the kind of white involved in a ceremony…reciting vows. The kind of white you’d wear to say you’re mine.”
My brows lift in understanding. “You want to get married?”
“We’ve never really talked about getting married after the fiascos we’ve both been through. I’m not proposing or anything, I was just curious where you stood.”
I’m not sure how to answer. The hopeless romantic side of me wants to shout “yes!” But the part of me that was so badly burned says don’t risk getting burned again.
“I don’t know. I haven’t had a lot of time to sort the idea of marriage out. After our one night together, things moved quickly. I would need to feel like my heart is completely safe with the man I’d potentially vow forever with. Because those vows are not just words…not to me. I won’t make a commitment like that without forever being the end goal,” I tell him.
He blinks a few times, but nods. “I agree. But how would you know your heart is safe? How can you know that absolutely? Couples fight and things won’t always be sunshine and rainbows…there are inevitable storms to weather together too.”
“You’re right. But in those storms, the one thing you should never let get swept away is knowing you love each other and you’re faithful to one another. That should never be a doubt. And I think while you’re in the dating stage with someone, you see their tendencies. During that phase, there has to be a solid foundation. If there are any cracks, you can’t weather anything together,” I say.
“And who does the foundation inspection? Who decides whether it’s solid or has cracks?” he asks.
“It’s in the way you love each other. It’s either fierce and full of passion, or it just runs surface deep and begins to crumble under pressure when tested. Real love, the kind that lasts, anchors deep in your soul leaving no way for the hold to loosen.”
He stares into my eyes, but I have no clue what he’s thinking. He can’t be thinking of marriage right now. We haven’t been together long enough. What if he’s trying to see if I’m open to the idea for the sake of our son?
The love I feel for him, it’s deep but it’s too new. I’d never know if it was just for the baby. And there’s his ex-fiancée’s words that were similar to these thoughts. Maybe she planted them there. Is it fair to hold back from Zander when he’s done nothing to deserve it?
“I hear what you’re saying. And you make valid points. But no matter what, love is a risk. You have to decide if loving someone is worth that risk,” he says as he pushes his chair back.
“I need to get ready for work. I’ll be there all night till close. Will you swing by later for supper?” he asks with his hand on my hip.
“Sure,” I answer.
He kisses my forehead and leaves me in his office. He printed some of our pictures from the maternity session. I’m still in awe. In these pictures, we look so happy. We look like two people who are madly in love and have created a new life filled with it.
I squeeze my eyes shut for a few seconds to stave off the sting and threat of tears. My fear is that I want to marry him more than anything, and I hope he wants that too, but what if he doesn’t? What if we crash and burn? It’s not just us to consider. The stakes of those risks are much higher. But I know the greater the risk, the greater the reward…also the greater the fall if things go badly.
My phone beeps with an incoming email. I’ve been talking to a new client the past few days about designing her home here in Greendale Valley. I’m not sure how she found me, but I’m grateful for the distraction of work. I love interior design. Getting to help a client express their tastes when they don’t know where or how to start gives me a sense of satisfaction. Zander has an eye for telling stories through his lens, I have an eye for design. What pulls a room…a home together.
Her email is asking if we can meet this evening at about seven. She’s coming in from out of town and wants to get the initial layout and budget worked up. I respond and tell her I can meet her. Then she sends the address.
Grateful for work close to where I’m calling home these days, I take this as I sign I’m where I need to be after all.
“Hey, sunshine. What do you want to eat?” Zander asks when I approach him at the bar. His waitress, Gabby, sees me and smiles politely. It’s still not warm but much better than when this journey with Zander began.
“My sugar was a little high after lunch earlier, so maybe just water and a hamburger without the bun. As bad as I want fries with ketchup, I should probably have sweet potato instead, and maybe a small salad. Can you do that?”
He leans over the bar and kisses my lips. “I’m your guy,” he says with a wink.
“But before you fix anything, I’m meeting a client in twenty minutes. I’ll be back after that,” I tell him before he can make it to the kitchen doors.
He glances at me with furrowed brows. “You’re meeting a client tonight? As in here in Greendale Valley?”
“Yes. I’ve been emailing back and forth with her for a few days,” I answer. Not entirely sure where his resistance is coming from.
“Is that strange to be meeting a client this late? Especially when you’re just weeks shy of delivery?”
“Not really. Zander. We’re drawing up an initial design and going over her budget. It’s just a meeting. She knows I’m about to be on leave for a few months.”
“Who is your client?” he asks.
“Her name is Marie Sanders.”
His eyes narrow. “Never heard of her. Maybe I should come with you.”
He walks around the bar to where I stand, and I put my palm on his chest to stop him. “Not a chance. I’m fine. This will be a quick meeting. Thirty minutes to an hour tops. And just because you haven’t heard of her doesn’t mean anything. Greendale Valley is growing if you haven’t noticed. And you don’t have to be from here to want to live here.”
He kisses my nose before backing away. “You win, sunshine. But have your phone on you and come back for your dinner. It’ll be ready.”
“Ms. Sanders? It’s Scarlett Shepard, your interior designer.”
Nothing but silence greets me.
“Hello?”
The door opened when I knocked, so I went into the living room. I finally hear what sounds like a printer down the hall, so I call out again. “Ms. Sanders?”
Footsteps echo down the hall and my smile drops when Marie Sanders comes into view holding papers in her hand. It’s not Marie at all, it’s Vivian.
She approaches me with a devious grin on her flawless face. “Hello, Scarlett. So good to see you again.”
“What do you want, Vivian?” I ask through gritted teeth.
“I thought we could talk one more time. Looks like you’re going to have the baby any day now. And I hear it’s a boy. Congratulations are in order. Bravo,” she says and claps her hands slowly after tucking the papers under her arm.
“We have nothing to talk about,” I say and turn to leave. She reaches for my arm, and I jerk away from her. “Get your hands off me.”
I walk toward the front door, but her words stop me. “You know he never told me no either.”
I freeze. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. I was watching you take your little photo shoot. He’s doing and saying what he thinks he has to. He doesn’t want to lose his son.”
“You were watching us?” I ask as a shiver runs down my spine.
Her grin widens. “I know that property. I know the house like the back of my hand. I told you before, it was meant to be ours. I know how to move around undetected. But I didn’t watch for very long once he said he’d choose you and you started going at it. I might be crass but I’m not a monster. Besides, I’m not sure how he got anything out of it moving around your very large, pregnant stomach. A woman has to stay fit, you know. Men lose interest if you don’t give them what they want…what they need.”
“How did you hear what he said when we were inside?”
“A window was raised in the kitchen. He likes to air the house out in cooler weather,” she says.
Those words about him losing interest hit an open wound. A doubt. I’ve questioned if I’d ever be good enough again. I wasn’t enough for Eric. What if Zander sees me the same way after the baby is born? What if he’s pretending like she says just to keep me close for the baby?
“Go to hell,” I tell her as tears collect in my eyes.
“Oh, honey. Did I hit a nerve? I heard about your botched wedding and how his mistress ruined it all. That must’ve been tough. But you have to know this baby is the result of revenge. A rebound. You don’t love each other,” she says coming closer to me.
She hands over the papers in her hands. It’s pictures of the two of them from years ago. Zander is smiling so big I can see his premolars. It’s in his body language how much he cares for her and how happy he is. She hands me the picture of us the other night on the porch.
“How do you have this?” I ask as a tear drops on it.
“I know how to remotely log in to his computer. He never changed his passwords. Or his locks it would seem,” she says with an arched brow probably recalling her waiting on our bed the night I found her there.
I stare at the picture of us…a moment frozen in time I thought was real. I can’t tell anymore.
She points to the picture of us. “You see in this picture; he’s not looking at you. He’s focused on where his son is. He’s not looking at you like you’re his world. He’s looking at your stomach like that’s his world.”
“Why do you care? Why are you doing this after everything you did? You gave him up! You threw him away like yesterday’s trash!” I shout.
She recoils slightly but corrects quickly. “I made a mistake. But I know that now. He’s it for me. I got distracted by pretty words and empty promises.”
“With his best friend! You can’t betray someone much worse than that!”
She squares her shoulders even though I know I struck a nerve with her too. She pulls her phone out and hits play. She plays a voicemail on speaker. Zander’s voice fills the room. “I’ll always love you, Vivian. You were it for me.”
My gaze snaps to hers as she ends the voicemail. “I’m trying to save you heartache.”
“That wasn’t recent. I can hear the pain in his voice.”
She guffaws. “Maybe not. But he still meant it, and I’ve held on to it all this time. I’ve played it over and over every day. And I finally realized how badly I screwed up. Love like ours doesn’t die,” she says.
I get in her face and look her straight in the eye. “It does if you kill it, and you did.”
I walk out the front door and hear Vivian trying to make more excuses and saying something about how she’ll never stop trying to get him back. If he truly wants her the way she claims to want him, I’ll set him free. But he’s going to have the balls to tell me to my face. I won’t be the last one to find out I’ve been taken for a fool again.
I glance at the clock on my radio when I pull up to our house…Zander’s house. It’s been forty-five minutes. I know he’ll start calling, but I just need a few minutes to think. I get out and walk inside the house. My lower back is hurting, and I feel a little woozy.
I grab a bottle of water out of the fridge. I need to eat. And the baby has been sitting low, so I’m sure that’s where my back pain is coming from. After I drink the water, I walk into his office and glance at all the pictures he hung recently.
My heart is telling me everything I feel, everything he says he feels is real. His actions prove it too. But maybe my bullshit meter is broken. I need to be sure of what I’m doing.
I have to pee, so I go use the bathroom and see blood when I stand up to flush. Then something warm runs down my legs and hits the floor. I sit back down but it’s not stopping. I grab my phone from the counter and hover over Zander’s number. A tear slips down my cheek as I scroll to Dr. Leah Barnette’s number instead.
“Hey, Scarlett,” she answers.
“Can you come get me? No questions asked. I’m at Zander’s.”
“Is everything all right?” she asks hesitantly.
“Please come. Fast.”