15. Lila
FIFTEEN
Lila
The journey back to our hotel was a bit of a jumble. Maria had instructed us to take the bus, but what she had neglected to mention was that every tourist in the area would be catching a bus out of Oia at exactly the same time.
“This is a nightmare,” Harrison had grumbled when we’d finally secured a spot on one of the packed busses.
He had kept me close the entire time, shielding me from the crowd. I couldn’t help but feel secure whenever he towered over me. When he wasn’t using his intimidation tactics on me, I actually really appreciated them.
Our conversation had flowed more easily at sunset than ever before, but we couldn’t keep it going during the ride back. I sat in the last available seat, thanks to Harrison's insistence, while he stood beside me, wedged between the people packed into the aisle. At every bump or sharp turn, my face pressed lightly against his stomach—which, I must add, was rock solid underneath his flimsy T-shirt.
When I finally stepped off the bus, I let the fresh air waft over me. The bus let us out closer to our hotel than the heart of town, a fact I was very grateful for. I needed a break from the bustle.
“That was a perfect day,” I said, falling into step next to Harrison.
“It was pretty good,” he responded easily.
“Wow! I must be dead or dreaming, because there wasn’t even a hint of sarcasm in that comment.” I nudged him with my elbow, and to my absolute delight, Harrison rewarded me with a small smile.
“What can I say? Someone has me wanting to turn over a new leaf.”
“You mean it?” I asked, unable to hide my enthusiasm.
“I don’t really have much of a choice, do I?” he said, voice lighter than it had been this entire trip. “She’s incredibly persuasive.”
It might not sound like a compliment to the outside observer, but I could sense the shift in our dynamic. Since the day I’d met Harrison, I had wanted nothing more than to win over his grizzly-bear personality. After almost a year, I assumed I’d never be successful. But this accidental forced-proximity vacation might just be the ticket to secure my status as a friend.
I glanced over at him, only to see his bicep bulging underneath his T-shirt, and I whipped my head around to face forward again.
Now I just had to convince my body that friendship was all I was looking for.
My eyes kept being drawn toward the giant elephant in the room—or, I guess I should say, giant bed in the room. Earlier, when we’d dropped our stuff off, we had changed and left so quickly I’d barely had time to register the situation.
Now, back at the hotel, it was all I could think about. My palms grew damp and warm, so I tried to discreetly wipe them off on my leggings. Harrison didn’t seem affected at all as he perched on the edge of the bed and peeled off his shoes. Of course he wasn’t affected. Look at the guy. While I went on failed date after failed date, he probably had a lineup of women at his beck and call. Probably badass women covered in tattoos. Compared to them, I probably looked like a kindergarten teacher to him.
“Damn, it feels good to not have to share a room with a bunch of prepubescent males,” he said, falling back onto the bed.
“They’re nice.” I felt the need to defend the guys. They might have been young and a little exuberant, but they were fun. “Isn’t that part of the joy of traveling? Meeting people you’d otherwise never have crossed paths with.”
“I’ll have to take your word for it. You’re the one who’s good at all this stuff,” Harrison said, but his usual gruff tone now carried a hint of affability. He was making an effort to keep his guard down, which seemed to include the closed-off way he typically approached conversations with me.
“I’m not any better at this than you,” I pointed out, moving to the dresser pushed up against the wall. “It’s not like I ever have any time to travel.”
Harrison's shirt had hiked up, and his stomach peeked out from beneath the hem. Just as I feared, his abs were rock hard. He propped his head on his hand and locked eyes with me, and I jerked my gaze away.
I busied myself with sifting through my suitcase, moving clothes to the drawers until I found what I was looking for. A simple black-patterned midi dress with spaghetti straps, a low back, and a flouncy skirt with a slit.
“Little fancy for pajamas.” Harrison sat up and eyed the dress with a furrowed brow.
“We’re going out, remember? Nigel asked us earlier.”
Harrison’s signature scowl returned at the mention of that. “That was an empty offer.”
“Didn’t seem like it to me. Besides, we’re only here for a few days. We have to make the most of it, and that includes checking out the night life.”
Harrison tipped his head back and groaned, his neck flexing in the process. I had expected resistance, but there was no way he was talking me out of this.
“Lila, please no. Do we have to?”
A little flutter released in my chest at the sound of my name on his lips.
“You don’t have to,” I insisted, moving toward the bathroom to change.
“If you’re going then I do have to, don’t I?” he griped.
I turned to smirk at him before closing the door, taking off my shorts and T-shirt, and hopping into the shower for a quick body rinse.
“You’re seriously getting ready right now?” Harrison’s deep voice from the other side of the door made me shiver.
“I’ll just be a few minutes and then you can rinse off,” I called, pretending to be oblivious to his displeasure.
He mumbled something inaudible.
After quickly washing up, I slipped into my black dress, fluffed out my hair and applied some minimal makeup.
When I emerged from the bathroom, Harrison was seated in the small chair, a stack of clothes on his lap.
He glanced up at me, cocking an eyebrow.
“If you’re wearing that, then I definitely have to go.”
“Is that your way of saying I look alright?” I smiled and pretended his words hadn’t just set fire to my entire body. What had he meant by that, exactly? Did he think I looked good? He had never so much as given me a compliment before, leading me to assume I was so far from his usual type that he barely registered me as a woman. But now, with the way his eyes dragged slowly over me as he stood, I was starting to second guess that.
“If this is how you clean up, you really should have landed a guy by now. They must be idiots,” was all he said as he brushed by me and closed the bathroom door. When the sound of the shower came on, I let out a breath and allowed myself to look as flustered as I felt.
Why the hell did my body have to respond to him like that? This whole ordeal would be a lot more convenient if I didn’t find every physical thing about him so damn appealing. And was he right? Were all the men I dated idiots? I sure liked to think so, but after all these mediocre experiences, part of me wondered if I might be the problem.
Harrison emerged a few minutes later wearing black jeans and a buttoned up short sleeve black shirt.
“You clean up nice, too,” I said. The understatement of the century. He looked perfect. His hair was down, falling in loose waves just above his shoulders. His tattoo sleeves peeked out from his shirt, making me recall the one time I had tried to ask him about them, many months ago.
“ I couldn’t even tell you how many tattoos I have, let alone what they all mean ,” he had bit out with a glare. I had never made the mistake of asking again.
He sighed. “Let’s just get this over with.”
“Not until you turn your attitude around.”
“My attitude is fine?—”
“Nope.” I stood up and pointed a finger at him. “What did we just talk about, while watching the most beautiful sunset that probably has ever graced this earth?”
Harrison eyed me warily. “I said I’d try harder to enjoy this.”
“Exactly. I appreciate you opening up to me, and rest assured that you came to the right person. Because nobody knows fun like me. Just remember that tonight, nobody cares about us. Are we silly tourists? Of course we are. But no one cares ! The only person who will remember you from tonight is you. Doesn’t that make you want to make this worthwhile? We’re going to have fun. Say it with me.”
“We’re going to have fun.” Although there was no sarcasm in his voice, the word “fun” falling from Harrison’s lips almost made me want to burst into laughter. I felt bad that he was so uncomfortable, but considering he usually wanted to make me crawl inside my own skin, this power shift was a welcome change.
“Now, let’s go see if the guys are ready.”
“I’m sure that was an empty invitation. They don’t want to go out with us.”
A knock came on our door and I threw Harrison a knowing smile before walking over and swinging it open. The trio of guys stood there, each with their hair slicked back and wearing a festive shirt.
“Can’t believe you ditched us for a private room,” Mark said.
“Yeah. Not cool,” added Will.
“You lot ready to go?” Nigel asked with a grin.
“They make me feel geriatric,” Harrison grimaced as he set down the shot glass Nigel had insisted we take. “If they try to shove any more alcohol down my throat, I’m going to have to start tossing it over my shoulder when they aren’t looking.”
I laughed, enjoying the slight buzz. “You’re an amateur,” I leaned in closer to him to whisper. He smelled good . “I’ve only been taking a sip and setting them back on the bar.”
He raised an eyebrow. “You trying to keep your wits about you while we all get plastered?” He questioned me, a smile playing on his lips.
“Please, I’m half your size.” Feeling brave, I poked his muscle. “You’d already be dragging me home if I tried to keep up.”
“One more round,” Nigel cheered, this time thankfully returning with beer. He passed us each a bottle and I took it, grateful to have something to hold.
“At least this I can nurse for the next hour,” Harrison said in a low voice that only I could hear.
“Don’t let Nigel notice,” I warned. “He’ll challenge you to some sort of chugging contest.”
The bar hummed with energy, packed shoulder to shoulder with people. TVs flashed sports overhead while the music pounded from the DJ booth at the front, shaking the air around us. I hadn’t been to a place like this in ages; maybe since right after graduating college. While this was nowhere near my typical scene, it was fun to be somewhere so lively. The noisy crowd—dancing, laughing, and talking over the music—was enough to keep me energized and completely in the moment. Especially since I refused to allow myself to get drunk on this trip. No way was I wasting a single moment in Greece stuck in bed with a hangover. I also didn’t trust myself with the combination of Harrison and low inhibitions. Not when I was already getting this comfortable with him after just one decent conversation.
Since we’d arrived at the bar, he’d made sure to keep me close by his side. It did something to me. He didn’t take his eyes off me for a second in the busy room, and when the crowd thickened, he hovered a hand near my waist. He didn’t touch me, as much as I wanted him to. He simply kept his hand there to keep anyone else from bumping into me. Every so often his knuckles brushed against me and my whole body lit up.
“You all are a blast,” Mark said loudly, grabbing Harrison and me around our necks and pulling us in for a sloppy hug.
“I think you’re having more fun than everyone else in this bar combined,” Harrison said, patting his back and shifting slightly so that he was between Mark and me.
“No, seriously. I’m coming to the U.S. after this and we’ll all go out,” Nigel slurred, joining his friend and slinging an arm around him. “Where’s Will?”
“Ah, he went off that way. Followed some chick.”
“We need to find chicks of our own,” Nigel said.
“You all are sharing a six-person room,” I reminded them with a laugh. “Not exactly the right circumstances for bringing a girl back.”
“Depends what you’re into,” Mark said, wiggling his eyebrows.
Harrison glared at him. “Watch it,” he said, tone bordering on harsh.
They both tipped their heads back, cackling.
“You’re so sensitive about your girlfriend.” Nigel whacked Harrison’s shoulder.
“She’s not my girlfriend.” Harrison rolled his eyes. I’m sure he was just irritated that he had to keep repeating the fact, but hearing it still stung all the same.
“You keep telling yourself that,” Mark yelled over the music.
Nigel leaned in past Harrison to give me a squeeze and a kiss on the cheek. “Lily, if he won’t make an honest woman out of you, I will.” Nigel winked at me before Harrison shoved him aside.
“Seriously, back off,” he bit out. “And for the millionth time her name is Lila.”
Nigel just chuckled. “Awfully protective over someone who isn’t your girlfriend.”
“She’s still my responsibility,” he said.
“Whatever.” Nigel shrugged. “Mark, let’s go talk to that table of girls in the back.” The two of them disappeared into the thick crowd, leaving me alone with Harrison. Well, alone in a packed bar.
His responsibility. His words reverberated in my mind. Ew. Was that really what he thought of me?
“What’s wrong with you?” He asked, meeting my eyes.
I didn’t realize I had folded my arms across my chest. In fact, my whole body had stiffened. Frowning up at him, I waited for him to get the hint. But instead of recognition flashing into his eyes, he continued to stare at me blankly.
“What?” he asked again.
I gave an exaggerated sigh before saying, “Nothing,” and shouldering past him to find a spot at the edge of the bar. Suddenly, I desperately needed some air. One wall was lined with open windows, and I stopped to inhale the fresh night air.
“Hey, don’t storm off like that.” Harrison was beside me in a second. So much for getting some space.
“I hardly stormed off,” I said.
“I can tell when you’re upset.”
Our eyes met, and I noticed the concern etched across his face. I wasn’t used to seeing him look at me like that.
“I’m not upset,” I conceded. “It’s just...”
“Just what?” He leaned against the wall and ditched the almost-full beer he was holding on the table behind him.
“I don’t get you,” I admitted.
His mouth parted slightly and he shook his head. “I mean, I’m not exactly an easy person to get. But I opened up to you back there at the?—”
“I know,” I added quickly, not wanting him to feel that everything he’d shared with me had fallen flat. “I appreciate all that. It’s just with me... you’ve been so protective this whole time. You insist on coming along everywhere I go, even though I’m perfectly capable of handling myself and you clearly didn’t want to.”
“I was never going to let you go alone.”
“But I could have, and I would have been fine.”
He scowled. “I don’t care. It wasn’t happening.”
I let out a huff of frustration. “Regardless. You act like I’m this burden that you have to keep track of. And then you just referred to me your ‘responsibility.’ Like I’m some kid you’re stuck babysitting.” I was sick of pretending like he hadn’t hurt my feelings. The packed crowd and charged atmosphere had me feeling braver than I really was, which is why I said what came next. “And you keep acting like someone mistaking me for your girlfriend is the most offensive thing possible.”
“It’s not that at all,” he said, flustered. He raked a hand through his hair and leaned in closer to me so he wouldn’t have to yell as loud over the music. “Is this about Nigel? Because I drove him off?”
“It’s not about Nigel, God, he’s basically a child.” I shuddered at the thought. “It’s the fact that you act like the very idea of us together disgusts you. Doesn’t exactly make me feel great, Harrison.”
My cheeks burned hot.
He held my gaze for a moment, a sigh escaping his lips. “The thought doesn’t disgust me. Have you seen yourself?”
A surge of something stirred inside me at that, but I pushed it aside.
“Yes, I have. And I’m clearly the last woman on the planet you would consider dating. But that still doesn’t mean you have to act like the idea repulses you. Do I wear too much color for your taste? Does my optimism nauseate you?”
“Stop it.” Harrison shocked me by grabbing my upper arms and holding me in place, then he lowered his face so it hovered only a few inches away from mine. Acting purely on instinct, I licked my lips, and I swore I saw something like hunger flash in his eyes. His throat tensed as he gulped and shook his head, breaking himself from the temporary daze.
“You’re right, you’re not my usual type. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t incredible in your own right. I’m sorry I’ve been a dick to you in the past. I know I have, but that’s just how I am.” He let go of me and locked his fingers behind his head, obviously flustered. “And I didn’t mean to act like the idea disgusted me. If anything, I’m just sick of talking to those guys and repeating myself. I’m sorry it came off like that, okay?”
Suddenly, I felt stupid. Very, very stupid.
“Shit,” I groaned, tipping my head back. “I never should have brought this up. This has nothing to do with you.”
“Seems like it does,” he said, the corner of his lip twitched.
“No, no, no.” I hid my face with one hand and waved my other between us. “This is all me spiraling and projecting my own insecurities.”
I massaged my forehead, wishing the ground would swallow me whole.
“This wouldn’t have anything to do with all those dates you’re always going on, would it?” Harrison asked gently. Even through the pounding music, all I could focus on was him.
“Nope. Please forget I said anything. My little outburst was already humiliating enough.”
“Come on. You can talk to me.”
At that, I removed my hand from my face so I could raise an eyebrow at him.
His eyes glistened and a smirk played on his lips. “What? We’re turning over a new leaf, remember?”
“I just don’t get it,” I said, throwing one of my elbows up on the windowsill and leaning against it. “How do people meet their person? I’m trying so hard, and I’m alone as ever.”
“You’re asking the wrong person.” He shrugged. “I’ve never even tried before.”
“Well, let me tell you, it’s certainly not worth the effort. You’ve been smart to save your time.”
He winced at my pessimistic words. “Maybe it’s good that you put yourself out there so much.”
I bit my lip and studied his earnest expression. This guy standing before me was like a completely different person than the one I got on the plane with a few days ago.
“Lately, I’ve been wondering if maybe I spent too much time with my ex,” I said. “What if I was supposed to meet my soulmate in high school, and I just picked the wrong guy? Or what if it was that lab partner I was a little too flirtatious with in college? Or maybe I was supposed to end up with the guy at the coffee shop who asked for my number, but I turned him down because I had a boyfriend.”
A group of dancers got too close to Harrison and he had to lean in closer to me to get space. “I don’t think it works like that, Lila.”
“I’m starting to think I’ll have to settle for some guy who lives out of a van and will insist on waiting five years before proposing to me,” I said bitterly.
Harrison chuckled. I wasn’t used to the sound, and it made me feel drunker than any of the alcohol I’d had earlier.
“Please do me a favor and don’t settle.”
We stared at each other for a second. My mouth went dry.
“You want to get out of here?” I asked.
“More than anything,” he said, his voice thick with relief.
We pushed our way through the crowd until we finally stepped outside. The heart of the town thrummed with activity, bars blasting music, though many tourists had already drifted away for the night. We began our trek down the long, winding pedestrian street back to our hotel.
The silence was almost blaring and after our conversation at the bar, I felt the need to defend myself.
“I know I should be more secure,” I started. “You know? Content with everything I’ve achieved. Knowing I’ve built a successful business and a good life all on my own. But it still feels empty. I still crave something more, something deeper. I guess you could say I’m still ‘desperate for a man,’ as you’ve so eloquently pointed out in the past.”
Movement to my right caught my attention, and suddenly a hard chest blocked my path. I looked up in surprise to find Harrison standing in front of me.
“You’re not desperate,” he said. His eyes were filled with regret.
“It’s fine.” I waved him off. “I kind of am, actually.”
“You’re not.” His eyes were hard, but not in their usual intimidating way. “I should have never said that. That’s one of my gifts, unfortunately—figuring out what will get a rise out of someone and using it to my advantage. I should have never used it against you, though.”
“I’m no one to you. I shouldn’t be affected by it.”
He blew out a sharp breath and looked pained. “Lila, I don’t know who you are to me, but you’re sure as hell not no one. Not anymore.”
Now I knew what people meant when they said they felt faint.
“Oh,” was my only response before he nodded gruffly and we resumed our walk.
This day felt like it had stretched into an entire year. How was I supposed to survive the rest of the trip with him looking at me like that? Like I actually meant something to him.