Chapter 71
Alfie could not believe he’d asked Rhys that question. He’d meant to keep all of it to himself. Like he’d been doing for years now. He didn’t even know how long. When his friendship with Rhys turned into something stronger. Something he couldn’t ignore, no matter how hard he tried to walk away.
Even knowing it would never be enough to keep Rhys with him.
“I’ve been in a fucking relationship with you for almost two years,” Rhys yelled at him.
“How many other people have you been with in that time?”
“Because you did not want to be with me. God, we’re just going around and around with this. I am sorry I cannot be good enough for you, Alfie. Sometimes I need someone to touch me, and you don’t want the same thing.”
Not good enough? Where the hell had Rhys ever gotten that idea from? Alfie knew he wouldn’t be enough for Rhys. That’s not the part he responded to.
“No, I don’t.”
Rhys flinched away. That had not come out the way he wanted it to. He had said it before. Mostly in his head. And in Spanish. He learned English early, but sometimes the words still came easier to him in his first language. He needed to try.
“I do not want someone to touch me. I only want you to touch me.”
Rhys took a step toward him. “Then, why do you hardly ever let me do it?’
Alfie looked past him. He didn’t know if he wanted to see the realization when it dawned on Rhys. “I have told you about Tomas?”
“Your childhood friend. Yeah. What about him?”
Alfie couldn’t bring his gaze back to Rhys. “I kissed him. Two weeks before I left for college. He did not speak to me again, no matter how many times I reached out. Completely cut contact.”
“He turned out to be an asshole.”
“Then, there was Carlos at Florida State. We met at the beginning of my first semester. He’d been born there, but his parents were from a village not far from my home.
We hit it off. I thought…” It still hurt to remember how wrong he’d been about that as well.
“After I told him how I felt, he requested to switch rooms the next day. All I do is ruin friendships when I catch feelings for someone. I didn’t want to do that with you. ”
Rhys stepped right up to him but all Alfie could do was close his eyes. If Rhys was going to push him away, he didn’t want to see it coming. “You idiot,” Rhys said. “I’ve always had feelings for you. Why would you think I was like them, when I already wanted your body?”
Alfie let out a choked laugh. “You were all about casual sex. That wasn’t what I wanted. I thought it would end with sex, and I didn’t want to lose everything else we had.”
Rhys blew out a breath. “Why didn’t you tell me you were demisexual? I wouldn’t have pushed sex if I knew you weren’t like that.”
“I like sex,” Alfie argued. “I just have to really like the person. I did not even know that was a thing until Rosalita named it for me.”
“Gotta love Rosie.” Rhys cupped Alfie’s cheek in one hand.
“Please do not talk about my sister right now.” Alfie’s lips curved up. Rhys wasn’t stepping away. He wasn’t pushing Alfie away.
“You are the one who brought her up.”
Then, Rhys’s lips were on his. Maybe Alfie would not mess this friendship up.
Rhys slid his hand up into Alfie’s curly hair, tangling there as he deepened the kiss. Pleasure coursed through Alfie, and he gripped Rhys’s waist, needing to anchor himself to something. To Rhys.
Something buzzed against his hip. Rhys groaned and took a step back, fishing his phone out of his pocket. His face paled. “It’s Mel,” he said. “Shit, maybe you’re right, and I am a terrible person.”
“I have never said that.”
“Well, you should. I was just with them, and then because you gave me the slightest opening, I kissed you. God, I wouldn’t trust me. What is wrong with me?”
“Nothing,” Alfie said, but Rhys was already walking to the other side of the room, fingers tapping away at the screen of his phone.
Alfie rubbed a hand over his face, trying to figure out how to fix this If he even could.