Chapter 27 #2
Damn. He’d been looking forward to some naked time with her once they got home, hoping to sweet-talk her into getting between his sheets again, but now he knew, for sure, that it wasn’t going to happen.
“You want to know what’s been bugging me?” she laughed at him sarcastically. “Are you sure? Wouldn’t you rather give more sage advice tonight about ‘sucking it up’, or ‘putting it in prospective’.”
Trask managed not to wince. Okay. Fine. That might be how he tended to deal with things that arose, but he didn’t exactly excel at managing personal conflict.
Give him logistics, and he’d ace that shit every time. Ask him for some touchy-feely input, and he…had nothing.
If Jett had a point, however, he was going to make sure she got all his attention, this time.
“I’m listening,” he said gruffly.
Not what she’d expected to hear, for sure.
Now Jett looked uncomfortable. She squirmed in her seat until…
“Fine.” She sucked in a deep breath. “What are we, Trask? Where are we going with…this.” She pointed back and forth between them.
Trask spluttered. “What do you mean?” he asked to win himself a few precious seconds to regroup. “We’re…two people who are insanely attracted to each other, and have been acting on it. To our very mutual enjoyment,” he added pointedly. “Unless I’m mistaken?”
He raised a brow at her, not happy with this conversation at all. She had him instantly on edge.
“Acting on an attraction?” she repeated snarkily, staring at him in the semi-darkness of the cab. “What are we, two rabbits high on pheromones? Riddle me this, Trask. Is any part of you besides your penis vested in our…association?”
What kind of a question was that? Of course he liked Jett for things other than sex. He wouldn’t have her staying with him at his parents’ house if that weren’t the case. Hadn’t he been vocalizing…?
Fuck. Maybe he hadn’t.
“I, uh, yes. I like you, Jett. A lot,” Trask managed, setting aside his discomfort over how she’d brought this up and blindsided him. Couldn’t they have had a reasonable discussion over cornflakes in the morning, after a good night’s…?
Shit. He was doing it again; exactly what she’d accused him of.
“Well, thanks for that,” she snorted. “So, I’m not just a regular cock-warmer. I’m a likeable cock-warmer. Good to know.”
Now she was just being ridiculous.
“What do you want me to say, Jett?” Trask ran a frustrated hand over his head. It needed to be buzzed again. He didn’t like it when his hair got even the slightest bit out of control.
“How about where we’re going from here?” she suggested roughly.
Fuck.
She forged on. “When we first met, you were talking about finding a place to live that wasn’t your folks’ house. Where has that idea gone? I can answer for you. Nowhere,” she clipped. “And I believe it’s because you don’t know what to do with me if you move.”
Dammit. Jett wasn’t wrong.
He had been looking for a house before she came along, and he’d put it on hold because…he liked her in his bed and readily available. So he’d figured why rock the boat and…
Alright. Alright. He needed to be honest with himself.
Had he stopped house-hunting because he wasn’t sure where Jett would fit into his plans?
Yes.
Was he afraid that if he found a place, she’d want to move in with him, permanently?
Maybe.
He felt tension rise within him. That was dishonest. It had given him significant pause; the thought of living with Jett. Sure, her presence had become something he looked forward to, so why would it…?
The future, he answered for himself, somehow managing not to groan out loud.
If Jett moved with him to a new place, it would redefine what they were doing. It would bring things from fun and light, to an actual…relationship.
And he couldn’t do that.
He just couldn’t.
Trask had gone that route just once, very briefly, and look how he’d crashed and burned. He wasn’t about to risk that again.
Jett had been staring at him for so long, Trask knew she was waiting for a response, and he struggled to come up with one.
“I, uh, thought things were good between us the way they were?” he postulated. “I didn’t know you were unhappy with the status quo.”
He dared a look at her, and noted the minute she went from angry to crestfallen.
“Your right. I’m…sorry,” she said, dropping her head to her hands and scrubbing them up and down “To you, this sounds like it’s coming out of the blue. For me…? Argh!” she emoted. “This is so much more difficult than I thought it would be. And do you know why?” she asked.
Trask remained silent, hoping the question was rhetorical.
“It’s because we don’t talk,” she bit out.
“We discuss business and surface things. We tease each other once we’re alone.
We have sex. We sleep wrapped up in each other’s arms, then we start our new day as if we’re…
colleagues. We don’t show affection in front of your parents.
We don’t do anything at work indicating to your brothers that we’re ‘seeing’ each other.
Then we go home, have dinner, and retreat to your room to fuck some more. ”
Trask heard her. He did.
He knew he was guilty of enjoying their “no-strings” lifestyle. Things had been rolling along so easily—continuing without defined parameters that…why would he want to change anything?
But the pressure was now on, and Trask was obviously going to have to face some home-truths.
Did he care for Jett?
Of course he did. What wasn’t to like? She was amazing.
But she was also messy—her clothes never making it to the hamper. And she was…
Shit. The list he mentally compiled of her foibles could go on and on.
She was disorganized if she didn’t have a set task for the day.
She could waste incredible amounts of time perseverating giddily over the smallest thing; like which kind of dog food to buy for her pups at the super-store, or what color socks she should wear for the day.
Nothing was ever urgent, unless she threw the invisible switch inside her that pivoted her from civilian to pilot, PJ, or diver. Then she was as serious as fuck.
The rest?
It drove him nuts.
Or at least it had. At first.
Was he seriously coming to find those quirky qualities…almost endearing?
Dammit. Yes.
But in the long-term…
Uh, uh. Too risky. He knew, better than most, that those borderline-appealing attributes could turn on a dime and bite him in the ass.
“So, what do you want from me?” Trask asked gruffly, almost nauseated over the discussion and the whole internal debate it had fomented.
If he let Jett in, he was opening himself up to a lot of potential pain.
But if he shut her down, she’d no longer be in his life in the capacity to which he’d become accustomed. Both choices sucked.
He waited for her to elucidate.
“I want to talk. Really talk,” she told him belligerently.
“I want to know how you feel about things. About everything. How are you dealing with being out of the Marines? Have you decided what your time split will eventually be between Diver Downeast and your family lumber mill? What are your desires for a place to live, and when will you make a move? Do you see us as sharing a place to live? Of us having any kind of future together?”
The last two questions were clearly the ones that had been harping at her, and he’d been a fool to think he’d been able to hold them off.
“I’m…a private kind of guy,” he began, trying to put into words exactly who he was.
“I don’t share ‘feelings’ a lot, and when I do, I’m usually disappointed with how that goes.
” He wasn’t going to elaborate on that one.
“I’m set in my ways after being in the service for so long, and I’m not sure I can give any more of myself than what I’ve already offered you.
I don’t know where our association is going, because you have to make that call; whether or not you can accept me as I am.
I’ve shown you all I can be, and you’ll either decide to take it or leave it. ”
For someone who was almost always in charge of the way events unfolded, Trask was nervous at how this would play out, because he had no control over Jett’s ultimate decisions.
They pulled up to his parents’ house, but neither of them got out. The air inside the truck was charged.
“Will we ever let your family know that we’re ‘seeing each other’?” she questioned. “When you start your house hunt again, will I be included in the equation?” she inquired equally as bluntly.
Well, hell. Those should be easy questions, but they were not.
If Trask let his family embrace Jett as his girlfriend, the pressure would be on.
They’d have him married with kids in approximately four-point-two seconds.
And that was a hard no. He would not let pressure from others, skew his decisions.
Nobody, he’d vowed a few months back, would determine the trajectory of his life from here on out, except him.
And as for Jett moving in with him…?
That would give her far too much leverage over him. If they shared a living space, she’d eventually take over. The house would inevitably become a mess, and so would he.
“I, uh, don’t think we have to declare anything to my family quite yet, since what we’ve got going on is…
a fun interlude that doesn’t necessarily concern them.
And when I look for a house,” he stated magnanimously, “your opinion will certainly be nice. But since I’m the one who will end up living there, your approval isn’t exactly crucial.
You’ll visit a lot, I hope. But you’ll have your own place, so… ”
“Yup. That’s what I thought,” Jett responded, removing her seatbelt. She got out abruptly and strode up the shoveled pathway.
“Hey,” he called out as he followed, not sure exactly what more he could say.
Why was she so upset? Hadn’t she known all this, before?
Trask met her by the porch, grabbing her elbow when she didn’t wait for him to catch up.
“Jett, stop. What are you thinking?” he asked, because all of a sudden, he really needed to know.
She regarded him with her sweet, mismatched eyes, and he could swear there were unshed tears making them shine.
But why? He’d never promised her anything.
Jett sighed. “I’m thinking that I’ll be moving back into my own room tonight, and I’ll be staying there until I can find another place to live.
Don’t worry. I’ll make my search for new living quarters a priority.
Also, it will be easier to continue working with you every day if we’re not hooking up.
So,” she shrugged, making it seem like no big deal, “it’s been nice.
But no more nookie. Nothing lasts forever, right? ”
She brushed off his hand, then turned and took the steps two at a time, disappearing inside.
Trask rubbed his chest where an unaccustomed ache was just beginning to form.
No. Nothing lasted forever.
It was just that he hadn’t wanted this particular thing to end so soon.