43. Ash-Coated Memories #3
They moved forward in unison. Halla’s mind taunted her with the heat of the flames on her skin, the smell of the draugr ’s decaying flesh, the screams of her parents.
The world around her tilted. She breathed in, determined to master this grief that swallowed her whole, drowning her in the images she wished she could escape.
She couldn’t fight it. She fell to her knees, the dust and ash billowing around her. She choked on it as it filled her nostrils and infected her lungs. Larissa’s arms wrapped around her.
Blinking away the tears, Halla reached out to touch the gravestones. Two markers rested on top of where they’d burned her parents’ bodies. They read: To loved ones having gone from this world to the next.
The last stone sat on the new outline, and its epitaph read: To the unknown farmer. May Freyr, god of the harvest, reap your soul.
Halla’s fingers traced the words. “Onkel Tucker.”
“I’m glad someone honored him.” Larissa’s words were thick with unshed tears.
“But he isn’t unknown,” Halla protested.
“No, he isn’t.” Larissa squeezed her shoulders. “And we’ll continue to remember him and Mamma and Pappa too.”
Vaguely, Halla was aware of Kai’s presence beside her. Darien and Anara had joined them as well. Kai’s fingers fidgeted even more sporadically at his sides.
“Thank you,” Larissa spoke to the burial stones, laying her hands on their smooth surfaces. “All of you. You took me in when you knew the risks. You gave me a home, a family. I can’t ever repay your sacrifice, but I’ll try to live up to your expectations.”
Larissa’s voice caught abruptly in her throat. Halla leaned against her, not to be supported but rather to support Larissa as Larissa had always done for her. “You already have, Lara.”
“She’s right,” Anara added. “You reclaimed Perle. I’m certain if Vern could see this, she would thank you for freeing her home.”
Darien knelt beside Larissa. “And more importantly, you kept Halla safe.”
Halla felt Larissa’s eyes on the back of her neck. She shifted to shield the runic scar, but Larissa’s lips pulled downward. “Not entirely.” She sighed. “I guess we didn’t need to come back, but I’m glad we did. If only to say goodbye.”
She took Darien’s offered hand, and they rose to their feet, but Darien’s eyes caught on the stones, and he hesitated in his movements. He leaned forward, his fingers lightly tracing the stone itself. “I know who made this.”
“What?” Anara asked. “Who?”
“This looks like Aagen’s craftsmanship. He did something like this before when we lost a farm hand who fell from a tree.
” Darien’s thoughtful expression transformed into something more similar to unexpected delight.
“We can’t stay here tonight, but I know where we’ll be safe before we join the Vienám in Havsiden. ”
“You want to go to Aagen’s?” Larissa asked.
Anara nodded. “It’s brilliant. It’s not like we can take Calder into the city with us. It’d be better off if we were able to leave Calder under his watch until the city is taken.”
Darien’s delight faded. “I’m not sure that’s the best idea.”
“If we take him into the city, there’s a higher chance he’ll escape.”
Larissa raised her hands to them both. “We don’t need to have this conversation right now, or right here . But I agree. Let’s go to Aagen’s.”
Halla’s heart raced in her chest as they turned back to Helga. She wasn’t ready. “I need a minute.”
Larissa hesitated. “I’ll stay with you.”
“No, it’s okay.” Halla breathed in to settle the waver in her words. “I just need a minute to say goodbye. You can go.”
Larissa stared in indecision.
“I’ll be right there,” Halla promised.
Though Halla heard the shuffle of the others as they made their way around the farmhouse, Kai stayed with her, unmoving besides his fingers that tapped in his lap. “Do you want me to leave, too?”
“No,” she said quietly. “You can stay.”
The memories of her parents’ deaths hit her harder now without the buffer of the others’ presence, but Halla didn’t shy away from them.
She let herself feel each hurt that she’d tried to escape.
Her mind replayed the moment she’d run to her parents, thinking she’d found safety, to the moment the draugr had revealed itself.
The smoke had nearly suffocated her under the barn trap door.
She’d been so sure she was going to die.
So certain that she’d already lost everyone, the thought didn’t scare her.
Each smell, each sound, each sense of that night worked its way through quiet sobs and silent tears. She was grateful for Kai, for someone unconnected to that night of horror and loss. She leaned her head on his shoulder, relieved he did not pull away even as her tears soaked through his shirt.
“I miss you all so much,” she cried. “The Norn showed me a dream of you. You were happy. You were so proud of me; it felt so real.” Halla’s fingers dug into the soil, as if it would somehow ground her back in reality, as if it might pull her away from the clouded memories of the past. “Mamma, you made a promise to the Norn that you would care for Larissa. That’s what I’m going to do now.
She doesn’t know it. She wouldn’t like it, because, well”—she laughed through her tears—“ you know how she is. But I’m going to fulfill your promise, so don’t worry, Mamma.
And Pappa, I won’t forget your stories. They helped me when I really needed them most. And Tucker, I hope you found Ieunn’s apple orchard.
I know you’d like it there. I love you.”
Halla’s whispered words died at the end, and she shuddered as the memories of that night faded toward the back of her mind. Kai shivered beside her, gripping his hands in his lap.
“Kai?” Halla lifted her head from his shoulder.
He shook his head, his dark eyes glued to the outlines scorched into the ground that surrounded them. “I’m sorry, Halla, for everything you lost. I know I said before that I didn’t care about choosing sides, but this is wrong. The Empress will pay for this. I’ll make sure of it.”