Chapter 20
Damon
“Our first priority is our girl.”
Our girl…
Ours.
Regardless of how resistant I was pretending to be to the idea of accepting Star as our third, knowing she had a stalker on the loose was making me protective as fuck.
Part of me still wanted to insist that it was because she already belonged to Max—and I would always defend what was his—but I was starting to realize it was more than that.
I want her to be mine as well.
I already see her as mine…
“Welp… they towed my car to be impounded for evidence…” Star sighed as she shuffled into Sizzling Discourse an hour later, her shoulders slumped in defeat. “I guess I’ll just get a cab home after work—”
“You can stay here,” I blurted out before I could stop myself. Both our eyes widened in surprise, but I apparently wasn’t done being random and weird. “You should just stay here from now on.”
Real smooth, Damon.
“S-stay here?” Star choked out. “Like, sleep in your…” She nervously glanced around, checking for witnesses before loudly whispering, “Coffins.”
I had to suppress a shudder at the idea of exactly that—of pressing her curves into the satin while she was sandwiched between us.
Or maybe I’m the one between them…
Either way, we could make it fit.
I shook the scenarios from my head. Realizing she was waiting for my reply, I awkwardly rubbed the back of my neck and attempted conversation—like a normal person.
“I mean…” I awkwardly began. “I’m sure Max would be more than happy to let you sleep with him. Sleep with him in his coffin, I mean…”
By Selene!
Have I never talked to a girl before?
Star dropped her gaze before peering up at me through her lashes almost shyly. “I think I’d feel safer with both of you.”
So she does want us both…
“Oh,” I eloquently replied as I finally allowed myself to believe what Max had been telling me. “Okay, well, let me close things down and I’ll get you settled in. It’s a slow day of the week for us, anyway…”
Right, Damon.
Because that’s totally why you’re trying to get her alone in the nest.
Star nodded, wrapping her arms around herself as I locked up, as if searching for comfort. Once I was done, she followed me to the breakroom—unusually quiet—obviously more affected by this Heather situation than she’d let on earlier.
That bitch has really done a number on her.
Knowing Max wouldn’t care at this point, I showed Star how to use the hidden latch on the electrical panel to open our secret entrance before leading her inside our candlelit nest.
“I suppose you don't need a tour…” I murmured, unable to hide my smirk at the memory of yesterday’s scandalous discovery.
“Ugh!” Star groaned and dropped her face into her fishnet covered hands. “I don’t know what my damage is. Who does that? Who breaks into someone’s home and…”
And leaves the best present ever under their pillow?
“It’s fine,” I gruffly replied, willing myself not to get hard and make things weirder. “Max is happy you found your way in here, so—”
“What about you, though?” she interrupted, her blue-eyed gaze suddenly snapping to mine. “Max is easy to please. You’re the one who hasn’t been my biggest fan.”
Oof.
Double-oof, actually.
I sighed, deciding to clear the air between us at last. “I’m sorry, Star. You haven’t done anything wrong and I’ve been horrible since you started working for us. Max is obviously really into you, and I think you’re amazing as well. I’ve just been having a hard time dealing with—”
“With thinking you don’t deserve him while also being terrified of the thought of losing him if you told him the truth?”
The human’s tone might have been nonjudgmental, but her words still felt like a stake to the heart. Even with Max begging me to tell him exactly what was bothering me—so often, I’d lost count at this point—I’d never been able to properly articulate what had been plaguing me for decades.
Not like she just did.
Star could have easily taken advantage of the rift between Max and I, yet here she was, attempting to repair it.
Even though this wasn’t her problem in the least, she was showing me kindness I hadn’t returned, while perfectly summing up why I’d been acting like a complete dickwad for the last few weeks.
The last several decades, to be honest.
Of no fault of her own, Star’s arrival had exacerbated an already tenuous situation—a situation mostly of my own creation—and now I was being forced to face my self-destructive tendencies head on.
But what if it’s too late?
Star may have just lifted a weight from my shoulders with her empathy, but the cold realization that I didn’t actually want to lose Max made it all come crashing down again. My mate had been endlessly patient with my distance over the years, but that patience was nearly gone.
I pray I haven’t broken things beyond repair..
As if she could read my frantic thoughts, Star’s normally piercing gaze softened.
“You know he’s not leaving you, right?” She tentatively stepped closer.
“Even if I wanted to steal him away—which I don’t—Max would never agree to that.
He told me straight up you guys both wanted to be with me, and while I admit, I was hella shocked at first, the idea of being shared is…
growing on me…” She suddenly looked as unsure as I’d been feeling for far too long.
“But only if you’re okay with sharing him. ”
The bone-deep relief I felt was enough to have me answering honestly. “I’m more than okay with it, especially if it’s with someone who can give him what he needs.”
She took another step toward me—so close, I could feel her body heat warming my skin. “And you think you can’t? Or that you don’t give him enough already?”
My words lodged in my throat, even as my cold, dead heart—fueled by her blood—stirred to life inside me.
I don’t know…
Max had told me everything that occurred between him and Star in her bedroom, so I knew she’d submitted beautifully for him. I wished I could have seen it.
I wish I could do the same—
“So… How did you and Max meet?”
I slowly blinked, confused by the sharp detour before realizing Star was probably trying to steer the conversation to safer waters.
“Oh, it’s quite a tale…” I huffed as a smile threatened to break free at the memory. “Your initial judgment on my clothes was correct. The Old West was my original time period, and that’s where—when—we met.”
Her eyes sparkled with interest. “That’s so cool! Were you, like, a gunslinger outlaw?”
I couldn’t stop the laughter that broke free at her finger-gun gesture, even as I braced for her reaction to the truth. “No. I worked in a brothel. In a way…”
Surprise!
She slowly nodded while gathering her thoughts. “I… had no idea men did that. I mean, it’s not like they’re teaching facts like that in history class, but still…”
It was clear Star wanted to understand, and since Max had tasked me with keeping her company while he dealt with Heather’s latest psychological attack, I didn’t see the harm in sharing more about myself.
We’ll just pretend this isn’t a momentous event.
“It was fairly rare,” I confirmed. “Not sex between men—that was happening everywhere—but that wasn’t what I was doing in the brothel.”
Only in the alleyway behind it…
“My mother had been one of the Madam’s… doves,” I continued. “A lady of the evening as they were called at the time, but she died giving birth to me.”
Star gasped and brought her hand to her mouth. “I am so sorry! You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want—”
“It’s okay.” I smiled reassuringly. “The remaining doves took me under their wings, and the Madam eventually gave me employment as a card dealer and security guard, so to speak.”
“It sounds like you created your own little family,” Star observed and my chest ached at the memory of the surrogate sister I’d lost. Before I could spiral too deeply into that painful memory, she spoke again, hesitantly.
“I… lost my parents when I was really young. My aunt took me in, but her house has never felt like home, ya know?”
I nodded, understanding completely. “Yeah. The House—the brothel where I lived—was all I knew, but nothing felt like home until Max found me. He saved me from my circumstances then saved my life.”
Before claiming me as his.
Fuck, I’ve fucked up…
Star smiled, if not sadly. “Will you tell me the story?”
“Of course.” I took her hand in mine, because this was her story too, whether she realized it yet or not.
“Max showed up at the brothel, dressed as a wealthy gentleman, under the guise of wanting a dove for the night. He was really there for me—had felt a pull toward me from hundreds of miles away, apparently—but it took some time, and a chest full of Spanish doubloons paid to the Madam, to convince me I was his eternal companion.”
“What the hell is a doubloon?” Star interrupted, making me laugh.
“An extremely old version of currency. Gold coins, to be exact.” When she still looked confused, I clarified, “Pirate treasure.”
Her eyes widened as a wild grin stretched across her face. “Was Max actually a pirate?”
I laughed again—something that came easily in her presence. “Not exactly, although his story is not mine to tell…”
I’d only managed to get Max to share bits and pieces of his life before me—mostly vague memories of his life as a human in his homeland and tall tales of his adventures in America prior to arriving in Opalite.
It pained me that he still couldn’t talk about what the conquistadors had done to him, but it also felt incredibly hypocritical to expect him to open up when I hadn’t given him the same courtesy myself.
We’re all works in progress, I suppose.
“I’d underestimated how much the Madam saw me as property,” I quickly added, steering the conversation away from my mate’s business. “Max has always made it clear he doesn’t own me—not in that way…” I cleared my throat. “But the payment was necessary to release me from my debt.”
Star’s expression turned shrewd, but she blessedly didn’t latch onto the major clue I’d just accidentally dropped. “He gave you freedom.”
I blew out a forceful breath. “Yes. Not just from the Madam but the freedom to be myself. Growing up surrounded by women—in the line of work they were in—had inspired my more… feminine qualities, but it wasn’t until I was with Max that I could truly explore what that meant for me.”
“Like what?” Star asked, clearly invested.
I paused, knowing we were now entering dangerous waters once again, but still wanting to share.
Because I want her to know me.
“Like being more fluid in how I dressed and behaved,” I began. “One of our favorite activities back then was using me as a pretty distraction while Max cleaned up at the poker table.”
Star giggled, and the sound went straight to my dick. “I can totally see that! You are really pretty, you know. Like, you would look amazing in makeup.” When I hissed and released her hand, her eyes widened in alarm. “Crap. I just struck a nerve, didn’t I?”
Just tell her, Damon.
Tell SOMEONE.
I grabbed her hand again and squeezed. “You did, but I needed it to happen. I… used to wear makeup—loved wearing it, in fact—but the attention I got from other men finally became too much.”
Star huffed and rolled her eyes, although it wasn’t aimed at me. “Yeah, dudes really struggle with understanding we don’t wear makeup for them. It’s called self-expression, weirdos.”
I chuckled, appreciating how she understood not just the core issue but me.
“Totally. Unfortunately, another one of our favorite activities involved me attracting attention so Max could step in and claim me as his again.” Star raised an eyebrow but didn’t interrupt and I sighed.
“It’s complicated, and even though we still play a version of this game today, it’s not the same.
The worst part is all of these… unresolved issues of mine have changed how I behave behind closed doors… with Max…”
I didn’t know how to explain the rest. How I still submitted to my mate, but not without a fight. It was as if I was determined to prove I was just as much a man as him, even though he’d never been the one to make me feel otherwise.
All I was doing was hurting both of us with my behavior.
Max might enjoy the struggle on a primal level, but it wasn’t what he truly wanted from me, and it wasn’t what I wanted at all.
Thanks to my own insecurities, I was holding myself back—withholding a crucial piece of me from the man I supposedly loved—and he deserved better.
I’m such a mess.
As if she could hear my spiraling thoughts, Star pulled me into a hug.
“It sucks when other people ruin things for us. I didn’t wear makeup at all for the first month after everything went down with Heather and Bodacious Babes.
But then, one day I just said fuck it. I reminded myself this was mine as much as hers, and she had no right to take it away from me.
Sure, dealing with Heather again has been a major downer, but talking about it with you and Max has helped.
Knowing you both have my back has made me determined to not let her win. ”
To my horror, I released a sound that almost could have been a sob, but Star simply continued to hold me tight. She soothed me, rubbing my back and threading her fingers through my hair, and I allowed her warmth and now familiar scent to fill all the cracks that had formed over the years.
I don’t want to let them win, either.
Feeling steadier than I had in a long time, I lifted my head and gazed deep into her beautiful eyes. “I can see why Max likes you.”
She beamed at me in return. “And I can see why he loves you. C’mon!” Her grin turned mischievous. “I have a bunch of makeup in my purse that would make you look totally deadly… if you’re down?”
“To be fair, I’m already deadly.” I huffed a laugh and removed my duster before tossing it aside. “But let’s see what you can do.”