Chapter 25
Ashley – Two Days Later
Beeping echoes, and I squeeze my eyes tight, the thumping in my head making the beeping sound louder than it probably is, as pain shoots through my stomach, making me tense. I turn my head as I slowly open my eyes, but wince at the light, then blink several times as I look around the room.
I swallow, my throat extremely dry. I’m in a hospital bed, and my breathing becomes choppy as my eyes go to my stomach, and I try to swallow again.
It is still round, just not as big as it was for thirty weeks pregnant. I know without a doubt that there is no baby in there, my son could be…
My eyes tear up, and I take deep, steady breaths as flashes of Talen’s boot hits me, making me flinch.
“I have missed you, Ashley, and I have to tell you, my boss wasn’t too pleased when I explained I was claiming you after how much of a fight you gave, only for you to go and dump me for that MC fucker!”
His voice, his nasty words echo, making me flinch, and stupidity hits me so hard, I’m struggling to breathe.
He was the one who raped me. I chose a guy who raped me and didn’t even realize it, believing meeting him just outside the store was normal. Even though my body repelled him, I never stopped to think about why. Instead, I ignored my gut feeling and pushed forward, determined to move on from Tyler.
I brought that monster, that rapist, around my son!
I blink as I feel my heart rate pick up, and I go to move, needing to, I don’t even know what I need, but I can feel the panic hitting me, the pain that my youngest son is…
I can’t even think of it, I need to see someone, a medical person, anyone to tell me I did not lose another baby but as I go to move my hand something heavy keeps it down and I turn my head to see why I can’t move it only for my heart to stutter and my stomach to tighten despite the throbbing pain rushing through me.
Tyler is asleep, his head on my bed, both his hands gripping my one like I’m going to disappear.
Bags line underneath his eyes, his hair is more of a mess than normal, and he looks restless as his face twitches, his grip on my hand tightening every time his brows twitch.
“You’re awake,” I hear, and I look towards the door and lock eyes with Tank.
“I thought you worked nights mainly,” I croak, hoping not to wake Ty up.
I need to think. I need to find out about our baby without looking at him, knowing I brought that monster into my life by becoming friends with Nat in the first place. When Ty begged me to leave that job once he became an officer of the club…
She didn’t want to be raped, so she offered me up despite screwing him anyway.
Her teary eyes hit me, and anger surges in. She messaged him that I was in the store, which she did just because she was being selfish.
Tank moves out of the doorway, gaining my attention again, and I have to admit, he looks weird. With a clipboard, a polo shirt, slacks, and a doctor's coat, he doesn’t look like Tank. He looks extremely weird compared to his usual t-shirt, cut, and jeans.
“I demanded to work while you were here,” he admits as he walks towards me, his eyes going to Tyler before coming back to me. “It’s the first time in forty-eight hours he’s slept,” he admits, and I look at my husband, still sleeping restlessly.
“He’s been deviating between here and the neonatal unit,” Tank says softly and I look at him instantly, my mouth parting, and he smiles as he states, “You sweetheart are a proud mama of two boys now. Tyson is doing really well, considering, and is showing no signs of trauma.”
Oh, thank god.
My tears fall, and I nod as complete relief for my son fills me, and Tank grips my other hand with support as I choke, “He’s okay?”
“Yeah, Ash, he’s okay. He’s got a feeding tube in, only weighs three pounds fifteen ounces, and is on oxygen as a precaution, but he is okay, Ashley.
The survival rate for preemies born at thirty weeks is high,” Tank whispers, squeezing my hand tightly, and my tears fall as pure relief envelopes me that I didn’t lose another baby because of my decisions, because of that man.
I should have quit that job as soon as Ty asked me instead of being stubborn.
So many goddamn what ifs fill me I feel like I’m choking.
I nod as I lay my head back for a moment before I ask, “When can I go see him?”
I look at Tank, who shakes his head, and my body trembles.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart, but as it stands, you can’t move. You’ve had to have emergency surgery. Your placenta erupted,” he whispers, and my chin wobbles.
Now, I may only be a vet and work with animals, but I’m not stupid. His face says it all, heartbreak for me, heartbreak for Tyler as his eyes keep flittering towards him, clear as day.
“I can’t have any more kids, can I?” I confirm with a heartbroken whisper, and Tank's eyes shine with unshed tears.
“There is a very low chance you will be able to get pregnant again, and if you did, you’ll be at high risk throughout the whole pregnancy,” he whispers, and I nod as I try to control the urge to sob, not wanting to wake Tyler.
I look at my husband and see his brows furrowed in his sleep, like he can feel my pain, and I try to take deep breaths as my body trembles.
“He’s been on prospect watch since you were brought in,” Tank chokes, “He had the itch to grab his gun again, he blames himself.”
“It wasn’t his fault,” I whisper, “None of it really was his fault, he didn’t know Virginia was going to lose her mind, that she had this obsession with him, he didn’t know that I was targeted.”
“He still blames himself for all of it, sweetheart, and he didn’t want to be here anymore,” he admits, and I bite down on my bottom lip hard.
I know he has an illness, that is what Dr. Chimes had said a few weeks ago when I ranted about Ty trying to leave his son, trying to kill himself.
She said it was an illness he cannot control, mentioned he could have a depression disorder because of his guilt, but it hurts knowing he wanted to leave his beautiful sons yet again.
Tank squeezes my hand when I don’t say anything, my eyes staying on Ty, and he murmurs, “Get some rest, please.”
I nod, and he stands, kissing my forehead before leaving. I watch as he shuts the door behind him, with Albert just coming into view before the door closes and I close my eyes, tears falling.
My whole body aches, pain shatters my head, yet nothing can quiet the silent ache in my heart, knowing I may never have another child again.
I feel Ty move, and I look his way, my body still trembling. Ever so slowly, he lifts his head, his eyes on our hands first. I watch as he drops his head and lifts my hand, pressing it to his lips, and I swear my heart shatters some more.
He looks so broken.
Sighing, he leans up a little before his eyes come my way, and they instantly tear up.
“You’re awake,” he rasps, his voice full of sleep.
“What does he look like?” I ask instead of asking if he’s okay because I can see he really isn’t.
“Fucking beautiful,” he chokes, his tears falling, breaking me some more.
“He hasn’t opened his eyes yet, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they are bright green like yours and Cole’s.
He has some black tuft of hair, and he is fucking tiny but so goddamn perfect, pixie,” he explains, full of emotion, and he presses my hand against his lips again.
“I want to see him,” I whisper, hoping he’ll take me despite what Tank says, but the way his light brown eyes dim, I know he won’t.
“You can’t leave the bed, baby,” he says quietly, and I look away from him, not wanting him to see my disappointment, my pain and he sighs before I hear some rustling.
“Brother?” I hear Ice say, and I look back at Ty and furrow my brows to see he’s on FaceTime.
“Ash is awake, and she wants to see him,” Ty says, turning his phone to show me the screen just as Ice points his camera at an incubator, and I gasp.
Tyson, he’s so tiny…
“Pixie, I want you to meet our youngest son, Tyson Cole,” Ty whispers, and my tears fall as Ice presses his phone right up against the glass and I notice the black tuft of hair.
“He’s perfect,” I choke, and Ty murmurs, “He is…”
His little head moves despite the wires, and my tears fall as I admit, “Nat was in on it,” and I feel Ty’s head snap my way.
How could she plan something like that when she saw my stomach, when she saw I was pregnant with this little miracle?
“What do you mean, Ash?” Ice asks, but keeps the camera on my son.
“The rape, Talen, or whatever his name is, showing up at the store. His boss wanted her, but instead she, with the help of Virginia, sold me to them, even knowing I was pregnant both times. She said it was her or me, and she chose me, not caring about the repercussions.” I admit, not taking my eyes off my baby.
“Ice,” Ty growls.
“Your dad is now on it, he’s with me, Dirty will find her whereabouts,” Ice confirms, and I look at Ty to see his eyes already on me.
“Michael Nations, that is his real name and he’s currently in our torture shack waiting for me and Natalie will be joining him,” he says fiercely and I swallow hard but nod.
I’ve always known who Tyler was, who the club is, and what they do, but I never felt scared. Even now, I don’t feel afraid because I know, physically, none of them would ever hurt me.
I look back at the screen as Ty grips my hand, which he has refused to let go of and I take in my son’s features knowing I need to get inside that room and start thinking about what I’m going to do living wise because I can’t stay on club property, I can’t stay with Ty.
Emotionally, the club and Tyler have destroyed me. Even though we have another baby, we’re both broken and we’re not fixable. As much as I love him, I don’t see a way back.
We’re just too far gone.