5. Chapter 4
Clark
I message Trick the contact information for Angel’s Ballerinas before I put my phone back in my locker, and I swallow hard, the tears that have started to brim slowly falling, and I quickly wipe them away.
That was hard, extremely hard, and extremely embarrassing.
For five years, I have asked Trick for nothing.
Heck, I barely speak to him unless it is about our daughter.
Today was the first time I’ve not just called him but asked him for something.
Willow is my whole world, when the only thing she is asking for is to begin ballet lessons, how can I say no to that?
If it means swallowing my pride and calling her father while he’s with one of his mistresses—he’s been with her for four days now, only facetiming Willow at bedtime—then fine.
I’ll do it. I’ll swallow my pride and anger.
I’ll swallow the hurt I feel every goddamn day since he forced me to marry him.
Regret and resentment sit heavily on my chest, and I hate it, I really do.
I regret allowing this to become my life and not being able to live my dream.
I resent him for forcing this life on me, even though he knew I wanted out of the club, that I wanted to find myself.
I wanted to find someone who would love me unconditionally and instead, I’ve fallen for someone who doesn’t love me unconditionally.
No, he sees me as his problem, as someone who ruined his life and took over his home—again, a place I was forced to move into.
I wipe a few more tears and I take a deep breath before I leave the staff room, fighting the urge to curl up in a ball and cry, while I try to control my broken heart.
Yet again, Trick is with another woman, living his life, while I haven’t slept with anyone else and have revolved mine around our child.
That one and only time with Trick is my only sexual experience, and it isn’t because guys haven’t taken notice of me, they have.
A few doctors have asked me out on dates, and every time I’ve refused them, every time I have shown them my wedding ring.
Not just because I hold my values where marriage is concerned but, well, stupidly, I’m in love with my husband, and I hate it, I’ve fought against it, if I’m being honest with myself, three-quarters of my life.
I have always been attracted to Trick. Heck, he was the brother I picked in that game with Belle.
I always thought that was it, that there was nothing else.
But then I saw him hold our daughter after I’d given birth by C-section because of course, little miss decided to turn in my stomach while I was in labor, I realized I was in love with him.
I felt like I couldn’t breathe especially when I heard a woman’s giggle when I had no choice but to call and tell him I was in labor, a labor he nearly missed because of her.
At first, I thought it had to be the hormones.
You know, seeing the father of your child holding your baby.
I’m sure that does something to any woman in that situation but the more time that went on, the more hurt I felt seeing him stay clear of me, barely communicating, the more hurt I felt when women hung off his arm and after a long talk with Belle, I realized I fell for Trick the day he caught me after I fell from the club’s jungle gym when I was seven.
He’s my heart, and he’s broken me.
Shaking my head, I go to the central desk and pick up my schedule for today and I try to dismiss the disappointment that this is my job.
Don’t get me wrong, I love helping people, it’s what I’ve always wanted to do and since I was sixteen, I’d been volunteering at the Hill Crest Memorial Hospital alongside my best friend Belle.
I planned to become a nurse here with her one day, I dreamed about it but unfortunately, my plans have changed and instead of becoming a nurse, I’m a nursing assistant.
Checking blood pressures, charting, changing bedsheets, personal hygiene care—that is my life.
As each day passes, I sense my resentment towards my family, especially Trick, growing stronger and I don’t know how to overcome it.
I don’t know how to stop punishing them by not being actively involved in my daughter’s life.
It’s been five years, and no one knows who spiked his drink.
Trick said he knew who did it, but didn’t have proof, and the brothers refused to kick anyone out of the club without said proof.
Even though Trick is now the VP of the club, and they all lost my trust, especially when they forced the marriage on me.
I haven’t spoken to my parents in person in five years.
I don’t talk to Crash though he continues to try to speak to me.
I don’t let any of the members of the club near my daughter and if I’m at work until four, then my little girl is three floors up in the hospital daycare.
Thankfully, it is free for me, and if I’m in dire need of a break, then Belle will take her for an hour without my brother being there.
As I said, they all lost my trust, and if I thought I could get away with running, then I would in a heartbeat.
I nearly died.
I assaulted Trick, and I’m reminded of it every day by the club bunnies and their snarky remarks every time they see me.
They claim I probably laced his drink so I could trap him, that Trick also believes that, especially Lavender, Trick’s main squeeze, as she likes to gloat about.
I’m not inclined to believe what the club bunnies say or accuse, but the silver pendant Willow accidentally found in Trick’s cut last week— when he came home to spend some time with her—it now sits around Lavender’s neck making me think maybe he does think I trapped him.
I shake my head, feeling overwhelmed as I look down at the list of chores I need to get done before my break. Swallowing hard, I head to room one, which is down for a deep scrub, and allow myself to get lost in my work until lunch.
***
“My feet are killing me!” Belle groans as she takes a seat next to me, and I chuckle as I hand her a bottle of water while a light breeze drifts around us.
“Busy morning?” I confirm, and she grunts.
“Between your brother constantly pestering me to try and convince you to let him take Willow for a few hours, and the woman in room eight, who seems to think she’s royalty, I’ve had enough of today.
And it’s only my second day back.” She huffs before taking a bite out of her sandwich, then looks out toward the small pond by the hospital parking lot and I wince.
Belle took a gap year last year, traveling and I’m so goddamn proud of her for doing that, though apparently my brother wasn’t happy about it.
She tried to end things with him after he had Trick tap her phone and didn’t shove Nova away from him quickly enough for her liking.
Apparently, her heart was too hurt. But, of course, my brother wouldn’t let her leave their three-year relationship.
He fought tooth and nail to keep her and when she traveled, you could see the tension in his shoulders.
I call it a ‘screw you for being a dick’ move but I know they’re okay now, she’s forgiven him and he hasn’t let Nova within ten feet of him.
“I’m sorry he’s trying to put you in the middle,” I sigh, but she just shakes her head.
“He doesn’t know you know about us. If he did, he probably wouldn’t put me in the middle, but I just, he’s fucking with my head,” she says, and I hum a little.
After my brother told me he was dating my friend, I was mad, that is for sure, but over the years, he’s tried to act like they aren’t a couple, I just don’t know why.
“Sorry,” I say, and she smirks my way.
“No, you’re not, you love that they are suffering for what they’ve put you through,” she sasses, and I grin wide.
“It does help,” I retort, and she grins widely as she shakes her head.
“I can’t wait for our relationship to be out in the open,” she says.
“At first, I was okay with the secrecy. I wanted a normal life, I didn’t want to look over my shoulder.
But years is a long time to keep things quiet, plus it would be nice to call him by his given name.
And your mother is still determined to set him up with Nova.
” She scrunches her nose up. “Did you know she hired the girl at the diner without even speaking to Crash?”
I blink then blink again because what?
There’s no way…
“Seriously?” I snap, and she hums as she takes a bite out of her sandwich.
“Yep, and every time I’ve gone in there, Crash is trying his hardest to dodge her advances and is always tense, but the girl is relentless,” she mumbles over food, and I just blink again.
Mom doesn’t like Belle, and it’s not because she’s with Crash.
She doesn’t know—they’ve kept it secret, and only I know.
At one point, Mom did like Belle to some extent.
She knew her background and wanted to help her.
But then Nova got in her ear and told lies about Belle using me to get a property patch and that’s when the glares started.
Then I had Willow and would only allow Belle near her.
The hatred stuck after that.
I open my mouth to explain once Mom knows about them she might back off but her phone rings before I can say anything, and she sighs as she checks it, then mutters, “Speak of the devil and he shall appear,” before answering, “Hey.”
“You on break, shorty?” I hear his reply, and she hums in confirmation and says, “I am. What are you up to?”
“The books,” I hear him sigh, “I wanted to see how your day was going.”
I smile slightly at the way my friend melts, and I take a bite of my sandwich as she confirms, “It’s going good,” then confirms, “You’re home tonight, aren’t you?”
And by home, she means her two-bedroom house a mile from the hospital. They can’t officially live together in the house he built on club property, though I don’t think my brother is ready for that step yet.
“Yeah, I’ll be home. I feel like I’ve barely seen you this week, between the club, the diner, Mom trying to push Nova on me, and your shifts now that you’re back at work, there has been no time,” he grunts, and I hold in my laughter.
He sounds like a child throwing a tantrum.
Belle sends me a grin before she asks, “What do you want to do then?”
“Take a little break,” he instantly replies, and Belle rolls her eyes.
“I just started back at work, Crash,” she reminds him, and I hear his sigh through the receiver.
“Belle, I swear to fuck, I need time with you, and until we finally tell everyone, which you know we can’t do until Cage returns, I’m running out of patience. I just want some time with my girl,” he grunts.
“I’ve got Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off,” she replies, and I swear even I hear the sound of his relief. I shake my head at the idiot, though pride does shoot through me that he wants to let their relationship out in the open once Cage returns.
My phone vibrates, and I sigh as I look at it, only to swallow hard.
Trick:Good to go, she’ll do three hours a week. Use the card, buy her some leotards or whatever, just please use it.
I don’t reply, put my phone away, and continue eating my lunch while I listen to Belle and Crash discuss their weekend away, and I smile because, even though I’ll never get my happily ever after, I’m glad my friend has gotten hers.