31. Jackson
THIRTY-ONE
JACKSON
“We agreed to buy a place I could afford. You know my budget doesn’t stretch this far.” Aurora stands in the courtyard of the Santa Monica beach house, her arms crossed over her chest. She’s adorable when trying to be assertive, especially bundled up in the giant hoodie she stole from me.
Little does she know, I’ve already purchased this home, and she’s going to love it.
“Babe, we are splitting. Between the three of us,” I gesture between me, her, and Ethan, the third wheel in our fucked-up dynamic.
When Ethan insisted Aurora and the baby live with him, alarms went off in my head. The thought of her agreeing filled me with panic, fearing I’d eventually fade out of the picture.
Her desire to give the baby a stable home with his father is understandable, but shit with Kyle has me feeling mental. He played a significant role in me losing her. Add Ethan, and I’m teetering on the edge of a psychotic break.
“There are four of us if you count the baby. I’ll cover the expenses for my child.” Ethan poses similarly to Aurora, arms folded as a protective shield.
I don’t know why he’s defensive. He’s got it made. He’s a permanent fixture in Aurora’s life for the next eighteen years.
At the hospital, a plan to outmaneuver him formed in my mind. If I own the beach house, add her name to the deed, and ensure she loves it, she’ll stay. She definitely won’t refuse if Ethan agrees.
He’ll have the baby, and I’ll have the house until I persuade her to marry me. That way, this asshole can’t force me out of our situationship.
Bonus points if I can get the next kid—which I will.
I scoff. “No, that’d give you two shares. You wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t fucked up. I’ll cover the baby’s costs.”
Pissing Ethan off is my new favorite hobby. I mean, he started it—first, by putting his dick—and baby—in her when he knew she was mine, and second, by taunting me with that kiss.
I may have fostered the misconception that Aurora would only accept a place she could manage financially. Not a complete fabrication. However, he believes a larger financial split is required because this is Aurora’s dream home. Again, not entirely untrue.
Thus, I’m necessary and can’t be forced out of my own home.
I’ve truly outdone myself this time. I even have a lawyer who’ll finagle the contract.
“Don’t even think about taking credit for my child. It was my fuck-up.” He turns to Aurora, a hand over his heart. “A very, very good fuck-up.” Then, he levels his stern coach expression at me. “It’s on me. I had that expired condom in my wallet for over six years.”
Aurora’s cheeks flush, and her caramel eyes widen. “Are you serious, Ethan? Why?”
He grins, all smug, and I want to wipe it off with my fist.
What if he did this on purpose? I would. If she wasn’t already pregnant, I’d be poking holes in every condom I own. After this baby, I’ll have to keep him away from her.
Maybe I can convince him to get a vasectomy. He’s, what, fifty?
“What do you mean, why? Obviously, in case some hot model flung herself at me.”
“Which clearly hadn’t happened in at least six years.” I match his smirk with an arched brow.
All I need is for him to prove me wrong, for him to mention sleeping with someone else. Aurora will forget he even exists. Come on...
“Please don’t answer that. I don’t want to know.” Aurora’s hands dart up, covering her ears and ruining my chance of knocking him down a notch.
Ethan directs his piercing gaze my way. “This brings up another topic. Why is she insecure about other women?”
How the fuck did this get flipped on me? I’d rather cut off my dick than cheat on her.
“Why are you looking at me?” My blood boils at the accusation. I don’t need Ethan planting seeds of doubt in Aurora’s mind. I do that well enough on my own, thank you very much. “Maybe it’s because you regrettably fucked her while still married.”
His body stiffens, and he advances on me, fists clenched and fury blazing in his eyes. “The only regret I have is dealing with you. Repeat that, and a broken hand will be the least of your fucking worries.”
He’s a tad taller and bulkier than me, but I’ve been brawling my whole life, thanks to Kyle. It’s muscle memory, and I won’t feel a thing if enraged. Ethan’s size doesn’t intimidate me. The only thing I fear is losing Aurora.
“Then don’t insinuate I cheated on her. It never fucking happened.”
This is an ongoing theme in my and Aurora’s relationship, and she has every reason to be insecure. For one, there’s the stigma of being a hockey player. Add my addiction, and that puts me in places with people I shouldn’t have been. Then there’s Kyle, who never met a stripper or prostitute he didn’t fuck.
To worsen the situation, I ended our relationship by not returning home and ignoring her calls and texts.
I’ve yet to grow balls big enough to make that confession, but no women were involved unless you count the nurses I was surrounded by. And I was in absolutely no condition to be thinking about sex. Even if I could, I wouldn’t.
“Stop.” Aurora wedges herself between us, a palm on each of our chests. “For fuck’s sake, you two. Is this my future? Can we see the place now? Please.”
She turns toward the seven-thousand-square-foot beachfront estate, leaving Ethan and I grumbling behind.
“I fucking hate you.”
He grins, because of course he does.
Once we return to the car, Aurora withdraws into a familiar shell.
She said she loved the house. Her eyes lit up over the nursery and the beachside pool.
It’s everything I knew she’d want. So why is she not excited?
Ethan and I share a worried glance. He must sense her brooding as well.
He raises her chin to meet his gaze. “Do you need to eat, baby? It’s been about four hours.” He runs his palm over her neck and his fingers into her hair.
“I’ll eat when I get home.”
She tries to pull away, but he tightens his grip.
“Tell me what’s wrong, and don’t deny it. That’s a waste of time.”
Sad, caramel eyes bore into his, her whisper almost inaudible. “It’s too much.”
He shakes his head. “Nothing is too much for you.” His words echo my thoughts exactly.
“I can’t live somewhere I can’t afford, especially with the baby.”
Instantly, I’m on edge. “Babe?—”
Ethan shoots me his signature deep scowl. “I got this.”
Instead of pushing the issue, I pay close attention to how he handles her. I’ve never been great at responding to her anxieties, and he deals with twenty of us idiots daily without murdering anyone.
He also coached for the Special Olympics and an underprivileged peewee team in Harlem, where he grew up. Fucking Harlem .
I may have used my stalker tendencies to find dirt on him. Unfortunately, I found only killer defensive skills and a mean penalty record.
He tucks an unruly wave behind her ear. “Tell me what you need. Do you need your name on the deed? Ownership?”
“I don’t know.” Her fingers wring the hem of her hoodie. “I have other things to pay for.”
I’ve witnessed a few of her panic attacks, and she appears to be heading in that direction.
My eyes shift to the arm where she needed stitches after I shattered a bottle against a wall, aiming for a bastard interested in her. Visions of her gasping for air, blood pouring from the wound, flash through my mind, and my stomach churns.
She should’ve never been there.
“You’re overwhelmed.” Ethan’s deep voice breaks through my spiraling thoughts. “You can’t trust anyone because everyone has failed you. I understand that. Believe me, I do. But you have to trust me.” He places a hand on her abdomen. “This child is mine too. I want to see you. I want to see the baby. And I know Jackson wants that too. Can we at least try to live together before you dismiss the idea?”
“I can’t live off someone.”
My heart hurts knowing I’m the reason she’s this way.
In the beginning, I paid for her time and trust. I forced her to depend on me, and when I failed and she naturally wanted distance, I threw it in her face. Intoxicated, I’d told her I must not be paying her enough.
She should’ve told me to shove it up my ass. No amount of money is worth staying with a drunk asshole. But she never did.
“Someone made you feel that way. Right? And what did you tell me? It doesn’t make it true. I love the idea of you needing me. I’d love to take care of you. I love it when you cling to me. You don’t even know how much it means to me.” He takes a deep breath and blows it out slowly. “But I get the feeling, no matter what I say, you’re going to put boundaries between us.”
A tear slides down her cheek, and he brushes it away.
“You both have hockey. You’re both successful. I’m only getting started, and if I quit now, I’ll always be the gold-digging whore Jackson’s father calls me, or?—”
“Aurora,” I growl.
But her anguished eyes silence me.
“No. You repeated similar words. It doesn’t matter if you were drunk or if you’re sorry. I still feel it.” She places her palm on Ethan’s chest. “I still feel like the escort you dreaded getting pregnant or the woman you’re ashamed of.” She takes a ragged inhale. “I can’t do this.”
She covers her face with her hands, and my heart shatters. Words cannot express how much I regret hurting her. I only wish I knew how to fix it.
“Look at me.” Ethan lifts her chin. “Nothing I say will erase the past or convince you you’re worthy of the life we want to give you. What do you need? A photoshoot where you’re crawling all over me on the beach? A ring on your finger? Will that help? Think about it.”
Aurora shakes her head, which sucks, since I coincidentally have a ring.
“Say what you need instead of pushing us away.” After pausing to search her eyes, he says, “Tell him. I won’t let anything happen.”