Chapter 8 #2
Macy stepped away. She felt detached from her own body, no longer in control of it. Camrin’s touch had never elicited such responses.
“Would you start the fire, please?”
Jax was silent for a few seconds, brow creased — he was studying her again, searching her.
She moved back as he pulled himself onto the island.
Water sluiced down his skin. She watched the play of powerful muscles beneath his flesh, and the heat at her core was, for an instant, hotter than any flame.
He twisted, and a splotch of color caught her eye — the gun was strapped to the upper part of one of his tentacles with a piece of rope. He untied it and took the weapon in hand. Grasping it by the barrel, he met Macy’s gaze, and held the gun to her, grip-first.
Macy frowned. “I…don’t understand.”
“This is the power setting,” he said, pointing to a knob on the side. “And here, behind the trigger, is the on and off button.” He extended his arm fully. “This…is my trust. Do you understand now?”
“Even after what I did? Tricking you so I could escape?”
“I would have done the same if our places were reversed. I do not want you to be my prisoner.”
Her chest tightened, but it wasn’t from pain or sadness; it was elation. She smiled and took the gun.
“Thank you. I…” Her smile faded, and she bit her bottom lip.
“What is wrong, Macy?”
She walked to her shelter, running the words through her mind as she crouched to light the fire. She felt Jax’s eyes on her; he was awaiting an answer. Lowering herself to the ground, she placed the gun aside, took a deep breath, and looked at him.
“I thought about what you said.”
“About which thing I said?” He moved closer, but only a little.
“About letting my family — my people — believe I’m dead.”
“I pushed too far. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
She folded her hands in her lap, running her thumb along the tops of her knuckles. “I understand why you can’t let me go back, that there’s more than just me and you, and…and even though it feels selfish and wrong to want them to believe I’m gone, I do think it’s…it’s for the best.”
Macy shifted her gaze to the fire. “I don’t want to be your prisoner, and I don’t want to be caged here.”
“I…don’t understand. You think it best for them to believe you are gone, but you do not want to stay here?” He shook his head. “I cannot take you back.”
“I’m not asking you to.”
“What are you asking, then?”
“I want to see things. Want to explore the world. I don’t want to be confined by The Watch, or this place, or anywhere again.
” She met his eyes. “You’re Jax the Wanderer, right?
And you said I’m…that I’m yours. So. Take me with you, out there.
Not back home, but beyond. Then…then I’ll be yours, and stay with you willingly. ”
Jax stared into Macy’s eyes. Though her voice was filled with conflicting emotions, her gaze was steady, unwavering, devoid of hesitance. If only his thoughts were as steady as her eyes.
The weight of her words was immense; did she understand what they meant to him? Could she possibly mean them in the way he wanted her to?
It was a Choosing. Despite their conflicts, despite their differences, Macy had looked upon him and decided to give herself to him. Decided she’d be his. That was far more powerful than the claim he’d laid upon her.
His pounding hearts pumped searing blood through his veins. He wanted Macy more than he’d wanted anything. Their slightest contact was a thrill to him; he ached with longing, itched for another touch. Her reactions displayed equal intensity, but each time, she’d pulled herself away.
Offering herself was only one part of it. Did she want Jax in return?
He crossed the island and sank down before her. She didn’t flinch when he slid a tentacle over her lap and wrapped it around one of her wrists, didn’t pull away as he raised her arm and pressed his palm to hers.
Her warm, smooth skin sent a delightful pulse through him, and her scent suffused his suction cups. All the while, she held eye contact with him.
“This is what you want?” he asked. “Truly?”
“Yes. I want to feed myself, to take what I want for once.”
A hundred warnings flitted through his mind. The dangers of the sea were too great; she belonged with her people; their attraction was unnatural. All true, to some extent, but he rejected them. He’d given her little choice, but the choice was still hers to make.
“And if I said I would take you back to your home? Back to your old life?”
Her brows fell, and she looked away. “Then I would go home…and part of me would regret it for the rest of my life. I love my friends and family, and I should go and let them know I’m alive, should take that pain away from them.
I know I’ll have shelter, food, and security there. But…I wouldn’t be happy.”
The raw honesty of her answer struck Jax hard. He bent his fingers, pressing their pads to the tops of hers.
“You think you will find happiness with me?”
Macy brushed her thumb along his webbing. “I do.”
He had never cared much for the company of other kraken, apart from Arkon, and he’d never known one who shared his desire to journey to unfamiliar places.
Solitude had suited Jax well. It wasn’t until Macy that he realized his own loneliness.
What would it be like to have her with him as he pushed the boundaries of the known world?
What would it be like to have her share in the wonder and the thrill?
He dropped his gaze to watch her thumb move. The gentleness of her touch was pleasurable against the sensitive skin, but it reminded him of something more pressing.
“I cannot stray far from the sea, Macy.”
“I know, and I’m okay with that.”
“If you want to explore with me, it will have to be in the water.” He shifted his fingers, sliding them between hers. She had no webbing to help her swim, no siphons or gills, and being wet made her cold.
“I-I know that, too.”
“You said I saved your life when your boat overturned. Was it the water that nearly killed you?”
Macy attempted to withdraw her hand, but he held it.
“The ocean is unforgiving, Macy.”
“I know.” She looked away from and laughed, humorlessly; she was crying again. “I know that more than some.”
“And I need to know that you will be able to handle yourself in the water. I need to know why you fear it.”
“I…I need to get the bucket off the fire.”
Jax pressed his lips together, siphons flaring, and released his hold on her wrist. He watched as she wrapped cloth around her hands, lifted the bucket of bubbling water off the crate, and set it down nearby. Though it had been removed from the heat, steam continued to billow from within.
She picked up a tool from inside her shelter — a long metal handle with a shell-shaped piece on the end she’d called a spoon — and used it to fish out the hard-shells and deposit them on a scrap of cloth spread on the ground.
Their shells had changed to bright red. Did everything change so drastically when it was cooked?
She turned toward him, hesitated, and retook her place beside him. She sat in silence, looking everywhere but at him.
“Macy. We cannot avoid speaking of this.”
“I’m not…not trying to avoid it. It’s just…” She inhaled shakily, and when she finally met his eyes, hers were leaking again.
He raised his hand and brushed the water from her cheeks before settling his palm over her knee. “Tell me.”
“I’ve never cried this much,” she laughed, offering him a sad smile, gone as quickly as it had come. “Probably hard to believe. I’ve been crying since you brought me here, it feels like.”
“It is okay, Macy. Tell me.”
“My father is a fisherman, just like his father, and his grandfather…so he started teaching us almost before we could walk. As far back as I can remember, I loved the sea. They couldn’t keep me away from it.
I sailed with him, helping out as much as I could, and we were both happy.
His pride in me felt good, but that wasn’t what called me back. It was the water.
“Standing on the shore, or in his boat, the sea went on forever. There was no end to it. And swimming was like…flying. It was so freeing. Nobody knew what was out there…it could’ve been anything.”
Jax wasn’t sure what flying was, but he understood the sense of freedom, of possibility. The call of the unknown. He’d chased it for most of his life.
“What changed, Macy?”
“Something happened when I was nine.” She dropped her gaze.
“It was during the wet season. The water is always treacherous that time of year. My dad used to say it’d turn on you just to see you flounder.
He and my mother told me to stay away from the shore, but…
I couldn’t. I wanted to swim. Needed to, I guess.
So, I snuck out when they weren’t paying attention. ”
“I understand. When I was a youngling, I yearned to wander and explore, and I was scolded by the adults for it.” Jax gave her leg a gentle squeeze. “That did not stop me from going.”
Macy stared at his hand; he was about to remove it when she placed her own atop it. “You wouldn’t be The Wanderer if you had listened.”
“Yes. And I could no more deny who I was than you could deny who you were.”
“Who I was nearly destroyed my family.” Her tongue slipped out to wet her lips, and she squeezed his hand.
“My sister, Sarina, was three years older than me. She saw me sneak out and followed me. For a while, she tried to convince me to go back, but, in the end, she relented. Sarina loved the sea as much as I did. If I promised to stay close, she’d go with me and wouldn’t tell our parents.
“We had so much fun. The sun was hitting the water just right, and it glowed. It was so beautiful. We kept cupping it in our hands, pretending we were holding liquid gold. But we didn’t realize how late it was getting, or how far out we’d gone.
The tide was rising. That…that’s when a huge wave hit us.
I went under and got turned upside-down, and then I was being pulled away from shore. ”