Chapter 16
SIXTEEN
Hearing the ding of an incoming text, Nadia stopped her march out the front door, and checked the message.
Vicki: He’s not Joe. Give him a chance. He might surprise you. If not, there’s always body bags and bleach. skull and cross bones emoji
Nadia snickered at the text from her best friend, who’d been a freaking godsend the two weeks after the blowup at Cool Hands. When the woman wasn’t bringing homemade chocolate chip cookies to work, she was texting memes of Viggo Mortensen and Matthew Goode, and every day, Nadia smiled a little more.
Nadia: No, he isn’t Joe.
She admitted that, though it had taken many hours of reflection on what happened then with Joe, and what happened now with Locust…James. Their intentions had been similar, but she could remember how things were with Joe, how he’d blow her off at the last minute, how he’d tell her what he thought she wanted to hear, give her lip service, then put his hand out for something. With James, though, he spent nearly every moment with her, loving on her, making her feel good, and she never spent a penny when they were together. That had to count for something, right?
Nadia: You watch too much Discovery ID. knife emoji
Vicki: No such thing as too much. Are you okay? Do you need me to call so you can blabber nervously to me while you drive? dizzy eyes emoji
Nadia: eye roll emoji No. I’ll freak out later once I’m home.
Vicki: Call me if you need me. Love you! pulsing heart emoji
Nadia: Love you, too! heart eyes emoji
The drive to the address Locust texted her was short and yet long, even a five-minute drive gave her too much time to freak out.
“God, what the hell am I doing?” she muttered to herself as she pulled up and parked in front of the row of duplexes along Stedmen Road in Pittston. “It’s just talking, Nadia, stop freaking out…it isn’t like you had an amazing date last night, and wanted to jump his bones because he looked like a sexy golf instructor. Nope. That didn’t happen. Nope. I didn’t go home last night and kill the batteries on my vibrator thinking about how much I wanted him to eat me for dinner. Nope.”
And you didn’t get all gooey inside when you learned about his generosity and thoughtfulness, even though your brother was an enemy of his MC, because that’s just crazy….
She was talking to herself, shaking her head, and considering turning around and going home when a tap on her window made her nearly jump into the passenger seat.
Turning, she saw Locust standing there, bent over, his face right next to the glass. He was grinning like a sexy idiot.
“I would have gladly eaten you for dinner, baby, but I think Norma would have had a heart attack if I’d sucked your juicy clit at the table.” Nadia gasped; Norma was the older woman who’d waited on them the night before, and she’d been as sweet as pie.
Then it hit her.
Oh God! He’d heard her babbling to herself. Planting her face in her hands, she muttered a muffled, “Just forget I exist so I can disappear.”
He chuckled. “No can do, baby. Come on, get out of the car. I can’t promise not to jump your bones the moment you walk through the door, but I won’t promise not to, either.”
Shaking her head, she huffed and dropped her hands, turning to glare at Locust as he opened her car door.
Much like he’d done that day at the bar, Locust held his hand out to her, expecting her to take it. This time around, however, she didn’t sneer at it like a rabid dog; she took it, letting him help her out of the car. She was thankful she’d work an ankle-length skirt, so getting out the car without flashing Locust was easy enough, then again, her shirt was a peasant blouse that tied in the front, and the ties were loose, so Locust had a free looksee down her cleavage. His deep blue eyes flashed with heat before they cooled, and Nadia was impressed by the amount of control he exuded.
Control or loss of interest? Maybe he saw your saggy tits and decided that boning you was no longer on the agenda.
But was him boning her ever on the agenda for the night? Apparently so, because there was no missing the taint of disappointment in her chest.
Stop with the negative thoughts, woman!
This was a turning point for them, she knew that, and she refused to be a bitch about it. Yeah, she’d been petty, and it had felt amazing at the time. Now, though, she wondered what the hell happened to make her that way.
Joe. Dana. James. Three people who’d used her for their own means. Whereas Joe and James thought fucking her would win them what they wanted, Dana thought that sliding into her life as the “understanding” work friend would get her a few free designer bags and red soled shoes out of the deal. It didn’t take long to figure out Dana’s angle—she hadn’t been all that “friendly” until word spread about Nadia winning the jackpot—but it had taken longer to figure out Joe’s true intentions. And she’d only figured out James’s because she’d overheard him. How much longer would he have kept up the ruse before he dropped her?
Mentally shaking her head, she remembered where she was, and that she could ask him. Right now.
But she didn’t want to, not yet, not until she had a chance to get a few things off her chest.
She hoped that sitting down and talking with Locust would help get her mind right, so she could go back to being good ol’ Old Nadia, the woman she’d been before Locust’s betrayal.
On her feet, she moved out of the way so Locust could close her car door. It slammed shut, then he turned and headed toward the duplex on the left, her hand still gripped in his. Tightly.
She sucked in a breath, wondering if she was really ready to step inside of Locust’s domain, the one place he’d never wanted to take her in the before .
But she didn’t have time to think about it because she was stepping across the threshold before she could blink.
Locust didn’t drop her hand, leading her into the living area, turning to shut the door, then leading her into a small kitchen-dining combo area. He turned, flashed her a grin, and squeezed the hand he still held in his grip.
“Can I get you something to drink? I have Diet Coke, Diet Dr. Pepper, Angry Orchard, and that nasty Mike’s Hard shit.”
She grinned, knowing it must have hurt to even carry the hard lemonade to the cash register.
“I’ll have a Diet Coke, please,” she replied, deciding that she needed a clear head for the conversation they were about to have.
He went to the fridge grabbed her a soda, and snagged himself a bottle of water.
He must have the same idea about clear heads.
Popping open the can, she took a swig, suddenly dying of thirst.
“Come on,” Locust said, softly, his eyes warm. “Let’s go sit in the living room.”
She nodded, and followed him to the comfortable looking overstuffed couch.
Settling into the cushion closest to the door, Locust waited for her to choose where she could sit; right next to him, or as far from him as possible on the other side of the couch.
She took the seat furthest from him, and she didn’t miss the look of understanding yet disappointment on his face.
Facing him, she remained silent, gathering her thoughts. He seemed to do the same, his gaze on her face, studying her, as though he were trying to see where her mind was.
Finally, he cleared his throat. “Nadia…I know I hurt you?—”
She held up her hand to stop him right there; she needed to speak first, or she’d never get it out. And she needed to get it out.
“I need to go first,” she asserted as butterflies began nibbling on her insides.
His face red, he snapped his mouth shut. She knew it took a lot for a man like him, one used to taking charge, to let someone else take control. But she appreciated the effort.
Sweat prickled the back of her neck, and she swallowed.
“Three years ago, I won three million dollars at a casino. I knew that, while it was a blessing, there would be people who’d take advantage, so I hid it from everyone. Not surprisingly, the people I went to the casino with, people from work, knew, and they had no problem spreading the word. And that word followed me to Pennsylvania, because a friend of a work friend put in a good word for me at Emerald Greens.”
His mouth still sealed shut, Locust crossed his arms and sat back, his gaze intent on her, listening.
Swallowing again, nervous as hell that he was going to think she was an idiot, she continued, “At first, nothing really changed. I put the money into an account under my mother’s maiden name, and just left it there. I didn’t need it, not really, I was making enough to live on, so that money was more like a cushion or emergency raft when unexpected things happened.” Heaving a heavy sigh, she closed her eyes, visions of dark hair, dark-eyed man filled her mind. “A few months after I moved here…I met Joe.”
Nadia’s eyes widened at the sound of the deep, aggressive growl rumbling from Locust’s chest.
“I can already tell I’m not going to like this, baby,” he objected, his nostrils flaring, and the veins in his neck seeming to thicken.
She pressed her sweating palms against her knees. “Joe was well-dressed, charming, and he seemed to come out of nowhere. He ran into me at Starbucks, literally, accidentally spilling his drink all over me. He was the picture of contrite and apologetic, begging to let him make it up to me by going to dinner with him. Charmed by the handsome face and the effusive act, I agreed. That night, he pulled out all the stops; it was like he knew I was a body-conscious wallflower, who was starving for attention. He’d done his homework, you know? He knew all the flaws to poke at until I couldn’t picture myself without my perfect boyfriend .”
Locust growled again, this time his face was hard, his eyes glinting with malice. Was that jealousy or something else?
“After a couple of weeks of the charm and seduction and the ‘we were meant to be together’ act, he started with the ‘I forgot my wallet,’ and the ‘can you spot me a few bucks,’ and the ‘I saw this pair of shoes I need for work.’ It started out in little amounts I could pay using my regular income from work, but it quickly graduated to hundreds, then thousands.” The blast of shame immolating her chest made her groan, closing her eyes against the humiliation. God, she really had been such a desperate loser.
“Hey, now, none of that, baby,” Locust interjected. She snapped open her eyes to see him grab her hands from her legs and cup them in his own. “I can see the look on your face, and you have to know that it wasn’t your fault.” He lifted their joined hands and pressed her knuckles against his cheeks. They were on fire, shame and self-loathing darkening his eyes. “None of it was your fault. Not with Joe and not with me.”
Not knowing that to say, she simply nodded, then sighed. She let him hold her hands in his lap, and pinned her eyes there, too caught up in her emotions to meet his gaze again.
“It wasn’t my fault…I know that, but it doesn’t stop the anger at myself…that I let him into my life, so desperate for what my parents had that I overlooked all the red flags. It wasn’t until I got three credit card bills—maxed out—for credit accounts I never opened that I realized what was going on. Apparently, he was dating one of the girls I went to the casino with the day I won. She blabbed all about it, and Joe thought he could use that as a way to move on up. He dumped her, followed me to PA, ran his scam on me at the Starbucks, and then plied me for all the bling he could, thinking I’d never find out, or, if I did, I’d be so happy having him in my life, I’d just let it happen. I did neither, though?—”
Locust snorted, amusement and pride in that single sound.
“I called the cops, told them about what happened, and they opened a fraud investigation. Not surprising, I wasn't the first woman he’d charmed and then cashed in on. Once he caught a whiff of the cops looking into him, he split. I haven’t heard from him since.”
His hands around hers squeezed, the pressure almost enough to make her cry out. She looked up at his face, and gasped. The level of self-hatred in his eyes made tears burn the backs of hers.
“I’m no better, am I?” he asked, his voice a raspy husk of a voice, nearly empty save for the grief.
She pulled her hands from under his, but grasped his tightly. “You wanted different things, but…you both used me,” she replied as honestly as she could. There was no purpose in sugar coating anything, especially since the point was to get it off her chest. His hands trembled beneath hers. “You hurt me, so much more than he did, because I loved you.”
At that admission, a sound, such as a wounded animal would make, wheezed from his throat.
He pinched his eyes shut, his chest rising and falling in uneven pants.
Rip off the Band-Aid; just get it over with!
“With Joe, what I felt was weak, fed by desperation and fear of being alone. With you, though…I fell so hard, so fast, so deeply it was like my heart and soul were woven into yours, and I didn’t know who I was without you.”
“What the hell have I done?” he murmured so softly she didn’t think he meant for her to hear it.
Every nerve ending in her body shot to life, the agony, the sorrow, the rage, the humiliation of his betrayal sprouted anew, but this time it came with the urge to scrape it from her soul, from the depths of her where the pain lived.
Yes, Locust—James—was hurting in her telling, but it needed to be said, he needed to hear what he did to her, how he made her feel, how he tore her to pieces, changing who she was.
“You will never understand the depths of my pain,” she breathed, the words wobbly. Tears cascaded down her face. Locust’s face turned white in an instant, his eyes wide and filled with terror. “You made me believe in a future with you, you made me believe that I meant something to you, that I was safe with you, that my heart meant something to you, that you would guard it, protect it, cherish it—but you were who I needed protection from. You came to me, met me, knowing you would betray me, and you still did it, you lied to my face, day after day, you fucked me, then held me in your arms afterward like it meant something to you, when all along it was a duty.” Anger flickered to life in her chest. Sitting forward, her tears drying on her cheeks, she demanded, “Did you laugh behind my back about the lonely, fat loser who actually believed you were attracted to her? Did you plan when you would fuck me so you could take Viagra first? Did you have to fight the urge to puke when you were done, while I was basking in my love for you?”
“No!” he shouted, shooting to his feet, nearly tearing her hands from her wrists in his rush. “No, that’s not what happened—none of that is true. Not a goddamn word of it!”
Pacing, the thrust is fingers through his hair, dislodging his ever-present bandana. He looked wrecked, like he’d just got off a month-long bender.
“What am I supposed to think, Locust? You targeted me, used me, all so you could get information on my step-brother. You weren’t using me for money like Joe, but the end game was the same, you wanted something from me, and you used my pathetic need for love and affection against me!”
In a blink, he was on her, his hands clasped to her shoulders, his face inches from hers.
“You are not pathetic!” he blasted, making her recoil—but not in fear, in shock. “If anyone’s pathetic it’s me….” He swallowed, his chin trembling. “Because I fell in love with my target.” His hands brushed her neck, gliding up her sensitized flesh until his hands were cupping her face. “I fell in love with you, Nadia Thompson, and if you ask me to, I will take off my kutte, slice it into pieces, and set the whole goddamn thing on fire.”
She gasped in disbelief. No, there’s no way he could mean that; even she knew the symbolism of the kutte. The kutte was the club. The Unchained meant everything to him.
Her heart racing, her mind whirling, she blubbered, “L-Locust, you don’t?—”
“If it means you start calling me James again, I’ll walk my ass right into the clubhouse, throw my kutte in Frost’s face, and never look back as I walked out again.” Brushing his lips against her jaw, then her trembling mouth, he whispered, “I would give up anything to prove to you that I love you.”