20. Mina
Mina
Head lowered, eyes down, speak only when spoken to. Those are the rules for when Dad has company. I keep my gaze trained on the patterned wood grain of the floor, forcing myself to breathe slowly, quietly, so no one will notice my presence more than necessary. Dad’s commanders fill the room with their heavy, oppressive energy, each one jostling for dominance, even in casual conversation. My sister sits, rigid and expressionless, while the monstrous male she was basically sold to lounges next to her like a smug cat that’s just swallowed a canary.
“Abraxis Havock, welcome again to the Risedale nest,” my father says proudly, his voice booming through the chamber like a whip crack. I flinch, my fingers trembling slightly. “I see you’ve learned quickly,” he adds, eyes flickering to me with a dark glint of satisfaction. “A good female is a quiet one.”
Heat rushes up my neck, and I squeeze Abraxis’s hand tighter, begging myself not to react, not to give any of these predators the satisfaction of seeing me break. But then Abraxis lets out a low chuckle with that infuriatingly wicked smile that makes the scales on the back of my neck prickle in warning.
“I like Mina feral. It’s more fun that way,” he purrs, voice dripping with amused malice.
The sudden stillness around the table is suffocating. Even Dad falters, his brow furrowing as he searches Abraxis’s face for hidden meaning. Abraxis shifts, the slight movement guiding me to a seat at the far end of the table, away from the others. As I sit, he pulls my hand onto his thigh and flips it palm up. I expect some cruel game, but instead, he traces slow, deliberate letters onto my skin.
Sorry.
My breath catches, confusion, and anger swirling together. What is he playing at? But I don’t have time to dwell on it. A commander leans forward, his eyes gleaming with the cruel curiosity of a predator sniffing out prey.
“When should we expect your first clutch from the two of you?” he asks, his voice laced with the kind of interest that makes my stomach twist.
I tense, feeling Abraxis’s muscles coil beneath my hand. The silence stretches, every heartbeat echoing in my ears. “I’m in no rush for a clutch,” Abraxis says smoothly, his tone cool and disarming. “Females bearing eggs too young have complications. I want a large family at some point, but I don’t wish to ruin her so early on.”
The corner of my father’s mouth curls in a pleased smile, and the tension in the room dissipates like steam. It’s disgusting how easily they speak of me like I’m some prized breeding stock, my worth reduced to how many eggs I can lay. Most of dinner goes on like this, each comment cutting deeper until I feel like I’m bleeding from a thousand invisible wounds.
My mother, my sister, and I are degraded to the point of being little more than egg factories. My blood boils, the instinctual urge to unleash my power simmering just beneath the surface. Sparks crackle faintly in my throat, begging to be set free, but I grit my teeth, forcing myself to swallow them down. One slip, one misstep, and I’ll bring ruin on myself and my sister.
Towards the end of dinner, one of my father’s commanders saunters over to where we sit. His eyes glint with malicious interest as he looks me over like some specimen on display.
“Lift her head. I want to see the mark you left,” he demands.
Abraxis’s fingers curl under my chin, tilting my head up to expose the deep scarlet imprint of his bite. The commander’s gaze lingers on it, a cruel smirk twisting his lips.
“You marked her up good. There’s no confusing who she belongs to,” he sneers, leaning in as if to catch some secret between the two of us.
Lightning surges through my veins, searing and hungry. I imagine striking him right here and now, sending an electrified shock through his body until he convulses, sizzling like bacon on a hot stovetop. The vivid image brings me a flicker of satisfaction, but I force it down, locking it away with the rest of my frustrations.
Another male across the table raises his glass in a mocking salute. “Do you still allow her to do the Shadowcarve classes, or has she been restricted to the core studies?” The blood roars in my ears. I add his name to the growing list of people I’d like to torch.
“Abaddon trained her to dominate Shadowcarve and carry on his legacy,” Abraxis replies smoothly, his gaze sliding over to me with a calculating gleam. “Why would I take her away from it?”
His words hang in the air like a challenge, his dark eyes glittering with some hidden motive. My father and his commanders shift uneasily, the power dynamics shifting like sand underfoot. Abraxis isn’t here to play the obedient mate, and they’re beginning to realize it.
My mate’s lips curl into a smile that’s almost too sharp. It’s the kind of smile that sends shivers down my spine, making me wonder just how much of this dinner is for show. He’s enjoying this—the way he’s messing with my father and his people, keeping them on edge.
The dining hall’s oppressive air seems to linger around me long after the meal concludes. Every word, every calculated smile from my father presses down like a weight I can’t shrug off. Abraxis rises beside me, his presence steady and reassuring amidst the turbulent thoughts swirling in my mind.
“We’re going to retire for the evening,” he announces, his voice carrying a finality that leaves no room for objections. He reaches for my hand and gently pulls me to my feet. Instinct takes over—I dip into a curtsy, the act automatic after years of conditioning. Without hesitation, I step closer to Abraxis, tucking myself beneath his arm, his familiar warmth a balm against the chill of realization still settling in my bones.
“Enjoy your stay here. Family dinner is on Fridays—come and go as you please,” my father’s voice cuts through the murmurs of departing guests. “You are welcome to use the training facilities... to keep my daughter in line if need be. The gauntlet was a great attitude adjuster.”
His words are like ice water, numbing and biting. The smile I plaster on my face feels foreign, strained, as part of my heart sinks. Of course. The gauntlet—the hours of agony and endless endurance—was never meant to strengthen me. It was meant to bend me, to shatter me slowly, piece by piece. To control me.
He dismisses us with a wave of his hand, and I turn on autopilot, guiding Abraxis through the halls of the estate. My steps are measured, even, yet inside I’m unraveling. How did I perceive it all wrong? I thought Dad was proud of me, that his intense regimen was a sign of his love and belief in my abilities. Instead, it’s clear that I was being broken, little by little, until I became exactly what he wanted—a weapon.
The quiet shuffle of our steps fills the silence between us. I don’t notice the darkened surroundings or the heavy, ornate doors we pass until we reach the base of the tower where we’re staying. When did we get here? Abraxis’s hand grazes my neck, his touch soft as he unclasps the collar, the metal dropping away like a shackle I hadn’t realized I was still wearing.
“Mina.” His voice is a low murmur, his fingers tilting my chin up. I blink, startled to find myself staring into his eyes. The hardness I wore like armor crumbles beneath his gaze. He lowers his lips to mine, the kiss gentle, patient. His arms encircle me, pulling me against his solid frame, and I feel a fraction of the tension ease away, my head resting on his chest as if it’s the only place I can breathe.
Without a word, Abraxis lifts me effortlessly, cradling me to his chest as if I’m something precious. Something worth protecting. He carries me through the double doors of the bathroom, where the scent of lavender and sandalwood mingles with the cool air.
“Bath or shower?” he asks softly, his lips brushing against mine in another fleeting kiss, his tone coaxing me back to reality.
“Bath,” I whisper, my voice thin and distant. The word slips out before I can even think, and I sag against him when he sets me on my feet, his hands steadying me as if he fears I might break apart at the seams.
The rush of water fills the silence, echoing around the spacious bathroom. I move mechanically, reaching behind me to untangle the knots of ribbon that cinch the corset. The fabric falls away, pooling at my feet like a discarded shell. I shiver, not from the cold, but from the stark emptiness inside. What did I even train for? What did I prove, running that course four times a day, mastering every weapon he left out? Hours upon hours of concocting poisons, of pushing myself to exhaustion—only to realize now that I was just another pawn on his board.
I drop several bath oils and fizzing cubes into the water, their soothing scents swirling up in a misty haze. The dress slips to the floor in a whisper of silk, followed by my underwear. Abraxis doesn’t move, his gaze steady and silent as I step into the steaming bath. The scales along my shoulders and down my spine shimmer faintly under the soft glow of the bathroom lights, the intricate patterns of them spreading outward like delicate wings across my shoulders that will never carry me anywhere.
A deep sigh escapes me as I sink into the hot water, the heat enveloping me, chasing away the lingering cold in my bones. I pull my knees up to my chest, making myself small, like I can curl in on myself until I disappear. Everything I thought I knew—my childhood, my father’s approval—shattered in one dinner, the pieces scattering into fragments too jagged to piece back together.
Abraxis shifts beside the tub, his shadow cast long and dark across the tiled floor. “Mina,” he murmurs again, the weight of my name grounding me, pulling me back from the abyss of despair. His fingers dip into the water, tracing the scales along my shoulders with a featherlight touch.
I close my eyes, battling against the storms raging in my mind. Every hope, every dream, every fragile piece of happiness I once held dear shattered in a single night. The memories swirl like a maelstrom, threatening to pull me under. But then, a gentle rustle of fabric draws me back, followed by the soft lapping of water.
“Come here.” Abraxis’s voice is a soothing balm against the pain searing my chest. He pulls me closer, cradling me effortlessly in the water’s embrace. My cheek rests against his chest, the steady rhythm of his heart anchoring me. “You are perfect, just as you are. Don’t let his sexist bullshit destroy you.”
His words cut through the dark haze, and I lift my head slowly, looking up at him. The raw, unfiltered love in his eyes causes a tight knot to form in my throat. How does he still see me this way, even after everything?
“It hurts … I thought I was different,” I whisper, my voice breaking on the last word. A sigh slips from my lips as I lay my head back on his shoulder, inhaling the familiar, comforting scent of him. The scent that always manages to calm the raging tempest inside me.
“He’s a fool for not seeing how wonderful you are,” Abraxis murmurs, his lips brushing softly against my forehead. The tender kiss is a promise, a vow that he’ll always see me, even when I struggle to see myself.
“I’m sorry you had to witness that,” I murmur, guilt twisting my insides. “He wasn’t that bad the last time we had dinner.” But even as I say it, I know I’m lying to myself. The truth is hard and ugly—my father is the monster everyone warned me about, the one I was too na?ve to believe in.
“We don’t have to stay here.” Abraxis’s voice drops to a gentle whisper, as if he’s afraid any louder will shatter what little is left of me. “We can go to my parents’ place if you want. I’ve got my own villa just outside of their nest.”
I blink up at him, a ghost of a smile tugging at my lips. The thought of leaving this place—leaving behind the toxicity, the suffocating weight of expectations—feels like the first deep breath I’ve taken since dinner. “That might be a nicer way to spend our month off than staying here,” I admit softly, my voice barely more than a breath.
Slowly, I lift myself up, leaning in to press my lips against his. The kiss is soft, carrying all the gratitude I can’t put into words. I hum softly against his mouth, letting the warmth of him wash over me. His arms tighten around me, and I can feel the protective strength he’s holding back, like he’s waiting to take on all my battles, to be the shield between me and the world. He’s everything I could have ever hoped for in a mate. My refuge amidst the storm.
As we break apart, I glance up at him, the tension in my shoulders finally easing. “Take me away from here, Abraxis,” I whisper, resting my forehead against his. “Anywhere … as long as it’s with you.”