Chapter 7 #2
We didn’t have the money to pay for Christmas gifts growing up. But I was always good at crafts. Shay, on the other hand, tried his hardest, but his attempts usually turned out like novelty gifts.
He once made me a Santa out of pinecones, glitter, and googly eyes that could have been a star of the horror films that he loves.
It gave me The Nightmare Before Christmas actual nightmares.
I didn’t care.
I still kept every single thing that he ever made me. They are at the bottom of the wardrobe in the bedroom that I shared with him in our parent’s house in Guildford.
I did find it hard to sleep, worrying that the pinecone Santa may creep out of the wardrobe in the middle of the night, clamber up onto my bed, and murder me.
Crafts are dangerous in Shay’s hands.
My brow furrows.
Should I warn D’Angelo about the mold of his own cock that Shay suggested to me excitedly as a future birthday present for D’Angelo?
Only, Shay tells me that some people like surprises. Even bad ones of what will inevitably be a malformed, nightmare cock.
I remember Shay dragging the bedding around me in our bedroom, when I’d been shaking and in tears, and explaining that Mom’s surprise party for us hadn’t been a punishment.
He wrapped his arms around me. “Other people like surprises. They’re exciting, Dee. I loved the way my heart went all thump-thump, real fast, when our friends jumped out and yelled surprise!”
“Your friends.” I sniffed.
“Are you coming back down to join us? I saw a cake shaped like a star with candles and everything in the kitchen.”
I shook my head. “Your cake.”
“Both of ours.”
“Your cake. Your friends. Your surprise.”
Now, Cody’s face lights up. “Ryn will love chocolates. She’s even more of a chocoholic than I am. Her asshole ex never made her anything. You’re onto a winner by taking the time to make her something, rather than simply throwing money at it.”
I don’t have money to throw at anything. I can’t compete with either D’Angelo or even my brother anymore.
Robyn has told me that she doesn’t care about that. I still wish that I could provide better for her.
She earns more than I do.
I am proud of how talented she is. How independent.
Yet I don’t feel safe because I’m the only one who wouldn’t be able to survive by myself.
I’m still not more than a shadow.
I grit my teeth. “The fans are already throwing enough money at Shay and D’Angelo for Valentine’s. In fact, at all the team.”
Cody’s face instantly becomes serious. “Is this the fans or those stalkers, the Misfits?”
“I don’t know. Robyn and I are trying to shield the team from the worst of the obsessional messages and gifts, but they saw one of the cards on the night that we moved in. Why do people think that they’re in relationships with people who they’ve never met?”
“Hey, I hold my hands up to passionately believing, when I was in college, that the actor Kit Connor and I were going to hook up in a three way relationship with Zachary Quinto. I mean, part of me still believes it. Don’t tell Mike.
He’s so possessive that he’d probably be jealous of my lonely younger self’s daydreams.”
I cock my head. “Did you ever message Connor: if I can’t have you, no one can?”
Cody’s face falls. “Ehm, nope.”
I think about the stream of messages on the comments section of the Bay Rebels website from RebelLover22. I forwarded them to the cops, but the cops said that since they weren’t direct threats, they couldn’t do anything.
“Did you tell Quinto: I can’t sleep because I think about you every second of every day?”
“When I was eighteen, accurate. But I didn’t tell him that or I bet that he’d be the one who wouldn’t have been able to sleep.”
That message was from KillaStar, a newbie to the Misfits but the most active member. She posts at least a dozen messages across different sites a day.
Perhaps, I should pass her name to D’Angelo.
Eden wanders across the kitchen, absentmindedly rubbing his hand across his favorite surfboard, which matches his blue boardshorts.
Why has he gone quiet?
“Valentine’s Day is scary for my sis and not only because of these freaky stalkers.
” Cody’s eyes are glassy. “I’ve always been fierce in the protection of Ryn.
After our mom died, I guess that I also lost control.
I only had her to cling to and I couldn’t deal with seeing her hurt at high school.
She’d warn me that the bullies hurt us both more because I gave them a reaction. ”
I shove my hands into my pockets, studying him intently.
That’s bullshit.
I never reacted to the bullies. It didn’t stop them hurting me.
The only way to stop bullies is to become stronger than they are.
“Throughout high school,” Cody continues, quietly, “Ryn was teased for her red hair and curves. One Valentine’s Day, one of the boys left an anonymous card for her.
The asshole tricked her into thinking that he wanted to meet and give her a gift at the back of the school.
I insisted on going with her, when I couldn’t talk her out of turning up at all.
Of course, there wasn’t a romantic date, only an ambush by the entire gang of boys.
They laughed at her for being stupid enough to think anyone would love a fat pig like her. ”
Rage surges through me.
I wring the cloth between my hands like I can strangle it.
Bullying isn’t romantic.
It doesn’t show you that someone is secretly interested in you.
It should be grounds for having your balls cut off.
Cody’s gaze is just as dark when he raises it to meet mine. “So, my fist reacted all over their faces.”
“Good.”
Cody gives a bitter laugh.
“Dad didn’t think so. He…” Cody swallows. “The punishment was worth it.”
Cody talks about the darkness with me alone because we both come from it.
Robyn doesn’t know this truth yet about coach.
Not all of it.
How would she handle it, if she knew that the true monster in her life had once been the dad who she saw as a hero?
He was always a monster to Cody.
“I will give your sister her best Valentine’s Day,” I promise, firmly.
Cody smiles. “I knew that I could rely on you. You’re a good man.”
I startle.
I’m not.
Shay is.
He’s sunshine and optimism.
I don’t even know what being good means.
All I want is to protect my family. I wouldn’t only sacrifice anything to achieve that…I’d do anything.
When Cody catches my eye, I feel like he understands me.
“Ryn has had some shitty men in her life, you know? She’s an incredible woman that she’s still so strong and kind.
I thought after Wilder that it would be a long time before she had the courage to move in with anyone again, but here she is, moving in with you guys.
I’m happy for you.” Then he hunches his shoulders, biting his lip.
He’s vibrating with guilt. “I hope that you do a better job of protecting her than I did. I had her back all those years, then she left with Wilder, and I sucked as a brother. He isolated her, and I let him. I won’t make that mistake again. ”
His sharp gaze meets mine.
I straighten my shoulders. “Threat noted.”
Suddenly, Cody’s phone rings with the tune from the movie the Labyrinth.
I’m surprised by the way that Cody jumps.
My gaze narrows.
What’s wrong?
He gives me a sheepish grin. “That’ll be Mike. He probably has been given extra shifts again.”
He drags his phone out of his pocket.
But then, he becomes ashen.
I know that look.
I wish that I didn’t.
Reluctantly, he answers the call. “Hey, Dad.”
I stiffen.
Coach isn’t meant to be contacting Cody outside work.
Cody is holding himself too still. His face is tight with tension.
I throw down the cloth onto the counter, wishing that I could hear what was being said by coach that is making Cody look like he wants to hurl.
“I didn’t…” Cody finally tries to break in. “My shift isn’t until… I haven’t broken any… I am working hard. You shouldn’t be calling me. I haven’t answered all your messages for a reason…I’m not backtalking. I’m sorry… Please, can we not talk now? I don’t want to…”
That’s it.
My lip curls back, before I march across the kitchen and pluck the phone from Cody’s fingers.
Cody’s mouth drops open, as I lift the phone to my ear.
“Stop calling him outside work hours,” I bite out. “You don’t have a right to talk to him if he doesn’t want to speak to you.”
Coach splutters on the other end. Before he can reply, however, I switch off the phone.
It instantly rings again, loud and angry, but I turn it to vibrate.
“You’re like a cloned Mike in training.” Cody’s eyes are wide. “That was thrilling and scary.”
“What Would Mike Do?” I drop Cody’s phone back into his hand.
Cody blushes. “I wouldn’t have answered it if my husband had been here. I find it harder to resist when he isn’t. Dad just wears me down. I’m exhausted. I think that’s why Dad calls during Mike’s shifts. In fact, I’m sure of it.”
“He does this a lot…?”
Cody shoves his phone back into his pocket. “Messages, calls, and texts. He gets angry if I don’t answer. Then he’ll be worse with me at work. I can handle it.”
“I know you can.” And I do. Like me, we have both handled worse. “Are you safe? Does Mike know?”
Cody fidgets.
Shay acts like that when he’s hiding something.
So, that’s a no.
“Mike would be furious that Dad had pushed my boundaries,” Cody says, anguished.
“He’d suggest that I cut all contact. Dad is toxic.
It would probably be the right choice. Don’t tell Ryn, but I’m shattered just holding it together right now.
To keep myself safe like that, however, I’d need to give up my job and I’ve worked years to prove myself and gain it.
If I lose it, and without a reference, then I have no idea where I’d work.
Mike has a vocation as a doctor. He is committed to the hospital.
Plus, I’ve grown close to my sis again. I can’t leave Freedom.
I’ve only just found my family, friends, home and the career that I’ve always dreamed about.
To hold onto all that, however, I also have to keep letting Dad into my life to hurt me all over again. ”