Chapter Nine
Lilac
My body groans as I peel my eyes open. Dead weight, head pounding.
The posters bleed into the charcoal walls. My head spins, ears screech.
My vision sharpens. My bedroom—how? How did I get here?
I glance down. A shirt clings to my body. I don’t remember putting it on.
My chest clenches; air claws its way out of my lungs. A shiver rips down my spine, ice bleeding through the silky fabric.
I fix my gaze on the laptop perched on my desk. Familiar. Wrong.
There’s a gap. A missing piece. I reach for it—and hit nothing. Blank.
I press my feet into the carpet and push upright. My knees buckle. I clutch the chair before I fall and grit my teeth, holding on for dear life. Step by step, I stagger toward the kitchen.
I pull out a chair, sit at the breakfast nook, and stroke my temple.
What the hell happened?
Irvin removes sizzling bacon from the stove and cuts the burner off. He sets the spatula in the sink and leans against the counter, arms folded.
“I can’t…” I gasp for air. “Did we fuck last night?”
He slowly pulls out the chair next to me and sits.
“No. You passed out on the floor in your own vomit and piss. Did you get shit-faced last night?”
Panic seizes my chest. I shake my head. Tears gather in my eyes.
“I don’t know. I don’t remember how I got home from lunch. I remember being in the café with my friends.”
“It’s okay.” He wraps his arms around me, squeezing me tight. “We’ll figure it out. I promise. Has this happened before?”
Something triggered me to black out.
I nod. “I’ve woken up in unfamiliar places.”
His eyes narrow as he strokes my face. “How often does this happen?”
“It hasn’t happened in a couple of years.” I squeeze him tighter. His warmth engulfs me, and I inhale his cedarwood scent deeply. “I—I’m sorry.”
He tilts my chin and strokes my hair. “You have no reason to be sorry, Lilac.” He pauses. “Did something happen with your mom?”
Shit. What did I tell him last night? I untangle myself from him and wrap my arms around my body.
“Why are you asking?”
He eyes me cautiously. “You said, ‘I’m sorry, Mom.’”
I don’t respond.
“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”
I yank away. “Thank you.”
He gets up from his seat, piles food onto a plate, and sets it in front of me.
“Eat, my princess.”
I’m not in the mood to fight with him, so I gobble down the delicious meal.
He sits across from me, studying me carefully.
“You’re skipping class today. You need to rest, princess.”
I stare at him, debating whether to argue, but I choose not to. I’m still exhausted from how the blackouts make me feel, and I’m extremely hungry.
Irvin intertwines his fingers with mine. “We’re going to watch TV and relax.”
I tilt my head to the side. “Don’t you have classes?”
He nods. “But I can skip them for you. You’re more important.”
I want to cry because, in twelve days, he’s going to be married to someone else, and I won’t be close to him like this anymore.
I gulp down the fresh orange juice as acid churns in my stomach.
After breakfast, we settle on the couch, and Irvin clicks the remote. Netflix pops up on the screen.
“What movie do you want to watch?” he asks.
I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter. W-was I in pajamas when you found me?”
“No. I gave you a sponge bath and put you in clean clothes.”
His behavior—coming to my rescue—means everything to me.
Why would he do all of this for me? Tears form, and I wipe them away quickly.
He pulls me into his arms and settles on an anime, but I zone out.
The way he’s taking care of me shows how much he cares, and I thought I was dealing with another Emerson—but clearly I was wrong.
An image of a man standing by a tree pops into my mind, but it’s fuzzy. Shaking my head, I need a pick-me-up.
“I didn’t know you were into anime.”
“Yeah. My favorite is Tokyo Ghoul.” He twirls his fingers in my hair. “You look like Rize. She has purple hair, too.”
“Tell me about her.”
“She loves books—reading manga,” he whispers against my ear. “She tends to binge-eat.”
“That doesn’t sound too bad.”
“Humans. She binge-eats humans.”
“Thanks. Next time I’m out, I’ll eat a human,” I joke.
“No, you’re going to eat me.” He smirks.
“You’re saying if I were a starving ghoul, you’d let me eat your flesh?”
“Yes. I’ll let you eat me, baby. Matter of fact, you wouldn’t be allowed to eat anyone else’s flesh.”
That’s insane. He’s insane.
I shake my head. “Eventually, I’ll eat your whole body.”
“I’ll let you, babe. Or I’ll get a transplant of your ghoul organ, and you’ll be part of me—haunting me.”
I laugh. “That sounds hot and creepy.”
For the first time, I feel light. Happy. How quickly I forget that we’ll never be the same—because he’s marrying someone else. My back stiffens.
I run my fingers through my hair. “Thank you for looking after me, Irvin. I really appreciate you. You’re good to me.”
He nods and wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me into his lap and kisses my forehead.
A lump forms in the back of my throat, and I swallow thickly, washing it away.
I’ll never feel his warm kisses or experience his kindness once he’s married.
I pull away. “When you’re married, we can be friends.
I know you’re not in love with the other woman.
I don’t want to lose you to her—or anyone else.
We can’t be together, but I can offer you a friendship, Irvin.
” I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.
“We can’t have sex, of course, because I don’t sleep with mar—”
He shuts me up with a kiss, stealing the breath from me.
“No one can keep me away from you, princess.”
I sit up straighter. “What if you fall in love with her? Wh—”
“I’ll never fall in love with anyone else. You’re my girlfriend. Those arranged marriages are just for business.”
His words shoot through my heart like arrows.
“I’m not agreeing to adultery.”
I need to stay away from Irvin, and this relationship is doomed. I really do.
He strokes his calloused fingers across my bottom lip, and his gaze locks with mine.
“I’ll burn down this city if anyone keeps you away from me.”