Trigger (The Rebel’s MC #3)

Prologue

Trigger – Current Day

I slowly rub my thumb along my bottom lip as I look at my stoic wife sitting on the other end of the couch, furthest away from me as she can get. She looks at Dr. Chimes, waiting for her to begin our session while trying her hardest to ignore my existence.

Her blonde hair is down, framing her face, she’s in her usual jeans and flannel and her green eyes that I love so fucking much not looking my way once.

She’s fucking beautiful. It hurts because I know I can’t appreciate it, that I lost that right just like she lost hers with me.

How in the fuck did we end up here when this time nearly two years ago she was straddling my lap tattooing my skin?

Six fucking months we’ve been coming to this office.

For six months, she has barely opened up, claiming to only be doing this for our son, that there is no coming back from the year-long affair I had.

Yet, she refuses to speak about her affair, or the fact that she refused to leave her job at the convenience store, coming home later than normal most nights.

She keeps acting innocent in all this, and it is beginning to piss me off.

“Okay,” Dr. Chimes says as she sets her timer, grabs her notebook and pen as she focuses on me and Ash. She looks between us and asks, “Over the past six months, we’ve spoken about how you met, your childhood’s, even Cole, but now, I want to dive deeper.”

I swallow hard and look down, not ready for this, but I know it has to happen. We can’t move forward until we get everything out in the open, and for six fucking months, Ash has dodged every question where we are concerned, and now, there is no more dodging.

Fuck she even dodges questions about her job and why she’s always home late!

“Trigger, tell me about your wedding day,” Dr. Chimes asks, looking my way, and I see Ashley flinch.

I don’t want to talk about it, to bring up the happiest day of her life because it wasn’t mine.

“It was the most conflicted day of my life,” I admit quietly.

“Why?” Dr. Chimes asks, and I swallow hard, knowing Ashley is going to hate me even more.

I confess, “I was marrying the woman I loved more than anything, but I wasn’t ready and was ready to bolt.”

“Son, try and take a breath,” my mama whispers, and I shake my head as I pace in front of the judge's chambers, wearing jeans and fucking t-shirt of all things with my cut over it.

It shouldn’t be like this. We should be in our twenties after living a little, not getting fucking married at seventeen!

“Maybe we should call this off, sweetheart,” Mama says when I don’t listen to her, and I scoff, “She’s pregnant with my baby, Mama, I have to do this!”

Mama looks away, her cheeks red with anger.

Telling her my girlfriend was pregnant didn't go down well. My face still fucking stings from the slap she gave me when I told her the news.

Shaking my head, I continue to pace.

This doesn’t feel right.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Ashley, I have since I was nearly eleven years old and claimed she was mine.

But fuck, we’re still in high school, we’re too young for this and she has dreams. She wants to go to college and figure out who she is and now she can’t.

She has to be a mother instead because I can’t stay at home.

I can’t put my life on hold because the club needs me.

The club I have grown up with, the club I’m going to become the Sargent at arms in and the same club I’m going to bring tons of money into with my career as a tattoo artist.

“There is still time for her to abort the baby, so you two can grow more as people before you take this big step in life,” Dad mentions unhelpfully, and I scoff.

“Are you serious right now, Dad?” I growl, and he shrugs.

“You said you wanted her to get rid of it, son,” he reminds me, and my nostrils flare as I stop and glare at him.

Fucker knows if she heard that she’d turn around and leave.

“She doesn’t want to get rid of the baby. We’ve already had this conversation, and not only could I not live with myself if she were to bring our child up without me, but it would kill me to watch her with someone else. She is mine,” I snap.

“You’re not ready for this, son,” Dad mutters, and I shake my head and begin to pace again, my heart thumping in my chest, before I freeze, hearing footsteps, and I look as Ashley hesitantly walks towards us.

Fuck’s sake, she’s in jeans, a flannel, and cowgirl boots.

This isn’t how it should be. She should be wearing a white dress, holding her dad’s arm…

“Hi,” she whispers as she stops before me, and I soften, seeing the concern in her eyes.

“Hey, pixie,” I murmur as I cup her cheek, tingling rushing through me at the contact.

“Still have a chance to change your mind, Ty,” she says quietly, and I frown.

Fuck, how much did she hear?

“Why would I change my mind from marrying the woman I love?” I ask, “I’ve been with you since we were ten years old, and honestly, this was bound to happen at some point.”

I hear my mama huff, but I ignore her and the unsettling feeling that this is a mistake. I wrap my arm around Ash’s waist before guiding her towards Judge Jones’s office, a judge I grew up calling uncle who wanted to go into law instead of the club.

“You should have walked away,” Ashley mutters, bringing me out of our past, and I frown as Dr. Chimes asks, “And why is that, Ashley?”

She scoffs, “Didn’t you hear him? He didn’t want me, he didn’t want our son, he wanted the single life.

A life his parents were trying to encourage him to have, while I stood in the ladies' bathroom alone and scared. He should have walked away when I gave him the out instead of being a selfish prick refusing for anyone else to have me when he wanted more!”

Damn…

I flinch at her harsh words and look down as I whisper, “I loved you, pixie.”

She chuckles darkly, “No, you didn’t, you were possessive of me, and the only reason why you put a ring on my finger was because of Cole.

And even then, you didn’t want him, you wanted me to abort him, your whole family wanted me to abort him yet none of you expressed that to me, you all decided to keep me in the dark. ”

“Ashley, why don’t you explain to me your view of your wedding day?” Dr. Chimes cuts in before a full-blown fucking argument begins.

She knows I love her and Cole, she knows I was confused back then, that I was scared but as soon as I held Cole, as soon as she had given birth to our son, I fucking melted.

“What is the point?” Ashley sighs.

I stiffen, and Dr. Chimes reminds her, “The point is you have a child together, the point is that despite everything, you still love your husband.”

“My husband, who had a year-long affair, you mean? With a woman who used to throw my clothes in the toilet after gym because I had someone she really wanted. Guess what, all those years ago she promised she was going to get him and well she was right. She got a whole year of him right under my nose, while I was taking care of our child before showing me pictures of my husband, of the man who I gave up everything for eating her out.” She says with facts.

I look away ashamed until she says, “My husband, Dr. Chimes, who gave me Chlamydia.”

I look at her in shock, but she doesn’t look at me. Fuck, I swear she’s pulling further and further away from me, the hate radiating from her.

I didn’t think she would contract it, I just… Fuck, I never even thought of protection the four measly times she allowed me to touch her, I fucking relished in it because I miss her so much, but fucking Chlamydia?

I’m never going to get my wife back, am I?

Ashley

“Ashley, please explain your thoughts on your wedding,” Dr. Chimes tries again, and I look away, my heart pulsing feeling Tyler’s anger.

I didn’t mean to admit to the STD, but hearing him express how much he didn’t want to marry me despite the fact that I gave him an out when I found out I was pregnant and on our wedding day, it ticked me off.

I mean, how dare he?

I didn’t beg him to make me his, I didn’t beg him to knock me up, claim me, or marry me all before I was eighteen.

He asked me, pleaded with me despite my reservations, he asked me to pause my life so he can keep the club happy.

Yet, he screwed my high school bully for a whole freaking year, claiming she was only in the clubhouse as a clubwhore.

Which to be honest I thought was fitting until she turned around and broke the news my husband didn’t love me, that every time I was in the clubhouse and he wasn’t there, he was really screwing her before coming over to me, touching me with the same hands he’d just touched her with.

He’s a jackass.

“Please, pixie,” Trigger whispers, and my jaw ticks, hating that nickname.

I used to love it, used to swoon at it because apparently I was small and had a pixie size nose that he loved, but now all I see are lies.

For months, I have been trying to get him to sign divorce papers, but he refuses, not until we went through couple’s therapy was his excuse, even got the judge to agree to it.

He thinks this will be good for us, to get everything out on the table so we can co-parent. I think he’s an absolute idiot and doesn’t deserve my truths when I gave him everything.

Hate is all I feel towards him. I physically feel sick when I’m around him, knowing he never wanted me or our son, knowing he chose another woman for a whole year over us.

I gave him everything and he threw it back in my face.

“My parents were absent, disowning me for choosing a man they swore would hurt me. I was wearing jeans and a flannel. What more do you want to know?” I state with attitude and heartache.

I don’t want to do this, I just want to move on with my life.

Trigger flinches and Dr Chimes asks, “Tell me more, Ashley, from your point of view.”

I swallow hard, the day coming back, safety I thought I felt, the love I thought I’d receive every day just a big fat lie.